Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that NBC is going to be starting some program called “Raines.” In the show, star Jeff Goldblum will play a detective who sees dead people and uses the information the dead can give him to solve crimes and put their spirits to rest.

Hello? McFly? Hello?

Riddle your Maximum Leader this. Isn’t this program already on TV? Isn’t it “The Ghost Whisperer” starring the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt?

Really now. Why would you watch Jeff Goldblum?

When you could watch the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt?

Your Maximum Leader rests his case.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader seems to be at a loss for writing original content. He blames this in part on his Xbox 360 and his kids. He’s been spending more quality time with his kids, and that cuts into blogging time. He has also been spending what free time he has playing “Gears of War” on his Xbox.

So… Instead of writing, your Maximum Leader continues to indulge in posting video/image content of the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt.

As promised… Here is the dreamy Miss Hewitt’s new Hanes ad:

And while we’re at it… Here are outtakes from the ad:

Many thanks to loyal reader Mike L for the links.

By the way… Check out Mike’s post about the specially trained Capuchin Monkey. Simian SWAT team members…

Your Maximum Leader wonders if he should start to feel like Chuck Heston…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, as longtime readers know, is something of a fan of the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt. At the risk of offending readers who are looking for more villainy and less dreamy “Love,” your Maximum Leader is going to post another photo of the beautiful Miss Hewitt.

Yes, yes. He hears your protestations now. There was a photo of Jennifer Love Hewitt looking particularly dreamy posted here last week. That is true. It was her birthday. This new photo is more recent. It was taking at the Oscar viewing party she hosted out in LA on Sunday. (Alas, your Maximum Leader’s invite must have been delayed in the cross-country mail…) So this photo, as it is newer, is better.

Many thanks to loyal minion Mike L, for pointing your Maximum Leader in the direction of these photos over at Hollywood Tuna.

Carry on.

UPDATE FROM YOUR MAXIMUM LEADER: Stop the presses! The Hanes company has announced that the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt will be their new spokeswoman for the new and improved All-Over Comfort Bra with ComfortSoft¬¨?Ü Straps. According to the release:

Hewitt will debut in her first Hanes television ad on March 1 using 15- and 30-second spots where viewers will get a sneak peek into a day in her life at a fictional photo shoot with the actress. As she navigates through a gamut of wardrobe changes, coordinated by stylist-to-the-stars Jessica Paster, Hewitt dons various looks from rocker to romantic, until she decides that even the most fabulous designer dress doesn’t look stylish or camera-ready with a bra strap that continuously slips off her shoulder. Hewitt discards the ill-fitting bra, and puts on her Hanes All-Over Comfort Bra with ComfortSoft Straps. Problem resolved - now she is fashionable and comfortable once again.

You know, your Maximum Leader is told that there is nothing more dreamy than Jennifer Love Hewitt in a Hanes All-Over Comfort Bra with ComfortSoft Straps.

Your Maximum Leader now thinks that there might be an official bra of the Mike World Order…

Rest assured, loyal minions. When these ads are available on You Tube, they will be available at Naked Villainy.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is under all sorts of pressure right now. The Wee Villain is not well. He has a nasty illness and we’ve now discovered that he is likely allergic to the medicine he’s been given. Not lots of fun. As you can imagine, your Maximum Leader has little time to blog today.

But before he goes…

Let him commend to you this post over at Irish Elk. Your Maximum Leader agrees with the sentiment. Sometimes a good fight is what you need in hockey to show that you can’t be pushed around. It is part of the game and should be. Your Maximum Leader happens to like the old “Canadian” style game a little better than the “International” game. Plus, your Maximum Leader would like to see more clips of Don Cherry narrating fights saying “Look here. Two guys mixing it up a little. Nothing wrong with that.”

Did you see the squid gigante that those fishermen caught the other day? Did ya? It is cool. Here is a linky link.

Also… Have you been following the breakdown of the Italian government? Your Maximum Leader has. You know, he ought to try and learn italian so that he can read the papers over there and find out more about what is going on. Until then, he’ll have to settle for the news wires. Frankly, your Maximum Leader hopes for the most unlikely outcome - which is new elections. It is more likely that Romano Prodi will form a new coalition government with mostly left-center parties. He might jettison some of his hard-left supports and tryand woo some right-center groups to join the coalition.

