Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader needs to say it… He just loves Mrs. P. Not in a “blog crush” sort of way.* He just loves reading everything that Mrs. P writes. Indeed, he’s found that after checking the list of loyal minions on the sidebar, the next blog he clicks onto is Patum Peperium. He finds himself getting giddy over the next report of Chuck and Camilla, or the abandoned bishop, or a missive on the evils of “Red” Ken Livingstone. And is Mrs. P and epicure? Of course she is! He only wishes he had time to try out all of the recipies that she posts. (The same could be said of all the recipies that Brian posts as well.)

Mrs P has even inspired your Maximum Leader to learn new things. Yes. Yes indeed. She has. You see the little cartoon of your Maximum Leader over on the left-side sidebar. The cartoon of your Maximum Leader a la Richard III - as drawn by the Big Hominid. The one with the bejeweled floppy cap… Yes that one.

You know how your Maximum Leader will, from time to time, for effect, “doff his bejeweled floppy cap” in the direction of some other blogger or reader who deserves his thanks… Well, after doffing his bejeweled floppy cap in Mrs. P’s direction last week your Maximum Leader thought to himself, “You know, Mrs P probably knows the real name of that floppy cap. She is probably just too polite to correct your Maximum Leader.”

Not wanting to be found wanting by Mrs P in this matter, your Maximum Leader googled. He read. He researched. And he googled some more. He even went so far as to call th Metropolitan Museum in New York City and speak to a deputy sub-altern assistant curator of costumes…

That bejeweled floppy cap is actually a bejeweled myllan cap.

He thought you would like to know.

So now, for Mrs P’s kind plugs of this site recently as well as her great comments (especially the Frog & Peach - a bit your Maximum Leader is still laughing about) - your Maximum Leader doffs his bejeweled myllan cap in her direction.

Carry on.
(more…)

As our readers may or may not know, I am part of a mixed marriage.

My wife likes television. I’m a Luddite and would happily “kill the tube.”

I’m not taking some morally elitist position here. I just find that, if the television is on, I’ll become a couch potato and watch it. After all, I’ll say to myself, the book I’m reading will still be here in thirty minutes. That Seventies Show is on now!

And then, thirty minutes of my life later, I realize that I have wasted thirty minutes of my life.

BUT there are a few shows that I really like. Buffy was awesome. The Simpsons make me chortle. I wish that I had watched Firefly when it was on, but at Brian B.’s urging I netflixed and loved the show. Early West Wing stuff was great. Law and Order is an old standby in reruns. But there is only one show currently in production that interests me at all: Lost.

I swear to God, there better be a friggin’ coherant story arc that will explain all the weird stuff. If the writers have no idea where they are going and are just putting pseudo-mysterious crap out there, I will be pissed.

But as for now, I’m fascinated by all the twists and turns (and was sorry that holding AP movie nights for my students made me miss three of this season’s episodes so I have even less of a clue about what is going on).

I have one gripe, however.

Jack is the “man of reason” and Locke is the “man of faith.” Ought Locke be an Enlightened man of reason?

And shouldn’t the mysterious, bitter, and cyncial Rousseau have a more optimistic view about the nature of man?

Just sayin’.

P.S. Kudos to the Minister of Propaganda for introducing me to Buffy and West Wing. I only started watching them beause he was working on those shows and was being supportive of my bud. But then the story lines suckered me in. If only he would get a job on “Lost” or “My Name is Earl,” I could brag that I know someone working on the show. And he might introduce me to Evangeline Lilly. Of course, My Name is Earl is unwatchable crap, but for some reason, I’d like to visit the set…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that DC Comics is reviving the Batwoman character. When Kathy Kane returns to Gotham she will not only be a socialite… She will be a lesbian as well.

