Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is not a small man. He stands about si feet three inches tall. He weighs about 235 pounds. (Or just under 17 stone for those who like the old ways of measuring these things.) Your Maximum Leader likes food. He likes cooking it. He likes eating it.

And as much as your Maximum Leader likes to eat food, he’s discovering that he is becoming a lightweight. This Thanksgiving he ate the following (around 2pm): 3 crackers topped with warm brie, almonds, and peach jam; a handful of roasted nuts (pecans, almonds, walnuts); 2 crackers topped with crab dip; and one regular sized dinner plate containing 2 slices of turkey breast meat, 4 tbls of mashed potatoes, 4 tbls of stuffing, 2 tbl of cranberry dressing, 7 spears of asparagus, 2 tbls of onion casserole, and 3 tbls of gravy.

After all that he was done in. So done in he didn’t even eat pie two hours later. So done in he didn’t even eat anything at dinner time (or later). He still felt a little stuffed the next morning. So stuffed that he made himself a turkey sandwich using a left over dinner roll… Gone are the days of 2 or even 3 helpings at Thanksgiving dinner.

So… Imagine the stomach wrenching pain he felt while reading this article about competitive eating on the Washington Post. Of all of the “sports” in the world competitive eating is one that your Maximum Leader just doesn’t get. Doesn’t get at all. Perhaps it is his Catholic upbringing coming to the fore. Gluttony, you know, is one of the deadly sins.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader hopes that you all had a festive Thanksgiving spent in the company of family and friends. Your Maximum Leader had a great long weekend. He visited with family from far and wide. He cooked a huge feast. He’s eaten leftovers. And now he’d like to speak about something bugging him…

Your Maximum Leader was driving home from his sainted in-law’s house on Saturday night (after a quick day-visit) and was listening to XM Radio along the way. He was listening, as is his habit, to the “80’s on 8.” About halfway back to the Villainschloss they played the extended dance mix of Bruce Springsteen’s “Dancing in the Dark.”

Now, first off let your Maximum Leader go on the record and say that he believes that “Dancing in the Dark” - the album version - hasn’t aged well in his mind. As the years pass that song seems more dated and flat. But if you want to hear something that truly offends the ear dig up a copy of the extended dance mix of the song. You’ll recognize it by the presence of the xylophone in the first few measures.

Gawd the very act of rememberance makes your Maximum Leader cringe. The xylophone. The cheesey back-up singers. The constant repetition of the same riffs over and over and over. Indeed, your Maximum Leader thinks that Springsteen intentionally screwed up the song just to “stick it” to the record promoters who said to him, “Look Bruce we need a dance mix… You know… For kids…” After realizing that his contract required him to do a dance mix at the behest of the label Springsteen probably said to himself, “I’m gonna make this the shittiest dance mix ever.” While your Maximum Leader cannot confirm that the “Dancing in the Dark” dance mix is the most horrid one ever re-recorded - it certainly ranks right up there in the annals of regrettable recordings.

Your Maximum Leader feels that this post will go a long way towards exorcising the demons of that song…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader just laughed and laughed and laughed when he thought about all the dignitaries in Busan, South Korea for the Asia/Pacific Economic Summit staying in love motels.

On your Maximum Leader’s visit to South Korea (many moons ago) to visit the Big Hominid he learned about the ‘love motel.’ If one is not acquainted with the subtleties of hotel grades in a foreign country it is easy to see how a “love motel” could be mistaken for a “regular” hotel. Heh.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader thinks that John Cleese is one lucky fellow. He is a bright man who did his time at Cambridge and graduated with a serious degree. He is gifted with comedic talent as well. He was able to parley his comedic talent into a full-time job that has made him world renowned and quite wealthy.

Now, in addition to intelligence, wealth, fame, and the ability to make people laugh he has a figgin lemur named after him. God does seem to just heap good fortune on some, or at least it looks that way sometimes.

Congrats John. May your memory live on in the lemur that bears your name… Well, in the lemur and all those Monty Python/Fawlty Towers DVDs you ought to be selling.

Carry on.

People in Wisconsin want beer!

This can’t be true.

The Smallholder family orginates in Wisconsin and, as the other ministers will attest, my whole family is staunchly opposed to beer.

Mmmmmm… beer…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader poses a question to you all to discuss.

Are movie scores a subgenre of “Classical” music or a genre all their own?

Discuss.

Carry on.
(more…)

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader just loves a news article that begins thusly:

Occasionally getting drunk is a core part of national identity for most Australians, according to new research.

Think about that for a second. A CORE part of the national identity of Aussies it to get pissed from time to time. Damnation. No wonder your Maximum Leader loves those Aussies. Oh yeah, in case you didn’t read the article it is here. That link is worth clicking through to view. If only to see the perfectly work safe photo of the two cute Aussie girls standing in front of the Beertopia sign. Radical Islamofacists believe heaven is a place where 72 virgins feed them grapes; your Maximum Leader’s view of heaven is one where hot (morally-liberal) Aussie chicks give him any type of beer he wants.

Of course, beer might not do it for you. You may be a wine drinker. Indeed… Wine drinking might be part of your identity. Just the other day your Maximum Leader learned a little something about two certain someone’s identity when he visited the local Giant. He even took a photo of what he saw on his cell phone to share with you all. In the beer and wine dept he noticed this shelf…

Can’t read the label? Click below the fold for the close up.
(more…)

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has had a rather long day. In addition to his regular Maximum Leaderly activities he had to make an extra trip to theVillainettes’ School. He had a technician come by to check out the furnace in the Villainschloss - it wasn’t working before but is now. And of course, there was trick or treating.

