Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is still in a rather foul mood.

But thanks to this post on a LiveJournal site, he is feeling a little better.

(doffing bejeweled floppy cap to Teafizz)

Carry on.
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EXTENDE BODY:

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is sure that those of you inclinded to look for these types of stories have already seen that porn star Savanna Samson (real name: Natalie Oliveros) has her own brand of wine. And now her wine has been very highly rated by wine guru Robert Parker.

Your Maximum Leader, he will admit, has a rather unrefined wine palette. Indeed, his tastes in wine tend to run both red and rather acidic. (Remember his favourite wine is Hungarian Egri Bikaver.) So he wouldn’t know what to think about Ms. Samson/Oliveros’ wine. He is happy that the wine business is doing well for Ms. Samson. He hope that it continues to do so and that she wisely invests her earnings. He really passes along the whole article for the last two lines. He quotes:

Still, she never had her parent’s blessing for her career choice as an adult movie star. “They were so devastated. They were terribly, terribly upset.”

But while she will continue her film career, wine-making may offer some redemption. “I wanted to do something that my parents could be proud of,” she said.

Your Maximum Leader assumes that becoming a vintner is a reputable career… Although he is unsure of the redemptive qualities of wine-making. Last time he checked, redemption was more of a religious/spiritual and not commerical activity.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that Dr. Rusty Shackleford (once again) has his finger on the pulse of the blogosphere. Dr. Rusty gives us a poll that combines the best of all possible worlds. Babes. Gun Porn. And killin’ bad guys.

There are pictures! Consider it your duty to check out (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) the servicewomen that Rusty has included in his post. Then vote in the poll.

God Bless the USA! (And after the USA, then bless the IDF.)

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, in persuing the news wires, sees that a 31 year old man was arrested over the weekend for being a sucky parent. (NB to Phin: Please take note and do not emulate Mr. Killion’s example.) It seems as though Christopher Killion left his young son in the car while he was partaking of the view at a strip club. Mr. Killion told his son to stay in the car lest “monsters” come and eat him.

What a putz. Mr. Killion probably wouldn’t have been allowed to have a son in the Mike World Order. He would have failed the IQ test. We know that Mr. Killion is stupid because every man knows that strippers love little kids. They go crazy over them. That is why strip clubs don’t allow little kids to enter in the first place. The owners know that the strippers’ motherly instincts would kick in and JB’s Gallery of Gals would turn into JB’s Topless Daycare in a matter of moments. You see, Mr. Killion should have just brought his son into the club with him and handed the boy off to a stripper while he enjoyed a high-quality cold brew.

Sad…

In other news a (now former) dancer touring with the smash hit musical “Movin’ Out” is suing the producers of the show. She claims that she was sacked from her gig because her breasts grew too large. She is suing for $100 million. If she wins her suit she should consider opening a topless daycare…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader reads on The Superficial that the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt has a stalker. When he first read the title of the piece he was sure he’d have to start looking out for the restraining order.

Then it turns out that the stalker is some dead guy’s ghost.

Whew!

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has a good old fashioned link dumping post to throw your way right now. First off… To those of you of Irish extraction - or those of you pretending for this one day to have Irish roots - Happy St. Patrick’s day. Your Maximum Leader’s heritage is an amalgamation of various strains of ethnicity from the British Isles. Lots of Scottish. Lots of English. Some Welsh. But, surprisingly little Irish. Regardless of that fact he has cooked up a corned beef, some cabbage and taters. He has a six pack of Guiness with his name on it in the fridge. He has even gone so far as to wear green today - mostly to make the Villainettes happy…

So… Happy St. Patrick’s Day. If you are cute, female, and Irish, let your Maximum Leader know and he will be glad to bestow upon you a kiss…

Moving along…

Who’da thunk that the Crack Young Staff will soon be celebrating a big anniversary? Your Maximum Leader hopes that he can come to the party. Doilies or no, he will do what he can to make the e-soiree classy. (Although he can’t imagine the CYS doing anything that isn’t classy…)

Your Maximum Leader sees that (Dead Sexy) Sadie (aka: Agent Bedhead) has a new friend blogging on her site. Mr Atoz, from his maiden post, appears to be cut from the same cloth as our friend Sadie. Go over and give a warm welcome to him.

(NB to all readers: This is possibly the most sucky segue your Maximum Leader has ever attempted.)

