I hope I didn’t screw anything up.

Believe.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that the lovely Annika has a neat poll question up on her blog. (It is there on the left side nav bar. In black with purple-ish lettering.) The question is: If Lara Croft and Beatrix Kiddo were given orders to kill each other who would win?

Well… Beatrix Kiddo of course.

Alas, some of the voters don’t seem to agree. So go and vote for Kiddo!

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader went and took that MIT weblog survey you may have seen links to around. Want proof?

If you are a blogger and haven’t taken the survey, you might want to.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader reads that Shelby Foote has died.

Your Maximum Leader, a student of history, has never been a particular fan of the US Civil War. But he has always been a fan of Shelby Foote. Your Maximum Leader picked up (years ago) in a second-hand bookstore a copy of “The Stars in their Courses.” That small book is the republished chapters on Gettysburg from Foote’s masterpiece “The Civil War: A Narrative.” Your Maximum Leader was so taken by Foote’s style and flowing prose that he went out and read all three volumes of “The Civil War.” Since then, no other writing on that period will ever do for your Maximum Leader.

Your Maximum Leader also remembers a 3 hour interview with Foote conducted by Brian Lamb of C-Span a number of years ago. Your Maximum Leader watched the whole thing live. Foote was elevated to a much high plane for your Maximum Leader that day. What a thoughtful and learned man. Your Maximum Leader wanted to meet Shelby Foote and shake his hand. Alas, that will not happen.

Shelby Foote, resquiscat in pace.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader presents his latest batch of silly quiz results (this quiz found at Club Mercutio):

Apparently your Maximum Leader is a Paranoid/Schizophrenic Narcissist with OCD. Like that is news…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is very anxious to hear what the impact of today’s testimony by various bloggers before the FEC will be. Today some bloggers will be up fighting against proposed FEC regulations concerning blogs. If you haven’t been keeping up with this story, your Maximum Leader will recommend this page which is a subdomain of Red State.org.

Frankly your Maximum Leader doesn’t see how a blog is much different than a private broadsheet o the 18th century. What you see is what you get. Campaigns paying political fellow-traveller bloggers to write flattering stuff on their behalf is about as stupid a thing as your Maximum Leader has ever thought of. (Like the Kerry Campaign - or other Democrat-affiliated campaign paying Kos last year.) Whereas paying an non-like-minded blogger to write flattering stuff about your campaign is completely friggin brilliant. (Yet untried…)

(Super-duper Sekrit Message to Senator Hillary R. Clinton and her staff: Your Maximum Leader, while not cheap, is surprisingly affordable. You’ve already got the Minister of Propaganda in your pocket. And your Maximum Leader is sure that for a “farm concession” in the Finger Lakes area of New York the Smallholder could be bought too.)

Your Maximum Leader hopes, but does not expect, the FEC does not promulagate new regulations concerning blogs. Indeed, he figures that some regulation is inevitable. One can only hope that some wacky threshhold is set below which blogs will be unregulated. Say $25,000. So if you get less than $25,000 from political organizations to write blogs, then you would be unregulated…

Once the Government gets it in its collective mind to regulate something they are as single-minded as the Wee Villain when he spies a cookie on the table. Your Maximum Leader thinks that expecting the FEC to not create regulations is foolhearty. (Foolhearty… Heh… Just like your Maximum Leader’s (former) belief that private land could only be absconded with by the Government for a legitimate public purpose.) One can only hope that the regulations are as limited as possible.

Carry on.

This week, the Men’s Club and the Demystifying Divas are posting on the subject of movies, specifically the negotiations involved in choosing whether to see a chick flick or a guy film when on a date. As some minions may know, I live in Los Angeles and I work in the Industry, so movies are a big part of my life. I love going to the theater, sitting down with some choice refreshments (small popcorn, cherry coke, and a movie-style box of ‘bunch of crunch’), and watching a film on the big screen. I love it so much that, when I’m not working, I’ll probably see three or four movies a week — several screenings without any company at all. Plus I can take a tax write-off for ‘business research,’ which makes the experience even sweeter.

Coincidentally, I also love going on dates. So taking a nice lady to the movie theater is something I do on a fairly regular basis. However, there are certain movies I don’t ever want to see, no matter the tax benefits, and avoiding these films when in the romantic company of a lady demands a little forethought. Be aware that if you reach the point where you’re negotiating the choice of film, you’ve already lost this battle: negotiation involves compromise, and sooner or later you’re going to find yourself trapped in a screening of “Le Divorce.” What I’m suggesting is more properly considered manipulation. While the undertaking has it’s own risks, you can almost guarantee that, if properly approached, you may never have to see a film with a clothed Meg Ryan again.

