Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was perusing a number of blogs yesterday and he chanced to read over on Christina’s (old and temporary) site a post about boobs.
Now, your Maximum Leader likes boobs as much, and perhaps more, than the next guy. But he will say that, for the most part he doesn’t understand most of the reasons women get “boob jobs.” Before we go to far here, let him say that he does understand some of the reasons to get breast augmentation… He understands the reconstructive reasons after a woman has a mastectomy. He understands all of the reasons that can be described as “restorative.” To a much lesser extent, he can see how a woman who “didn’t have anything” might get “something” (”something” that is “normal” looking).
What he really doesn’t understand are the women who’s breasts were well formed and proportioned to the rest of their bodies getting huge, giganormous, tits. And, lets be frank here… A woman who goes up to a massive rack of double-Ds didn’t get breast augmentation, or a “boob job.” She bought a set of tits. A big set.
What posesses a woman to do such a thing? Your Maximum Leader doesn’t get it. He really doesn’t. (Excursus: Okay, if one is getting a job in an industry where big tits are a selling point - and we know what those jobs are don’t we? - then he can sort of understand doing the deed.) The one’s that really - really - confuse your Maximum Leader are the women you wouldn’t associate with buying big tits. There was a wonderful woman your Maximum Leader knew once upon a time. She was about 50 (give or take 5 or so years). She was a very good looking woman. She was slim, and proportional. She was gone for about two weeks one summer and came back with huge hooters. She probably went from a nice “B” to a very ample “D.” It was, in your Maximum Leader’s opinion at least, a huge mistake. He never spoke to her about it. But he would have liked to know what got into her. (So to speak.)
Other things your Maximum Leader doesn’t fully comprehend that some women do…
1) Tattoos. Your Maximum Leader can generally forgive one small tattoo on a shoulder, or calf. But, beyond that they become very slutty. He particularly doesn’t understand the “tramp stamp” as a young friend of his once referred to the tattoo found along the small of the back over the buttocks. Now that warm weather is returning to the mid-atlantic states, your Maximum Leader is noticing many more “tramp stamps” than he wants to.
2) Gaudy piercings. Your Maximum Leader says “gaudy” because these are piercings that cry out “Look at me and be shocked!” Your Maximum Leader has grown to accept up to two piercings of the earlobe area. It took a long time, but he can handle that now. Piercings of the ear not found in the earlobe are out of bounds. A nose piercing can be overlooked - in a pinch - if the object in the nose is small and unobtrusive (a rare case - but one that is out there). Once the nose piercing rises up more than a milimeter or two off the surface of the nose it becomes gaudy. Your Maximum Leader believes every other piercing is right out.
3) Multiple Liposuctions. Your Maximum Leader once knew a lovely young woman in Dallas who cheerfully told him one day that she was taking time off to have liposuction done to her thighs, and tummy. This young woman was 25 years old. After a few follow-on questions, your Maximum Leader discovered that this particular liposuction would be her third (her first was at 16, her second at 20). Try diet and exercise…
4) Colored contact lenses. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t understand (men or) women who have colored contact lenses. It could be that the one’s he’s seen may not be fitted right - or just have really unnatural color. But they all look hideous. He once read an article about how some people were getting contact lenses that had advertisements on them. That would really be right out.
Those are the things that immediately pop into his mind… Your Maximum Leader reserves the right to revise and extend his comments.
Carry on.
