Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader saw an interesting little article over on Yahoo. It was an assortment of little (probably unscientific) factoids about American’s attitudes towards breaking up.

Now… Allow him to state for the record, your Maximum Leader is a happily married fellow. He would never “break up” with Mrs Villain. Indeed, he feels very strongly about this. Perhaps it is his Catholic upbringing coming to the fore on this. But your Maximum Leader has been very clear that he would rather live in wedded misery than divorce. Indeed, if it ever came to it, he would dedicate his life to making Mrs Villain’s life as miserable as possible - without getting divorced.

He might consider an annulment. Might… He worries about the bastardization of children…

But this is just idle chatter, because on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being suicidal misery and 10 being perfect bliss; your Maximum Leader is pretty sure his marriage is a 9.3. That is rather exact measurement he knows. But from time to time your Maximum Leader and his lovely (and loving) wife don’t see eye to eye on things… That would account for the .7 deduction.

Anyhoo…

Your Maximum Leader was surprised at some of the Yahoo entry’s factoids…

Before breaking up 31 percent would spend one last night of hurrah together. A night of “hurrah?” Humm… Could this be a coded use of “hurrah” that your Maximum Leader hasn’t seen before? He thinks it is. He’s used all sorts of euphemisms for conjugation - as it were. But “hurrah” has never - ever - been one of them. Your Maximum Leader will also speculate that 92.2 percent of that 31 percent are male.

About 50 percent of daters give people three o five dates before they decide how they feel (though West Coasters tend to judge a little quicker). Humm… Three to five dates? Does that seem like enough? What type of dates are we talking about? Meeting for coffee? Dinner? Movies? Dancing? Your Maximum Leader wonders. If you meet for coffee say you spend an hour together. One imagines that you will be talking for most of that one hour. But let us say you go out dancing… Even if you go out dancing for three hours will you talk with the person for a whole hour? Of course West Coasters are quicker to decided. One wonders if Bobgirrl is giving her future ex-husbands enough time?

Men are quicker than women to consider their date to be their girlfriend/boyfriend. Especially men in their 40s. 16 percent of men vs. 8 percent of women consider their date their boyfriend/girlfriend after three to five dates. Men on the West Coast are significantly more likely than other men to have exclusivity before considering someone their boyfriend/girlfriend. Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure what to to think of this one. 3-5 dates. One supposes that if it takes 3-5 dates to decide if you have “feelings” for someone then it should take 4-6 dates before you declare that your are boyfriend/girlfriend. Don’t you think? Really now… If you make up your mind on date 5 that you have “good feelings” for someone wouldn’t you then require one more date to firm things up?

A disturbing factoid on which to end this post…

After breaking up, 23 percent will cut him/her out of all their photos. Are 23 percent of people that pyscho? Really now… This bit seems a little too OCD for your Maximum Leader to buy. For goodness sakes… If you only had 4-6 dates how many photos could you have? If you dated for years… How long would that take? This seems quite odd in fact. Your Maximum Leader just can’t imagine wanting to take the time to do all the cutting…

Single people are welcome to drop your Maximum Leader a line and describe their favorite break-up stories… If you are single, female, and take a shine to the Maximum Leaderly type - feel free to send photos of you and your ex. Then feel free to go on over to the Naked Villainy store and buy yourself a sexy camisole and matching thong. Then take a photo of yourself wearing your Naked Villainy apparel and e-mail it to the ex. It will empower you and make them feel miserable for having lost such a catch… (Also… Copy your Maximum Leader on that message…)

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is a big Bruce Campbell fan. Indeed, careful readers of this site might even have noticed that Mr. Campbell’s own web site is permanently linked on this site (over on the right side).

Your Maximum Leader always likes to see that Bruce is working. He wants Bruce Campbell to be in front of the people. Making money. Cashing in.

It seems as though the people over at Old Spice have decided to harness the cash machine that is Bruce Campbell. Here is their latest ad:

Love it.

