Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has had a rough week. Well… That isn’t entirely true. Perhaps there is some hyperbole in there…

Your Maximum Leader needed to spend Monday recovering from his weekend celebrations. He was able to spend the weekend with three of his good friends (The Smallholder, The Minister of Propaganda - erstwhile bloggers in this space - and Polymath). Spending time together requires drinking copious amounts of alcohol, eating the roasted flesh of a huge hog, and “solving the worlds problems.” In many cases the whole “solving the world’s problems” part involves one or more of us determining that Mr/Mrs/Miss So-and-so be “dragged out and shot.” Needless to say… It is safe to keep firearms away from us during this time…

It was funny that the Minister of Propaganda should comment about this blog. He noted that the infrequency of updates over the past few months was “more like letter writing than blogging.” That struck your Maximum Leader as funny and true…

More “letter writing” over the summer one supposes…

Tuesday’s prime bloggy time was spent working out a SERIOUS PROBLEM!!!! VERY SERIOUS!!!!!

Your Maximum Leader’s iPod locked up and just kept flashing the black screen with the silver Apple logo on it over and over again. Since 2005 your Maximum Leader’s iPod has been a rather constant companion. It is his absolutely favorite piece of personal electronics. This was the first time that any malfunction had occurred. Your Maximum Leader couldn’t imagine going ONE FRIGGIN DAY without an iPod. He was so paniced that he contemplated going to Best Buy and buying a new one right before they closed - just in case he couldn’t restore his first.

Your Maximum Leader was able to get his iPod into disk mode and reinstall the OS on it. Then he had to reload all of his content back onto the little black iPod. He was pretty scared for a little bit there… But it is okay now. His iPod has been chugging along all day now and all seems well…

Thank God for small mercies. Like a functioning iPod.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is going to have to call out his friend Mr. FLG. Yes… Call Mr. FLG to task for what your Maximum Leader hopes is a momentary lapse of reason and judgement.

Did you happen to read this recent post from Mr. FLG? Go thee now and read.

Back? Great.

Now your Maximum Leader really doesn’t have a beef with that post until the end. FLG’s favorite holidays: Thanksgiving, Christmas, St. Patty’s Day, Halloween, and Cinco de Mayo.

WTF!!!!!!!

Where the hell is the FOURTH OF JULY!!!!! Cinco Friggin de Mayo makes the list and the FOURTH OF JULY doesn’t?

Allow your Maximum Leader to ennumerate the reasons why the FOURTH OF JULY is the greatest of all American holidays. Pay close attention and we may be able to avoid re-education camps down the road…

1. A time to celebrate the ideas behind the founding of our great republic.
2. Completely secular.
3. No gift-giving required (assuming that you don’t consider the beer you might bring to a party as being a “gift”).
4. Good weather.
5. Bikini-clad hotties.
6. Fireworks.
7. Cook-outs.
8. John Phillip Sousa marches.
9. Drinking.
10. Day off work regardless of when it falls in the week.

(Did your Maximum Leader mention Bikini-clad hotties, cook-outs and exploding shit? Well let him say it again… Bikini-clad hotties, cook-outs and fireworks.)

Your Maximum Leader hopes not to have cover this again with you FLG…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader needs to ask you all to ponder some eternal questions… Here they are…

Who trims the all fat off a corned beef? Really. Who? It isn’t the best part - but it is a damned good part. (Well… Mrs Villain does. She also cuts the corned beef with the grain - which makes no sense. This is why your Maximum Leader tries to keep all meat carving duties to himself.)

Would a hand-job from Kali be really great, or too much?

If your “tween” children start doing chores around the house (like laundry and dusting) without being asked, cajoled or prodded should you just give thanks or start being suspicious about what they might want in return?

What the hell do all these people who protest every time there is a big international summit actually DO when there isn’t a summit going on? If they are anti-capitalists and anti-bank and anti-fossil fuel and pretty much anti-civilization why don’t they just live in a hut in the woods way off the grid and stay there? Did they drive to the protest in their own car? Idiots.

Speaking of corned beef… Why don’t people eat more corned beef? Your Maximum Leader normally has one around St Patricks Day. But then after St Patricks Day he checks out all the grocery stores around until he finds the one really selling them for cheap. Then he buys 4 or 5 to have throughout the spring. It takes stores a while to sell out of corned beef. He doesn’t understand that.

What possesses a person to get a tramp stamp? You can’t see it yourself? Out of sight out of mind? Is it there to provide someone with a little extra visual stimulation while they are sodomizing you? Your Maximum Leader also doesn’t understand those “angel wing tattoos” on shoulder blades. Frankly, he doesn’t understand tattoos.

There you are. Discuss among yourselves.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is pretty sure he is the only blogger out there who can boast (if you can call it a boast) that he has blogged in the third person for going on six years. It is tough sometimes, but he does it because you, dear minion, have come to expect it.