But elections would be cooler…

Your Maximum Leader will report, sadly, that the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt did not accept your Maximum Leader’s invitation to dinner yesterday to celebrate her birthday. It is probably just as well since the Wee Villain wasn’t up to snuff… But she was kind enough to do an interview with CNN in which she said she’d like to be a dork… Jennifer, Love, be sure your Maximum Leader likes you just the way you are.

And finally… One last call for bloggers/people in the greater DC area who might want to see the play Richard III with your Maximum Leader… Contact your Maximum Leader if you’re interested…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, upon checking his calendar, discovered that today was noteworthy for two reasons.

The first reason is that it is Ash Wednesday and a holy day of obligation to those of you who are Catholic, unreformed Anglican, traditionalist Episcopal, or some other Christian sect that is beginning the season of Lent.

The second reason, and the major reason behind this post, is that on this day (February 21) in 1979 the super dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt was born. Yes, the dreamy Miss Hewitt is, today, 28 years old. This makes her slightly less than 10 years younger than your Maximum Leader. But hey! Do silly things like age really mean anything in these times?

The dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt is, as longtime readers know, the object of your Maximum Leader’s purely platonic affections. (He is afterall a happily married man.) Unlike other bloggers who yearn for the day that the dreamy Miss Hewitt bares herself on screen or in print, your Maximum Leader finds her decision to not bend to objectification admirable. While the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt might be a typical (misguided) Hollywood liberal type, she does seem to have her heart in the right place. Compared to other starlets out there, the dreamy Miss Hewitt doesn’t do anything that would make one want to cover the kids eyes lest they see something they shouldn’t on the television.

Happy day “Love.” Your Maximum Leader wishes you many happy returns.

Ah… She’s looking mighty dreamy…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is sure that by now you have heard of the passing of Anna Nicole Smith. Your Maximum Leader, humanitarian that he is, wondered immediately about Smith’s infant daughter and what would happen to her. Whatever it is, it is surely not going to be pleasant.

Although it might seem churlish, it would seem as though Smith’s story is at an end. You may recall that once while guest blogging over at Agent Bedhead’s site, your Maximum Leader wrote a cautionary tale about Smith and the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt. In that post your Maximum Leader wrote:

What does the future hold for Anna Nicole Smith? Well, it doesn‚Äö?Ñ?Â¥t appear to hold money from J. Howard Marshall. Our white trash heroine picked an idiot lawyer and seems to have lost all her cash. Anna’s weight is down and she has resumed respectable modeling. But we all know that the greased pole, disco lights, and overpriced watered-down drinks are just a fifth of Southern Comfort and a few pills away. She may yet return to her trailer park roots…

Apparently the trailer park is not in her future any more… Who’d have thought then that Anna Nicole would have appealed her court case to the Supreme Court of the United States - and won. Who could have predicted her son’s death at age 20? And now, her own death. Sad really…

All of this is just sad…

But before too long it will make a great TV movie.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has decided that he isn’t finished talking about James Bond.

More specifically, he is almost finished talking (writing?) about James Bond, but has not yet begun to discuss that equisite sub-species of humanity known as the “Bond Girl” (latin: Puella Bondus - NB: your Maximum Leader’s Latin is very sketchy at this point so he will welcome any helpful hints on the whole genus/species naming conventions.)

As for the discussion of Commander Bond himself, your Maximum Leader was going to point out one little problem with Casino Royale that did have to do with James Bond’s pedigree. That issue has been taken up by our good friend Wing Commander Seal. So, go visit Mr. Seal and read up on the biography of Commander Bond.

Then, there was Mr. Elk, who linked a site which asked “Who is your favourite Bond Girl?” It was that post that was the inspiration for this little missive by your Maximum Leader.

You see, your Maximum Leader is partial to a great many Bond Girls. Something he’s learned about himself by thinking of this post is that he likes a great many Bond Girls who hail (by birth at least) from France. The again confirms your Maximum Leader’s belief that he loves a great many things French, but is not at all partial to France’s Government.*

Anyhoo…

Allow us to move along here and go over your Maximum Leader’s favourite “Bond Girls.”