You should go out and buy some Old Spice. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t recommend that you wear it… It may have some disinfectant or anti-zombie qualities of which you may be unaware… But buy it so that we may see more Bruce Campbell ads…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was listening to some economics professor on the radio this morning and was just struck by what the guy was talking about. At one point your Maximum Leader yelled at the radio that the guy could keep his Marxist ways, ’cause their only just a phase; but it’s money that makes the world go round.

But all the morning talk of money, economics, and the economy reminded your Maximum Leader that the Christmas gift-giving season is upon us…

You don’t need reminding do you? You know that a Naked Villainy T-Shirt, Sweat Shirt, Mousepad, Clock, or the ever popular Thong would make the perfect Christmas gift for yourself or a sweetie… Go… Buy… Now…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees on the new wire that there will (very shortly) be a very large auction of Elvis memorabilia and artifacts in December. A highlight of the auction will be Elvis’ diamond and platinum wedding band. The ring (and other items) are currently on display in the Aladdin Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. (Where else?)

Your Maximum Leader is, as regular readers know, a big Elvis fan. Perhaps he will bid on some items… Or not…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader will share with you a number of random Friday thoughts and observations.

First, another revision and correction. A good friend and frequent reader e-mailed your Maximum Leader to take issue with another assertion made in his blogged IM conversation. (Who’da thunk that one IM conversation would generate two re-statments/clarifications/outright retractions.) This friend is a delightful, witty and fun (sorta single) woman. She is also quite attractive. She showers regularly. She waxes her legs, shaves her underarms, brushes and styles her hair and keeps impecable care of her physcial person. Now she informs me (via e-mail) that she aligns herself with the Green Party. Egads! Last time your Maximum Leader checked she was a liberal-progressive Democrat. Ah well… Plus ça change… you know. So it seems your Maximum Leader knows at least one Greenie gel who doesn’t have hairy pits, doesn’t reek of sweat, and is not in need of a shower.

NB to Howard Dean: Your Maximum Leader’s friend is not the type of person you want removing herself from your little (and growing littler) party.

Secondly, your Maximum Leader went by the local coffee house in town after lunch to get an iced Chai and chanced upon a thoroughly disreputable looking young man who was wearing a bright white t-shirt that read: “Wildly inaccurate… But fast as hell.” The phrase made your Maximum Leader chuckle. It’s not the same as the Mighty Buckethead’s “Heteful, Talentless, war-mongering, trailer trash… But it was a funny t-shirt.

By the way… Your Maximum Leader, it should not surprise you, is very mighty. Now! Go! Buy a Naked Villainy t-shirt.

Thirdly, your Maximum Leader was listening to his iPod through the Villainmobile radio today while driving about town. At one point he realized he must have had the volume up a little bit too high. You see, he felt a vibration in his leg that he thought was his cellular phone ringing on the vibrate mode… Turns out it was just the bass of the stereo causing the contents of his pocket to shake around.

Fourthly, your Maximum Leader is looking forward to dinner tonight… Grilled Delmonicos, mashed taters, and asparagus with hollandaise… Yum-my!

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is many things the good Smallholder is not. One of those things is a shameless promoter. (And he’ll leave it to your imagination to think of the other things…)

Because he is too bashful to speak up himself allow your Maximum Leader to give the plug… The Smallholder has coming available a side of his delicious (humanely raised) petit beef. This side of beef was raised by the Smallholder himself. It was raised on milk and grass. It did not live in a factory-abbatoir. The side of beef was raised hormone & grain free.

Your Maximum Leader can speak from years of personal experience and say that the Smallholder’s beef is succulent, tender, and as close to fat-free as you can get. As the Smallholder doesn’t raise his cattle to full market size the portions are smaller than you might find in your store, but that is a plus in many ways. The cuts do not take long to cook and their size is a help to ensure you don’t over-eat. Your Maximum Leader is quite partial to grinding this meat into hamburger. It makes great burgers with minimal shrinkage during cooking.

Anyhoo… If you are interested in purchasing yourself (or with a group of your friends) a whole side of beef; and you live i the VA/DC area; then contact the Smallholder at once. His email is: smallholder - at - nakedvillainy - dot - com.