Having said this, he isn’t sure he can keep up the third person blogging today. If he slips in and out of character - well - it happens some times.

First, your Maximum Leader should say that he’s been pretty frustrated with everything going on in political Washington. He is less frustrated by the Democrats than Republicans. What does that mean exactly? Well… It means that the Democrats are behaving much like he thought they would. The Democrats behave as they do and because your Maximum Leader doesn’t agree with their general philosophy of governance their behavior is only mildly annoying. He should throw out there that his annoyance does not keep him from watching in horror as the Democrats wreck havoc on our nation.

If a pollster were to call your Maximum Leader and ask if the President and Congress are leading the country down “the wrong track” or “down the right track” your Maximum Leader would firmly say “wrong track.” He believes the “stimulus” (aka: spending) bill was a pork-laden crock of shit that isn’t going to have the salutary effect that the President has promised. The budget the President has just proposed is even worse than the spending bill just passed.

Your Maximum Leader was, for a little over a month apparently, deferential towards the new President. He wanted to see what President Obama did and how he approached the crisis he’s facing. Your Maximum Leader did this out a (perhaps old skool) notion of “fair play.” Your Maximum Leader felt it was only fair to give give the President a chance to live up to the rhetoric of his campaign. Your Maximum Leader will not go so far as to say that he expected much of the President, but he figured it was best to give the man who handily won the election a chance. You know, elections have consequences and one shouldn’t jump to conclusions. This isn’t to say that your Maximum Leader was in that crowd of (”cough”) conservatives like David Brooks or Christopher Buckley who thought that Obama was a different sort of fellow. (As your Maximum Leader’s friend and erstwhile contributor to this space, the Smallholder will attest. He can’t believe how many times he said on the phone to Smallholder “Just because Obama doesn’t sound like a run of the mill liberal in his book doesn’t mean he isn’t a run of the mill liberal. The book is nothing more than a campaign biography. How many of those have you believed in the past?) Your Maximum Leader was pretty clear that he believed Barack Obama to be a dyed in the wool liberal who was putting on a show with his rhetoric of hopey-changeyness. But, your Maximum Leader is a pretty fair minded guy and that influenced him to try and put aside his preconceptions and see what happened.

Well… The President has demonstrated that he isn’t capable of controlling his party in Congress. The President has demonstrated that neither he nor his “team of almost rivals - and tax evaders” have no judgement concerning beginning a massive new program to nationalize health care in the midst of a major financial crisis. In fact, a sensible person must reasonably charge the President with opportunism and deceptiveness by implying that nationalizing health care is a real step towards improving the national economy. It is a real step towards financial ruin and destruction of our health care system.

Your Maximum Leader grows very weary of the whole “we’ve had no responsibility in Washington for 8 years and it will take time for us to clean things up” line. It is the go-to line for the President, Speaker Pelosi and Senator Reid (and all their cronies). How much longer will that line hold up? Yes, the economic crisis started under George W. Bush. The contributing factors causing the crisis are many and have been brewing for longer than 8 years. Your Maximum Leader’s not sure that Bush’s approach to the crisis was effective or well conceived. That said, essentially we have more of the same from the current administration. Doesn’t more of the same undercut the effectiveness of the whole “we’re just dealing with what they left us?” They aren’t doing anything different - only doing more of the same. Where is the change? Where is the hope? (We certainly haven’t heard much about hope now have we? (It is all going to get much worse before it gets better. At least that is what we’ve been hearing out of the White House.)

Of course, your Maximum Leader can only get but so angry at President Obama. He’s convinced that the President is not driving policy. Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid are driving policy. That is dangerous and bad. It is a little early to seriously throw around the whole “they are turning America into a socialist nation” accusations; but Congressional leaders are showing ever sign that they are turning in that direction. There are serious threats to individual liberty and property in the offing. Your Maxmium Leader can’t remember a more serious swing in the proverbial political pendulum in just a few weeks. Pretty soon we might have to say that President Obama has accomplished more in 100 days than LBJ accomplished in his whole Presidency. Think about that for a second.

