Uh… Ok. Someone needs to tell this to my wife.

Not really the result I expected, but not really surprising. I didn’t answer any questions about belief in God with a negative in the quiz, though, leading me to question the way results are calculated. For the record, i don’t consider myself an atheist.

I’m surprised Islam ranks so high. I clicked on “Strongly disagree” on the questions related to martyrdom, blowing up cars, and burqua’s.

You scored as atheism. You are… an atheist, though you probably already knew this. Also, you probably have several people praying daily for your soul. Instead of simply being “nonreligious,” atheists strongly believe in the lack of existence of a higher being, or God. atheism 79% agnosticism 79% Islam 67% Satanism 63% Buddhism 50% Judaism 50% Paganism 46% Hinduism 29% Christianity 21% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is beginning to feel better after his viral bout of the past few days. But there are other headaches troubling him now. This has not been a good fortnight. (But Sadie at Fist Full of Fortnights is always delightful…) Anyho…

Now your Maximum Leader (except for that whole Mike World Order thingie) is just as patriotic as the next American. And perhaps he is more patriotic than some Americans. But one issue on which many patirotic Americans differ with your Maximum Leader is the issue of an Amendment to the United States Constitution to outlaw burning of the American flag. Every time the issue comes up in the House of Representatives your Maximum Leader cringes. Why? Why? Why? Must we continually revisit this tired, useless proposal year after year. And why, when we have many more serious issues facing our Republic, must our elected representatives continue to waste time passing said Amendments?

Think of the time. Committee Hearings. Three Readings on the Floor of the House. Floor debate. Printing and Reprinting of the Amendment in the Congressional Record. 435 House members salaries. Their Staff’s salaries. Congressional Support Staff Salaries. All used to push through an Amendment that will likely fail in the Senate. And if not there, surely fail to be ratified by the requisite number of States.

And you know… Let your Maximum Leader pull out that old canard argument about disposing of old, threadworn flags. You are supposed to burn them (with respect) to dispose of them. How does an Amendment address that? Are we going to have a special landfill for old US Flags.

Your Maximum Leader loves our flag. (Although he would make some stylistic changes if he could.) He respects the flag and the ideals it stands for. He would never burn or desecrate it to make a public protest (or private protest) statement. But don’t we have better things to do?

Your Maximum Leader would prefer that Congress do nothing (indeed, that is his avowed position on most policy) than pass bad laws or Amendments.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been puking sick the past few days. It seems whatever viral fate befell the Villainettes last week has now befallen your Maximum Leader. This has made thinking of a witty and engaging post for the weekly Men’s Club/Diva’s post very hard… So if it appears as though your Maximum Leader is just “phoning in” this entry it is because he is…

When your Maximum Leader first thought of the whole topic of lies you might tell your significant other he was stymied. You see, your Maximum Leader doesn’t lie to Mrs. Villain. Honesty is a foundation stone of our relationship. And this is the way it is supposed to be. One shouldn’t tell lies to your spouse. It can only end badly. This is not to say that your Maximum Leader doesn’t, from time to time, withhold the whole truth from Mrs. Villain. He has on occasion. But he will not lie to her.

But then your Maximum Leader’s mind turned to dating and romance. What lies are told in the winning of booty? Should lies be told while you are pitching woo? Of course, your Maximum Leader’s classically liberal education caused him to think of the Sun Tzu of love, Ovid. Surely Ovid, that great Roman Poet and dispenser of advice in the matter of love, had something to say about lying. Ovid didn’t disappoint. Here is a passage from The Art of Love:

Don’t be shy of making promises; women are fair game
For promise-makers; invoke any god you care to name
To witness your oath. Jupiter from above
Smiles on the perjuries of men in love
And bids the Aeolian winds shred them in air.
He himself would often swear
To Juno with a hollow
“By the Styx!,” and now he favours all who would follow
His bad example. That gods should exist
Is expedient; let us therefore not resist
Belief in them; let incense and wine be given
On their ancient hearths, for the ones in heaven
Don’t loll about in a sort of half-sleep,
They’re everywhere; so live virtuously, keep
Safe and return loans; honour your bond, eschew
Fraud, and have nothing to do
With bloodshed. A wise man will cheat
No one but women - it’s not a risky feat,
And only here there’s a kind of duty in deceit.
Deceive the decievers! Since for the most part
They fib, let them fall, snared by their own art!

So the great Ovid suggests that while reputable men should avoid bloodshed and fraud, and men should try to be virtuous; all bets are off when it comes to wooing. Indeed, oaths sworn to “get some” aren’t really binding.

