Here’s hoping Bill will return to active blogging soon.

In the meantime, I stumbled across a site sure to lift Bill’s spirit.

For googling “demery’s underwear.”

I’m so proud.

Sadie claims that this photo bears no resemblence to her appearance in real life.

Bad news, toots.

I was just thumbing through the old college photo albums.

Remember that time we hopped on the train to visit the Minister of Propaganda in New Haven?

And slammed the Heniekens at Demery’s?

And woke up in the gutter in our underwear?

Yeah, you looked like that picture.

You humble Smallholder has nominated Ally’s “Who Moved My Truth” for Loyal Minion Status on multiple occasions.

But the Maximum Leader does not bestow this ultimate state sanction lightly.

But I predict that this post may finally convince Mike to elevate our pretty Pennsylvanian paramour into the exalted Pantheon, taking her place alongside Kevin, Bill, Sadie, Phin, Skippy, and Dr. Shackleford.

I have only one question to ask about Ally’s placatory purveyance of pictures o’ pulchritude:

What am I, chopped liver? I can’t believe you’d post JLH without a companion post of JP. Very, very disappointing.

UPDATE: You are under no obligation to placate the MoP with KM. She’s a scawny crackhead anyway.

Upon further reflection, I’m going to adopt a literalist view of the Bible.

The next time Ally or Sadie has the temerity to question my role as “THE FONT OF TRUTH,” I’m going to give them the back of my hand, spare not the rod, and deliver unto them the wise words of Paul in I Corinthians 14:34-36:

“Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says. And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church, for Adam was formed first, then Eve.”

If they complain I am missing the true meaning of Pau’s words, I’ll bolster my patriarchal oppression with another Pauline injunction from Timothy 2:11-3:

“Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence For Adam was first formed, then Eve.”

Or, I might go all Old Testament and bust out Genesis 3:16:

“Unto the woman He said… your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you.”

So, ladies, I hereby command you, as man, to stop publishing your opinions on your blogs. When I want your opinions, I’ll give them to you.

Of course, I need to be careful about flinging Bible verses around or the Maximum Leader is liable to break out the Deuteronemy. Darn Deuteronemy.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader passes along a link to a site which will allow you to waste piles of time…

Throw Paper

Your Maximum Leader’s record is 13.

Carry on.

The Maximum Leader is a busy guy, so I thought I’d fill out a second meme for him (found at Bill’s Comments).

Five Weird Things About the Maximum Leader:

1) He was the first alternate for the U.S. curling Olympic team.

2) His obsession with dwarves is because they are his diametric opposites: Small in stature, large in genitalia.

3) His putative obsession with Jennifer Love Hewitt is just a beard.

4) His decision to “take” the Red Dawn Quiz was passive aggressive retaliation against Smallholder’s stubborn heterosexuality.

5) He just might be willing to switch teams for Agent Bedhead.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wishes you all a happy New Year. He has spent a good amount of quality time over the past few weeks with family and friends. Now that the new year is upon us, he will try and spend quality time blogging. Why? Because you all will certainly go through delierium tremens without getting the proper fix of your Maximum Leader’s pithy opinions throughout the year.

Remember, your Maximum Leader wishes you all a safe and prosperous New Year.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader needs to make a statement.

Bubble gum flavoured toothpaste is gawd-awful crap.

This statement is brought on by the fact that Mrs. Villain and his villainous progeny are out of town. When they left, Mrs. Villain packed toiletries - including the regular Crest toothpaste. Thus, your Maximum Leader was reduced to using the Villainettes’ toothpaste this morning. Two Diet Cokes and a mug of Russian Caravan tea were needed to expunge the foul taste from his mouth. Ugh.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader will point out to you that it is December 29th. That would make it New Year’s Eve’s Eve’s Eve. Longtime readers will note that this day that of the annual Pardoning of the Dwarves ritual. For those of you unfamiliar with this ritual, the original description of it is reproduced here exactly as the Poet Laureate wrote it:

Every New Year’s Eve’s Eve’s Eve (i.e., the 29th of December), the Maximum Leader steps out onto the soaring perch of his 200-meter-high obsidian balcony, surveys the fawning masses below, and begins the annual Pardoning of the Dwarves ritual, which ends with the incantation, “I PISS ON EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU.”