Long-time readers of this space know that your Maximum Leader is great believer in divided government and gridlock. Gridlock is the true genius of the American Republic. Our founders knew what they were doing when they split up the branches of government and created political friction at every turn. Although your Maximum Leader isn’t a big Jeffersonian, he does believe that gridlock is the only way we can live up to TJ’s aphorism that the “government that governs best governs least.” Without gridlock our government is hell-bent for leather to actually do something. Your Maximum Leader isn’t fond of our government actually doing something…

One hopes that the Republicans can grow a pair and make some gains in 2010…

Of course, the Republicans are in bad bad shape. Your Maximum Leader’s not sure that they are in post-Watergate shape (although perhaps they are). The party has been gutted by the disasterous Presidency of George W. Bush. Republicans stuck with W through thick and thin. The Republicans got a war in the Middle East. Your Maximum Leader agreed with the starting of that war (for different reasons than those articulated by Bush and his cronies). But the war went south when Bush (and his cronies) screwed the pooch on managing the war. Then the Bushies stuck with a bad war policy for way too long. Republicans also decided to completely forgo any semblance of fiscal responsibility they might have clung to from the by-gone Reagan years. Your Maximum Leader would say that the late Congressional Republican majority spent money like the cliched drunked sailors. Alas, to say that would both insult drunken sailors as well as leave us no reference point against which to compare the current Democratic Congress. It is almost as though money is magic and this spending is an imaginary exercise in whimsy that will have no real consequences.

But your Maximum Leader digresses…

So you have a Republican party that is thought of as a bunch of liars (due to their support of the war), spendthrifts (due to the prescription drug program and allowing earmarks to get out of control among other items), and religious fanatics (from constant press reports and Democratic attacks). That combination isn’t a good one.

Now you have this internicene warfare between people like Michael Steele (the RNC chairman) and Rush Limbaugh (a radio talk show host). This intra-party warfare has been inflamed by Democrats. (And frankly the Democrats should fan the flames as much as they can. In politics, as in UFC matches, when your opponent is down, you kick him.)

Your Maximum Leader isn’t a Rush listener. He listened to Rush regularly in the early ’90s. Back then your Maximum Leader spent more time in the car with the radio on. Your Maximum Leader does recall that he always enjoyed G. Gordon Liddy’s show on WJFK in DC more. There was more talk of guns and heavy-chested hotties on Liddy’s show. Your Maximum Leader stopped listening to Rush Limbaugh one afternoon when Limbaugh made some crack about Chelsea Clinton (then about 11/12 years old) being awkward and ugly. That crossed a line with your Maximum Leader and he didn’t listen to Rush again until about 6 months ago.

From time to time during midday your Maximum Leader finds himself in the Villainmobile and the channel often tuned to the local AM radio station. Rush’s show is on at midday and since radio pretty much sucks in this area he doesn’t change the channel. (Your Maximum Leader has all the stuff to outfit the Villainmobile with XM, but he’s never installed or activated the stuff. Had it all for three years now… How sad is that? Anyhooo…)

Your Maximum Leader heard Rush on the day that he declared (recently) that he wanted Obama to fail. In the context of what Rush was saying, it made sense. If you don’t like the President’s policy proposals and you hope that they do not get enacted then you hope he fails. That is some pretty straight-forward thinking. But people have been getting all in a huff over if.

Among the people getting in a huff about it is new RNC chairman Michael Steele. Steele then says Rush is an entertainer. Steele apologizes to Rush. Democrats paint Rush as the leader of the Republican party. Rush (running with the ball) challenges Obama to a debate about the issues. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah… Yadda… Yadda… Yadda…

You know something? If there was any Republican up there on Capitol Hill out there with “onions in the bag” who could articulate a cogent policy alternative to the President (and Speaker Pelosi and Senator Reid) then that person would be the de facto head of the Republican party.

Apparently no Congressional Republican has a pair and will step up. Not Mitch McConnell. Not Boehner. Not Cantor. So when you don’t have an elected Republican acting “leaderly” it devolves to whomever the Democrats and the press say is the leader of the party. Republicans aren’t in control of their destiny as long as the White House and Congressional Democrats are determining who is the “voice” of the Republican party.

Frankly, your Maximum Leader wishes there were some smart articulate conservatives out there in Congress to raise the level of debate out there. He has always thought that Rush Limbaugh (and Sean Hannity and Michael Levin) are the lowest common denominator of conservatives. Your Maximum Leader didn’t know how to put a fine point on it, but recently he thinks that he found someone else who did put a fine point on it. It was our old pal John Derbyshire who wrote that Rush and other talk show hosts are dumbing down conservatives.

Your Maximum Leader is a bit of an elitist (with probably very little reason to be). But he likes a little more intellectual discussion with his politics. He respects someone who has thought out an opinion and belief. He doesn’t want Rush Limbaugh to be the “voice of conservatism” in America. He much prefered William F. Buckley in that role (God bless him).

But until someone else gets some balls it is Rush as the voice of conservatives and leader of the opposition…

And while the Republicans are backstabbing each other and sniping at who is in charge of what, the Obama/Pelosi/Reid triad will do all they can to reshape America according to their vision.

If that isn’t enough to scare someone into growing balls I’m not sure what is.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wonders how one can feel good about washing one’s hands when the soap dish (in which the soap bar is located) is dirty - or if the pump on the bottle soap is dirty and crusty?