Perhaps, like Jupiter, we (men that is) just can’t help it. When single and on the prowl, we just can’t restrain ourselves. It is like the testosterone shuts down the virtuous portions of our brain. We are prone to blurt out things like, “You know I love you baby.” and “You’re the only girl for me baby.” just because our overarching desire to plant our seed overwhelms us.

Then again, there are the games women play with men. Knowing men are weak when faced with the prospect of fornication, women play this to their advantage. They can try to manipulate and manoever men to do what they want. Is this a form of lying or deceit? Probably. But, it is part of the game that is played by both sides in this little war of love.

So how to we overcome our base natures to move on to a more matre relationship? Your Maximum Leader isn’t too sure of that. He knew from the beginning that Mrs. Villain wasn’t like other women he dated. So he started off being honest and forthcoming.

This is not to say that your Maximum Leader was a lying bastard before Mrs. Villain. He wasn’t. But he might have pretended to be a little more earnest, or a little more interested, or a little more devoted than he in fact was. He wasn’t all bad. Indeed, he was behaving no worse than did Jupiter. If he could have appeared as a shower of gold or a swan to better his chances, he would have. (Although a woman who would allow a swan to have sex with her is not the type of girl your Maximum Leader would be interested in…)

Check out the other members of the Men’s Club: Puffy, the Wizard, and Phin. Or if you would like the ladies’ take on this subject, check out the Divas: Chrissy , Sadie , Kathy, Twisty and Silk.

Carry on.

I took both quizzes and discovered that my sexual style is “emergent/postmodern,” while my religious orientation is “wet.”

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That was interesting

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God’s grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists. Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 89% Reformed Evangelical 75% Fundamentalist 75% Neo orthodox 68% Charismatic/Pentecostal 64% Emergent/Postmodern 54% Classical Liberal 25% Modern Liberal 25% Roman Catholic 21% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

Jackfest is only abut a month away! Can’t wait!

back to the trenches

Because I don’t want him to get in trouble and I know he hasn’t been posting for a while, I’ve gone ahead and acquired the “Sexual Style” quiz results for Smallholder:

Believe.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that his good Minister of Propaganda has found another quiz… Here are your Maximum Leader’s results.

What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com

Carry on.

Now that’s what I’m talking about!

Believe.

Apparently there’s a segment of modern christainity to accommodate even me:

You scored as Modern Liberal. You are a Modern Liberal. Science and historical study have shown so much of the Bible to be unreliable and that conservative faith has made Jesus out to be a much bigger deal than he actually was. Discipleship involves continuing to preach and practice Jesus’ measure of love and acceptance, and dogma is not important in today’s world. You are influenced by thinkers like Bultmann and Bishop Spong. Emergent/Postmodern 79% Modern Liberal 79% Classical Liberal 64% Neo orthodox 29% Reformed Evangelical 21% Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 21% Roman Catholic 14% Charismatic/Pentecostal 14% Fundamentalist 0% What's your theological worldview? createdwith QuizFarm.com

Nah, just kidding — the quiz assumes a belief in God, whereas I’d probably be considered more of a ‘modern liberal atheist.’ I do love the quizes, however.

Believe.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader found an interesting quiz over at TexasBestGrok. (Where he was visiting to vote for Mrs. Incredible.)

Results follow:

You scored as Classical Liberal. You are a classical liberal. You are sceptical about much of the historicity of the Bible, and the most important thing Jesus has done is to set us a good moral example that we are to follow. Doctrines like the trinity and the incarnation are speculative and not really important, and in the face of science and philosophy the surest way we can be certain about God is by our inner awareness of him. Discipleship is expressed by good moral behaviour, but inward religious feeling is most important. Classical Liberal 79% Modern Liberal 71% Emergent/Postmodern 64% Roman Catholic 61% Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 57% Neo orthodox 46% Reformed Evangelical 25% Charismatic/Pentecostal 21% Fundamentalist 11% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

Nothing earth-shattering here. But the questions were interesting.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that the whole Jennifer Wilbanks story will not die. And, because it requires so little mental effort on his part to write a blog post about this subject, he will jump on the bandwagon of continuing commenters.

Your Maximum Leader reads that Jennifer Wilbanks (aka: The Runaway Bride) may get movie deal.

Well, your Maximum Leader certainly hopes she will. Why do you ask? First off, so she can buy a damned bra that fits properly. The second attibute (after her deer-in-the-headlights look) he noticed in that news footage of Ms. Wilbanks walking in (and subsequently out) of the courthouse was her chest. (Your Maximum Leader is a man… What can he do?) What the hell was her lawyer thinking by having her wear that suit thingie with a white tee shirt. And if you looked at the white tee shirt you would see the bra line. And right above the bra line you saw that uncomfortable little bulge of breast-barely-restrained-by-bra.