You’ll not regret your decision. Indeed, you’ll be hooked.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, for no particular reason, thinks you should visit some of these other fine blogs.

Skippy’s recent post on watching Chris Matthews reminds your Maximum Leader of why he does not watch Chris Matthews. (NB to Skippy: Stay out of jail now that it is pretty much illegal to smoke in Canad. If you need any smokes - let me know. Virginia is - still - a tobacco state).

Check out the Royal Navy Geekery in abudance this (Glorious) 1st of June over at the Llama Butchers. Robbo edumicates us about two (count ‘em) two battles on this date in history.

Did you know that the Beautifully Atrocious Jeff is now co-blogging with Agent Bedhead? Do you know why Dead Sexy Sadie is sooooooo dangerous? She has not only hetro-men in her thrall, but now she has gay men in her thrall too! That makes her a double threat. And no less Dead Sexy your Maximum Leader will add.

And finally… Your Maximum Leader anxiously awaits the dispensing of advice to Mr. Basil Seal from bobgirrl.

Okay… That isn’t all of this post…

Your Maximum Leader learned today that a particularly nice storefront in downtown Fredericksburg might become available soon. He learned this from a person who may have an interest in starting a restaurant/bar in the downtown area. The interested person asked your Maximum Leader for thoughts on a bar/restaurant. Your Maximum Leader suggested a late 19th Century British Club atmosphere. He further suggested that the place be called Flashman’s - after our favourate cad, Brig Gen Harry Paget Flashman (VC, et al). The menu would have a variety of beers, brandy and wines to compliment the varied victuals that would be served. Dishes might include the Gul Shah curry, the Otto Von Bismarck Ruben (with extra kraut), the Lola Montez spicy paella, the Robert E Lee Po’ Boy, and others. Alas, your Maximum Leader couldn’t think of a dish that would do our Flashy justice. Suggestions appreciated…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader would like to point out that he has updated our Sponsors links ove on the right side toolbar. He exhorts you to click through. Then click through some more. And then tell your friends to come by and click again!

Go click happy…

And here are the links if you don’t want to go over and click on the sidebar. Color Wireless Camera, Digital Still Cameras, DVD Recorder Review, Active Internet Users, Xbox Video Games.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader will direct your attention to the right side navigation bar. If you look down below the rotating tag line, the Naked Villainy store, and the BlogAds strip; you will see a heading entitled Villainous Sponsors. Below that header are some links for Personal Web Hosting, PHP Web Hosting, Music Video Programs, Medical Billing Coder and Discount Cancun Vacations. If any of these items look like services you may need, your should click through and see if you can find deals that might appeal to you.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader will, against his better judgement, wish all his readers a happy Valentine’s Day. He says against his better judgement because he honestly feels that this is a “holiday” foisted upon the world by the likes of Hallmark and sundry chocolatiers. Oh yeah… Florists are responsible as well. Your Maximum Leader is sure that he shouldn’t have to re-educate his readers that Saint Valentine was beaten and beheaded in Rome in 269 for baptising the faithful, pardoning (spiritually that is) prisoners, and other stuff that saints do. So remember, those red roses you are sending your sweetie today don’t really represent love. They represent the blood flowing out of Saint Valentine’s beheaded body.

How is that for a romantic image for ye?

Anyhoo… Out of fear of the wrath of Mrs. Villain your Maximum Leader wil be engaging in shameless commercialism on this “Valentines Day.” He will get some flowers and will likely get some cards too. Now that the Villainettes are old enough he must get three cards and three sets of flowers. Your Maximum Leader may also break down and get some chocolate too. Some Lindt or Godiva. (Because Hershey and Nestle just aren’t gifting chocolates you know.)