Is your Maximum Leader the only one who keeps dispensers of cleaning materials clean?

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader enjoyed the snow he got last week. Indeed, he enjoyed it a lot; but his villainous offspring loved it. Time off school… Playing in snow… Building a snow-fort…

Yes… They (all the Villainous offspring and a few others in the ‘hood) built two snow-forts out behind the Villainschloss…

Well… Not really snow-forts as much as snow-redoubts.

There wasn’t a lot of snow here so they actually went far and wide to gather more snow. They trudged around with a wheelbarrow and a load of shovels to transport snow to build the fort/redoubts. There were two constructed at opposite ends of the yard. Villainette #1 built on the southern side of the yard. Villainette #2 built on the northern side of the yard. Both of the redoubts were rather wide semi-circles. Thick walls at the bottom becoming narrower towards the top. Standard design really. Your Maximum Leader didn’t pay much attention to the construction of either of the redoubts. He did notice when the fighting was done that Villainette #2’s redoubt seemed a bit larger and more robust.

If only he’d known just how robust at the time…

Now that the snow has melted your Maximum Leader has noticed that there is a nice assortment of firewood in the area where Villanette #2 built her redoubt. The firewood is of a generally uniform size and appears to have been pounded into the ground a little before being covered with snow. When your Maximum Leader asked Villainette #2 about the firewood she said that she had used it to “reinforce the wall.” She apparently cleared ground before building the redoubt. She selected pieces of firewood of roughly the same size and shape from the woodpile. Arranged the wood in a semi-circle. Used another piece of wood to pound her “posts” down. Then she covered the whole lot with snow. When asked why she did this her answer was, “I didn’t want [Villainette #1] and her friends to come by and knock down the wall with their feet like I planned to do to their wall.”

That girl has got promise…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader received an email from a long-time reader… The reader wanted to know when your Maximum Leader wrote a particular post about 10 things the US could do to really make the world hate us…

Well… That post goes back to September 20, 2005. For your reading edification… Here it is reprinted in full…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was in the Villainmobile and chanced to come across some radio program from the Beeb about how the rest of the world views the United States. The real title of the program ought to have been called “More mindless people spouting off about why they hate the US.”

If we make these simple policy changes then, truly, the rest of the world might have a legitimate reason to hate us.

There you have it. Perhaps not as fresh as it was 3 years ago… But one or two of these still brought a smile to your Maximum Leader’s face.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has spent the better part of a few months now listening to and watching various talk shows. He’s heard many conservative pundits and talking heads continuing to lament the fact that for conservatives - or at least “true” conservatives - the Republican Party is not running a conservative candidate. The Republicans, instead, are running John McCain. Your Maximum Leader has grown tired of conservatives wailing in to the night sky “Where is the next Ronald Reagan?”

You know something? Once your Maximum Leader was reading an article about Johnny Depp in some magazine. In the opening of the piece the author quoted some famous actor who said something to the effect of “the next Marlon Brando isn’t going to be anything like the first Marlon Brando.” Your Maximum Leader wants to shake conservatives he meets and say to them that the “next” Ronald Reagan isn’t going to be anything like the first Ronald Reagan.

This is not to say that the next great conservative political leader in this nation isn’t going to share a number of beliefs that were once held by Reagan. But it is to say that the next great conservative political leader isn’t going just spring forth from sea foam off the coast of California (or erupt fully grown from the mind of Zeus - if you prefer a different mythological allusion). The next great conservative leader is going to grow organically and find his (or her) own style.

Having just said that the next great conservative leader isn’t yet upon us, allow your Maximum Leader to vent for a moment about all of the conservative angst over John McCain. If your Maximum Leader may quote the late (great) Barry Goldwater, “Conservatives grow up!” To the admonition to “grow up” your Maximum Leader will add “get over it.” John McCain is an honorable man. He is a man who has for years been a strong conservative on a host of issues. He does have an “independent” streak - but shouldn’t conservatives approve of independent streaks? Are streaks of independence just the types of traits that conservatives have found praisworthy in people like Ronald Reagan (and Barry Goldwater)? Conservatives should look beyond pain-jane doctrinaires and go for someone who is his own man.

And allow your Maximum Leader to be pragmatic for a moment. Of all of the Republicans out there - at this time - John McCain is the only standard bearer the party could have chosen who has a snowballs chance in hell of pulling out a win in November. John McCain is the only possible candidate who could potentially have strong cross-over appeal. He is the only Republican who can adequetely defend himself against charges of being a “typical Washington Republican.” In case you hadn’t been paying close attention, the Republican “brand’ ain’t worth doodly-squat nowadays. Your typical Republican is a big-government, high-spending, perk-loving politician who is only different from a Democrat by scope. The Democrat wants to do everything the Republicans want to do - only more.