Speaking of being cut from the same cloth…

Did you all know that your Maximum Leader (like so many others his age) had something of a crush on Pat Benatar at some point between the years of 1981 and 1984? He knew that he could run with the shadows of the night and everything would be alright. Your Maximum Leader was aware that he was young, from heartache to heartache he would stand, making no promises or demands in is quiet hormonal lust for Pat Benatar. Well now Pat is 53. She is still rocking in the free world. But who knew that she had such a hottie daughter? Really. HOT-TIE! Seriously. Lookie here. (Or here if you like.) Like mother, like daughter…

Moving along…

You know your Maximum Leader sort of presumes that you all read the Wall Street Journal’s Opinion Journal daily. Well, he feels compelled to mention to you today that they have a whole battery of great essays. Check out this fine essay on blacks in the Catholic Church. You might also check out the essay on anarchy.

The best essay on Opinion Journal today is the one by Daniel Henninger on the slipping away of the American moral compass. As political discussion becomes more charged due to differing positions on sex it becomes harder to keep cultural morality operant in other areas. Some food for thought there.

Do you know what your Maximum Leader is looking forward to reading? The post that Robbo will craft using the comments appended to this post. Heh. Perhaps even double “heh.”

In closing… Have you noticed the strange path of this post? From corned beef, to hotties, to sex in politics - and how that can be bad - to composite posting… Interesting. But not interesting in the same way that your Maximum Leader feels every day when he reads WWTD and then clicks on to Charmaine Yoest. Humm…

By the way… Cookery blogging on tap for later…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader saw this interesting tidbit on the Reuters news wire.

Too lazy to click through? Here is first sentence:

A Mexican couple were recovering separately after a marital spat got out of control and saw them firing guns, throwing knives and hurling homemade bombs, Mexican daily Milenio said on Monday.

Beauty, eh? Your Maximum Leader will file this item under “Hot Tempered Latin Lovers.”

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has seen a number of blogs (Princess Cat’s first among them) wishing him a happy PI day. (Or if you prefer you could render it π day.) As today is March 14th, the date could be written as 3.14. Get it? Sorta clever.

Just when your Maximum Leader was getting comfy with the very concept of a PI day he was distracted by Eric. Wouldn’t you know that troublemaker would make sure that his readers know that today (March 14th) also happens to be Steak and BJ day. Your Maximum Leader does have to say that the whole Steak and BJ day concept is a sound one - coming one month after Valentines day and all. And really… What man wouldn’t be happy with a steak and bj on a Tuesday?

If you chance to peruse the link above you will see some pretty funny stuff. The link is, for the most part, work safe. No pictures that would offend (at least on the pages your Maximum Leader visited). But the text content is TV-M rated… Or R rated if you like the movie system…

Now your Maximum Leader has to figure out how to let Mrs Villain know about the significance f this day…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees on I Don’t Like You In That Way that Jennifer Love Hewitt was looking particularly dreamy at the Oscars on Sunday night.

He also reads that the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt is dating some Scottish guy named Ross McCall.

Did your Maximum Leader mention that not only is he of Scottish extraction but he drinks plenty of Scotch and can pull off a mean Scottish accent?

Harumph.

Carry on.
(more…)

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader doffs his bejeweled floppy cap today in honour of the birthday girl. Yes, loyal minions the dreamy and oh-so-desireable Jennifer Love Hewitt is 27 years old today. The platonic star of your Maximum Leader’s heart (as well as the big screen, small screen, radio, iPod, runway, and red carpet) has gracefully aged another year.

In the Mike World Order this day will be a paid holiday. All shall be commanded to bring forth the finest meats and cheese in all the land and feast. Wine will flow in abundance. And the masses shall be happy…

Of course, if the dreamy Miss Hewitt had no other dinner plans tonight she could give your Maximum Leader a call and he would call in a few favours and be happy to take her out for a fine meal at Picasso in Vegas. (NB to JLH: In order for your Maximum Leader to make this happen he needs a call sorta quickly…) Last time your Maximum Leader ate at Picasso he had a dish with lobster in a champagne cream sauce with tender sauteed veggies. It was light and refreshing. He would recommend it to you. Of course, you are free to get whatever you like. Your Maximum Leader will take care of everything for you.

Of course your Maximum Leader can arrange that all those nasty paparazzi are kept at a distance so as to not spoil your dinner. Or if you prefer your Maximum Leader will let the paparazzi close - but then have their legs broken. You know… For kicks…

But what is your Maximum Leader doing prattleing on about Picasso… You may want to have dinner somewhere else. That’s okay. You just let him know and the arrangements will be made.

You may want to dress up. Of course dressing down is also fine. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t care. He really liked that white suit you wore to the MTV Fashion awards a while back. You might revisit it.

