Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been fixated of late. If you know your Maximum Leader personally he’s probably mentioned to you that he wants to go to Venice for Christmas.

Not Venice Beach California.

The Venice. Veniza. La Serenissima. Queen of the Adriatic.

Yes… He even risked the glower of Mrs Villain by announcing at the dinner table one night that he would go by himself if need be.

This fixation has been percolating in your Maximum Leader’s brain for some time. At some point early this year he read this piece in the Guardian entitled “Silent Night in St Mark’s” Two paragraphs of the piece are stuck in your Maximum Leader’s mind. Here they are:

It’s odd that so few tourists go to Venice for Christmas. But their absence - and with them the proprietors of a thousand souvenir stalls - is the winter visitor’s gain. It’s not that you have the place to yourself, but with a layer of tourist kitsch removed, you feel the Venetians are reclaiming their city. Neighbourhoods and markets seem more authentic, and the people standing next to you in the bars and bakeries are locals. The city’s population is less than half what it is during August high season, and as you stroll along empty quays or across deserted squares you savour the essence of Venice, with all of its extravagant architecture laid bare.

…

Warm dress is essential on Christmas Eve, too. It isn’t possible that the entire population of Venice packs into St Mark’s Basilica for midnight mass, but it feels that way. With the great doors open onto the square, the air is icy. The gold-lined basilica feels like the inside of a giant Fabergé egg. A thousand candles find a million reflections in the Byzantine mosaics, a simulacrum of the heavens. Cumuli of incense curl upwards.

Your Maximum Leader would do this in an instant if the circumstances would allow…

But, they do not allow…

So this remains a fixation in his mind…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader would like to bring to your attention a number of things that are just wrong.

Number 1: Game Six of the World Series will be delayed by a paid advertisement from Barack Obama. (If the game is required,) It will be delayed by 15 minutes. Senator Obama is buying 30 minutes of prime time to deliver a “longform” speech to the American people. Your Maximum Leader is offended by this. He is offended when any sporting event is pre-empted by something sort of a serious national crisis. While some of your Maximum Leader’s Obama supporters readers might be tempted to say that we are in a serious national crisis… Listen… Your Maximum Leader means SERIOUS. If a speech can be scheduled in advance it is not SERIOUS. Just have Senator Obama start earlier. Damnation.

Number 2: American gluttony. Apparently some guy ate a 15 pound burger (with an additional 5 pounds of fixins’ and bun) in under 5 hours. This just seems wrong.

Number 3: Irish bookies paying out bets made for an Obama victory - now. Great jeezey chreezey! What the hell is going on in the world that bookies are paying out bets made on the outcome of an event that has not yet occured?!? This violates so many different rules it leaves your Maximum Leader just gobsmacked. Let it be known that this would never occur in the Mike World Order. Never.

Number 4: Palin lookalike strippers to strut stuff. What is wrong with this you might ask? Well… Doctrinal issues aside… This event will take place and your Maximum Leader will likely forget to look for photos on the internet to see how it went…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader worries that something is wrong with him.

Everywhere he goes he thinks he smells maple syrup.

But there is no maple syrup anywhere around.

Carry on.

NB to Reader: Your Maximum Leader forgot to publish this yesterday… Not like that oversight is a real biggie…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wishes any and all of you fathers out there a very happy day (in advance since this is Friday and Father’s Day isn’t until Sunday). Of course, this day, like Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day and others are just made up holidays used to suck dry our wallets and spirits.

In case any of you are wondering, your Maximum Leader tried to get out of doing anything this weekend (as it is the double-header of Father’s Day and your Maximum Leader’s birthday). He fears that it is not to be. He’ll have to do some grilling over the weekend. (Which isn’t really work… But it is still a required task…) He’ll also likely have to help clean up around the Villainschloss. He may also have to do his own laundry (which is also not unusual as your Maximum Leader is very persnickety about his laundry and has always done his own…). So all in all it is looking to be like most every other weekend out there.

