Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has for many years loved the Cowboy Junkies. Thanks to the joys of You Tube he will share them with you…

Angel Mine:

Open:

And the song that put them on the map, a cover of Sweet Jane:

It is too bad that your Maximum Leader can’t find more of their stuff out there. Angel Mine, and Open are not among their best songs.

And allow your Maximum Leader to go on record saying that Margo Timmins is one of the most beautiful women in the history of the world. She is positively radiant in person (your Maximum Leader - playing the groupie - has met her twice).

Carry on.

I stumbled across a list of Larry Niven’s laws at Wikipedia.

The first law made me smile because one of my “life lessons” for my students is: “Never throw rocks at people with guns” in reference to the Boston Massacre, Kent State, or the Israeli Defense Force.

My favorite laws are:

1) Never throw shit at an armed man.

2) Never stand next to someone who is throwing shit at an armed man.

3) Mother Nature doesn’t care if you’re having fun.

4) Giving up freedom for security is beginning to look naive. (Note: this originally read “F x S = k”, signifying that the product of Freedom and Security is a constant.)

14) When your life starts to look like a soap opera, it’s time to change the channel.

17) There is no cause so right that one cannot find a fool following it.

The whole list is here.

Our local paper devotes a portion of the editorial page to “Quotable Quotes.” In today’s paper, two of the selections were:

“I have no purpose, directly or indirectly, to interfere with the institution of slavery in the states where it exists. I believe I have no lawful right to do so, and I have no inclination to do so.” - Abraham Lincoln

“We have already lost all but our honor by the last war, and I must say, that in order to be men we must protect our honor at all hazards and we must protect our wives, our homes, and our families.” - Nathan Bedford Forrest

Your humble Smallholder almost had an aneurism. What are the odds that they’ll print my letter to the editor?

Dear Sirs,

The “Quotable” section from March 29’s paring of quotes from Abraham Lincoln and Nathan Bedford Forrest was astounding. Both are actual quotes, but when combined together they cast doubt on the DNR editorial staff’s collective judgment.
The Lincoln quote in which he claims no desire to interfere with slavery where it exists should have been placed in the context of Lincoln’s wartime maneuvers to keep the border states in the Union. Politicians routinely tailor their comments to their audiences and a wise man looks at a politician’s actions rather than his words to determine the politician’s true intent. Lincoln did end slavery, so one ought to take quotes like the one you published with a grain of salt. However, since folks who want to deny that slavery was the cause of the Civil War have popularized Honest Abe’s quote in public discourse, it is possible that the selection of the uncontextualized quote was the product of ignorance and not malevolence.
Unfortunately, the DNR opens itself to the charge of racist malevolence when the Lincoln quote is then paired with Nathan Bedford Forrest’s statement about the mission of the Ku Klux Klan. When Forrest lamented that the South had lost “all but our honor,” he was talking about the collapse of slavery and the loss of white supremacy. When he promoted the protection of “our wives, our homes, and our families,” he believed that the protection required the maintenance of white superiority through terrorism and murder.
If the DNR staff is aware of Forrest’s role in the emergence of the Klan as an instrument of white superiority, choosing to quote this monster is indefensible.
If the DNR editorial staff was unaware of Forrest’s racial atrocities, their lamentable ignorance of basic elements of American history undermines the credibility of the DNR’s editorial analysis.

Sincerely,

Smallholder

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, last week, posted about the growing financial scandal surrounding Lawrence Small, the Secretary of the Smithsonian Institution.

Well. Mr Small has resigned his position, and the Board of Regents has accepted his resignation. A number of possible replacements are now being considered. The Acting Secretary, Cristian Samper (now former head of the Smithsonian’s Museum of Natural History) is a possible sucessor.

Apparently, the appointment of Mr (Dr?) Samper has lead to the resignation of David Evans, the (now former) Undersecretary for Science at the Smithsonian. Mr. Evans was, it seems, the number 2 guy at the Smithsonian under Lawrence Small, and was Samper’s boss. It is unclear if Mr. Evans was upset by being passed over for the job; or if he just figured this was the best time to move along and do something else. Frankly, your Maximum Leader would suspect it is both, but probably the bruised ego of being passed over was the dominant feeling when it came time to take a decision.