You might think this move would shock your Maximum Leader. But it doesn’t. Your Maximum Leader, quite frankly, couldn’t care less about Batwoman’s preferences in bed. (Although, if you’ve ever read any of Dr. Rusty’s “Good Gay/Bad Gay” posts, you should know that your Maximum Leader - for esthetic reasons - prefers “good gay” to “bad gay.”)

Do you know what peeves your Maximum Leader most about the whole “new Batwoman” thing? Take a look at this photo and tell your Maximum Leader what is wrong with it.

Heels. What the hell? Your Maximum Leader knows that it is a comic book and all. But listen up DC comics artists. Your Maximum Leader can suspend his disbelief enough to accept that every woman in the DC comics world has pouty lips, a narrow waist, gravity-defying breasts, a shapely arse, firm calves, and a propensity to wear spandex. Frankly, he wants to suspend his disbelief in those areas… But he cannot believe that a superheroine would wear heels. Any heel above a typical work-boot type height at any rate. He just can’t do it.

Your Maximum Leader suggests that you artiste types rework the boots and get back to him.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that there have been a number of robberies and attacks on the Mall in Washington DC. For those of you not from the Dee Cee area, or those of you from another planet, “The Mall” is the long, tree-lined expanse of green in the center of the city. The Capitol, Smithsonian, White House, and various public monuments all surround this open space.

For decades the Mall has been a crime-free area in a city riddled with crime. It was an area of the city where your Maximum Leader never thought of being attacked or victimized by criminals. Apparently no longer should that be the case.

Call your Maximum Leader heavy-handed, but he hope they find the criminals responsible. He also hopes the thugs violently resist arrest and have to be shot and killed to protect the lives of the arresting officers. Yes… It would be good if ill befalls the criminals.

Carry on.

Blood, Toil, Sweat and Tears

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader thanks those of you who have commented about, or written him privately about, creeds. He supposes that until you start thinking about it you take for granted these (sometimes grand, and sometimes common) statements of faith.

Your Maximum Leader was particularly pleased that the very delightful Mrs P passed along a link to the Athanasian Creed. (NB to Mrs P.: Your Maximum Leader is sure he’d love your cold shellfish salad any time.) Gosh… It has been a long time since your Maximum Leader had seen those words. Indeed, he thinks that he last read the creed attributed to St. Athanasius in a religious education class at church when he was about 14. For those of you too lazy to click through on the link from Mrs P. here is the English text of that creed:

Whosoever will be saved, before all things it is necessary that he hold the Catholic Faith. Which Faith except everyone do keep whole and undefiled, without doubt he shall perish everlasingly. And the Catholic Faith is this, that we worship one God in Trinity and Trinity in Unity. Neither confounding the Persons, nor dividing the Substance. For there is one Person of the Father, another of the Son, and another of the Holy Ghost. But the Godhead of the Father, of the Son and of the Holy Ghost is all One, the Glory Equal, the Majesty Co-Eternal. Such as the Father is, such is the Son, and such is the Holy Ghost. The Father Uncreate, the Son Uncreate, and the Holy Ghost Uncreate. The Father Incomprehensible, the Son Incomprehensible, and the Holy Ghost Incomprehensible. The Father Eternal, the Son Eternal, and the Holy Ghost Etneral and yet they are not Three Eternals but One Eternal. As also there are not Three Uncreated, nor Three Incomprehensibles, but One Uncreated, and One Uncomprehensible. So likewise the Father is Almighty, the Son Almighty, and the Holy Ghost Almighty. And yet they are not Three Almighties but One Almighty.

So the Father is God, the Son is God, and the Holy Ghost is God. And yet they are not Three Gods, but One God. So likewise the Father is Lord, the Son Lord, and the Holy Ghost Lord. And yet not Three Lords but One Lord. For, like as we are compelled by the Christian verity to acknowledge every Person by Himself to be God and Lord, so are we forbidden by the Catholic Religion to say, there be Three Gods or Three Lords. The Father is made of none, neither created, nor begotten. The Son is of the Father alone; not made, nor created, but begotten. The Holy Ghost is of the Father, and of the Son neither made, nor created, nor begotten, but proceeding.

