Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was going to wait until next week for this post… But since he’s on a roll now… Here it goes… By the way, isn’t that a catchy title line?

It has been a while since your Maximum Leader has blogged about the platonic apple of his blogging eye, the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt. She hasn’t really been in the news much, so your Maximum Leader’s been keeping his fancies to himself. But thanks to Entertainment Weekly dot com, he now has blog fodder…

You see, recently the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt was on the receiving end of EW’s “Stupid Questions” column. Your Maximum Leader read this peice with glee. He’ll excerpt some of his favourite bits…

EW: Do you ever wish you didn’t have the ability to see dead people in real life, too?
JLH: It is a bit taxing. Elvis is constantly asking me questions. Make him a peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich. Play his record louder in my house. I’m like, ”Elvis, I don’t have time right now!”

Ah… Another lover of Elvis who is not a wacko conspiracy theorist who thinks that Elvis is still alive and in some sort of witness protection program. Your Maximum Leader (a great Elvis fan) was introduced at a party to guy named (if he remembers correctly) Chris, who was reputed to be a “big Elvis fan.” During the course of conversation Chris asked your Maximum Leader if he (your Maximum Leader that is) knew that Elvis was in the witness protection program. Your Maximum Leader admitted that he did not know this and asked why Elvis was in the witness protection program. Chris said it was because of Elvis’ role in breaking up the Peruvian drug mobs. Your Maximum Leader then said that he’d never heard about Peruvian drug mobs. At this point Chris snapped his fingers and pointed at his Maximum Leader with one motion and declared “Exactly.” QED your Maximum Leader supposes…

But back to the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt stupid questions interview!

EW: When people look up at your face, are your breasts like, ”Hey! Eyes down here, buddy!”

JLH: My boobs talk to people a lot: ”Mine are bigger than yours.” They say that when they’re in the mall and they see other ones. And, ”Do these make my butt look big?” By the way, I’m doing this interview in the makeup trailer, and someone just walked in and heard me say, ”My boobs talk a lot.” Everyone here is very concerned for my well-being.

Jennifer Love Hewitt has boobs! Your Maximum Leader had never noticed… She does have lovely eyes, and pretty hair.

EW: John Mayer reportedly wrote a hit song about you. To save time for our fact-checkers, will you confirm that your body is a wonderland, or at least possesses characteristics similar to one?
JLH: My body is far from a wonderland. My body is more like a pawnshop. There’s a lot of interesting things put together, and if you look closely you’d probably be excited, but at first glance, not so much.

Oh… This sets up so many comments. But the one your Maximum Leader will settle on is: “Jennifer… Love… Your Maximum Leader has a gun he’d like to pawn…”

Anyhoo… If you are interested the whole piece is here.

Carry on.