1) Carole Bouquet (For Your Eyes Only)

Your Maximum Leader will give his number one vote to Carole Bouquet. Ms. Bouquet is now Mrs. Gerard Depardieu (if what your Maximum Leader reads is correct.) That saddens your Maximum Leader greatly. For your Maximum Leader, while no Sean Connery - or frankly even Sean Astin, is a better looking man than Gerard Depardieu. Of course, your Maximum Leader is not as good an actor as M. Depardieu. Indeed, your Maximum Leader’s only film/stage role worth noting was as Prince Geoffrey in “The Lion in Winter.” But if Ms. Bouquet was looking for someone she could have, at least, rung up your Maximum Leader to see if he was available.

Now, your Maximum Leader will completely agree with Mrs P that if Ms. Bouquet had spent more time working on acting and less time working on how to stare, she might be a more memorable Bond Girl. Your Maximum Leader chalks up Ms. Bouquet’s lack of acting ability to the fact that she is really just a model. In fact, at the time she was selected for the role she was, if your Maximum Leader remembers, the “face” of Clinique Cosmetics. Now, you are probably wondering why, if she wasn’t all that good an actress why on earth would your Maximum Leader choose her as his all time favourite Bond Girl? Why for looks of course.

Allow your Maximum Leader to write plainly here. These ranking are, solely, a beauty contest. He’s not making any judgements about which Bond Girl is a better actress, or delivered her lines better, or any other such thing. This is purely a list of how good-looking a particular actress was at the time they starred in a Bond flick. Your Maximum Leader’s personal taste being the only judging criteria.

2) Halle Berry (Die Another Day)

Frankly, Halle Berry is one of the most stunningly beautiful women on the face of the Earth. As it turns out, she can - more or less - act as well. Witness her winning an Oscar for that film she did will Billy Bob Thornton. Of course, some might go so far as to say that she won the Oscar because she filmed a sex scene with the aforementioned Mr. Thornton and acted as though she enjoyed it. No small feat that was. So, Halle Berry makes the list. For the sake of full disclosure, your Maximum Leader must once again admit that he has not even watched “Die Another Day.” So he cannot comment on he character portrayal in the movie at all.

3) Daniela Bianchi (From Russia With Love)

As your Maximum Leader has already noted, “From Russia With Love” is his favourite Bond movie. For a while your Maximum Leader’s adolecent days were filled visions of Daniela Bianchi which he lustfully memorized from a Betamax copy of the film he watched repeatedly. While your Maximum Leader has not really favoured blondes, he will make a noteworthy exception for Ms. Bianchi.

4) Sophie Marceau (The World is Not Enough)

Another French woman, the second of this list, Sophie Marceau comes in at number four on your Maximum Leader’s list of Bond Girls. Of course, your Maximum Leader also liked her in “Braveheart” and “A Midsummer’s Night Dream.” (NB: That film was particularly poorly done in your Maximum Leader’s opinion, but Ms. Marceau was good as Hyppolita. Mrs. Villain liked her in a version of “Anna Karenina” we watched on PBS once. Your Maximum Leader didn’t like the production much, but now can visualize Sophie Marceau as Anna…)

5) Claudine Auger (Thunderball)

Yet another French woman on the list. Claudine Auger played Domino in Thunderball. Her portrayal of the character was far better than that of Kim Basinger in “Never Say Never Again.” You will recall that “Never Say Never Again” was the not-Bond-film. Due to that dispute over who owned the rights to “Thunderball” some schmoe was allowed partial ownership of the story and promptly took advantage of the ruling to get Sean Connery out of retirement for one more stab at the role of 007. All in all it is a fine film, but in the end, your Maximum Leader prefers the original. And prefers Claudine to the “other” Domino.

6) Ursula Andress (Dr No)

Your Maximum Leader was, like so many countless men out there, titilated the moment Ursula Andress came out of the ocean in that white bikini in “Dr No.” The fact that she also was wearing a knife made he seem just a little dangerous on top of being sexy. (NB to female readers: Sexy + Dangerous = Irresistable) Ms Andress is Swiss, from Bern, which makes her a Francophone - in as much as most Swiss are tri-lingual - and she lived for a time in Paris. Your Maximum Leader wonders if this makes her at least partially French?