This is not to say that John McCain has been the great standard-bearer for small-government, personal liberty, and freedom. He’s been good on those issues, but in many ways John McCain is more in tune with Americans now than many others in his party. This may not please the more “orthodox” conservatives. But pleasing conservatives doesn’t win elections. Your Maximum Leader once was filled with admiration for people who would rather stand on principle and fail than give up their principles and win. That was a long time ago when your Maximum Leader was younger and less wise. Now your Maximum Leader knows that in politics winning is everything. Politics is compromise. Politics on the national stage is all about how much you can get of what you want. (NB: BTW, your Maximum Leader still has piles of admiration for people who do stand on principle in a host of fields - like religion, ethics, etc.) Conservatives who are willing to lose in 2008 on principle are playing a dangerous game.

Allow your Maximum Leader to admonish conservatives who believe that an Obama presidency will be a good thing for the “conservative movement.” You are hoping that lightning will strike twice. The thinking behind this (misguided) belief is that without Jimmy Carter there would be no Ronald Reagan. That certainly was the case in 1980. But one shouldn’t bet the farm (or in this case the whole country) on the hope that the confluence of events that set the stage for Reagan in 1980 can be recreated for some unnamed conservative in 2012.

Your Maximum Leader hopes that conservatives recognize that supporting John McCain and trying to win in 2008 is the only way to advance the “conservative movement.” Four years of European-style socialist government from Obama and a Democratic Congress will not be easily undone.

Just quit whining and get behind McCain. It is the best choice you have available right now.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader kept a small pad with him during his recent trip to Las Vegas. The purpose of this pad was to jot down random thoughts he had that might make a good blog post. Now, he’s just decided that the jottings themselves will be come the blog post… Here we go…

Ugly women with big fake boobs. There are many of them in Vegas.

Neon gives one’s skin an unhealthy look at night.

The Bellagio is showing it’s age. Although only 10 years old, it could use new carpets, fresh paint, and new upholstrey.

The casino ceiling in Mandalay Bay is too high to be comfortable - but probably helps in dispersing cigarette smoke.

Ashley Dupre is hot. But, she has a small tattoo that is distracting.

Eliot Spitzer isn’t going to be gettin’ any for a while… Even if he tries to pay for it.

There are many better things to do with $80 large.

Okay… Maybe there are a few things better to do with $80 large.

Drunk guys playing blackjack near you isn’t much fun if they are loud and obnoxious.

Foie Gras is sooooo damned tasty…

Foie Gras and bacon is damned close to heaven on a plate.

Is creme brulee out of fashion? You can’t find it anywhere.

Smoked salmon, capers, cream cheese, and red onion on a salt bagel is a good way to start your morning.

The Wynn is cool.

How much water does Vegas have? Is there really a future there?

Cab drivers in Vegas are more chatty than in other cities.

Why is it that although I’ve been staying up until midnight or 1 am, I can’t sleep past 5am?

Ceasar’s casino is better than Bellagio’s because they don’t use shuffling machines.

$5/hand single deck blackjack is fun.

Ben Bernake has the toughest job in the world right now.

I didn’t understand Keno until a waitress explained it to me. After understanding how it works, I find myself wagering $10 on six numbers for 5 games over breakfast. Is that the sign of a problem?

Barry Manilow doesn’t look 64.

Penn & Teller rock.

I don’t like eating at the Palms. The restaurants are okay, but priced like they are superb.

There are many hawt young things at the Palms.

Since I don’t like eating at the Palms, and I’m not big into the night life, is there a reason for me to go to the Palms ever again? Probably not.

I’m glad I bought new sneaks at Niketown. Walking everywhere is killing me.

These new sneaks are Da Bomb.

Sports books are fun, even if you don’t bet.

Putting $2 on Georgetown to win the whole deal… UNC and Kansas be damned!

Haven’t seen one person in the whole city wearing apparel of a sports team I give a damn about…

For your money, a Bentley is a better ride than a Maybach. The difference is the leather.

Sadly, I missed the all you can eat sushi at some place near the Hard Rock. I also didn’t go to Nobu - again… Damn…

Lobster omlettes seem just a little indulgent for breakfast. Just a little…

Saw Pete Rose in a memorabilia shop at Ceasar’s. He looked pathetic. I wasn’t going to spend $100 to get a signed ball and photo. Damn Pete Rose. Lousy bastard.

Glad to be going home…

There you have the thoughts… Some not even in third person…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wonders if anyone in America still has a working coal fired furnace in their home. Further, your Maximum Leader wonders if anyone has a coal stove in their home anymore.

When your Maximum Leader was very young he remember a neighbour having a small coal-fired stove in their parlor. He remembers the hissing sound the burning coal made. He also remembers the room as being very very warm. He can visualize the bucket of coal next to the stove and the small shovel hanging on the side of the bucket.