And that is good…

If you feel the pressing need to do something to celebrate your Maximum Leader’s birthday here are some options. 1) You could buy some neat Naked Villainy swag from his store. (NB: if you happen to be a hot woman and buy some swag - your Maximum Leader would appreciate a photo…) 2) You could write your Maximum Leader an email and offer to shower him with gifts… He’ll provide suggestions if you are serious. 3) You could pour yourself a nice adult beverage where ever you may be and raise your glass and toast “To my Maximum Leader! Long may he prosper!”

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader had a great Memorial Day weekend. Although he forgot to put any sort of thank you message up, please know that your Maximum Leader is very thankful for the service given to our grand republic by our soliders, sailors and Marines (past and present). He particularly gives a big shout out to his cousins Karen and Cindy. Both are Colonels in the US Army. Karen is currently in Iraq. Cindy is between assignments overseas. Our whole family (and by extension our nation) are better for their service.

In other news…

Your Maximum Leader and his best buddy (his brother really) Kevin spent just a little time this weekend. Damning gas prices to hell, your Maximum Leader drove to Northern Virginia and picked up Kevin and returned him to the Villainschloss. There we enjoyed some sandwiches in the company of your Maximum Leader’s brood. Then Kevin and your Maximum Leader went and saw “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.” Your Maximum Leader went to the film with two thoughts. The first was that it would be good to “recapture a bit of youth” with Kevin. It was with Kevin that your Maximum Leader saw the first three Indiana Jones movies. So that was going to be good. The second thought was that the film couldn’t be all that good - so it was best to approach with lowered expectations.

Indeed, your Maximum Leader fully expected IJ&TKOTCS to suck big time. And in fact it did not suck big time. Sadly, it wasn’t all that either. If you expected it to suck big time - then you came away slightly impressed. Your Maximum Leader thought the story was a hodgepodge of charactatures of 50’s “B” movies. The dialogue was campy and forced. And even the special effects (where one would expect the film to shine) were just okay. Karen Allen’s role was merely ornamental - which was sad. And Shia LeBoeuf has a silly girl’s name.

The best that can be said of this film is that in 20 years some 13 year old kid might really enjoy it on a rainy Saturday morning on TV. That is assuming that there is TV 20 years from now and 13 year old kids might watch it.

Your Maximum Leader belives that this past Saturday is the only time he will ever see IJ&TKOTCS. (It is possible that at some point in the future your Maximum Leader might see the movie on TV and stop his incessant channel surfing to watch for a few minutes.)

Anyhoo…

It was very good to see Kevin. Your Maximum Leader is happy that Kevin is on the road fulfilling his wish to walk across America exploring themes of religous diversity around this nation. Kevin is now in Blaine, Washington at the beginning of his journey. Your Maximum Leader prays for Kevin’s safety and good fortune on the road. Fare thee well Kevin. I look forward to welcoming you home after a great journey.

And lastly…

Villainette #1 must be the lucky charm for the Washington Nationals. This past Sunday, your Maximum Leader and his eldest child went to the Nats/Brew Crew matinee. This was, perhaps, the 9th or 10th Nats game Villainette #1 has been to see in person. In all those games, she’s never seen the Nats lose. Your Maximum Leader was sure by the middle of the 9th inning on Sunday that his daughter’s luck was going to change. The Nats were down and it wasn’t looking good. Then all of a sudden they got men on base, men were batted over, and Elijah Dukes scored the winning run on a wild pitch. It was incredible. Then when it was all over, your Maximum Leader and his daughter went down on to the field (and she ran the bases - along with a few hundred other kids…). It was a great Sunday afternoon.

Except for one thing…

This is the “lessons learnt” part of the post…

Your Maximum Leader put some sunscreen on his arms and neck and face… He forgot to put sunscreen on his legs. Now his knees (and pretty much only his knees) are so damned sunburnt that it is painful to do just about everything involving movement of his legs. Indeed, the sunburn on one side (the right) is so bad that it seems as though it is actually swelling.