After a busy day what better way to relax than to kick back and… read your favourite blogs. And one blog in particular deserves mention today. Buckethead of the Ministry of Minor Perfidy was the host for the Nineteenth Carnival of Music. Your Maximum Leader has diverse, but sometimes peculiar, musical tastes. He fears that his musical curiosity died somewhere around 1997 (right around the time that the first Villainette was born). So, fearing his grasp of popular culture and music has slipped, he finds a post like the Carnival of Music is a good thing. It broadens his horizons.

And if you don’t read the post, you may never get to learn about “Special Ed and the Short Bus.”

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that his Holiness, Benedict XVI keeps his dentist appointments. Even if it means missing a meeting of a general synod of bishops.

Makes one wonder if the Pope doesn’t want to pay that missed appointment fee…

Of course, that dentist must have some balls. Would you really charge a missed appointment fee to the man who holds the keys to the kingdom of heaven? Your Maximum Leader thinks not.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that “erotic” chat over the internet is now grounds for divorce in Belgium.

Note to Self 1: Never go to Belgium and engage in “eotic” chat over the internet.

Note to Self 2: Work with Sadie to make our chat is less “erotic” and more “suggestive.”

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that Johno at the Ministry of Minor Perfidy has declared the new SciFi series Battlestar Glactica the best scifi show EVAR. (And possibly the best show on TV.)

It is funny that Johno should bring this up. The Air Marshal and your Maximum Leader were talking about this show on Saturday. We were talking about the season finale on Friday night. It was a very compelling piece of TV. Indeed, almost all of the programs have been very compelling.

But your Maximum Leader feels much the same towards Battlestar Galactica as he did towards the first few years of “The West Wing.” The feeling can be encapuslated in the phrase, “I love it, but it drives me crazy.”

You see, your Maximum Leader (like Buckethead from the M of MP) believes that the writers of Galactica are lefty commie pinko ideologues who veil their current affairs critiques in the scifi world. (A trait not that unusual in scifi in general.) In this respect Battlestar is similar to The West Wing. The agenda is just one with which your Maximum Leader cannot agree.

But the show is so damned well written and well acted plus the story-lines compelling (if disagreeable). Your Maximum Leader sometimes wants to puke watching the show - but prbably for different reasons than Johno.

(And you know something… Tricia Helfer is damned attractive. So is Grace Park.)

Battlestar is a great program. Certainly it is deserving of being included in the Pantheon of great SciFi TV series. But your Maximum Leader still maintains that (viewing the body of work as a whole) the greatest TV show in the history of the medium is “The Simpsons.” Which is followed by “Your Show of Shows” with Sid Ceasar.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that those wacky Germans are embroiled in an electoral quandry of sorts. Stick with Schoeder or move to Merkel. Humm… Interesting to see how this will pan out.

Excursus: Where is the US Supreme Court on this? If Justice Breyer can cite international law in his decisions, couldn’t he offer to referree the formations of German government coalitions? Just askin…

But electoral results not withstanding, they are starting to party in Bavaria!

Can you find the Foreign Minister in this photo?

Well, your Maximum Leader can tell you that the elusive Foreign Minister is not in this photo…

Carry on.

The Volokh Conspiracy did a series of articles about the confiscation of firearms in the aftermath of Katrina. The local (state?) government’s actions in this case enrage me.

First of all, going door to door to collect guns will not accomplish the object of the seizure: to keep jackasses from shooting at rescue/relief workers. The proper response to people who shoot at Red Cross convoys is to kill them.

If the Smallholder clan was less German and more Cajun, and happened to live in the Big Easy, you can be assured that we would have evacuated (or at least the wife and kids - depending on how low my putative Lousiana farm land was, I might stay to save the livestock). The lives of my family come first. Always.

The people who stayed were stupid*.

But let’s assume that the Smallholder clan had ridden out the storm. As the incompetence and “Lord of the Flies”ishness of the evacuee shelters became apparent, I would not take my family there. If we had (and we would) drinking water and food, we would stay put rather than expose the kids to the disease and brutish nature of our fellow survivors.

And then one day the police show up at my door and demand that I turn over my 307? When there are looter and pillagers and rapists and lion and tigers and bears (oh my!) running amuck and amock?

No.

Not just no.

Heeeeeellllllll no!

I wouldn’t confront the officer (you always lose), but I would lie and say we didn’t have a firearm in the house and thank the Good Lord that there isn’t any national firearm registry.

Almost makes a guy want to join the NRA.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that Britney Spears-Federline has named her baby.

Congratulations Britney! You’ve just given birth to a Volunteer State Blogger! No not that one. This one. Your Maximum Leader likes Preston Taylor Holmes. He’s funny.

Carry on.

A major problem in urban areas is anonymity. Kids, teenagers and adults are more likely to try to get away with immoral behavior if they believe they can hide behind a mask (figuratively and not literally) and not be identified by witnesses.

In a small town, school, subdivision or canton, people know each other. If my kid steals your apples, you’ll let me know and I can correct his moral lapse. If your kids are annoying the neighborhood with loud music, we’ll talk. Knowing from the get go that their actions can affect other people - a knowledge enforced by both parents and the entire community - helps kids learn to empathize with others.

When I taught in Baltimore (and with the afternoon program in Harrisonburg), I saw a many, many kids who really did not perceive other people to be human beings - they saw other people as instruments to be callously used, manipulated, taken advantage of, or harmed. I haven’t seen many kids who live in attentive communities suffering under this delusion.