Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that those damned people in Shelbyville just keep doing things to make our lives more interesting…

By more interesting your Maximum Leader means more interesting (and painful) for people other than him. You might think from the tone of these lines so far that your Maximum Leader might be ready to engage in a little schadenfreude. Well you would be wrong. For he gets no joy in reading that a man might have had his penis “accidentially” removed while in surgery. Apparently the poor bastard on the receiving end of his johnson being removed was in surgery to have a procedure done so that he wouldn’t suffer from swelling. (NB: isn’t “swelling” normal for that particular appendage?) While the surgeon was poking around he thought he detected cancer and swiftly removed the whole cancerous appendage.

One hopes the biopsy results were positive.

Carry on.