He remembers the coal as being very comforting.

So… Does anyone out there use coal to heat their house any more?

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has had a post about “the media” festering in his brain for a while now. He has, until now, been overtaken by events and not able to get out his thoughts. But yesterday, Howard Kurtz’s Media Notes column in the Washington Post caused him to resolve to actually sit down and write out the post.

In case you missed the Kurtz piece, here is the link. Here are some salient points from the piece:

To a striking degree, the candidates are picking their spots, carefully choosing which media operations they will court and which they will ignore. That leaves some of them preaching to the political choir, but also shields them from especially aggressive questioning.

The new media order has been spawned by a 500-channel universe and a polarized climate in which news organizations are increasingly viewed, fairly or unfairly, as leaning to one side or the other. And with a cornucopia of choices, politicians tend to gravitate toward what they see as friendly arenas.

[…]

The Democratic candidates, meanwhile, have refused to debate on Fox News, even for an event co-sponsored by the Congressional Black Caucus. In the last nine days, however, they were happy to face off before liberal bloggers at a convention staged by the Web site Daily Kos; at an event co-sponsored by Logo, a gay-themed network operated by MTV; and at an MSNBC debate moderated by Keith Olbermann, one of President Bush’s fiercest critics.

“Republicans like Fox because it plays to their primary voting constituency, and Democrats like to boycott Fox because it brings cheap applause from their primary voting constituency,” says Mike Murphy, a GOP strategist and occasional panelist on NBC’s “Meet the Press.” “The Democrats make a mistake by boycotting Fox, because they’re going to need red states to win. And Fred Thompson makes a mistake by communicating only through the medium of Sean Hannity.”

[…]

The new approach is reminiscent of the 1992 campaign, when it was considered radical for presidential candidates to go on MTV, Larry King and Arsenio Hall, and there was much teeth-gnashing about the bypassing of the traditional media. But eventually the candidates had to deal with the major news programs, and that will undoubtedly happen this season as well.

In the meantime, staying on safe ground not only prevents the candidates from reaching a broader audience, it deprives them of the chance to develop their reflexes by swinging at fastballs.

The emphasis on that last line was added by your Maximum Leader.

Let your Maximum Leader state a few things up front. He has not watched more than two minutes of any of the candidate’s “debates” live. He has only seen the sound bites played on major news outlets the day after. He has seen some of the candidates interviewed on various channels. (Almost always the “Today” show or something on Fox News.) In case you didn’t know, your Maximum Leader believes that campaigning more than 1 year before the election is unseemly. (Excursus: Although your Maximum Leader is not a big fan of such laws, he would support a law that prevents people from raising or spending money in pursuit of the office of President of the United States before the September/October the year before the general election. And while he is engaging in a little excursus, campaigning is — in general — pretty unseemly.) He is deliberately doing what he can to avoid paying attention to what the candidates are saying or doing at this point. Okay… That is out there… Now to move on…

Are your Maximum Leader and Newt Gingrich the only people in America who think that these “debates” insult the intelligence of every vaguely sentient American? Really? This is a serious question. What the hell are we supposed to learn from these “debates?” Nothing that is what. Having all those candidates (regardless of party) trot out on a stage, stand behind a podium, and patiently wait their turn to speak is an exercise in futility. Actually, the exercise is for the candidates, who have to learn to stand still behind a podium for long periods of time without seeming fidgety. And we all know how important it is that our Presidents aren’t fidgety. Not being fidgety is right up there after an understanding of foreign affairs, a rudimentary understanding of economics, being tall and having even teeth in terms of qualifications for the office. Your Maximum Leader thinks that all those things are in the Twenty-second or Twenty-fifth Amendment, but he isn’t sure which one.

These “debates,” frankly, should offend every American. This “debate” format doesn’t even pretend to be educational or elucidating. The candidates are asked a softball question by a friendly moderator (or friendly union member, or friendly “regular American” posting on You Tube) and then given a few seconds during which time they can recite a talking point off their campaign web site. It disgusts your Maximum Leader and if you have half a brain it should disgust you too.

Your Maximum Leader thinks that these moronic testaments to mediocrity should be abandoned as rapidly as possible. They should be replaced by candidates debating a single thoughtful question. Here is your Maximum Leader’s plan… The candidates are paired off in a series of Lincoln-Douglas style debates. Each debate would have a single theme. Each candidate would be be allowed a 30 minute explanation of their position and plan on the theme. Then each candidate would have a (30 minute) chance to rebut whatever the other candidate said. If a candidate didn’t want to participate in these debates they would have to drop out of the race and donate any money they raised to a charity (the name of which would be drawn from a hat).