7) Famke Janssen (Goldeneye)

Famke Janssen is the second of two Bond Girl villains on the list (the first being Sophie Marceau). Xenia Onatopp is a parody of the sexy villain - really now screwing your targets to death? - in Bond films. But she pulled it off well. Ms Janssen is quite sexy in fact. Her turns in the X-Men movies have, no doubt, endeared her to millions of young men. (Humm… She and Halle Berry both in X-Men movies? Bond Girl as stepping stone to comic book adaptation blockbuster?) Your Maximum Leader will admit that his favourite Janssen role happens to be her portrayal of Kamala in the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode entitled “The Perfect Mate.”
Eva Green (Casino Royale)

Another French woman. Your Maximum Leader will admit that he thought Eva Green was English or American affecting a British accent. As it turns out her last name is “Green” pronounced “Gren.” Miss. Green’s turn as Vesper Lynd is quite good. She has an actual dramatic range that is evident in the film. Your Maximum Leader didn’t recognize her from the only other role he’s seen her play, that of the Princess in “Kingdom of Heaven” - which was a very disappointing film all in all. He’s read that Miss Green’s role in Bertolucci’s “The Dreamers” drew oohs and aahs from hormonally normal men for her full frontal nude scenes. Perhaps that will be a rental someday…

9) Michelle Yeoh (Tomorrow Never Dies)

Your Maximum Leader has always thought of Michelle Yeoh as a particularly sexy woman. He can’t recall the first time he saw her in a film, but he thinks it was some martial arts movie recommended to him by his best friend Kevin, the Big Hominid. Most people recall her from “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” - which itself is a fine film and worthy of a recommendation.

10) Corrine Clery (Moonraker)

The fifth and final French woman on the list. Corinne Clery was one of those minor Bond women who end badly. If you recall her role at all (and frankly there is no reason you should), she played a helicopter pilot who was torn apart by dogs in “Moonraker.” As your Maximum Leader has already gone on the record stating that “Moonraker” is the absolute nadir of the whole Bond franchise, it is rather ironic that even one thing about the film should be included in a “best of Bond” list. Corinne Clery is good looking enough to make the list.

So there you have it. Your Maximum Leader’s list of his top ten favourite Bond Girls… Oh… The title of this post mentions the RCBA… As we all know your Maximum Leader (a nominal Catholic at best - although he’s found himself going to Mass recently) is fond of the study of beauty. Film-making is an “art.” You do the math…

Oh yes… There if your Maximum Leader could make one request of the producers of the next Bond film… It would be to consider the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt as a Bond Girl. It would do your Maximum Leader’s heart good…

Carry on.
(more…)

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader got an e-mail from reader the jist of which was “I don’t live in Virginia. I don’t care about George Allen. I don’t care if he is a racist. Move on.” Now, one thing before your Maximum Leader moves on… While your Maximum Leader is not going to make any claims or represenations about anyone, he does think that one probably doesn’t want a true racist sitting in the US Senate. So perhaps people should care.

But hey… It is time to lighten up…

And what better to put one in a lighter mood than… the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt.

For all of you out there find this site looking for search terms like “jennifer love hewitt naked” and “jennifer love hewitt nude” and “jennifer love hewitt cow” and “jennifer love hewitt playboy” (and your Maximum Leader knows there are lots of you) he presents the dreamy Miss Hewitt in her “music video” entitled “Barenaked.” That means that this is the title track of the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt’s album “Barenaked.” In the song, the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt is “bare naked” and “just can’t take it.”

Your Maximum Leader can take it… Just not in Playboy.

Humm… Does this count as being “art?” Your Maximum Leader wonders if videos count as an art form? Perhaps he should consult the RCBA…

Carry on.

Text of my phone call to the Maximum Leader last night:

ML: “Hello?”

SH: “Hey. Just calling to let you know that the new Ryan Seacrest show on E! is about to do an interview with Jaime Pressly and Jennifer Love Hewitt.”