Anyhoo… Your Maximum Leader hopes that Jennifer Love Hewitt has a fabulous 27th. (NB to JLH: Don’t forget to call if you want your Maximum Leader to make plans… The number is on the restraining order at your agent’s office. Heh.)

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, as frequent readers know, has something of a crush on the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt. But there is something very very ery alluring about Scarlett Johansson. So he is sure that his hetro male readers must already have heard about the racy Vanity Fair cover…

No? The one with Keira Knightley and Scarlett posing nude on the front? Really? Well… Your Maximum Leader provides for you below the fold.

He supposes the image is moderately NSFW. And he thanks Brendon for the photo.

Carry on.
(more…)

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, in the few days since this post, has been thinking about the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt. Apparently so has loyal minion, and - ahem - “MILF,” sooper seekrit agent Dead Sexy Sadie.

Of course, to start thinking about the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt is to lose oneself in an endless loop of disturbed fantasy. It is of course all fantasy now because certain naughty bits of imagination ar just that. Imagination. For as of yet something like this is the closest we’ve come to seeing the dreamy Miss Hewitt in the all-together.

Sadie has also pointed out the failed attempts to “jump-start” one’s career via use of the Playboy spread. Sadie is so good to help your Maximum Leader in his work. What work you say? The work of convincing his one true platonic “Love” that Playboy just isn’t right for her. It is just too obvious. It just screams “I’m afraid I’m a has-been before I really ever was.”

Your Maximum Leader has some advice for the object of his faraway affections… Forget Gwyneth Paltrow and think repeat after him. Ready? Here are the words to repeat like a mantra. “Blueberry, Strawberry, Halle Berry.” Yes. Halle Berry. She should be your guide. Not some wacky blonde who professes to love England more than the US and names her kids after fruits.

Halle Berry is the way. Look at her career. It was doing fine but not great. Then she reads for an action picture. The producers want her to show her breasts in a non-love scene. She says sure, but makes them pay through the nose. Next thing you know… Billions of men around the world are buying Swordfish DVDs to practice their freeze frame prowess.

Now Halle has established she can do action films (which you can too Jennifer Love Hewitt - we’ve all seen The Tuxedo). So you have killed two birds with one stone. First off, you are in the lucrative action-film genre. A favourite of young hormonally charged men. And you’ve established that you can show your absolutely heavenly assets for the right role and price.

Look where it took Halle. X-Men, X-Men 2, and Monster’s Ball. As your Maximum Leader recalls… Halle won an Oscar for Monster’s Ball. Your Maximum Leader bets that looking at the Oscar and saying “Make me feel beautiful.” causes her to forget that she had to do that sex scene with Billy Bob Thornton.

So do you see the plan? No Playboy. Action film with topless scene. Then small-budget drama with Oscar potential.

If all that fails just await the MWO. You’ll be very well taken care of then.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure if lamenting or cheering is in order.

He is very conflicted. Very very conflicted…

Conflicted about this. He stated his concerns about this very thing happening over on Dead Sexy Sadie’s site.

Thanks to Victor for the link.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader hopes that the subject line of this post is not off-putting to many of you. There will be no NSFW stuff in this post. Just some links.

Did you know that consuming caffeine might boost a woman’s sex drive? Well… At the least female rats who had more caffeine were also found to want some luvin’ more often than those rats who didn’t get hopped up on caffeine. So, ladies be sure to have some coffee and a few cokes before coming to visit your Maximum Leader. He’ll provide chocolate if that floats your boat.

Guess what else? Having a TV in the bedroom reduces the amount of sex a couple has. Call your Maximum Leader crazy, but that little bit of information seems self-evident. From personal experience your Maximum Leader can verify that when Mrs. Villain watches tv in the bedroom the shows she chooses cause your Maximum Leader to fall asleep. The reverse also appears to be true.

Excursus: For those of you wondering how control of the bedroom remote is determined… It is a first come first serve basis.

According to Barbara Ellen, “no-strings attached” sex is popular again in Britain. Riddle your Maximum Leader this… From a man’s perspective has “no-strings attached” sex ever been unpopular?

Anyhow… There it is… A little sex post. Hope you enjoyed it.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader should mention something…. He thinks he is developing an unhealthy fixation with Lala from Tiki Bar TV. She is quite capitvating. And she lives in his iPod… Along with Dr. Tiki and Johnny Johnny, also of Tiki Bar TV.

Also living in his iPod… The dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Barenaked album. Which he spent an amazing $9.99 for on iTunes… Lucky he used a gift certificate to pay…

Carry on.