So there is One Father, not Three Fathers; one Son, not Three Sons; One Holy Ghost, not Three Holy Ghosts. And in this Trinity none is afore or after Other, None is greater or less than Another, but the whole Three Persons are Co-eternal together, and Co-equal. So that in all things, as is aforesaid, the Unity is Trinity, and the Trinity is Unity is to be worshipped. He therefore that will be saved, must thus think of the Trinity.

Furthermore, it is necessary to everlasting Salvation, that he also believe rightly the Incarnation of our Lord Jesus Christ. For the right Faith is, that we believe and confess, that our Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, is God and Man.

God, of the substance of the Father, begotten before the worlds; and Man, of the substance of His mother, born into the world. Perfect God and Perfect Man, of a reasonable Soul and human Flesh subsisting. Equal to the Father as touching His Godhead, and inferior to the Father as touching His Manhood. Who, although He be God and Man, yet He is not two, but One Christ. One, not by conversion of the Godhead into Flesh, but by taking of the Manhood into God. One altogether, not by confusion of substance, but by Unity of Person. For as the reasonable soul and flesh is one Man, so God and Man is one Christ. Who suffered for our salvation, descended into Hell, rose again the third day from the dead. He ascended into Heaven, He sitteth on the right hand of the Father, God Almighty, from whence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead. At whose coming all men shall rise again with their bodies, and shall give account for their own works. And they that have done good shall go into life everlasting, and they that have done evil into everlasting fire. This is the Catholic Faith, which except a man believe faithfully and firmly, he cannot be saved.

You know something minionly readers… Just when he feared that Western Christendom was getting all soft and squishy (like the Smallholder) he reads something like the Athanasian Creed and he gets warm tingly feelings all over. Compared to the creeds offered up by your Maximum Leader yesterday, this is a creed with an edge. Indeed, if your Maximum Leader was inclinded to start a religion and write a creed for it, he would more likely want something edgy - like the Athanasian Creed - versus the gentle embrace of the Massai Creed from yesterday’s post.

Your Maximum Leader will have to do a little digging to learn ore about the Athanasian Creed. He knows that the Apostle’s Creed was orginially written to clarify the Church’s position against the heresy of Arianism. The Nicene Creed was a statement of the official Church position against the heresies of Arianism and of Gnosticism. Your Maximum Leader states this from a historical, not theological, perspective. This tidbit was mentioned in the podcast which provided the genesis of this post; as well as being mentioned in Lord Norwich’s great 3 volume history of Byzantium. He will have to figure out which heresy the Athanasian Creed was meant to combat. (Alas, your Maximum Leader doesn’t remember his heresies as much as he might like.)

A few people have asked your Maximum Leader to tell them more about his religious views and his creed. Unfortunately, many of you would be greatly disappointed if you were to know where he stands with his own personal concept of the creed. (And St. Athanasius would easliy judge that your Maximum Leader would be going to everlasting fire.) There isn’t much to tell. Your Maximum Leader will let this matter go in saying that his personal beliefs are likely more in line with Judaism, at this point, than with mainstream Christianity. And he says this knowing that one or two readers will immediately start praying for your Maximum Leader to be born again and thereby saved.

For any prayers you care to offer for his soul, your Maximum Leader is most grateful.

Of course, not all creeds are religious. If your Maximum Leader may fall back on that old canard of using a dictionary definition… Another definition of a creed is a system of belief, principles, or opinions. We don’t seem to have clear and concise political creeds anymore. We have political party platforms. And let your Maximum Leader go on the record saying they are turgid, miserable documents. Here is the last GOP platform. Here is the last DNC platform. Here is the Green Party platform. And finally, here is the Libertarian Party platform. The Libertarians, to their credit, have a preamble to their platform that is a political creed.