If you’re going to assume this challenge, it’s important to be prepared. First, you have to be familiar with all of the films currently screening in your area. I read the LA Weekly without fail on Thursday when it hits the stands, reviewing not only the films in release but also the schedules of the major theaters. When guiding a conversation about movie choices, you need to have options for both specific films and specific venues at the ready: the Arclight in LA is a great place for a movie date, but if you get there and the only movie that fits your timetable is “The Perfect Man,” you are totally screwed.

Second, know the lady you’re manipulating negotiating with. This is why movies make poor first dates. If you know she has a weakness for gag-inducing romantic comedies, you better be prepared with something else she’s going to enjoy from your list, like an Owen Wilson comedy or an action movie with Angelina Jolie. Talk to her about her favorite movies, her opinion of last year’s Oscar winners, and her DVD collection before you schedule a movie evening. If you’ve done solid research, there are very few films that can’t be made into a date event. Smetimes the choice is less about the specific movie than which female you invite to the movie you already want to see. There are indeed girls out there that actually do want to see the latest sci-fi or horror flick - trust me on this, gentlemen - but if you don’t know exactly who they are in your dating circle, there’s nothing I can do to help you.

Once you’re armed (knowledge is power), you’re ready to call the lady and suggest a movie date. The key-phrase to remember now is ‘First Strike!’ Suggest your vetted movie as part of the invitation, and be ready with an immediate second choice. This is where your research is going to pay off. Don’t try and sneak in “Layer Cake” (british gangsters) or “My Summer of Love” (british lesbians) if the research doesn’t support it: if your first two suggestions off the bat are films that she definitely doesn’t want to see, you’ve wasted the first-strike opportunity. Now you’ve given her an opening, and when she counters with her first choice (a movie that stars, say, Lindsay Lohan and a small automobile), how are you going to get out of seeing it without revealing yourself as the selfish prick you are?

Certainly, I have three distinct advantages in this undertaking that will not be shared by all of our readers. First, I live in LA, so there is always an abundant selection of films currently in theaters, with every genre fairly represented. Second, I tend to date women who are also in the Industry, so their tastes in films tends to be a little broader then the general public, thereby giving me a little wiggle room in my suggestions. Finally, since I’m not married or in a committed relationship, not every screening I attend has to involve a specific woman, or visa versa. If every movie you see is always with the same person, then a little compromise is sadly inevitable (I’ll let my married cohorts speak of this in more detail). I feel particularly sorry for my married friends that can’t even take the benefit of the tax write-off. Of course, there are trade-offs in a commitment, and if you’ve managed as a couple to solve the great challenges of the toilet seat and the remote control, then agreeing on a movie shouldn’t really be any challenge at all.

For more Men’s Club posts on the same topic check out Phin and Puffy; the Wizard is taking a break this week, probably so he can go and see a movie with the wife.

For for ladies’ points-of-view, be sure to visit Sadie, Kathy, Christina, Silk, and this week’s diva guest-blogger, Margi.

Please, however, don’t tell them I sent you. Let’s just keep my advice on this topic between ourselves.

Believe.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sometimes happens to be watching a TV program and the host, guest, talking-head says something so absolutely moronic or otherwise offensive that it becomes impossible for your Maximum Leader to watch that person ever again.

On Septemeber 11, 2001, your Maximum Leader watched Peter Jennings for the last time. After the World Trade Center had collasped and we were still wondering what was next, Peter Jennings was showing live feed of Palistinians cheering and dancing in the streets of Gaza. That much your Maximum Leader could live with (as hard as it was to see). But then Jennings said something to the effect of “well you can understand why they are so happy considering how the US behaves.” At that point your Maximum Leader switched off Peter Jennings forever.

Well, in a much less egregious outburst, Joe Scarborough of MSNBC is now on the list that is best described as “He/She is dead to me.”

This is not to say that your Maximum Leader watched a lot of Joe Scarborough. He doesn’t. But once and a while your Maximum Leader might stay on Scarborough’s show if the guests and topics seem interesting.

Last night Scarborough was talking to various people about the horrible shark attacks in Florida. Then in wrapping up the segment Scarborough said the words that will forever echo in your Maximum Leader’s ears and make it impossible for him to watch Scarborough ever again.

Joe Scarborough said, “If we could understand shark culture better we might be able to avoid these attacks.”

What?!?!? Your Maximum Leader turned to Mrs. Villain and said, “He didn’t really just say we needed to “understand shark culture” did he?” To which Mrs. Villain responded that in fact that was what he said.

Understand shark culture?

Is Joe Scarborough just a huge fucking idiot? They must wipe the drool off his chin during commerical breaks to hide that fact from viewers.

Understand shark culture?