Since he is debasing himself by “playing along” with the shameless commercialism surrounding this holiday allow your Maximum Leader to debase himself even further by plugging various blogger swag…

As you all know nothing quite says “I love you” so much as a Naked Villainy T-shirt. They come in Long and Short Sleeved models… Ladies you should recall that your man will feel confident and look particularly sexy when wearing a “Well Hung” Naked Villainy T-shirt. Ladies, please note that you will look sexy and irresistable when wearing your Naked Villainy camisole and thong combination.

But let us say, just for the sake of argument that you are completely insane and don’t want any Naked Villainy swag… You could check out the Big Hominid’s swag store. There you could get sick and twisted mugs, cards, mousepads, and more!

Let us say that the Big Hominid’s store isn’t for you… You could always check out Llama swag! A Llama tee is perfect for any occasion. And a Llama stein would look good filled with beer - or sitting on your desk filled with old ballpoint pens.

Of course, not all blogger swag consists of t-shirts and mugs. Your Maximum Leader’s friend Jeff reminds us that man must also know what time to BBQ. So you could purchase a Beautiful Atrocities wall clock and BBQ apron!

You might choose to start your offspring off on the right foot by swaddling them in Perfidious swaddling clothes. Then when they grow up they will become Hateful, Talentless, War-loving, Trailer Trash.

That, dear readers, is all of the shameless commercial promotion your Maximum Leader can stand for one day…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader reads on the news wires that Ford and GM are bickering about who is the number one US auto manufacturer. GM maintains that its Chevy Division put them over the top. Ford maintains that Chevy sales aren’t all that and concequently they (Ford) are Number One!

Of course, neither of them mention Toyota. Which according to much of what your Maximum Leader has read is the WORLDS largest automaker.

Carry on.

You have three people who want to rent your house. You talk to them on the phone and they fill out a rental application.

To which person do you rent your house?

a) Family of four. Father is retired military. Makes north of 90 grand a year working for a defense contractor. Has a security clearance, one of the conditions of which is the requirement to pay rent on time.

b) Young guy with pregnant wife. When he asks about the rent, you tell him it is $1600/month and that you want the equivalent of a month’s rent as a deposit, as well as the first month’s rent in advance. He says, “So that’s what, $3400? He fills out the application and makes $11/hour at McDonalds.

c) Fifyish couple moving to the area for new jobs in academia. They have sold their house and want to live in the area for a year before they buy. They had paid off their mortgage on the house and aren’t used to making monthly payments, so ask if it is okay to go ahead and write a check for the whole year’s rent in advance.

Who do you rent to? Explain your answer.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader needs a t-shirt babe. Yes. That would be a babe to model the fabulous swag available for you over at the Villainous Commerce store (clicky clicky on the Coin on the right side toolbar which exhorts you to “Buy Minions! Buy!).

Anyone interested in becoming the Naked Villainy T-shirt babe should just shoot your Maximum Leader an e-mail.

First disclaimer: The T-shirt babe would not have to pose in the “Well Hung” shirt. As we would anticipate that the T-shirt babe was not “hung” in that sense at all. Anyho… Phin has us covered in that department.

Second disclaimer: Your Maximum Leader promises that he will not try to date the Naked Villainy t-shirt babe. Nor would he ask her to move in with him. Nor would he, after the T-shirt babe had moved in, allow his blog to become a “cat blog.” Not like other blogs out there…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader went over to his Cafe Press store and added two new items. He also added a logo for the store. (A logo which is really nothing to write home about - but Loyal Minion Sadie will recognize it as a very early prototype for a new blog header… Can’t let these things go to waste…) He also added a store description. He will reproduce it here:

Welcome to the Nakedvillainy.com on-line store. Shop with reckless abandon while you are here. And know that wearing official Naked Villainy apparel is good for you. Scientific studies have shown that weekly wearing of Naked Villainy apparel will increase testosterone production in men and increase women’s cup size by a full letter. Our studies also lead us to believe that the typical Naked Villainy apparel wearer is both smarter and more attractive than the average person. So think of your purchase as a step down the road to self improvement.

Damn. If that doesn’t motivate you to buy something what the hell will?

Now start down the road of self improvement.

Carry on.