Since he asked yesterday, he’ll ask again today - but in a different form. Do you have a political creed? Have you ever thought about it? Should you?

These questions are much easier for your Maximum Leader to answer than are the religious creed questions. He suspects that they might be easier for you to answer as well.

For example, your Maximum Leader believes that: the role of government ought to be to protect the life, liberty, and property of its citizens; representative democracy is the worst form of government - except for all the others; all citizens ought to have equal justice under the law in open courts; the nature and scope of government powers ought to be limited; citizens should be encouraged to participate in a free market economy; and citizens have a duty to be informed participants in their political life. That is pretty simple. Of course, those simple tenets can each be expounded upon greatly. But that is a clear starting point. In fact, that creed is somewhat off-the-cuff. Your Maximum Leader is sure that you could come up with a nice off-the-cuff political creed as well.

Perhaps we should think more about political creeds. We have lots of cognitive dissonance in our political life. We like cheap produce, but we don’t like illegal immigrants who help provide it for us. We like low taxes, but we expect government financial support. We like making the world a better place, butwe can’t stand the military-political costs of doing so.

Perhaps a political creed might be a guide that we could measure our actions against. It could help show us how we ought to behave - politically at least. Think about it.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wished the departed Richard Wagner a happy 195th birthday today. As long-time readers of this site know, your Maximum Leader is a great Wagnerian. The score of the day will take liberally from various Wagner operas. (Your Maximum Leader made a special Wagner playlist for the iPod this morning.)

For those of you inclinded to learn more, you can check out this (rather balanced) bio on the composer on Wikipedia.

You might also want to check out the “official” Wagner website. Namely the site for the Bayreuth Festival.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader just wanted to post his agreement with Dr. Leopold (Mc) Stotch.

Great beer commercial.

Just great.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that Sir Paul McCartney is separating from Heather Mills, his wife of 4 years. According to the article there is no prenup… But before they were married Paul judged that Heather wasn’t a gold-digger…

We’ll see on that point won’t we?

Perhaps now Paul can get back to dating super-hot Brazilian supermodels… That is, if he ever dated super-hot Brazilian supermodels… Perhaps your Maximum Leader was just projecting there.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has decided to take a little break from snarky immigration postings to talk about some real injustice in the world. Yes, loyal readers. REAL. INJUSTICE.

Thanks to (Dead Sexy) Sadie, your Maximum Leader chanced to look over the list of the Maxim Hot 100. This is the list where the (lame-o) editors of Maxim magazine tell their frat-boy (and frat-boy wanna be) reader who the hottest 100 women are.

Ready for the injustice? 29. Jennifer Love Hewitt.

The dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt… Number TWENTY-FRICKIN’-NINE! That is wrong. Just wrong.

Let us see where other hotties show up on the list… #34 Jaime Pressly. Respectable, yet overrated. At least your Maximum Leader thinks that Ms Pressly’s 34 is a bit high. And who do we find at number 24? None other than the object of the Minister of Propaganda’s fancy, Kate Moss.

Let’s see some other travesties of the Maxim list… Where else to start but Number 3 - Lindsay Lohan. Ack! Your Maximum Leader wouldn’t touch Lohan with 10 foot cattle prod while wearing rubber gloves and a surgical mask. She reeks of “used.” If you catch his meaning.

Number 7 - Cameron Diaz. Redefining skank every day should be her motto.

Number 38 - Paris Hilton. Expanding the definition of skank every minute.