Lesson is - wear sunscreen.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has got to buy another computer. When Mrs Villain and the Villainettes are all needing to be on the computer and on-line at the same time that just pushes your Maximum Leader out of the blogging business. Perhaps your Maximum Leader will use that “stimulus package” money to get a new computer… Then again… Maybe not…

Speaking of Mrs Villain and the Villainettes. They were in a car accident today. Don’t worry. All are well. They are a little stiff, but all in all everything is okay. Keep them in your prayers. Keep your Maximum Leader in your prayers too as he gives his villainous nature a work-out as he deals with insurance companies.

Your Maximum Leader needs to alert Mrs P that he’s lost that photo he mentioned to her the other week. When he gets some computing time, he’ll see what he can do to recover the photo.

And lastly…

As longtime readers know, your Maximum Leader is a whisky man. Scotch first. Bourbon second. After that, he pretty much drinks beer. He has indulged from time to time in rum drinks. Well… He’s had a bottle of fine Russian Vodka in the liquor cabinet for a few years now. After watching some program on Russia and Vladimir Putin on cable this weekend, he decided to drink some of this unopened (and probably 3 year old) vodka. So, he put the bottle in the freezer to get it to set up right for drinking. Since your Maximum Leader is not of Russian extraction, he doesn’t do straight vodka. He knew he needed a mixer. He searched around the Villainschloss and found just what he was looking for…

Did you know that if you mix vodka and V-8 fusion (mango/peach) you get one serving of fruit, two servings of veggies, and two servings of liquor in one tall plastic cup? That there is what your Maximum Leader calls smart drinking.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader kept a small pad with him during his recent trip to Las Vegas. The purpose of this pad was to jot down random thoughts he had that might make a good blog post. Now, he’s just decided that the jottings themselves will be come the blog post… Here we go…

Ugly women with big fake boobs. There are many of them in Vegas.

Neon gives one’s skin an unhealthy look at night.

The Bellagio is showing it’s age. Although only 10 years old, it could use new carpets, fresh paint, and new upholstrey.

The casino ceiling in Mandalay Bay is too high to be comfortable - but probably helps in dispersing cigarette smoke.

Ashley Dupre is hot. But, she has a small tattoo that is distracting.

Eliot Spitzer isn’t going to be gettin’ any for a while… Even if he tries to pay for it.

There are many better things to do with $80 large.

Okay… Maybe there are a few things better to do with $80 large.

Drunk guys playing blackjack near you isn’t much fun if they are loud and obnoxious.

Foie Gras is sooooo damned tasty…

Foie Gras and bacon is damned close to heaven on a plate.

Is creme brulee out of fashion? You can’t find it anywhere.

Smoked salmon, capers, cream cheese, and red onion on a salt bagel is a good way to start your morning.

The Wynn is cool.

How much water does Vegas have? Is there really a future there?

Cab drivers in Vegas are more chatty than in other cities.

Why is it that although I’ve been staying up until midnight or 1 am, I can’t sleep past 5am?

Ceasar’s casino is better than Bellagio’s because they don’t use shuffling machines.

$5/hand single deck blackjack is fun.

Ben Bernake has the toughest job in the world right now.

I didn’t understand Keno until a waitress explained it to me. After understanding how it works, I find myself wagering $10 on six numbers for 5 games over breakfast. Is that the sign of a problem?

Barry Manilow doesn’t look 64.

Penn & Teller rock.

I don’t like eating at the Palms. The restaurants are okay, but priced like they are superb.

There are many hawt young things at the Palms.

Since I don’t like eating at the Palms, and I’m not big into the night life, is there a reason for me to go to the Palms ever again? Probably not.

I’m glad I bought new sneaks at Niketown. Walking everywhere is killing me.

These new sneaks are Da Bomb.

Sports books are fun, even if you don’t bet.

Putting $2 on Georgetown to win the whole deal… UNC and Kansas be damned!

Haven’t seen one person in the whole city wearing apparel of a sports team I give a damn about…

For your money, a Bentley is a better ride than a Maybach. The difference is the leather.