Now, some of you may want to call your Maximum Leader crazy for this… But he finds ill-fitting bras something of a turn off. This stands in stark contrast to his love of panty-lines. (Your Maximum Leader is great and contains multitudes…) Don’t misunderstand him here… He likes heaving breasts just as much as (and possiblymore than) the next guy. But there is something about a white tee shirt and a small bra, especially when going to a court appearance, that strikes your Maximum Leader as wrong.

Of course, if she was wearing a Naked Villainy t-shirt, your Maximum Leader might change his tune about the small bra thing.

Your Maximum Leader also wonders about the movie… What story is there to tell? Mixed up girl gets cold feet before big wedding and splits. There is no story in that.

Now if some pornographer bought the story… Then there is a movie there. Really now, if you read the statement Wilbanks made to the FBI you can tell there is a porn film in that (fake) story. The (fake) story would have to be filmed. There is girl on girl and girl/girl/boy action going on there… They could do it in a dream sequence…

Anyho… If there is a movie, your Maximum Leader will not run out and see it.

He will not even wait for the DVD…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader thanks all of you who sent him birthday greetings. He will especially single out the Big Hominid for re-running one of his favourite posts ever. (Hey! That doesn’t look like your Maximum Leader’s sainted mother… NB to the Big Hominid: Your Trafalgar post was quite good, and yet another sign that you can never predict what you might read on your blog.)

Your Maximum Leader would also like to thank Sadie, Bill, Witnit, Annika, Mr. & Mrs. P, and Phin for their tributes. (NB to Phin: Your e-card (aka: booty gram) didn’t open correctly… But your Maximum Leader followed the links and saw the choices (NSFW). Any of them would have been great. Also, thanks for the dwarfette photo on the blog. Magic of the movies and all… Heh.)

Also, your Maximum Leader would like to thank Buckethead, Minion Molly, and our own Minister of Propganda for their kind e-mails.

Your Maximum Leader thanks reader Elaine for sending the birthday wishes and a photo of yourself in the… all-together as it were… Minions baring all for your Maximum Leader is greatly appreciated….

What?

Oh… That last one from Elaine might be spam… Regardless…

For the record, your Maximum Leader had a positively shitty day yesterday. He finally did log into the PC around 11pm and read the kind birthday wishes before he retired for the evening. One could say it was, in fact, the high point of the day.

Your Maximum Leader hopes to post more tomorrow or over the weekend. Perhaps he’ll just waste away playing games and trying to save the Republic and the Jedi Order.

Carry on.

Okay, a little late, I know, but I finally saw Star Wars III last night.

Spoiler alert: It sucked.

Everyone reviewing this movie has been brainwashed by the magic of low expectations. “Better than the first two” is not a ringing endorsement, particularly when the first two were the lowest pieces of sequel crap foisted upon an eager public since ‘Highlander: The Quickening.” Nevermind the dialogue, which of course is bad. The action sequences and overall plot don’t make a lick of sense.

Sure, everything is left “just right” for the real Star Wars, “A New Hope” — but where’s the challenge in that? George Lucas probably stuck episode IV in the DVD player and took notes. And while every other transition suggests a great deal of action and plot development between movies, everything between episodes III and IV is set up and left in the freezer, nevermind that it’s at least 16 years between the two movies. I wanted to cry seeing how eager Lucas was to zip the movies up so tight. Is it really necessary for us to melt the Emperor’s face so he looks now the way he’s going to look in ‘Return of the Jedi?’ C’mon now!

Additionally, I just don’t believe a single element of the transition. Obi Wan drops Luke off and just disappears into the desert? Yoda, the greatest fighter and leader the Jedi’s have ever known, goes into hiding for almost two decades on the off-chance that this little kid, abandoned on a desert planet, is going to come around again and save everyone? What a couple of assholes.

And Chewbacca? WTF?!! Why is he even in this movie? I’m surprised Luke and Han weren’t playmates in the nursery.

George Lucas may be rich, but his movies suck. I told better stories with my action figures when I was ten. Seriously.

Believe.

I’ve posted my birthday tribute to Mike the Maximum Leader over on my blog (see here), but instead of re-posting the raunchy, not-work-safe photo here, I’ll simply wish the old boy a happy 36th birthday and let him get back to plucking his pubes.

My minions love me… (ploink)
They love me not… (ploink)

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