Number 79 - Halle Berry. What the hell? Lindsay Lohan is 3rd on the list and Halle Berry, who is easily one of the most beautiful women to have ever lived, is 79. There must have been some ad stuff going around the room when this choice was made… This is a greater injustice than placing the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt at 29. Frankly it is proof that this list is completely unacceptable. If this was the MWO, the editors would have to be dragged out and shot.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is still feeling a little petulant. Perhaps that feeling will come out a little in some of todays other post. This one probably is low on the peevishness scale…

Mrs Villain had a fine Mother’s Day. There was much feasting and rejoicing. Of course, where there is feasting and rejoicing on Mother’s Day at the Villainschloss there is also a Maximum Leader (reduced for the day to being Mr Villain) doing lots of cooking and dishwashing. Indeed, your Maximum Leader had to run the dishwasher twice yesterday - and still had to hand wash a number of cooking implements. And as a show of what a wonderful and loving husband your Maximum Leader is… He even made a broccoli casserole for Mrs Villain that he just can’t stand (but Mrs Villain loves). Not only did he cook it… He ate a full portion himself without making faces or comments. (You’ve got to be a good influence on the Villainettes you know.)

In addition to the nuclear family of your Maximum Leader, the festivities were shared by your Maximum Leader’s much beloved (and pregnant) sister and her husband. Alas, your Maximum Leader’s sainted mother wasn’t feeling well and could not travel to the Villainschloss to partake of the joy…

In other news… Your Maximum Leader and the Villainettes caught the Hokusai exhibition at the Sackler on Friday night before it headed out of town. It was wonderful. And frankly the Villainettes were great at the exhibition. Your Maximum Leader had his doubts about how much he’d be able to enjoy the exhibition with a 9 year old and a 7 year old in tow; but he shouldn’t have worried. He got a good 90 mins to go through to exhibition. Admittedly that was about an hour less than he would have liked, but all things considered it was a great time.

In even more news… Your Maximum Leader sees that another concerned fan of the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt is threatening to club a baby seal if she doesn’t pose topless in Playboy… (Thanks to bobgirrl for the tip-off.) Well… Your Maximum Leader will counter this offer by saying that he will do in a whole family of baby harp seals if the dreamy Miss Hewitt does pose for Playboy. Your Maximum Leader has already been over this. Playboy isn’t the way to go… Action film. Tell producers that they will have to pay an arm and a leg for a quick topless shot. Then indie film with major Oscar potential… Playboy reeks of despiration…

Of course, regardless of what the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt does; she will be the (platonic) object of your Maximum Leader’s affections.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is feeling rather petulant. Why? Because he lives in a nation of idiots. Complete. Total. Freaking. Idiots.

The final straw probably came today at lunch time. Your Maximum Leader was partaking of an Asian buffet (something remarkably plebian), alone, and chanced to overhear two older ladies at the next table. The first woman was discussing her niece’s situation to the second woman. The first woman said something to the effect of her niece being a financial burden on her family. The first woman said, “Well you can hardly blame the girl. She is 22 years old. She’s living at home. She’s unemployed. And she’s caring for her 5 year old child.”

What? You can’t blame her? What can’t we blame her for? As best I can tell about the only thing you can’t blame the girl for is being 22. I can blame her for just about everything else.

But we can’t just go around blaming people can we? That isn’t nice. It damages people’s self-esteem. It doesn’t “celebrate diversity.” It is so judgmental.

I really wish that we could pinpoint the moment at which the hearty people of these United States became such pansy wimps. I do. Then at least I could focus my anger at some specific event and rant, “Goddamn it! If it wasn’t for everything that happened on August 18, 1989 we wouldn’t be in the mess we’re in.”

If our Anglo-Western heritage was a book, we’d be tearing out the pages one at a time and mixing them in a huge manure heap of modernity and relativism. Social norms? Too restrictive. Personal responsibility? Too hard. Understanding right and wrong? Too judgemental. Calling a thing by its true name? Too pushy. Our hard-won liberty, our freedoms, our civilization. It is all being tossed into a dung-heap that will be spread on a weed-ridden field and left to grow untended. Neglected.

Here’s a quotation that got my dander up:

… But if people want to practice polygamy, who am I to say anything? I think that’s what’s great about America, is you can practice any religion. It’s unfortunate though when it’s forced upon young people, and that’s when I really have the biggest problem with it.