ML: “Jennifer Love Hewitt! Oh my god! (titters like a little girl)”

SH: “Oh wait, he is only interviewing Emmy nominees on this show, so Jennifer Love Hewiit won’t be on. Only Jaime Pressly. Talk to you later.” (Click)

UPDATE FROM YOUR MAXIMUM LEADER: Hummm… The Smallholder must be back at work again. To think… A man who would “crank call” his friends like this is out there teaching the youth of America. Weep for the future.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, in the days before the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt, did have a thing for Christie Brinkley. Ah yes… Your Maximum Leader remembers those days well. The halcyon days of the Reagan years. The Gipper was our President. The Soviet Union was our enemy. Crockett and Tubbs were on TV. Members Only jackets were hip. Your Maximum Leader was wearing unpressed linen jackets (earth tones only - no pastels) and gurkha shorts from Banana Republic (before they were just an extension of The Gap).

And there was one uber-babe to rule them all…

Her name was Christie Brinkley.

Your Maximum Leader, who generally favors brunettes to blondes, thought that Christie Brinkley was quite hot. For the sake of full disclosure, your Maximum Leader was also a raging bundle of hormones at the time. If push came to shove he could find something attractive about just about any female of the species…

But… Eventually, Christie became entangled with that William Joel fellow. They went off and had babies together. And Christie faded into your Maximum Leader’s distant memory.

She re-emerged around that time she nearly died in that skiing accident. Then she faded away again.

Then she showed up recently on some commercial. And Mrs Villain commented, upon seeing the commerical, that she was really good looking for being 40 something. Around then we both figured out that Christie was more like 50 something… We both agreed that Christie is still a hot woman. (Your Maximum Leader is willing to overlook that whole Billy Joel thing…)

So… When your Maximum Leader read that Mr Christie Brinkley was exposed for having an affair with an 18 year old in his employ he was waiting for the apology. He’s issued it. It seems he was stupid and foolish.

Yeah. Your Maximum Leader would agree. He is stupid and foolish. He is undeserving of sympathy.

Of course, he is like what? Mr Christie Brinkley number 5? If he had just waited a little bit she would have moved on to Mr Christie Brinkley number 6…

Regardless… He is an idiot.

And Christie Brinkley was never esteemed by your Maximum Leader as much as he platonically loves the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has gone over the gossip/celebrity web sites over the past few days and seen the pictures of the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt going out and getting her garbage can off the street. Many of the commentators on these photos have pointed out that the lovely, nay! dreamy, Miss Hewitt appears not to be wearing a bra. What they are not commenting upon is the sooper sekrit message she is broadcasting to your Maximum Leader. Here’s the pic:

What the dreamy Miss Hewitt is trying to say to your Maximum Leader is this: “Oh my dreamy and very manly Maximum Leader! I’m wearing this shirt to let you know that I will be your Yoko Ono. Just like the Barenaked Ladies song. You continue to stand by my decision not to pose for Playboy. You are the greatest my Maximum Leader! Call me. Please. Call.”

Photo courtesy of WWTDD.

Never fear Jennifer Love Hewitt… Your Maximum Leader will call. Just e-mail your number again…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is endebted to Agent Bedhead (Dead Sexy Sadie) for pointing out that the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt has told the Sun (of Page 3 fame) that her boobies are her own and that she has no intention of showing them off for photographers.

What can your Maximum Leader say but “huzzah!” He feels as though the dreamy object of his platonic desires is making the right call.

We’ll leave it to the likes of common starlets like Jamie Pressly to bare their alls in exchange for filthy lucre.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has decided to take a little break from snarky immigration postings to talk about some real injustice in the world. Yes, loyal readers. REAL. INJUSTICE.

Thanks to (Dead Sexy) Sadie, your Maximum Leader chanced to look over the list of the Maxim Hot 100. This is the list where the (lame-o) editors of Maxim magazine tell their frat-boy (and frat-boy wanna be) reader who the hottest 100 women are.

Ready for the injustice? 29. Jennifer Love Hewitt.

The dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt… Number TWENTY-FRICKIN’-NINE! That is wrong. Just wrong.