While the financial issues now surrounding Small’s tenure as Smithsonian Secretary are troubling, Small’s tenure as Secretary has been remarkable. Small was a great fundraiser and the institution is no doubt better off today than when he came into office. Your Maximum Leader believe that the Smithsonian would be well served by having a person well connected to potential donors (as Small was with his financial background); it is likely that the Regents will wind up selecting someone more in the vein of all of Small’s predecessors. Which is to say, academics and scientists.

Your Maximum Leader has nothing against academics and scientists. Indeed, in a perfect world your Maximum Leader would likely have been a tweed-wearing college don. But an institution like the Smithsonian needs a great fundraiser and financial guru to lead it. Like many colleges and universities, the Smithsonian needs non-academics in top positions so that those people can wheel and deal (traits not often associated with academics and scientists) to get the money and support needed to advance the academic and scientific goals of the institution.

Your Maximum Leader has actually had lots of personal experience in this area. Academics who might appeal to the Smithsonian staff, don’t often have the knowledge or skills required to fundraise - and administer - a large institution. Your Maximum Leader is reminded of his alma mater. Many years ago, your Maximum Leader’s undergraduate school was busy picking a new president. The choices came down to two men. One was a well published and scholarly historian who had a successful post-lecturer career as a Vice-President for Academic Affairs at a well-known university. The second was a retired Army General who was a decorated war veteran (WWII, Korea, and Vietnam), former intelligence agency director, and a member of the US negotiation team during the SALT era. The first man was essentially an academic who could also do administration. The second man was a leader and visionary - who was also as well-connected politcially as you could imagine.

Your Maximum Leader’s alma mater selected the first man. A nearby college selected the second man. Both men served as President of their respective schools for roughly the same period of time. During that time your Maximum Leader’s alma mater grew at a satisfactory rate; but the nearby college saw their endowment increase dramatically - as did their regional/national reputation. The problem was the temperament of the first man. He just wasn’t a “gladhanding” type. He was stand-offish. He was formal. He was exactly the way you would expect a serious studious professor type to be. Indeed, your Maximum Leader remembers being at a party once with his college’s president in attendance. Also in attendance was the Chairman of the Appropriations Committee for the Virginia House of Delegates. Now, one would think that the President of a state supported college might spend some time getting to know the Chairman of a very powerful (budget writing) committee in his state legislature. But you would be wrong. In fact your Maximum Leader spend more time with the Chairman talking about hunting, fishing, and proper techniques for roasting a wild turkey on a spit than did his alma mater’s president. If your Maximum Leader’s memory is correct, the President and the Chairman were introduced over the black velvet punchbowl. Looked at each other awkwardly for a moment, then parted company.

Excursus: The awkwardness might have been caused by the fact that the academic was a teetotaler and wouldn’t accept a glassful of black velvet. This, of course, reinforced your Maximum Leader’s firm belief that you can’t develop a good relationship with someone who doesn’t drink.

Anyhoo…

Your Maximum Leader firmly believes that the Smithsonian will find a safe academic to be their next Secretary. They really ought to look for a well-connected visionary. And on the off-chance they find the visionary with connections, write a really detailed employment contract that stipulates what expenses will and will not be reimbursed to the Secretary…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is looking to have a busy day… No guarantees on any further postings…

He did want to share with you two quick items.

First, if you are in the greater Washington DC Metro area and like Beer, Bourbon, and pork BBQ, you might want to head over to the Timonium Fairgrounds on Saturday for the Beer, Bourbon & BBQ Festival. If you miss the Maryland Festival, there is a second date in July in Charlotte NC.

