Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is a pretty good sleeper all in all. But sometimes he might be kept from sleeping by something or another. Rarely is his sleep disturbed once he is down…

Well… Last night he woke up in the middle of the night with a horrible image etched in his minds eye. He had seen the image the night before, and it obviously has affected him more than he thought.

Sunday night your Maximum Leader and Mrs Villain watched “The Last King of Scotland.” It is a great movie. As someone with more than a passing interest in history your Maximum Leader would describe the film as “historical” not “history.” This is to say that the film gives one a “feeling” about the people and events depicted not an “accurate retelling.” Of course, this film is well acted. In fact, Forest Whitaker’s Oscar winning performance is nuanced and expertly done.

Anyhoo… On with the sleep disturbance…

Your Maximum Leader watched the whole film in rapt attention. Towards the end of the film, Kay Amin (Idi’s third wife) is killed and mutilated after having an affair with Scottish doctor Nicolas Garrigan. While your Maximum Leader will not describe the image in detail here, let him say it must have disturbed him more than he thought. Because he woke up in the middle of the night seeing the mutilated body in the morgue. Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure why that image had such an affect on him and other images of brutality didn’t affect him in the same way. But it did. He is glad that Mrs Villain had her eyes closed and didn’t see that. It might have disturbed her sleep as well.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is debating if he should leave the Villainschloss tonight to catch a midnight showing of the Simpsons Movie?

At this point the odds are about 4:1 that he will be too tired and not do it. But there is still that chance…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader greatly enjoys reading all the various bits on many web sites about what people think will happen in the final Harry Potter book (which your Maximum Leader has pre-ordered through Amazon).

Your Maximum Leader isn’t much to speculate on things like this, but here is something…

The Dragonslayer ending!

Dumbledore wasn’t really killed by Snape, but put into a horcrux. Snape is carrying this horcrux with him and when the final battle comes he will use the horcrux in a way that releases Dumbledore who will come to the rescue and turn the battle for the good guys. But in the course of turning the battle, Dumbledore will sacrifice himself so that Harry can live…

And other predictions:
Hagrid will die.
Mr Weasley will become Minister of Magic and usher in a new golden age of wizardry.
Harry and Ginny will become lovers.
Harry will become the headmaster of Hogwarts.
Harry will break Ginny’s heart by saying that they can’t get married because he has to dedicate his life to Hogwarts.
Ginny and Cho Chang will become lovers.
and…
Ron and Hermione will “do the nasty” and have a “shot-wand” wedding.

The End.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader uses a customized My Yahoo page as his home page. Of course, you - the loyal reader - might have already noticed this as your Maximum Leader often finds articles to link from the Yahoo feeds of the various news wire services. Your Maximum Leader wonders if his use of the Yahoo page classifies him as a fossil? It seems so 1996… Humm… 1996/7 might have been the year that your Maximum Leader first customized his Yahoo page… Gawd…

Anyhoo…

From time to time Yahoo dishes up a piece that your Maximum Leader wouldn’t ordinarially click through and read, but for some reason this title caught his attention: What His Celeb Crush Says About Him. Your Maximum Leader admits his reasons for clicking on the link were purely salacious. He was hoping to catch a candid photo of some attractive female celeb. Specifically, he was hoping to catch a photo of the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Well… Was he disappointed when he finally read through and read the article? Yes he was. Having a “crush” on Angelina Jolie may mean that a man likes: “a do-gooder woman who also isn’t afraid to show a bit of a wild streak. It’s the reason why Jolie tops so many men’s wish lists: They want the woman who is good, but not too good. And the woman who is sultry, but not too sultry.” Great Jeezey Creezey! What mindless tripe that is. We all know that Angelina Jolie was positively nutty prior to her determining to be a mom. Marrying Billy Bob, wearing blood, “cutting” herself. All signs of being crazy. Now that she is a mom she is a do-gooder. Has Angelina done anything wacky recently? And by wacky your Maximum Leader isn’t talking about joining the Council on Foreign Relations so she could pick Henry Kissinger’s brain on the crisis in the Sudan. Nope… She hasn’t.

All in all the piece was just sad. It didn’t even attempt to offer any insight as to why a man (like your Maximum Leader) might have a “crush” on the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt. Since it didn’t, allow your Maximum Leader to offer some insight. If your Maximum Leader has a “crush” on the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt it may mean that he likes young attractive women who seem to have a sense of modesty (in that they will not pose nekkid in some magazine) yet still are sexy. It may mean that he likes women who seem “grounded” and “real” and not all completely caught up in Hollywood.

Then again… It may mean nothing…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was listening (as is his habit) to his trusty iPod today. It was randomly selecting songs… And picked this particular ditty to dish out to my waiting ears.

Since then, your Maximum Leader has been listening to The Traveling Wilburys all afternoon…

It is a shame that the quality of this video on You Tube is so sucky…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is growing more and more scatterbrained. He is now forgetting where he first saw articles about which he is going to blog. You know… So you can attribute your sources so to speak.

Anyhoo… From the world’s greatest tabloid comes this lovely gem: We only date ugly men. Excerpt:

Slicking on another layer of lipgloss, Selena Maria slings her bag over her shoulder and struts into the bar.