That was Chloe Sevigny.* One of the stars of HBO’s Big Love. Frankly, I’ve got no major issues with the show. I tried watching a few episodes and it didn’t do anything for me. But I’ve got a big problem with this sentiment.

Who am I to say anything if you want to practice polygamy? Humm… What if your religion happens to endorse shooting women for wearing nail polish in public? What if your religion happens to condone locking girls in a burning building because releasing them from the building without head scarves might titillate and/or offend some old geezers? How about stoning young girls who are raped because they are dishonored?

I suppose all those religious practices are okay too. You know… You don’t want to judge anyone. It might hurt their feelings. Make ‘em feel bad.

Of course, I shouldn’t go around bad-mouthing religions. Have you heard about one of the newer ones? The Church of Oprah? Okay. It isn’t a real church. But you’d think that Oprah was the focal point of some religion the way people go on about her. Did you see the bit on the USA Today website? “The Divine Miss Winfrey.” Here’s a sample:

She’s no longer just a successful talk-show host worth $1.4 billion, according to Forbes’ most recent estimate. Over the past year, Winfrey, 52, has emerged as a spiritual leader for the new millennium, a moral voice of authority for the nation.

…

“She’s a really hip and materialistic Mother Teresa,” says Kathryn Lofton, a professor at Reed College in Portland, Ore., who has written two papers analyzing the religious aspects of Winfrey. “Oprah has emerged as a symbolc figurehead of spirituality.”

I wish to God I was making this up. But no. It’s out there. Oprah Friggin’ Winfrey the new, hip, materialistic Mother Teresa? Excuse me while I go and vomit. On the one hand we condemn any sort of established religion - because they’re bad and have rules and all. But give us some new-agey-feel-good-I’m-not-responsible-for-my-pathetic-life guru and we’ll just sop it up and ask for seconds (and thirds).

Oprah Winfrey the voice of moral authority in America? Has it come to that people? Really. Because if it has let me know. I’ll just get some more guns, buy some livestock, and move away to Montana or something and just give my house to some Oprah worshiping fool. Because if I didn’t give it to the undeserving bastard they’d just pass a law taking it from me.

Then again… We are passing lots of stupid stupid laws. You know why? Because a nation of idiots elects idiotic people to office. The voters are too damn dumb to understand or care what their elected officials are doing.

Symptomatic of this phenomenon, today I happened to catch a snippet of the NPR show “Day to Day.” Noah Adams, the host, was interviewing John Wells the producer of “The West Wing.” At one point Adams confessed to Wells that he has trouble following the dialogue on the show. The dialogue is technical and sharp you know. Wells says that’s okay. Most people don’t understand the “wonky” language but are still able to get the “feeling” of what is being said.

I can hardly begin describing how many things are wrong with that. Noah Adams has been at NPR reporting on politics and what-all since 1978. 1978! That is twenty-eight years he’s been covering politics and current events. And he doesn’t fucking understand the dialogue on a TV drama about politics? Doesn’t understand the dialogue? I’m only 37 years old and I’ve never had trouble understanding the dialogue on “The West Wing.” Last time I checked, I’ve never been a political correspondent who’s traveled the world bringing the listeners of NPR the news. But I can understand, intellectually understand, “The West Wing.” What does that say about Noah Adams?

Then the Executive Producer of the show tells Adams that one shouldn’t feel badly about not understanding the dialogue on “The West Wing.” It is a pretty high-brow show and if one just understands the feelings of the characters on the show you’ll be okay. If I just understand the feelings? How the hell am I going to understand their feelings if I can’t fucking understand what the they’re saying? You know language is generally used to convey meaning. If you can’t convey meaning and information with language does it really have a purpose? I suppose if I pay extra close attention to Bradley Whitford and Martin Sheen I’ll miraculously get clued in.