Secondly… You need to go over and read from Cranky’s latest on Six Meat Buffet. Highlight:

“…as was the custom of the time, Pilate brought the bill before the people. “Which of these two bills would you like passed into law? Shall I pass the law that curtails the power of the Food and Drug administration to regulate the color of cheddar cheese or shall I pass the law which compels you to turn your headlights on when you operate your windshield wipers?”

Beauty…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been following the growing scandal concerning payments made to Smithsonian Institution Secretary Lawrence M. Small. If you’ve not heard of this issue, you might get caught up by reading the lengthy article in the Washington Post.

Here are some money quotes for your consumption from the Post:

Small spent nearly $160,000 on the redecoration of his offices in the institution’s main building on the Mall shortly after he took the helm of the world’s largest museum system in 2000. The expenses include $4,000 for two chairs from the English furniture-maker George Smith, $13,000 for a custom-built conference table and $31,000 for Berkeley stripe upholstery.

Small has also received $1.15 million in housing allowances over a six-year period in return for agreeing to use his 6,500-square-foot home in Woodley Park for Smithsonian functions. To justify those expenses, Small has submitted receipts for $152,000 in utility bills, $273,000 in housekeeping services and $203,000 in maintenance charges, including $2,535 to clean a chandelier. The home-repair invoices show $12,000 for upkeep and service on his backyard swimming pool, including $4,000 to replace the lap pool’s natural gas heater and pump.

The office expenses were permitted under Smithsonian policies and procedures, and the housing allowance was part of Small’s employment agreement. The $160,000 in office renovations are part of $846,000 in total office expenses Small filed between 2000 and 2005. About $90,000 was found by the institution’s inspector general to be unauthorized, including charter jet travel and transactions that “might be considered lavish or extravagant,” The Post reported last month.

In addition to the $90,000, about $28,000 in expenses had insufficient or no supporting documents. These were variously labeled as “reimbursement,” “one-time vendor” and “Smithsonian petty cash,” documents show.

Small, whose total compensation will top $915,000 this year, said in a statement that he is declining to comment while an ongoing Senate Finance Committee investigation looks at his expenses.

Wow! The article goes on to state that under Small’s leadership the Smithsonian has increased productivity, streamlined operations, opened new museums, and improved existing ones. Additionally, Small has been a tremendous fundraiser for the institution, with new donors giving over a billion dollars to the greatest museums in the world.

But all that aside, your Maximum Leader (a long-time Smithsonian Associate by the way) feels a bit unsettled by all of the money Small seems to be taking for himself from the taxpayer subsidized trough. The Smithsonian Board of Regents has given its seal of approval to all these payments to the Secretary. And that seal of approval continues even after their own inspector general has raised questions about the payments. First off a salary of over $900,000 a year. That seems a bit excessive. Actually, it seems a lot excessive to your Maximum Leader. (He will, however, admit that he doesn’t know what the going rate of compensation is for the heads of the worlds great museums. How much does the Director of the British Museum, or Louvre, or Hermitage get paid?)

There will be Senate hearings into all this, and according to today’s Washington Post the now former inspector general of the Smithsonian claims that Small tried to pressure her to change the focus of her financial investigation. It seems to your Maximum Leader that all this is gonna get real ugly.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader apologizes for not posting yesterday. He was too busy celebrating, with his Icelandic friends, Beer Day.

Yes, March 1 is beer day in Reykjavik, and around Iceland. This great holiday commemorates the legalization of beer (one of the worlds favourite beverages) in the small North Atlantic nation.

Let it be known far and wide that your Maximum Leader is all in favour of supporting beer related holidays.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader decided that he would take along a Flashman book to read during his little weekend getaway. He wound up taking Flashman’s Lady.

Now, your Maximum Leader has had “Flashman’s Lady” on the shelf marked “to be read” for a while. He doesn’t know how he skipped it (since it is a fairly early Flashy book)… Regardless… He picked it up and started reading.

Well… Guess what? Due to a printing error two pages of the book are not to be found. Page 43/44 and page 87/88. These pages appear to not have been printed. (To be clear, the pages are skipped, they have not been removed.)

