Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader knows that by now you’ve seen the footage of the Iraqi reporter throwing his shoes at President Bush. (And President Bush ducking.)

Allow your Maximum Leader to tell you how that scene would have played out differently had it been him at the podium instead of President Bush…

Your Maximum Leader would have seen the shoe coming at him and grabbed it out of mid-air. While the man was readying his other shoe to throw, your Maximum Leader would have lept over the podium, knocked the offender to the floor, and then started beating the reporter about the head and shoulders with his own shoe while yelling “How you feelin’ now Bee-yatch?!?”

After a moment of this your Maximum Leader’s bodyguards would have to pull him off the now-bloodied offender. The man would then be taken out to the closest bridge over a river or stream, impaled and left as an example for others… (The man’s family would also be dragged out and shot.)

Just so you know.

Carry on.