Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, while browsing Brendon’s site, found a little story that filled him with a particular type of glee.

That glee is called: schadenfreude.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader read in the paper this morning that the Grammys were awarded last night. Who knew?

Who cares?

Aren’t the Grammys that balkanized award? Aren’t there also Latin Grammys, Black Grammys, Anglo Grammys, Fogey Grammys, New Age Grammys, and the oft overlooked Can’t-Carry-A-Tune-In-A-Bucket Grammys? What exactly is the relationship between these awards? Does anyone watch them?

That last question was purely rhetorical.

Carry on.

Minions across the political spectrum, this post is politics-free! Because no one should dare refuse our Maximum Leader: these are the Oscar-nominated movies that I’ve seen, in personal order of preference from best to worst.

Note: I’m not judging them necessarily by the categories within which they were nominated; nor will I be using my preferences to predict winners (although hoping for my favorites to be recognized usually means that I lose my shirt when making selections in my oscar pool).

After the jump:
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Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader will make a public bleg of the Minister of Propaganda… Which films that are part of the Oscar buzz should your Maximum Leader try to see with Mrs. Villain. Since Oscar nominations were announced today your Maximum Leader thought he’d ask for some recommendations. You see… For the first time in many years your Maximum Leader has not seen ANY of the films nominated for anything. Not a one. (Unless you count “Batman Begins” in the category of Best Cinematography… A minor category… And he’s just talking about the big categories. Best Actor/Actress, Best Supporting Actor/Actress, Best Director, Best Picture.)

Pretty sad isn’t it? Your Maximum Leader just doesn’t get out of the Villainschloss and to the cinema very frequently. That is price one pays for being Maximum Leader - and having three young offspring - very few trips to the movies.

Last night your Maximum Leader and Mrs Villain discussed going to the movies. Your Maximum Leader is open to seeing “Brokeback Mountain.” But Mrs. Villain isn’t interested. Your Maximum Leader is also interested in seeing “Capote.” Mrs. Villain seemed more open to “Capote” but not thrilled by it. By default the choice would appear to be the not-nominated-for-best-picture-but-still-getting-good-nods-for-acting “Walk the Line.” Your Maximum Leader will hold out for “Capote” first and “Walk the Line” second.

“Walk the Line” doesn’t have as much appeal to your Maximum Leader as “Capote.” He supposes that this is because he’s seen the interviews with Johnny and June Carter Cash. He’s more familiar with that story because of his love of Johnny Cash’s music. Other than reading “In Cold Blood” he doesn’t know that story very well. Not like he plans on viewing “Capote” as a documentary… He wouldn’t. Neither would he view “Walk the Line” as a documentary. They are, he knows, entertainment. Fictionalized accounts of events. (Sort of like Oliver Stone’s JFK - only more true.) But the “Capote” story intrigues your Maximum Leader more…

Anyho…

If anyone would like to recommend films to your Maximum Leader he is open to suggestions.

Carry on.

UPDATE: Buckethead has finds himself in almost the same boat as your Maximum Leader.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader reads on the news wire that the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt has bought the rights to the story of a Texas hooker/housewife. Ms. Hewitt will produce and star in the film based on a true story.

Humm… The article says the film will be a comedy. Perhaps your Maximum Leader will have to schedule a trip to the movies when it comes out…

Carry on.

Despite the temptation to spice up the sequels, no gimmicks this time. How does James Bond manage to keep it fresh and exciting with every single outing? There is also another film in this posting that I worked on, for any minions who are interested.

As before, movies are ranked by personal preference within each category.

In Theaters:
A History of Violence: penetrating
Corpse Bride: amusing
Goal!: competent
Lord of War: simplistic
Flightplan: dreadful

Viewed at home:
Mean Streets: raw
13 Conversations About One Thing: affecting
The Long Goodbye: deliberate
Millennium Actress: innovative
6ixtynin9: derivative

I’m going to be in Utah for the next two months working on a new film, somy postings may be sporadic. Will you miss me? I believe you will — unless you’re lucky enough to be both comely and in the Salt Lake City area, in which case we can meet for drinks . . . to discuss politics, movies, and amusing anecdotes about our Maximum Leader and the other ministers, naturally. My e-mail is on the left.

Believe. (Everything except the bit about James Bond being ‘fresh and exciting’ every time — that’s complete bullshit).

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees on the news wire that ABC and CBS are secretly looking for new evening news anchors.

First off, how secret could the search be if stories about the search appear on the new wire?

Secondly, your Maximum Leader will suggest that ABC or CBS contact the Minister of Propaganda right away. He is a dashing figure and we’re sure he’ll look great on TV. He’s young and hip - so you might capture a younger demographic. He is single and dating - so you are guaranteed to get some tabloid press as he goes from one bacchanalian fest to another. And lastly, but by no means leastly, you will get an educated and articulate liberal to replace the liberals you had before.