Great jeezey chreezey. Somehow it is comforting to know that if only we would bother to translate the literature of the shark, we could avoid sharks attacking humans. We should feel guilty for not knowing the intricacies of shark interpretive dance. There would never be another shark on human attack if we could marvel at the splendor of the great underwater shark cities and grow to know their ancient history. Shark feeding frenzies off the beaches would be harmful only to baitfish if we could read the poetry of the shark Maya Angelou or ponder the profundity of the shark Plato.

Of course, it is partially the fault of the sharks. Have they bothered to understand our culture? Have they read Faulkner, Tolstoy, or Hardy? Do they know the tales of Hemmingway? (Okay, scratch Hemmingway…) Have they seen the pyramids?

We just don’t understand each other…

Joe Scarborough. Thank you for educating your Maximum Leader about what he doesn’t know about shark culture. While your Maimum Leader will now never watch your show ever again, please know that you will not be cancelled in the MWO. You are just the type of blathering moron your Maximum Leader will need to keep on the air to feed mindless tripe to the masses.

Understand shark culture…. What a friggin’ idiot.

Carry on.

UPDATE: Okay. Your Maximum Leader thought he’d best check the transcript of the show to be sure… Well, here is the transcript.

Joe Scarborough said the following:

SCARBOROUGH: Man, I’m afraid you’re right. You’re mixing-you’re mixing two different species, two different cultures. And, unfortunately, the results are tragic.

Okay. He didn’t say we needed to “understand shark culture.” But he did say that mixing two different cultures produced tragic results.

Again your Maximum Leader says “Shark Culture?” What the hell is shark culture?

Not like it makes much difference. Scarborough is still dead to me.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minons. Your Maximum Leader saw a catchy headline on the news wire. And afterall isn’t that what a headline is supposed to be? Catchy. Something that will grab your attention and make you read…. But your Maximum Leader digresses. The headline as: Animal Groups Praise Sen. Rick Santorum.

Of course, the first Animal Rights group your Maximum Leader thought of was PETA. And sure enough, they are the group praising Rick Santorum. As surprising as that may sound. It seems the junior Senator from the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania has introducted legislation to help end puppy mills.

The money quote: “Obviously, the life of animals is fundamentally different than the life of a human being. But to me, we have a responsibility to God’s creatures to treat them humanely, and the government’s laws should reflect that.”

There you have it. Politics does make strange bedfellows.

And your Maximum Leader thinks that puppy mills are bad. But puppies, in general, are good.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t know what he can say about the link below:

Down for Repairs : Undeliverable Mail.

So for the sake of our own Minister of Propaganda, to whom the post is dedicated (along with Phin); it is posted without comment.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, thanks to his dear college roommate, is always on the prowl for neat shark stories. Alas, the past weekend has been filled with sad shark stories.

In case you missed it, on Saturday a 14 year old girl was killed when a shark repeatedly attacked her off the coast of Destin, Florida. Now it seems a young boy has been attacked off the Florida panhandle.

Two attacks in three days. One fatal and this one “critical.” Your Maximum Leader certainly does feel for the parents and friends of the children. He also doesn’t wish anyone be attacked by sharks.

One wonders what could be causing those sharks to attack these kids? From everything your Maximum Leader has heard sharks are not man-eaters but “man-biters.” It is almost as if there is something particularly unflavourful about humans to a shark. At least until recently…

So is there a reason? Is this one bad shark? Is the shark’s normal prey in short supply? Have the sharks finally caught on that Americans are fat and tender? Are people just behaving badly in the water?

(Excursus: Okay… That whole line about Americans being fat and tasty is a little much. Your Maximum Leader will say a decade worth of Hail Mary’s in atonement.)

One wonders. Of course one wonders if this will cause a spat of sportsfishermen to head to Florida to kill them some sharks… If so, one hopes that they could freeze some of the fins and send them to your Maximum Leader so that he can get a little fresh Shark Fin soup. Which he does love in fact, but rarely gets for two reasons. First, is that he objects to killing sharks for the fins only. Second, it is prohibitively expensive in the few restaurants which serve it.

Humm… One can also hope that no one else is attacked…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been waiting for a while for the long promised Velociman interview over on Sadie’s site. Now it is a reality. Go. Read. Now.

Your Maximum Leader especially likes the part about what’s wrong with kids nowadays.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader had the great pleasure of spending last evening in the company of the Smallholder and Bill of Bill’s Comments. Bill was travelling to the greater Dee Cee area this week and we conspired to meet. Your Maximum Leader was recovered enough from his bout of flu to go out, and the Smallholder was pulled away from the daily chores that are a farmer’s life.

Smallholder drove from the farm up to the Villainschloss. From there your Maximum Leader drove the Villainmobile up to Bill’s hotel. Bill was very much what your Maximum Leader expected. He is an open and engaging person. He can tell a good story. And you can tell he has a good brain and a good heart.