Let us see where other hotties show up on the list… #34 Jaime Pressly. Respectable, yet overrated. At least your Maximum Leader thinks that Ms Pressly’s 34 is a bit high. And who do we find at number 24? None other than the object of the Minister of Propaganda’s fancy, Kate Moss.

Let’s see some other travesties of the Maxim list… Where else to start but Number 3 - Lindsay Lohan. Ack! Your Maximum Leader wouldn’t touch Lohan with 10 foot cattle prod while wearing rubber gloves and a surgical mask. She reeks of “used.” If you catch his meaning.

Number 7 - Cameron Diaz. Redefining skank every day should be her motto.

Number 38 - Paris Hilton. Expanding the definition of skank every minute.

Number 79 - Halle Berry. What the hell? Lindsay Lohan is 3rd on the list and Halle Berry, who is easily one of the most beautiful women to have ever lived, is 79. There must have been some ad stuff going around the room when this choice was made… This is a greater injustice than placing the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt at 29. Frankly it is proof that this list is completely unacceptable. If this was the MWO, the editors would have to be dragged out and shot.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is still feeling a little petulant. Perhaps that feeling will come out a little in some of todays other post. This one probably is low on the peevishness scale…

Mrs Villain had a fine Mother’s Day. There was much feasting and rejoicing. Of course, where there is feasting and rejoicing on Mother’s Day at the Villainschloss there is also a Maximum Leader (reduced for the day to being Mr Villain) doing lots of cooking and dishwashing. Indeed, your Maximum Leader had to run the dishwasher twice yesterday - and still had to hand wash a number of cooking implements. And as a show of what a wonderful and loving husband your Maximum Leader is… He even made a broccoli casserole for Mrs Villain that he just can’t stand (but Mrs Villain loves). Not only did he cook it… He ate a full portion himself without making faces or comments. (You’ve got to be a good influence on the Villainettes you know.)

In addition to the nuclear family of your Maximum Leader, the festivities were shared by your Maximum Leader’s much beloved (and pregnant) sister and her husband. Alas, your Maximum Leader’s sainted mother wasn’t feeling well and could not travel to the Villainschloss to partake of the joy…

In other news… Your Maximum Leader and the Villainettes caught the Hokusai exhibition at the Sackler on Friday night before it headed out of town. It was wonderful. And frankly the Villainettes were great at the exhibition. Your Maximum Leader had his doubts about how much he’d be able to enjoy the exhibition with a 9 year old and a 7 year old in tow; but he shouldn’t have worried. He got a good 90 mins to go through to exhibition. Admittedly that was about an hour less than he would have liked, but all things considered it was a great time.

In even more news… Your Maximum Leader sees that another concerned fan of the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt is threatening to club a baby seal if she doesn’t pose topless in Playboy… (Thanks to bobgirrl for the tip-off.) Well… Your Maximum Leader will counter this offer by saying that he will do in a whole family of baby harp seals if the dreamy Miss Hewitt does pose for Playboy. Your Maximum Leader has already been over this. Playboy isn’t the way to go… Action film. Tell producers that they will have to pay an arm and a leg for a quick topless shot. Then indie film with major Oscar potential… Playboy reeks of despiration…

Of course, regardless of what the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt does; she will be the (platonic) object of your Maximum Leader’s affections.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was amused this morning. Very amused. The Crack Young Staff’s pitch for a new MTV show today just made your Maximum Leader laugh.

Of course, there was that one time the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt was on Punk’d… Surely you remember the episode… It is, in fact, the only one your Maximum Leader has ever watched… The one where the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt was speaking to a “producer” about a possible film role. In the middle of their discussion a “gangsta enforcer” came into the “producer’s” office to collect on a very large “Super Bowl bet.” The “producer” begged the dreamy Miss Hewitt to help him get some cash and thereby save his life and limbs…

What? You didn’t see that one? Well… Too bad. Your Maximum Leader did. As he said, it is the only one he’s ever seen. Let it suffice to say that your Maximum Leader wouldn’t want to acutally put the dreamy Miss Hewitt in a bad situation. Anyone else is fair game (even the Smallholder); but not the (platonic) object-of-your-Maximum-Leader’s-affection - Miss Hewitt.

Carry on.