If ABC or CBS did pick up the M of P as their evening news anchor your Maximum Leader just might start watching the evening news again.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was greatly disappointed at the overall calibre and tenor of the questioning of John Roberts before the Senate Judiciary Committee. His feelings are entirely non-partisan Both Democratic and Republican Senators opted for giving long diatribes in front of cameras instead of actually asking questions. Your Maximum Leader believes that the hearings would have been completed in about 45 minutes if they had actually been a question and answer session.

Of course, many Senators did their damnest to find out how John Roberts’ brain works on the question of Roe v. Wade. Little did they know that the question they should have been asking was could a federal judge overturn a state probate court ruling in the case of a horny old man who wanted to nail a trashy stripper with huge (if artificial) tits?

Indeed, it seems like our white-trashy “friend” Anna Nicole Smith is going to have her day in front of the Supreme Court of the United States of America. Which (we hope) will be lead by newly minted Chief Justice John Roberts. Who knew?

Your Maximum Leader would have paid good money to see some Senator ask, “Judge Roberts, what is your opinion of strippers with big boobies cashing in on the estate of their late octagenarian husband to the detrement of the late husband’s estranged son? And I’d like to follow-up Mr Chairman… What does Judge Roberts think about huge fake boobies? Does he like them? Does he feel that getting fake boobies is a right protected by the Constitution?”

Yeah… That would have been great.

Carry on.

In honor of the fact that I worked as crew on one of this week’s movies, welcome to the Extended Director’s Cut Edition of One-Word Movie Reviews: TWO word reviews! Enjoy the extra depth and clarity of vision that only an extended version of the original work can bring you. . .

In Theaters:
The Constant Gardener: f***ing superb
Pretty Persuasion: f***ing convoluted
Just Like Heaven: f***ing okay

Viewed at home:
Kontroll: f***ing shrewd
Dead Leaves: f***ig frantic
Overnight: f***ing cautionary
The Boondock Saints: f***ing indulgent

F***ing Believe.

The Smallholder notes, with grim bemusement, the Maximum Leader’s feeble attempt to distract our readers from the real fairest of the fair. He discusses Jennifer Love Hewitt and Kate Moss, but excludes the ethereal beauty of Jamie Pressly from consideration?

We once had a poll for official babe of Naked Villainy. The Maximum Leader, following the hoary tradition of single party dictatorships everywhere, stuffed, as it were, the ballot box.

But the truth cannot be so easily surpressed.

The proof, as they say (or at least the Primer Minister of Singapore) is in the pudding.

JLH and JP both have new series debuting this fall - “The Ghost (snicker snicker) Whisperer” and “My Name is Earl” The American people, voting with their eyes and advertising dollars, will demonstrate once and for all that Jaime is waaaaay better looking than a glorified balloon smuggler.

Or a coke-addled anorexic.

Just in time for your weekend, gentle readers!

In Theaters:
Junebug: intelligent
The 40-Year-Old Virgin: amusing
Transporter 2: delirious

Viewed at home:
The Player: delicious
The Deal: predictable
The Flower of Evil: French

Believe.

It’s been kind of a slow week because I was working and didn’t get much quality time with the DVD player. Well, I did have time to watch this one movie that I’m not going to review here, because I think the Maximum Leader would edit my word choice.

As an additional element of review, I’ll be listing the movies within each category (in theaters or viewed at home) from best choice to worst, so minions looking for entertainment guidance need do even less thinking than before.

Anyway, in theaters:
Broken Flowers: captivating
The Cave: passable
Brothers Grimm: disillusioning

Viewed at home:
La Petite Lili: interesting

Enjoy and, as befits you, believe.

Welcome to one-word movie reviews! With the blessing of our Maximum Leader, I’m going to make this a semi-regular feature here at Naked Villainy (nobody seems to mind when Smallholder, aka the Minister of Agriculture, rambles on about cow insemination). These are the opinions of your Minister of Propaganda only; they are not meant to represent the opinions of the Hollywood Elite at large.

For benchmarking purposes:

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: genius
Forrest Gump: trite
Big Trouble in Little China: awesome!!!!

Set? Good. Movies I’ve recently viewed, first in theaters:

Four Brothers: decent
Bad News Bears: ugh
The Island: wasteful
Wedding Crashers: inspiring

And via netflix:

Bang Rajan: confusing
The Ninth Configuration: dated
In the Mood For Love: beautiful
The Jacket: dull
Elf: headachy
The City of No Limits: intriguing

Screen the good and avoid the bad. If you can’t trust your Minister of Propaganda to select your entertainment options, who can you trust?

Believe.