Your Maximum Leader was so put out by this he actually called Plume Books (a Division of Penguin Books) and complained. He was informed that he should take the books back to the place of purchase to exchange them. Your Maximum Leader - today - with is aching back (another story) - went to Borders to exchange the book… Guess what? The other copy of Flashman’s Lady has the same printing error. To your Maximum Leader’s chagrin, the Borders person said that he wouldn’t send the book back to the publisher. The book didn’t seem ‘damaged’ enough to warrant a return to the publisher. Your Maximum Leader protested that two friggin pages of the bleedin’ book were missing and that any sensible person would feel put out by the inconvenience of it all.

Your Maximum Leader’s protestations came to naught. Your Maximum Leader damned the eyes of the bookseller and departed. He made careful note of the bookseller’s name - so that when the Mike World Order comes that person can be liquidated.

If any kindly minions reading this happen to have intact copies of “Flashman’s Lady” handy and wouldn’t mind copying/faxing or scanning/e-mailing the pages to him; he appreciate it very much.

By the way… Outside of Flashy, your Maximum Leader hadn’t heard many people using the expression “Damn your eyes!” If you haven’t heard it, try listening to Johnny Cash’s song “Sam Hall.” Great little song.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader realizes that his nearly four years old schtick here at Naked Villainy may have convinced some of you that he is a pompous illest who you wouldn’t want to spend much time with… He hopes that those of you who know your Maximum Leader might think differently…

As many long-time readers know, your Maximum Leader is a great lover of Shakespeare. Shakespeare’s plays, while a joy to read, are really meant to be experienced not only in your mind, but with all your senses. To get the full effect you need to see and hear them. (Excursus: Indeed, your Maximum Leader and Villainette #1 watched Olivier’s King Lear just this past weekend.) This is one of the reasons that your Maximum Leader has always been a fan of well-done film versions of Shakespeare’s plays. But more than seeing The Bard on celluloid, his works should be seen on a stage… And that is where your Maximum Leader is going with this…

The Shakepeare Theatre Company of Washington is currently performing one of your Maximum Leader’s favourite plays, Richard III. This production has been very well reviewed. (See here, here and here.) Your Maximum Leader was going to be picking up some tickets for himself and his lovely wife to see this play before it closes on March 18th. So he wondered… Would some among the blogging community like to see this play too? Could we get discounted group tickets? Would there be drinks beforehand (or afterwards - remember though, the play is long)? These questions and so many more can be answered by your Maximum Leader, if only he could gauge interest.

If you are interested in a night of Shakespeare let your Maximum Leader know. Shoot him an e-mail at “maximumleader” - the “at” symbol - “nakedvillainy” - “dot” - com. He will get a quick head-count and see what can be done about the tickets. Your Maximum Leader had hoped for a Saturday or Sunday Matinee (2:00pm) in late February. But that is not etched in stone. If you have a preference for days or times let your Maximum Leader know. Matinee tickets regularly run for $70. They say that groups of 10 or more can get discounts between 20 and 50%. Don’t be stingy! This is culture people!

If you are interested… Write your Maximum Leader and let him know…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader reads on the news wires that B.B. King has been hospitalized in Texas.

Your Maximum Leader has seen B.B. King play twice and is something of a fan. He hopes that B.B. recovers quickly.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader saw an interesting little article over on Yahoo. It was an assortment of little (probably unscientific) factoids about American’s attitudes towards breaking up.

Now… Allow him to state for the record, your Maximum Leader is a happily married fellow. He would never “break up” with Mrs Villain. Indeed, he feels very strongly about this. Perhaps it is his Catholic upbringing coming to the fore on this. But your Maximum Leader has been very clear that he would rather live in wedded misery than divorce. Indeed, if it ever came to it, he would dedicate his life to making Mrs Villain’s life as miserable as possible - without getting divorced.