All the captured dwarves are brought forth into the daylight from their dungeons, flogging chambers, and forced-breeding dens, where they are ordered to stand in ranks while the wee Villainettes randomly select seven dwarves (yes, seven) for pardoning.

The audience wildly applauds the Maximum Leader’s demonstration of compassion and mercy. They celebrate with a feast, followed by an even more thorough flogging of the remaining dwarves. The seven pardoned dwarves are sent into the woods where they may seek their fortune as manual laborers, but are forbidden sexual congress with normal human women (a law put in place after the embarrassing Snow White incident).

Tomorrow, then, is the Pardoning of the Dwarves. Your attendance is requested. Please assemble in front of the Villainschloss Balcony to bask in your Maximum Leader’s Ponderous Peroration, and make sure your stomachs are empty, that they may be filled with the flesh of all manner of slaughtered beasts and birds. Please bring your horsewhips (and your good cheer) if you plan to participate in the Supplementary Flogging.

Glory to the realm!

This year there will be one small change… The Villainettes will not participate. The Villainettes, Mrs Villain, and the Wee Villain are off visiting family. Your Maximum Leader is, thus, a bachelor for the night. Woo hoo! (Says he.) Let the feasting commence!

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader apologizes to you all. He had a big ole Happy Christmas post complete with an image of the Adoration of the Magi done by Raphael all worked up… Alas, he was working on it on his lovely wife’s computer. And he thought he saved it into Movable Type before logging off last Friday night.

Alas, it was not so.

Then Christmas was upon him. Your Maximum Leader was so busy with home stuff he had no time to try to post anything. And then he realized, just now, that his Christmas greeting never made it to this page.

So, dear minions, please accept your Maximum Leader’s warm Christmas/Holiday greetings. He hopes it was a good one for all of you.

And don’t forget, Dec 29th is coming.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader can be so bad sometimes. He just up and left his loyal minions for a few days with no warning of his absence. Well… Sometimes your Maximum Leader’s life is like that. Just so that you don’t feel completely left out allow your Maximum Leader to recap his recent activities. Last Thursday night he sent a team of dwarves to fetch the Big Hominid from his American home and bring him forthwith to the Villainschloss. Your Maximum Leader and his Poet Laureate were then joined by the Air Marshal at the Villainschloss and we “hung out.” “Hanging out” included going out for lunch at a very nice little French restaurant in town, playing video games, and carousing.

Your Maximum Leader feels a little bit badly about interrupting carousing every few minutes to add another CD to his iTunes for his iPod. But he became a littel OCD about that. As it stands he’s copied about 1/3rd of his CDs over to iTunes. (For those of you keeping track that means about 3 days of music, over 1700 songs, and 5 GB of storage space.)

A good time was had by all. Your Maximum Leader only wishes that it could happen more often.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is celebrating Christmas early… You see, two people very close to him just gave him a Christmas gift. It is the greatest Christmas gift… It has occupied your Maximum Leader’s attention (and all of the memory on his supercomputer - he’s blogging on Mrs. Villain’s laptop) for the past few hours. It will likely occupy his attention (and time) for a while more.

What could this gift be you ask yourself…

An iPod.

Not just any iPod… But a super-cool iPod.

Yup. You guessed it. The 60GB Black iPod w/video.

It is soooooo cool.

Your Maximum Leader is loading his CD collection into iTunes. So far some artists added include: Elvis, The Cowboy Junkies, The Beatles, Johnny Cash, John Prine, Barenaked Ladies, Monty Python, The Who, and The Greatful Dead. After about 2 hrs of loading he has about 6 hrs of music and hasn’t crested the 1GB mark…

Ohhhhhhhhhhh….

Carry on.

Divulging the real life identities of fellow bloggers violates the blogsphere’s norms.

I’m sure that all of our fellow bloggers will join me in condemning Sadie’s outing of the Minister of Propaganda’s identity. As a person working in the chummy atmosphere of Hollywood, he did not want to reveal his real name.

Now, I understand that Sadie may have felt she had tacit permission for her unmasking when the MoP reacted to my inclusion of him in a poll by making a Sadie v. Smallholder poll. Good people may look at the facts and disagree.

But comparing the MoP to Tom Cruise? That just crosses the line.

This blog appears to be gasping for air.

I’d like to apply blog CPR by posting insightful commentary.

But I’ve got nothing.