Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maxmum Leader sees that the hottest story on the news wire right now appears to be Britney’s baby.

Yes. Britney violated the laws of God and Nature and reproduced with a complete waste of DNA. Now their baby boy has been brought into the world. No update on the name. The article says Preston was one choice. Some other tabloid article a while back suggested Vegas as a name.

Either way the kid will be screwed up.

Carry on.

The Schiavo autopsy confirmed that Terri’s brain was massivle damaged - the cortex had been destroyed by the intitial oxygen deprivation and subsequent deterioration. The optical centers of her brain had disintegrated and been replaced with spinal fluid, thus giving undeniable physiological proof that sporadic tracking of Terri’s eyes with objects (the family showed six instances captured over SIX hours in which Terri’s eyes did move in the direction of the attempts to gain her attention) was random chance - as would be expected given the rarity of coincidental tracking when viewed against the whole experience.

Seven of eight neurologists who had examined Terri ruled that she was in a persistanct vegitative state. The eighth, hired by Terri’s family, backed up his findings with theories that had never passed the muster of peer review. So the autopsy report didn’t tell us anything new. They simply verified the accuracy of every physician not hired by the Schindler family.

But the “Bloggers for Terri” are unrepentent. I remember one with particular clarity. It made me wish that my technological limitations were not keeping your humble Smallholder incommunicado. “We were wrong for the right reasons.”

“We were wrong for the right reasons.”

No.

You were wrong for the wrong reasons.

Continue reading below the fold.
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Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been very concerned for the residents of the gulf coast. Hurricanes are not pleasant events. Your Maximum Leader knows that of which he speaks. He’s weathered out a few, and fled from one or two as well.

Before he opines. Give to the American Red Cross. Help the people affected by Hurricane Katrina.

Your Maximum Leader cannot add anything to the reports from other bloggers and news outlets But he will opine on one very annoying tendency he’s observed over the past 24 hours. The uncanny ability of news readers to cut people off who are “callling in” or giving “expert” opinion; but then not go to a commercial. Over the past few hours he’s watched Fox, CNN, and MSNBC. On all three networks they’ve had people on the phone who were commenting on the Hurricane. Sometimes they were people in a flooding building in New Orleans. Sometimes they were engineers discussing the leaky roof at the Superdome. In each case the guests were talking and the news reader/host cut them off and switched to a reporter in the field. The problem with this is that the reporters in the field have been saying the same thing for nearly 12 hours now. Nothing new is being added.

Why not let the guest talk on for a little bit? You’ve got all the time in the world. The storm is slow moving. You can’t get more video feed than you’ve got. Replay the feed and let the guest talk. You don’t need to visit Steve or Brian or whomever standing in the rain in the hotel parking lot to give you the update on how things look from there. Again.

You’ve got time. Let people talk a little more. The reporters in the field will still be there in 5 minutes…

Anyho…

Help out those affected by the storm. Give to the American Red Cross.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that Scarlett Johansson sideswiped a car in the parking lot of Disneyland in an attempt to get away from 4 SUVs full of paparazzi.

Sweet mother! 4 SUVs following her? What the hell? Does the President have 4 SUVs full of Secret Service agents with him when he leaves the White House? Great Jeezey Chreezey people.

Your Maximum Leader feels badly for Scarlett Johansson. He believes her to be a talented actress with a great career in front of her. Indeed, he was disappointed to read the Minister of Propaganda’s one word review of The Island. He had hoped that it would be better. (He still might rent it.)

Indeed, your Maximum Leader is taking a liking to Ms. Johansson. He owns “Lost in Translation” and loves it. He has also seen “In Good Company” - which he didn’t really care for. But he enjoyed watching Scarlett. He might rent “Girl with a Pearl Earring”. It looks like a chick flick. Mrs. Villain will enjoy it - and your Maximum Leader can just watch Scarlett if it fails to keep his interest.

If Scarlett Johansson wants to “get away” from the paparazzi for a while, she is welcome at the Villainschloss. Your Maximum Leader will keep those nasty photographers away…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was surfing eBay tonight and found some real art available.

Jesus and Elvis. Or as they are refered to at the Villainschloss “The two Kings.”

Please note how the halo appears to be favouring the King of Rock and Roll… Or as he is listed on the right-side sidebar, Saint Elvis.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is wearing his black armband today. Yes, he is in mourning.

Mourning for “E” that is.

Yes, on this day in 1977 the Lord took his servant Elvis Aron Presley from us. Your Maximum Leader wishes he could be in Memphis, among the faithful, for the celebration of Elvis Week.

Take a moment out of your day to remember the King.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader reported a while ago about Lisa Marie Presley selling Elvis Presley Enterprises to an entertainment conglomerate a while ago. Well now corporate hands are poised at the throat of Graceland.

Or at least that is how it looks to some people.

Well now the CKX conglomerate has taken possession of Elvis Presley Enterprises. So far they have kept most of the maagement staff. And they haven’t had time to change a lot. But with “Elvis Week” coming up in Memphis they will face the first great challenge. That challenge is the winning over of the myriad fans who come to Memphis around the 16th of August to commemorate the passing of the King. If you can win over those people, you can win over anyone.

By the way, as frequent readers of this site know, Elvis Aron Presley will be sainted in the Mike World Order. Additionally a huge cathedral will be build immediately ajacent to Graceland and Elvis’ grave. It will be the Lourdes of the MWO.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was perusing the news wire yesterday and noticed a name in a headline. The name caused him to click through and read an article he may have otherwise passed over.

The name… Kate Moss.

The headline… Kate Moss Wins Libel Suit Over Drug Charge.

Your Maximum Leader knows that the Minister of Propaganda has always had a soft spot in his (bleeding) heart for Ms. Moss. And that is why he went and read the article. (And why he is posting it here in fact.)

Your Maximum Leader will, for one, rest easier tonight knowing that Ms. Moss didn’t O.D. on cocaine and slip into a drug-induced coma. He suspects that the Minister of Propaganda will rest easier knowing this too.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was recently forwarded a link. A link? A link? A link you say? What sort of a link?

A link to a heartless critique of the oh-so-desireable Miss Jennifer Love Hewitt.

At first your Maximum Leader was getting all defensive on “Love’s” behalf. She is, afterall, going to be the model for many a statue in the MWO.

But after reading the post one more time and really looking at the photo your Maximum Leader realizes that Heather is right. That dress really is pretty unflattering. It does flatten her chest and make her hips and waist look odd.

That said, your Maximum Leader would gladly help Miss Hewitt out of that dress and into something more “comfortable.”

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that some schmo who once had a “relationship” with Jennifer Aniston (he was 16, she was 15) in the mid-80’s is auctioning off the notes she sent him.

Allow your Maximum Leader to go on record saying that in the MWO, that schmo will be dragged out and shot on principle. It is not that your Maximum Leader has any special affinity for Jennifer Aniston. He doesn’t. (In fact if he could “hook up” with any of the women of Friends he would choose Lisa Kudrow.) Regardless, it just strikes him as very wrong to profit from the fruits of a teen-aged puppy love. Once Aniston became a “celebrity” then your Maximum Leader takes a much different approach. But prior to that is a different matter.

Carry on.