Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees an interesting headline on the Washington Post: Gender Line is Blurred in GMU Homecoming Pageant.

Hum… A Homecoming Queen… Figuratively…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader’s Valentine’s Day did not go as planned. It started to go south when Villainette #2 started acting up with her friends here (from the sleepover). Your Maximum Leader disciplined her quietly and not in front of her friends so as not to embarass her too much. Alas, she was a bit thickheaded and needed another go - this time in front of everyone. No fun… Your Maximum Leader’s mood perceptibly grew a little foul.

Then, Mrs Villain and the Villainettes had a group of kids over to work on a school project. This school project involved painting some sheets to use as a backdrop to a play. Mrs Villain didn’t think through the painting and had the kids paint the (thin cotton) sheets on top of a (thin cotton) sheet on the carpeted floor of the Villainschloss basement. Needless to say, the carpet got painted too. Your Maximum Leader had to go out and get one of those industrial-strength carpet cleaner thingies to save the day. The day is pretty much saved - but it wasn’t pretty and your Maximum Leader was starting to get really pissy.

Then came time for dinner. Your Maximum Leader had planned a feast of T-bone steak, fried oysters, roasted-garlic mashed potatoes and green beans. Well… Villainette #1 decided she didn’t want to help peel potatoes. Your Maximum Leader told her that if she didn’t she was getting a peanut butter sandwich for dinner. Villainette #1 thought the threat was an idle one, so she left. Your Maximum Leader was now very pissy. He cooked four (instead of five) steaks, fried up the pound of oysters he bought (already shucked - this morning in fact), and got everything cooked. Dinner was served and Villainette #1 was surprised to discover that not only was she going to actually get a peanut butter sandwich for dinner; but that it was served to her on a Lightning McQueen plate normally reserved for her 4 years old brother. She was all sorts of upset. She sulked through dinner. Your Maximum Leader was informed by Mrs Villain at the table that she didn’t want any oysters (fried or otherwise). Villainette #2 had a couple of oysters (she liked them but wanted more steak). So it fell to your Maximum Leader to eat pretty much all of the oysters. (NB: They were quite delicious. Lightly breaded in a corn-meal/flour mix and a little buttermilk.)

Did your Maximum Leader mention that he started drinking bourbon and coke from his 20 oz tiki mug earlier in the day? No? Ooops.

So now your Maximum Leader is all hopped up with oysters and liquor. And what does he decide to do?

Go and read blogs of course…

He should draw your attention to the best “Valentine’s Day” type post he’s read in a long time. Mr. C.S. Perry is a friggin genius. Not only is Mr. C.S. Perry a friggin genius, but he caused your Maximum Leader to remember through a bourbon induced haze that he is filled with the amourousness that comes through alcohol and oysters in mass quantities. In fact he is likely filled with enough amourousness to occupy two normal men his age (or one 16 year old boy).

Mrs Villain has, of course, turned in early and is fast asleep.

At this point your Maximum Leader is seriously considering… Well… He’s considering lots of options…

Damn.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was over at Ted’s site and decided to clicky through on the link to visit the “Shrine of the Mall Ninja.”

Oh. Mah. Gawd.

Your Maximum Leader was afraid he was going to laugh so hard he would have some sort of infarction and need medical attention. Your Maximum Leader has met some “mall ninja” types in his day. If you ever visit a gun shop or gun show you are bound to run into your fair share. He thinks he pretty much lost it when he read this:

You’re just jealous that SPECOPS and I have something to show for our lives and you do not. The Corporation’s work is the only thing I can talk about, SPECOPS may have led a more adventurous career, but his actions must have been very above-board for him to be able to discuss this much of his work with you. My “Black-Ops” history ensures that you will never know about the missions I accepted in my younger days, and Vietnam still shudders when it hears the name of a an assasin so skillful and deadly, he is remembered decades later. I hope all of you manage to find some meaning in life, because you obviously have never put your life on the line for others, and until you have almost died, you have never lived. In my profession, you take risks that would be considered impossible to 99% of other men, and undergo pain that the mere shock of which would kill any three of you pantywaists.

Oh my goodness this is good stuff. If you have any experience with this type, you will get a kick out of this site.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was just saying how there were too many things to celebrate going on this past weekend. One of them was Robert Burns Day (which was yesterday). Just like Lunar New Year sneaking up on him, this one snuck up on him too. Sure he got the little reminders that he sets for interesting cultural remembrances like Robert Burns Day. But he disregarded them… So… He didn’t celebrate the great day. Sadly, no one invited him to a Burns Dinner either…

While your Maximum Leader didn’t have a haggis last night, he did have lamb (which if it had been allowed to grow up would have become a sheep suitable for making into haggis). He didn’t read any Burns poetry either.