A sea of dark, handsome heads turn to ogle her. Jaws drop and good-looking men raise their eyebrows or move in to offer her a drink.

But Selena walks on by. She only has eyes for one man. He’s waiting for her in a dark corner. He’s not one of the handsome guys in sharp suits. He’s not even ‘average’.

He’s bald and podgy, with a pock-marked face, and is easily the ugliest man in the room. She sidles into the chair next to him.

‘Hi, gorgeous,’ she purrs. The man’s gargoyle face breaks into a toothless smile.

The good-looking men know they don’t stand a chance.

Selena has dated her fair share of hunks, but has given up on gorgeous guys because they’re dull – both in and out of bed.

Ah… Lucky for these ladies that your Maximum Leader (and Smallholder) are both off the market. If we were not both happily married there would likely be a queue of young (hot) British chics just lining up to get their manicured paws all over us. Your Maximum Leader would probably have to beat them off with a stick…

Your Maximum Leader would like to attribute his reading of this peice to someone, but he can’t remember who… So sorry… Whoever you are out there.

And before your Maximum Leader ends this post…

Allow him to doff his bejeweled floppy (mylan) cap towards Mr Atoz over on Agent Bedhead’s site. The “tuber of doom” had your Maximum Leader rolling. He doesn’t actually follow much “news” concerning Britney Spears’ ongoing meltdown… But he will keep his eyes peeled for more from Mr Atoz on this front…

Carry on.

Polymath’s comment on my pics of synthetic Bishop - wait scratch that - artificial person Bishop - was quite clever:

Unless I am mistaken, Bishop considers, and then hands back, a M1911 as he is about to do the “tunnel rat” through the duct, sewer pipe, or whatever.
Are aliens (or borgs) affected by stopping power? Apparently not.

I am amazed that Polymath can remember what type of firearm was used in a movie he probably hasn’t viewed for a decade. But this is par for the course with my friends.

When I was watching “Holy Grail” with Polymath, he paused the action to point out the door of Castle Anthrax: “Look! It’s historically inaccurate! That door was machine-planed!”

When I was watching an Indiana Jones movie with the Foreign Minister, he was outraged that the Nazi antagonists were armed with an RPG that wasn’t developed until 1942. The horrors!

Of course, when I stop movies to point out the ahistorical use of livestock, people thank me. Because understanding what breeds were present in 18th century Appalachia is much more interesting than carpentry tips or Wehrmacht weaponry.

And yes, I am fun at parties.

And sorry ladies, I’m taken.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is sad to report that the Villainschloss is rife with pestilence. It started late last week with the Wee Villain. Then the virus moved swiftly to infect Villainette #2 last Friday. Mrs Villain was virally afflicted on Saturday. And finally, Villainette #1 was stuck yesterday. So far, (he writes - thereby jinxing himself) your Maximum Leader has not been affected by this nasty 24 hour virus. Apparently you feel miserable until you just start vomiting everything you try to put down. After a few hours of that nastiness, everything seems to go better for you.

All this viral activity in the Villainschloss, in addition to his other Maximum Leaderly duties, have kept your Maximum Leader away from his blog. Luckily, the Smallholder has been talking about guns and bovine porn in the meanwhile.

Your Maximum Leader, while not suffering from a virus, has been suffering from allergies. The pollen count has been so high around the Fredericksburg area that he’s been having to double up on allergy medication just to keep from collapsing in a congested heap.

Lucky for your Maximum Leader he has his trusty iPod to keep him company. Playing a lot recently on that iPod… Amy Winehouse’s new album “Back to Black.” The song you may have heard of from that album, “Rehab.” Here it is for your viewing and listening pleasure.

Your Maximum Leader has decided that Amy Winehouse, though a great singer, has waaaaaaaay too many tattoos to be attractive. Looking at her, your Maximum Leader wonders what actually possesses a person to get so many tattoos. He can’t figure it out. Fortunately, he just listens to her on the iPod.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader can sleep better at night now that he knows that Larry Birkhead is the father of the late Anna Nicole Smith’s baby.

No…

Really… It was keeping him up at night…

Yes… Restless sleeping at best for the past few weeks…

Really… You know your Maximum Leader was a huge Anna Nicole fan…

(Cue Stewie Griffin voice) Oh yeah…

Big fan…

Big, big fan…

Really big fan…

(Cue Ed Sullivan voice) Rilly beig fan… Rilly beig…

Boy… This is exciting…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has for many years loved the Cowboy Junkies. Thanks to the joys of You Tube he will share them with you…

Angel Mine:

Open:

And the song that put them on the map, a cover of Sweet Jane:

It is too bad that your Maximum Leader can’t find more of their stuff out there. Angel Mine, and Open are not among their best songs.

And allow your Maximum Leader to go on record saying that Margo Timmins is one of the most beautiful women in the history of the world. She is positively radiant in person (your Maximum Leader - playing the groupie - has met her twice).