Since our chattering classes can’t understand a damned TV show it should come as no surprise that they can’t pass laws to keep down frivolous lawsuits. You know, tort reform? Or is “tort reform” too technical a term. If you could see me now you’d know that I was looking as sincerely as possible at the monitor with big ole tears welling up in my brown eyes and trying to convey how important tort reform is. Do you feel it? Do you feel my concern? Do you feel my lack of compassion for the idiots? Trust me, if you were here you’d feel it. You’d feel how important the issue is.

Or isn’t as the case may be. You see, I am not an idiot. I am thus offended by nonsensical lawsuits brought by nonsensical persons to advance nonsensical causes. Like the asshole (Michael Cohn) who is suing the Los Angeles/Orange County/Anaheim/Southern California Angels because they didn’t give him a tote bag on Mother’s Day last year. Yup. Mr. Cohn was discriminated against because he wasn’t a woman over 18. Frankly if Mr. Con is so covetous of an Angels tote bag he probably could have just stayed after the game finished and picked up as many as he wanted from those discarded in the stands… But noooo… He’s got to sue the team because they wanted to give those people most likely to fit the profile of a mother a gift on Mother’s Day.

Of course, not all frivolous lawsuits are about tote bags and baseball games. Many of them have to do with life - or more likely death. Medical malpractice is a common type of lawsuit. Too bad 40% of the lawsuits are goundless. Groundless as in no harm done.

But we can’t stop those lawsuits. We can’t punish people who bring frivolous lawsuits. Why? Because that might prevent a truly aggrieved person from bringing a lawsuit in the future. We must accommodate the lowest common denominator so that everyone feels better.

Of course, if we can’t get all worked up about frivolous lawsuits I don’t see how we could get worked up about the government collecting records of who we call on the phone. I mean really. The language we’d have to use to describe that situation is really complicated. If we can’t handle The West Wing then I’m not sure how we’ll handle government intrusion into our personal lives.

But they aren’t really intruding are they? No. Just recording what numbers I dial and look for a pattern. (By the way… If you want know the most frequently called people from my phones they are: my mother in-law, my sister-in-law, the mothers of girls in the Girl Scout troop the Villainettes are members of, the Air Marshal, and the Smallholder. That is it. If there is a connection there to a terrorist threat please let me know…) Looking for patterns isn’t like listening in on the calls. Is it? Noooo…

Then again… The issues are complex and hard to comprehend. Very difficult ideas you know.

Perhaps they are difficult if you are a complete boob.

Oh yes… My countrymen. They are complete boobs. How could I have forgotten?

You know… Someone out there reading this and thinking that if we’d all just use our words to explain ourselves to one another we’d all feel better. We don’t have to get angry or strike out. You know violence never solved anything…

Damn. If I hear one more sanctimonious fool say to me that violence never solved anything I think I will use violence to solve the problem of me having to listen to idiots. I will not say that violence should be your first reaction to any situation. But it can come in awful handy you know. Violence has, in fact, solved many many things throughout history.

Of course, we don’t have the taste for violence being used to solve problems like we used to. I don’t know what would happen if we were facing an enemy bent on our destruction and hoping to impose their ideology on all mankind?

Oh yeah… We are facing such an enemy. But when they hide in mosques, well, we just have to wait them out. Normally I’m all for doing everything possible to spare non-military targets. But if you put a bunch of armed people in a mosque, school, hospital, or other structure of historic/cultural importance; well then it has become a military target. I think that military targets held by an enemy ought to be destroyed. But that is just me I suppose.

And you know… Back during WWII if you supported the Nazi’s (actively or passively) you were likely to get your house blown up - at the least. Nowadays we can’t even call the vast majority of Muslims who passively support the terrorists/jihadi cause collaborators. They are you know. Collaborators that is. I’m not advocating blowing up the homes of every Muslim. But perhaps by labeling a person what they are you might find out who is and isn’t on your side.