As sad as it might be that there wasn’t formal celebrating, the day did not pass unnoticed by your Maximum Leader’s loyal readers…

One “Haggis McHaggis” posted a wee little poem for your Maximum Leader’s edification at last year’s Burns Day post. It made your Maximum Leader chuckle so that he feels he must repost it here.

Tae A Fart

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
As ye sit doon amongst yer kin
There sterts tae stir an enormous win’

The neeps an’ tatties an’ mushy peas
Stert workin’ like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin’ wi’ the sonsie face
Will have ye blawin’ a’ ower the place.

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A’body’s gonnae hae tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It’s like a bullet oot o’ a rifle

Haud yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try an’ stop the leakin’ air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae God it disnae reek.

But aw yer efforts gan asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o’ thunder
Ricochets aroon’ the room
Michty me! A sonic boom

God Almichty, it fairly reeks!
Hope I huvnae s**t ma breeks!
Tae the bog ah’d better scurry,
Ach, whit the hell, it’s no ma worry.

A’body roon aboot me chokin’
Yin or twa were nearly boakin’
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile.

Wis him! I shout with accusin’ glower,
Alas! Too late! He’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger, they shout and stare
A didnae feel welcome ony mair

Where e’r ye be let yer wind gan free
Sounds like just the job for me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s party
Ower the sake o’ one wee farty.

That there is funny. Your Maximum Leader is curious to learn which of his readers might be “Haggis McHaggis.” If you would like to fess up - your secret is safe with your Maximum Leader…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader believes that there was too much to celebrate this past weekend. Take for example the beginning of the Year of the Ox. Normally your Maximum Leader tries to do something special to celebrate the Lunar New Year. This year it snuck up on him. He didn’t realize it was coming until it was already upon him.

Your Maximum Leader should have tried harder to find out when the Year of the Ox was beginning… When he mentioned it to his villainous family yesterday Villainette #1 cried out “Yay! It’s my year!” Your Maximum Leader wasn’t sure what she was talking about, he looked at her and said “Quoi?” She said “I’m an Ox. This is my year! How fun!” Then your Maximum Leader realized that Villainette #1 will be 12 years old this year. She will, later in the year, have made it through a whole zodiac cycle. It made your Maximum Leader feel a little old actually…

Happy Lunar New Year!

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has continued to be preoccupied with “real life” and hasn’t made time to blog consistently (or at all really). Sorry ’bout that. But he is now doing a little post because of a noteworthy anniversary today.

Yes… Today would be Elvis’ Seventy-fourth birthday. The King of Rock and Roll would be an old geezer now were he not dead. But your Maximum Leader would still be a fan. A big fan in fact. If your Maximum Leader hasn’t put you on notice before, in the Mike World Order, Elvis’ birthday will be a paid holiday - by law. (Your Maximum Leader will even push hard to have Elvis declared “Saint Elvis of Memphis.” If the Catholic Church will not accomodate this, your Maximum Leader is sure he can get the Episcopalians, Presbyterians, Lutherans and AME churches to go along.) Graceland and the grave of Elvis is already a pilgramage shrine. Your Maximum Leader is sure many have been healed of their ailments by visiting the grave of Elvis. It shouldn’t be too hard… Plus… Can you imagine how cool it would be to have a Caddy or a Stutz Blackhawk that was once owned by a Saint? Very cool indeed.

Your Maximum Leader hasn’t checked, but his is pretty sure that something fun is going on at the Elvis website in honor of his birthday.

Happy Birthday to the King of Rock & Roll.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, fearing that you will all begin to go through DTs if he doesn’t post something soon, is taking a page out of the FLG playbook.

Your Maximum Leader is listening to:

Marhsall Crenshaw singing - “Someday Someway.” Sadly that You Tube above is a acoustic version done earlier in 2008. Your Maximum Leader is listening to the definitive version from Marshall Crenshaw’s eponymous album released back in 1982. Damn that is a good song. The Villainettes love it too. They can both sing along when it pops up on the iPod.

(NB: For some odd reason while looking at the cover art for the Marshall Crenshaw album your Maximum Leader thought of Mr C.S. Perry of Rooked… Hummm…)

Frankly… In the time your Maximum Leader has spent looking (in vain) for a good video of “Someday Someway” a few other songs have come and gone… They include: “Mo Ghile Mear” by Sting and the Chieftains, “It’s all been done” by the Barenaked Ladies, “Tears dry on their own” by Amy Winehouse, “Mexico” by James Taylor, and “One” by the Cowboy Junkies…

So there…

Hey… It’s content…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was tagged by Mike at Curmudgeonry with a little meme thingie. According to Mike we should: 1) Grab your iPod. 2) Select “All Songs” then hit “Shuffle.” 3) Go online and find the lyrics to the song that is selected and post them.