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is in something of a funk. No particular reason, but he just can’t seem to motivate himself to actually type anything. He has seated himself in front of his computer and thought about a post… But he just can’t seem to will himself to type. (Frankly, he hasn’t been playing computer games of any sorts.) Indeed, he finds himself strangely drawn to “Scrubs” re-runs. If he times it right, he can watch 90 minutes of “Scrubs” every night. The zany antics of Zach Braff and his cohorts seem to make your Maximum Leader feel a little better.

Anyhoo…

Your Maximum Leader has been reading blogs, although not contributing to his blog. And one of the most entertaining posts he’s read recently was Buckethead’s post on Lightsabre toting Jesuits… It is a great post. Buckethead begins:

Why, indeed, are stormtroopers not all the same height, given that they are clones? As I watched, with half an eye, the great saga that is Star Wars, some questions popped into my head that had never popped before.

Imagine that Adolf Hitler conquered the world. He is now known as Der Fuhrer, of course, and rules with an iron hand and generally goes around scaring the bejesus out of people. Imagine that in a desert region, far from the bright centers of the Nazi world – maybe in Indiana – there is a young boy with the last name Hitler. He becomes involved with the resistance, and learns to fly, and in a climactic confrontation with Der Fuhrer at a oil shale strip mine in Alberta learns that Der Fuhrer is in fact his father. Should he be surprised? Would no one have ever commented on the puzzling similarity of last names?

The post gets better from there; ending with lightsabre toting Jesuits…

And by the way… Some Stormtroopers are taller than others because, while clones, they over time develop their own personalities. And some of them want to “stand out.” So they put lifts in their boots.

Your Maximum Leader should also mention that if one starts to think at all critically about any of the Star Wars movies, they fall apart very quickly. Faster in fact than does Star Trek, in all its various forms… The deconstruction of Star Trek takes a bit more time, as male viewers are constantly distracted by the large shapely breasts of one of the female leads… Indeed, your Maximum Leader found himself watching nearly all of a rerun of “Enterprise” on SciFi last night for the sole purpose of seeing Sub-commander T’Pol do whatever Sub-commander T’Pol does…

Well, if he can summon up the blood to do so, your Maximum Leader may try to post again soon.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is looking to have a busy day… No guarantees on any further postings…

He did want to share with you two quick items.

First, if you are in the greater Washington DC Metro area and like Beer, Bourbon, and pork BBQ, you might want to head over to the Timonium Fairgrounds on Saturday for the Beer, Bourbon & BBQ Festival. If you miss the Maryland Festival, there is a second date in July in Charlotte NC.

Secondly… You need to go over and read from Cranky’s latest on Six Meat Buffet. Highlight:

“…as was the custom of the time, Pilate brought the bill before the people. “Which of these two bills would you like passed into law? Shall I pass the law that curtails the power of the Food and Drug administration to regulate the color of cheddar cheese or shall I pass the law which compels you to turn your headlights on when you operate your windshield wipers?”

Beauty…

Carry on.

The 300 is a fun, but stupid movie. It looks great and has practically no plot. Following Frank Millers art so closely probably has fans of the graphic novel drooling, but parts of it just look stupid. The look of Xerxes had people in the theater giggling. And the costume of the Spartans just looked dumb. Going to battle in a red cape and a loin cloth made the Spartans seem, well, absurd. I started wondering if the filmmakers had digitally enhanced the actors abs. In fact, the entire movie seemed like a fighting video game. Fight a bunch of bad guys, then fight the boss. Get a new weapon, then fight another bunch of bad guys. repeat.

Anyway, some things I learned about Thermopylae.

- The History Channel says that the Spartans wore armour. No, they didn’t. They fought in G-strings and bow ties.

Spartan Warriors before a battle

- The Spartans discovered Anabolic Steroids and Human Growth Hormone. Barry Bonds actually tried out for the Spartan army, but was denied. Though he blamed the lack of an intregrated military, he was rejected because his blood test came back negative.

Spartan Wannabe

- Historians say “Thermopylae” means “Hot Gateway” or “Hot Gates”. This is not true. It’s actually “Hot Cakes”.

- Xerxes was a great emperor, but few people know he was actually one of the Villiage People early on in his career. He was kicked out of the group for being “too tall and kinky” according to the groups publicist.

Too tall and kinky

- I tried to come up with a witty way of saying this, but the dudes Scottish accent was distracting. Leonidas in this film sounded more Scottish than Mel Gibson as William Wallace. Gerard Butler looks the part, but maybe they should have James Earl Jones dub in his voice or something. Or maybe, the film should have been entirely in Greek with subtitles. The plot, such as it is, is simple to follow. The audience doesn’t really need to understand the dialogue.

Your Haggis is Mine

- The Iranians just can’t avoid being bad guys. Maybe it’s just in their blood. Their fearsome troops look like a cheap highschool Samurai mask.

Please don’t laugh, I’m really scary

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader got this You Tube clip from the (once again posting here) Air Marshal. What can you say about it but “Oh my.”

If your Maximum Leader knew how enteraining the Miss America Pagent could be he’d have watched more than once…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was wasting time on You Tube and found this…

Okay… Perhaps the title of “Weaponizing a Big-Arsed Bunny” was the best part. But it did make your Maximum Leader laugh.

Carry on.