Sadly, I missed the all you can eat sushi at some place near the Hard Rock. I also didn’t go to Nobu - again… Damn…

Lobster omlettes seem just a little indulgent for breakfast. Just a little…

Saw Pete Rose in a memorabilia shop at Ceasar’s. He looked pathetic. I wasn’t going to spend $100 to get a signed ball and photo. Damn Pete Rose. Lousy bastard.

Glad to be going home…

There you have the thoughts… Some not even in third person…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is returned from a week in Vegas. Ah… Las Vegas… That city can bring out the worst in a person. Luckily, it did not bring out the worst in your Maximum Leader. He came home only about $50 down and with fun memories of seeing Penn & Teller and Barry Manilow. (Excursus: If you are a personal friend of your Maximum Leader and remember seeing a Penn & Teller show with him at the National Theater in DC at some point between 1990 and 1995 please let him know. He is sure that he saw the show with someone, but now can’t remember who…)

Anyhoo…

Your Maximum Leader is now a week behind at everything. That means he might need a day or two to catch up. This process is made worse by the fact that (once again) the Wee Villain is rife with pestilence. Over the past six weeks the Wee Villain has been afflicted with (in order): severe cold/border-line flu, strep throat, ear infection, full-blown flu, and now conjuctivitis. This is driving your Maximum Leader and Mrs Villain nuts.

Your Maximum Leader can’t commit to much blogging over the next few days, but he’ll give it the ole college try…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wishes you all a Happy Valentines Day. May you all consume senselessly to stimulate the economy. And may all you men out there get gifts of flannel and other “stimulation” - if you catch his meaning…

(Wink. Wink. Nudge. Nudge. “Say no more.”)

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was lucky to get to the polls today. Indeed, he is lucky to be typing today… You see, influenza has struck the Villainschloss. Villainette #2 is rife with the pestilence. It makes your Maximum Leader very sad to see her suffer like this.

Villainette #1 and the Wee Villain are on tamilflu as a prophylactic.

Your Maximum Leader is hoping to avoid contamination…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is relaxing today and trying to get in the mood to celebrate the anniversary of the birth of Elvis A. Presley. As is his custom, dinner tonight will be meatloaf, whipped potatoes, boiled (perhaps steamed) carrots, and milk. The family might have share a peanut butter and ‘nanner sandwich as an appetizer. Dinner will be followed by a chocolate cake with white frosting decorated with the words “Happy Birthday to the King.”

And the iPod will be blasting Elvis music the whole time.

Great fun… Great fun…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wishes all of you, his loyal readers, a very Happy New Year. He hopes that you are all well and not too hung over. Your Maximum Leader, as is his habit, didn’t do too much to celebrate New Years. Indeed, for many years the extent of his celebration consisted of hanging around with his best buddy Kevin. We would watch movies, and then switch over to Dick Clark at about 11:55. We’d watch the ball drop in Times Square, then we would go back to watching movies until we drifted into the clutches of Morpheus. Now that Kevin is in Korea, our old plan is not practical. So, your Maximum Leader stays at home with is family and watches movies and then switches to Dick Clark at about 11:55 and watches the ball drop.

Pretty exciting huh?

Excursus: Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure how he should feel watching Dick Clark. On the one hand, Clark has made great progress since his stroke a few years ago. But on the other hand, your Maximum Leader feels badly watching him. He is overwhelmed by a feeling of being voyeuristic when watching Clark.

You know who your Maximum Leader misses on New Years Eve? Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians. He went out and bought a copy of Auld Lang Syne on iTunes to satisfy this nostalgic feeling.

Anyhoo, your Maximum Leader generally does indulge himself with a bottle of Pol Roger on New Years. But this year he opted to go with an Italian sparkling wine from Veneto. It was very good (he should say it is very good, as he hasn’t quite finished the bottle yet). The Processo he bought is dry with undercurrents of fruit (apples or pears). This sparkling wine has the benefit of only being about $17 a bottle - as opposed to the $50 a bottle your Maximum Leader is used to spending on the Pol Roger. Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure that he is enjoying the Italian wine as much as he has enjoyed the champagne in the past; but it is still pretty tasty.