So… Needing content and seeing that this is an easy post to write…

The random song dished out was “Up Above My Head” by Kirk Franklin’s Nu Nation off the “God’s Property” album. Lyrics are:

Up above my head I hear music in the air
Up above my head there’s a melody so bright
And fair
I can hear when I’m all alone
Even in those times when I feel all hope is gone
Up above my head I hear joybells ringing
Up above my head I hear angels singing
There must be a God somewhere
There must be a God somewhere

I hear music in the air
I hear music everywhere
There must be a God somewhere

There must be a God somewhere
There must be a God somewhere
There must be a God somewhere

Your Maximum Leader believes that he has a version of this song sung by The King of Rock and Roll. He also believes that he has never listened to this song before. It is one of nearly 9000 songs on the iPod.

Your Maximum Leader has a playlist of his “top rated” songs that he uses for background music a lot. In iTunes one can assign a rating of 0 to 5 stars to a song. Your Maximum Leader has approximately 2100 songs rated with 4 or 5 stars. Those songs make up the contents of the “top rated” playlist. The other 7000 odd songs tend to languish unlistened to. Your Maximum Leader has decided that he’ll start playing more random songs from the “lower rated” songs to expand his horizons some.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that FLG is out there defending Latin on a pretty regular basis. His defence of Latin reminded your Maximum Leader of a post from waaay back in March of 2006.

Sir Mix-a-lot’s magnum opus: De clunibus magnis amandis oratio

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was going to write a polemic for President-Elect Obama for today. Alas, he started to write and didn’t like the tone he was going to take. So, he will rewrite and post later…

But you really ought to read Mrs P’s story in the comment section of the previous post. A taste:

I recall Squeeze being one of the mainstays of the music selections for the parties my best friend and I used to throw back in the Boston days. She had this terrific newly renovated condo in Back Bay - exposed brick walls hard wood floors and deck - very mid to late ’80’s. And you’ll especially appreciate this feature - it had been -before renovation- one of the first buildings the Boston Strangler had struck…

It just gets better from there.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader just thought that since he’s blegging for particular musical recommendations…

Does anyone (Skippy?) have a list of Randy Newman songs that your Maximum Leader should purchase?

And to counter balance your Maximum Leader’s blegs…

He recommends to you all either of Sophie Milman’s albums. They are “Sophie Milman” and “Make Someone Happy.” They are both great.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maxmium Leader owns one John Prine album. “Jesus - The Missing Years.” He loves it. He saw John Prine once (back in 1992 - when he toured with the Cowboy Junkies).

Now your Maximum Leader requests that some knowledgeable minion(s) give him a hand…

If your Maximum Leader were to buy another Prine album, what should it be? If not a full album - what selection of songs should he buy off i-Tunes?

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has a really good Johnny Cash playlist on the olde iPod. He was listening to it yesterday night.

Your Maximum Leader has decided he really likes the last few albums that Cash made. The various albums he recorded with American Records in Nashville. (Particularly “American Recordings,” “American IV: A Man Comes Around,” and “American V: A Hundred Highways.” These albums speak to him.

Today he was listening to “Further On (Up the Road).” He probably replayed the song 3 or 4 times. It was moving. Your Maximum Leader tried to find a linkable audio file to post here. But he couldn’t find one. So here is this video that some guy made to the song.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was listening to his iPod today. It randomly dished up one of the 8369 songs residing on the hard drive that caused me to rethink its rating. You see, your Maximum Leader has a number of playlists that are based on the number of stars he’s given a particular song. Your Maximum Leader had given 4 (out of 5) stars to “Closer to Fine” by the Indigo Girls.

NB to disloyal minions who have ill on their minds: Go ahead and laugh if you like. Your Maximum Leader does like a few Indigo Girl songs. There was a period when a few girl friends of his were big into the Indigo Girls. The songs bring back particularly fond memories…

Anyhoo…

So, your Maximum Leader was listening to “Closer to Fine” and rather than enjoy it it seemed more like a bunch of new age hippie crap. He couldn’t remember why he liked the song at first. Then he remembered that whole bit about college professors struck a chord in him back in the day. He contemplated reducing the rating to 3 stars… He didn’t. But he is eyeing them suspiciously.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is a big believer in the marketplace of ideas, free competition, blah, blah, blah, blah…

So… Imagine his interest in the concept of competition in art appreciation…

The Heretic Boys for Art.

Catchy…

Carry on.