We had dinner at the Peking Gourmet Restaurant on Leesburg Pike (Rt 7) near Bailey’s Crossroads. Dinner consisted of Hot & Sour Soup, Peking Duck, Szechuan Beef, and Chicken and Garlic Sprouts. After a leisurely meal we hopped in the Villainmobile for a quick driving tour of some of the sites in Dee Cee.

All in all it was a great excursion and a great opportunity to humanize another blogger for whom your Maximum Leader has great respect and considers a friend.

If you (reading minion) happen to be in the Greater Washington DC area and woud like to meet your Maximum Leader, shoot him an email.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was “tagged” a few days ago by Buckethead of the Ministry of Minor Perfidy with that rather infectous book meme. Between your Maximum Leader being sick and just having a shitty 2 weeks, he is just now getting around to responding.

NB to Smallholder: Bill tagged you with this you know.

That all said… Here goes your Maximum Leader’s response…

1. Total Number of Books I Own: Your Maximum Leader tried counting them all, but it was taking too long. He counted the hardcover and trade paperback books in the bookcases filled with books that are “his” and not “ours”. “Our” books are books owned (through marriage) by both your Maximum Leader and Mrs. Villain. But Mrs. Villain (a teacher) has lots of childrens books which your Maximum Leader didn’t feel right counting. Anyho… The “his” count hit 1644. There were probably a significant number of regular paperbacks not counted (perhaps another 200-300). And, in case you care, Mrs Villain estimates her book count at nearly 1100.

2. The Last Book I Bought: Humm… Your Maximum Leader preordered the latest Harry Potter book (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince) last week. Does that count? The last one he bought in a bookstore was a reference manual for Macromedia Dreamweaver. Sorta sad actually…

3. The Last Book I Read: Does that manual for Dreamweaver count? Your Maximum Leader is poking through it. The book he is trying to finish is “I am Charlotte Simmons” by Tom Wolfe. He has gotten about 80% of the way through, and he just doesn’t want to read further. This is unusual because he really likes Wolfe’s books. In this case your Maximum Leader just doesn’t care about Charlotte or Hoyt or any of the other characters. Why would your Maximum Leader want to care about some self-absorbed college kids who are pretty vacuous? He will probably plough through it in the next week or so, just to have it done.

4. Five Books That Mean a Lot to Me: Very very tough. If you ask your Maximum Lader the same question in a month, he may give you a completely different set of answers….

Shogun by James Clavell. Your Maximum Leader has read this book too many times to count. It is a compelling story. Moved by interesting characters. And filled with sex, intruigue, politics, and war. Great great stuff. Your Maximum Leader will just pick up Shogun; open it and start reading. He has worn out two paperback editions. (Perhaps he should splurge and buy a hardback.)

Rationalism in Politics by Michael Oakeshott. Two of the most important essays your Maximum Leader has ever read are in this volume. They are “Rationalism in Politics” and “On History as a Profession.” Both excellent essays. “Rationalism” is a very influential article in your Maximum Leader’s political thought. And “On History” has one of the greatest lines ever written about the study of history. (Paraphrasing) Oakeshott wrote, “History is a coy mistress with whom you talk no sense.” Magnificent.

Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes. Your Maximum Leader sings the glories of Hobbes with some regularity so he will not do so again now. But for all of you who are in love with Locke remember this… Locke is just Hobbes for people with no guts.

Five Days in May, London 1940 by John Lukacs. Right now this your Maximum Leader’s favourite book about Winston Churchill. Lukacs has a flowing style and is an easy read. He paints a clear picture about the absolutely dire situation in which Churchill found himself upon becoming Premier in 1940. If you ever thought that there was no way the Allies could have lost WWII, read this book and think again.

The History of English Speaking Peoples by Winston Churchill. It was hard to choose a favourite title by Churchill. Your Maximum Leader chose this one because its scope and sense of its own dramatic narrative make it a fun as well as educational read. Just about any Churchill book is worth the time. He did win the Nobel Prize for Literature afterall…

Your Maximum Leader will add one honourable mention here… Last Train to Memphis by Peter Guralnick. And excellent book not just describing the rise of Elvis Presley; but truly describing the cultural atmosphere in 1950s America and then dramatically showing why Elvis is such a transformational figure.

Your Maximum Leader will not “tag” others, but hopes some of the other bloggers here might go ahead and do this meme too.

Carry on.

Wow. The quiz must know about my Mother in Law.

You scored as Suicide. Your death will be suicide. What more can I say? Fact: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Suicide 87% Bomb 73% Posion 60% Cut Throat 47% Suffocated 33% Eaten 33% Accident 33% Gunshot 27% Disease 27% Stabbed 27% Drowning 27% Natural Causes 20% Disappear 13% How Will You Die?? created with QuizFarm.com