Of course, no candidate would agree to this debate format. Do you know why? Because not a single candidate out there could actually string together a cogent 30 minute statement on a single topic. Can you imagine Hillary Clinton, Barak Obama, Mitt Romney, or Rudy Guiliani speaking on their plan for Iraq for a full 30 minutes? Your Maximum Leader can’t. Well, that isn’t exactly true. He can imagine them speaking in platitudes and obfuscations for 20 minutes and rephrasing the sound bite of their position on Iraq for 10 minutes. He can’t imagine them starting off with their own assesment of the situation in Iraq then moving to a point by point analysis of what they would do to “solve” Iraq if they were elected.

Do you know a second reason why no candidate would agree to this debate format? Because they know no one would broadcast it. And now loyal minions, your Maximum Leader actually reaches the point at which he wanted to begin. He claimed to have this festering rant against “the media” at the beginning of this post, but up to this point he’s just been bloviating about the “debates.”

Your Maximum Leader has come to believe that the major television news outlets are largely responsible for the dumbing down of the political awareness of the typical American. He blames all of the major news outlets equally. Insofar as your Maximum Leader is concerned it is a pick ‘em. NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN, Fox News are all equally bad. They have all sunk to the same level. That level is that they will provide continuous coverage to an Los Angeles car chase that lasts 90 minutes, but they will not give a reporter 90 minutes to provide a serious analysis of an issue facing our nation.

Now you may say to yourself, “Self, my Maximum Leader must be wrong. There are hour-long programs with knowledgeable people discussing issues on those news channels.” Well… Take a moment to actually watch one of those programs. They are hour-long certainly. But that hour is filled with 30 two-minute segments in which agitated nitwits pontificate as rapidly as possible to “make their point” before the pompous moderator cuts them off.

And we wonder what happened to our national attention span.

Okay… “We” don’t wonder all that often about our national attention span. Your Maximum Leader wonders about it. He seems to remember that the “attention span” of your typical American was 20 minutes at some point in the 1970s; but only about 7 minutes by the late 1990s. Alas, he can’t find a good comparative analysis by a reputable scientific source after Googling for about 5 minutes. (Heh… The irony is lost on him by the way.)

Your Maximum Leader suspects that Americans started to lose their ability to pay attention to anything about the same time CNN launched Headline News. You see, before Headline News you had to watch hours of CNN before you got to the “main” news stories of the day. CNN was, at the time, filled with lengthy reports on all manner of subjects. (They even devoted time — hours of time — to news that was important in other countries. You know, those places that aren’t America…) At some point the geniuses at CNN decided that it would be neat to have a channel that just repeated the same news over and over again every thirty minutes. They would devote particular segments of that 30 minutes to “hard news” and “sports” and two minutes to Jeanne Moos. That way a busy American would only have to watch 30 minutes of CNN to know everything they needed to know about what was going on in the world.

Unfortunately… Soon there came tickers, and crawls at the bottom of the screen. Then slowly all TV news became processed so that the story could be told quickly. (Excursus: Some of you might be thinking at this point “Hey the “network” evening news programs have always been 30 minutes long… So this isn’t a big change.” To this your Maximum Leader says that in the “glory days” of network news people actually read newspapers. Your Maximum Leader believes that readers of newspapers generally have longer attention spans and better understanding of just about anything…)

Your Maximum Leader would like to see a serious news channel start up. A real serious one. One that only shows in depth reports. One that doesn’t have crapulent commentators with purple faces yelling at one another. One that actually takes the time to research a story from mulitple angles so that a viewer might actually come away from a piece actually knowing something…

Then again… This is a blog you’re reading. One that isn’t known (at least lately) for lengthy exposition on particular subjects. (Heh. The irony is not lost on your Maximum Leader. We can’t all be Mr. Poulos afterall.) Odds are that if you are still reading this you likely do have an attention span longer than your typical American… Unless you were just skimming for the familiar closing words of

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader knows a few techie types who will be rushing out on June 29th to get themselves a new iPhone.

Your Maximum Leader will not be one of them.

He just go himself a new Motorola Razr. He is replacing the first generation Razr he got when they first came out. Which brings him to a little rant…

Your Maximum Leader’s old Razr worked just fine. He got a software upgrade on it and everything just seemed to be peachy with it. Then it started getting to the point where his Razr’s battery wouldn’t hold a charge. He could hardly get 20 minutes of talk out of his cell phone on a full charge.

Now… Please know that your Maximum Leader fully understands how and why batteries (rechargeable batteries) wear out. He knows it happens. And he wasn’t surprised that his Razr’s battery started to give up the proverbial ghost after 2.5 years of heavy use.

The part that pisses off your Maximum Leader was that when he went to AT&T (or Cingular - or whatever synergistic name they happen to have now…) to buy a new battery he was informed that a replacement battery was $55. He was also informed that with a 2 year service commitment a brand new Razr (that would get some sort of TV streaming stuff) was only $50.