Speaking of tasty…

The Almond encrusted pork loin was quite delicious. Your Maximum Leader took is massive pork tenderloin (featured in the post below) and cut it into thirds. He went ahead and prepared two of the three pieces for Christmas. He and his family wound up eating one third on Christmas day. The other prepared third was itself divided into thirds and divied up between your Maximum Leader’s in-laws, parents, and hungry self.

The third portion of tenderloin is thawed out and waiting to be prepared tonight. Your Maximum Leader hasn’t heard from anyone on a good preparation (NB to Mrs P: You teased me with a promise of recipe…). So he thinks he will do a typical rosemary and garlic marinade for a few hours then roast.

In unrelated news, Your Maximum Leader should tell you all that he’s been thinking recently that there is some big question in his life to which he knows the answer. The answer is (apparently) Venice. Yes, the city in Italy. He isn’t sure what the question is, but feels that Venice is the answer.

Anyhoo…

On to New Years resolutions. Your Maximum Leader will share a few of his with you all.

In 2008 your Maximum Leader will bring peace to the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem.

In 2008 your Maximum Leader will compete as his own nation in the summer Olympics in Beijing. He will not finish lower than fourth in every event. He will accomplish this feat by using his heretofore unknown ability to warp the time-space continuum.

In 2008 your Maximum Leader will win every Nobel Prize available when he completes his “Grand Unified Theory.” This theory, which will be ultimately be confirmed by scientists from the Gamma-Zeta 294 system 8,433 years from now, will unify all practical questions of physics, chemistry, biology, mathematics, and literature. The key to the unification of science will be the proto-electroneuquark partical - also known affectionately as “The Maxy”.

In 2008 your Maximum Leader will end global warming by meditating for 72 hours straight under a blossoming tree surrounded by dancing wood-nymphs.

In 2008 your Maximum Leader will be elected President of the United States without receiving a single popular vote. He will win a unanimous vote of the Electoral College. After his inauguration in 2009, Canada, Great Britain, Mexico, Brazil and Lichenstein will voluntarially surrender their national sovreignty to your Maximum Leader and the Mike World Order shall begin.

In 2008 your Maximum Leader will wish the previously dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt a happy married life; he will move on to the passionate Lola Astanova as the object of his platonic affections.

In 2008 your Maximum Leader will try to improve the quality (if not quantity) of blog posts here at Naked Villainy.

There you have them. Your Maximum Leader is pretty sure he can keep up with at least two of them…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was driving around doing some errands last night. At one point during his travels, he heard a commerical on the radio for Amtrak. It was followed by a commerical for Southwest Airlines. These two commericals spawned an interesting train of thought…

That train of thought transported your Maximum Leader back to high school. When your Maximum Leader was in high school, some students were allowed to play music over the public announcement system in the morning during the time from when the first buses arrived at the building to a few minutes before the school day was to begin. This was our school “radio station.” From time to time one of the “DJs” would interrupt the music to read from his large collection of printed airline and train schedules. (Yes, this guy apparently had a hobby collecting train and airline schedules.) He’d tell you that there was a flight on Delta from Rochester NY to Atlanta GA at 8:28am - or some other such useless (yet superficially interesting) flight/train information.

So your Maximum Leader wonders… Do airline companies still print those little books with all their flight schedules? In this age of wireless access of just about anything through one’s laptop, phone, or PDA, it seems as though printing a booklet would be a waste of money… But not printing one would make collectors of such relics rather sad.

And in case you were wondering… Your Maximum Leader is not the “guy” in this story. He’s never collected airline or train schedules.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wishes you all a very happy Thanksgiving. He hopes that you have a good one and enjoy the time you have with family and friends.

And your Maximum Leader exhorts you all to pull for the Green Bay Packers in their contest against the Detroit Lions tomorrow.

It is unlikely that there will be further posting here until next week… But if the moment strikes your Maximum Leader he’ll blog.

Carry on.

Our good friend the Big Hominid has triggered a change in Seoul’s Subway System.

For shame, you big ho.