He might consider an annulment. Might… He worries about the bastardization of children…

But this is just idle chatter, because on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being suicidal misery and 10 being perfect bliss; your Maximum Leader is pretty sure his marriage is a 9.3. That is rather exact measurement he knows. But from time to time your Maximum Leader and his lovely (and loving) wife don’t see eye to eye on things… That would account for the .7 deduction.

Anyhoo…

Your Maximum Leader was surprised at some of the Yahoo entry’s factoids…

Before breaking up 31 percent would spend one last night of hurrah together. A night of “hurrah?” Humm… Could this be a coded use of “hurrah” that your Maximum Leader hasn’t seen before? He thinks it is. He’s used all sorts of euphemisms for conjugation - as it were. But “hurrah” has never - ever - been one of them. Your Maximum Leader will also speculate that 92.2 percent of that 31 percent are male.

About 50 percent of daters give people three o five dates before they decide how they feel (though West Coasters tend to judge a little quicker). Humm… Three to five dates? Does that seem like enough? What type of dates are we talking about? Meeting for coffee? Dinner? Movies? Dancing? Your Maximum Leader wonders. If you meet for coffee say you spend an hour together. One imagines that you will be talking for most of that one hour. But let us say you go out dancing… Even if you go out dancing for three hours will you talk with the person for a whole hour? Of course West Coasters are quicker to decided. One wonders if Bobgirrl is giving her future ex-husbands enough time?

Men are quicker than women to consider their date to be their girlfriend/boyfriend. Especially men in their 40s. 16 percent of men vs. 8 percent of women consider their date their boyfriend/girlfriend after three to five dates. Men on the West Coast are significantly more likely than other men to have exclusivity before considering someone their boyfriend/girlfriend. Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure what to to think of this one. 3-5 dates. One supposes that if it takes 3-5 dates to decide if you have “feelings” for someone then it should take 4-6 dates before you declare that your are boyfriend/girlfriend. Don’t you think? Really now… If you make up your mind on date 5 that you have “good feelings” for someone wouldn’t you then require one more date to firm things up?

A disturbing factoid on which to end this post…

After breaking up, 23 percent will cut him/her out of all their photos. Are 23 percent of people that pyscho? Really now… This bit seems a little too OCD for your Maximum Leader to buy. For goodness sakes… If you only had 4-6 dates how many photos could you have? If you dated for years… How long would that take? This seems quite odd in fact. Your Maximum Leader just can’t imagine wanting to take the time to do all the cutting…

Single people are welcome to drop your Maximum Leader a line and describe their favorite break-up stories… If you are single, female, and take a shine to the Maximum Leaderly type - feel free to send photos of you and your ex. Then feel free to go on over to the Naked Villainy store and buy yourself a sexy camisole and matching thong. Then take a photo of yourself wearing your Naked Villainy apparel and e-mail it to the ex. It will empower you and make them feel miserable for having lost such a catch… (Also… Copy your Maximum Leader on that message…)

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was sent a link to a You Tube video by the Air Marshal today. It was just what your Maximum Leader needed to bring a smile to his face.

Peter Sellers performs…

The Beatles “Hard Days Night” in the style of Olivier doing Richard III.

Carry on.

On this, the 72nd anniversary of his birth, I would like to personally thank the King for sacrificing his life to save us all from an evil soul-sucking mummy.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wants to make sure you are all aware that today is the 72nd Birthday of that greatest of all American Icons, Elvis Aaron Presley.

For your reading pleasure…

Elvis-Nixon meeting has fans shook up.

Ah The King and The President… Together again at the Nixon Library.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was making himself up a new playlist in i-Tunes for downloading to his i-Pod.

He realized that the first three songs he added to this particular playlist were “Making Love out of Nothing at All” by Air Supply, “Candyman” by Christina Agulera, and “I’m Still Standing” by Elton John.

Your Maxmium Leader likely should have his “man card” reviewed…

But since he’s already admitted this much… Here is Sir Elton’s video…

Of course, If you were looking for the anti-Elton; it might be Christina Aguilera… Here is Christina performing “Candyman”…

Hell… While he’s at it… Here is Air Supply…