Talk about a waste. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t consider himself an “environmentalist” but he knows that making and disposing of batteries is about a dirty a business as you can have. So it seems particularly egreigous that the phone makers and resellers would price it out so that new phones are “more economical” than new batteries. It seems very wrong on one level.

At any rate… Your Maximum Leader will not be getting an iPhone… He’s going to be enjoying his Razr until the battery can’t hold a charge…

Carry on.

From today’s Washington Post:

During that spree, police spent three minutes rushing to the building and then about five minutes carrying out the complicated process of breaking through the building’s doors, which Seung-Hui Cho had chained.

A timeline of Cho’s morning and the final moments of his life emerged Wednesday during a news conference by police who are still struggling to figure out why the 23-year-old student carried out the rampage.

The five minutes police spent breaking into the building proved to be crucial as Cho moved through Norris Hall unimpeded, with police locked out.

Authorities eventually blew their way into the building, and as they began to rush toward the gunfire on the second floor, Cho put a bullet through his head and died, surrounded by his victims.

State police spokeswoman Corinne Geller praised the officers’ response time, noting that had police simply rushed into the building without a plan, many would have likely died right along with the staff and students. She said officers needed to assemble the proper team, clear the area and then break through the doors.

“If you go in with your backs turned, you’re never going back,” Geller said. “There’s got to be some sort of organization.”

People are second-guessing many decisions that happened at Tech. To a large extent, many of the criticisms of the Tech Administration are monday-mornign quarterbacking driven by people’s grief-fueled need to assign blame. However, the idea that Police took five minutes on the scene to get organized is galling.

Why did they have to go through the doors? Were there no first floor windows they could break into? I don’t know the layout of the building, but one assumes there were alternate entrances availble to highly motivated rescuers.

If I was a cop, I cannot imagine wiating five minutes while ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY rounds were fired. Screw waiting for organization/blowing the doors. I’m going in the window.

Cho evidently killed himself when he heard the cops running up the stairs. Imagine if they had arrived four minutes earlier. How many people would still be alive.

Since my former student was in the last room Cho entered, you can be damn sure that Heidi wouldn’t have taken three rounds.

The police were too cautious. If a crime is ongoing, the first objective should be to put the shooter down.

I’m told Heidi is doing better.

In class, she was a pleasant, hard working kid who got the highest score possible scoreon the AP test. She was hard-working and unfailingly polite. She was a quiet kid, but I recall her mischevious grin when she was up to mild mischief.

It boggles my mind that a kid who always did the right thing could end up in the middle of something like the Tech shooting.

Our local paper devotes a portion of the editorial page to “Quotable Quotes.” In today’s paper, two of the selections were:

“I have no purpose, directly or indirectly, to interfere with the institution of slavery in the states where it exists. I believe I have no lawful right to do so, and I have no inclination to do so.” - Abraham Lincoln

“We have already lost all but our honor by the last war, and I must say, that in order to be men we must protect our honor at all hazards and we must protect our wives, our homes, and our families.” - Nathan Bedford Forrest

Your humble Smallholder almost had an aneurism. What are the odds that they’ll print my letter to the editor?

Dear Sirs,

The “Quotable” section from March 29’s paring of quotes from Abraham Lincoln and Nathan Bedford Forrest was astounding. Both are actual quotes, but when combined together they cast doubt on the DNR editorial staff’s collective judgment.
The Lincoln quote in which he claims no desire to interfere with slavery where it exists should have been placed in the context of Lincoln’s wartime maneuvers to keep the border states in the Union. Politicians routinely tailor their comments to their audiences and a wise man looks at a politician’s actions rather than his words to determine the politician’s true intent. Lincoln did end slavery, so one ought to take quotes like the one you published with a grain of salt. However, since folks who want to deny that slavery was the cause of the Civil War have popularized Honest Abe’s quote in public discourse, it is possible that the selection of the uncontextualized quote was the product of ignorance and not malevolence.
Unfortunately, the DNR opens itself to the charge of racist malevolence when the Lincoln quote is then paired with Nathan Bedford Forrest’s statement about the mission of the Ku Klux Klan. When Forrest lamented that the South had lost “all but our honor,” he was talking about the collapse of slavery and the loss of white supremacy. When he promoted the protection of “our wives, our homes, and our families,” he believed that the protection required the maintenance of white superiority through terrorism and murder.
If the DNR staff is aware of Forrest’s role in the emergence of the Klan as an instrument of white superiority, choosing to quote this monster is indefensible.
If the DNR editorial staff was unaware of Forrest’s racial atrocities, their lamentable ignorance of basic elements of American history undermines the credibility of the DNR’s editorial analysis.

Sincerely,

Smallholder