Ack…

I’ve gone on and on with no purpose… I don’t even know ho I’m writing this for or why I am bothering. If you are reading this you fall into one of two descriptions.

The first is that you are a regular reader of this site. In which case, you’re probably not an idiot but a person seeking out other non-idiots in an effort to keep your sanity.

The second type of person reading this is someone who googled something like “Jennifer Love Hewitt naked” or “Giada DeLaurentiis naked.” Of course, this makes you an idiot. It is likely that if you are an idiot, you are scandalized by all this (if you understood it - that whole I-can’t-understand-The-West-Wing-factor) and will just click away. Before you go allow me to ask you to give up. Your life is meaningless and you are too stoopid to realize it.

There might be a third description of a reader out there. The idiot who realizes they are an idiot and is trying to better themselves. I doubt you’ll be successful. But that shouldn’t keep you from trying.

I’m gonna have a scotch and turn in.

Carry on.
(more…)

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that the great state of Oklahoma has now legalized tattoo parlors. Oklahoma was the last state in the Union to legalize tattoos.

Humm… Your Maximum Leaders suspects that the fact that getting a tattoo was illegal in Oklahoma didn’t stop anyone who wanted a tattoo from getting one.

Additionally… Is your Maximum Leader the only one who sees the prevalence of tattoos in America today as a sign of impending cultural doom?

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is something of a curmudegonly fellow. Perhaps it doesn’t always show on the blog, but if you got to know him better in “real life” (and really which one of you out there doesn’t) you would discover his curmudegonly streak…

Among the great curmudgeons of the 20th Century one must include Dorthy Parker (1893 - 1967). She had a sharp wit and was a great writer. She is, unfortunately, a cultural icon lost to the great majority of unliterary Americans…

Anyho…

It was by sheer chance that your Maximum Leader started to put things together for this post. As some of you may know, the NAACP has declared its intention to move its national headquarters from Baltimore, MD to Washington DC. Why the organization would do this your Maximum Leader doesn’t know. It isn’t as though being in Baltimore has decreased access to the power brokers in Washington for NAACP leaders. If their headquarters were in New York, or Chicago, or Atlanta your Maximum Leader might understand the move. But Baltimore? It doesn’t make piles of sense.

Regardless, that is not the point of this post One presumes that if the NAACP moves its headquarters to DC they will abandon their building in Baltimore. If they abandon their building in Baltimore what is to become of Dorothy Parker? She is buired in a memorial garden on the site of the NAACP headquarters in Baltimore.

Your Maximum Leader knew that Dorothy Parker died without heirs and decided to leave her estate to Martin Luther King, Jr. Upon King’s murder, her estate reverted to the NAACP. So, the NAACP owns the rights to, and receives royalties from the writings of Dorothy Parker. When the NAACP discovered, in 1988 or so, that Dorothy Parker’s cremated remains resided in a file cabinet in her attorney’s office, they offered to create a memorial garden at their headquarters as a place of internment. So, after more than a decade in a file cabinet, Parker’s remains were buired at NAACP headquarters.

So if the NAACP moves their headquarters (and it seems as though they will) what is to become of Dorothy Parker? Does she get moved as well? Or does she remain in Baltimore?

Frankly, there is some irony to her situation. Parker is always connected in your Maximum Leader’s mind with New York City and the Alqonquin Round Table. There seems to be an ironic cruelty in Dorothy Parker not being buried in NYC. Perhaps when the NAACP leaves Baltimore, Parker’s ashes should be removed and put in a memorial in the Alqonquin Hotel in NYC?

Who knows…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that the Japanese continue to be on the cutting edge of technology. They are now introducing “scented” films in a few cinemas around Tokyo. These movie palaces will spray up to six different scents into the air during differnent scenes in films to simulate the smell of the environment in which the scene is taking place. The first film to be shown in this format will be (the big flop) “The New World” with Colin Farrell. During the film the smell of forests (pine forests one suspects - since that scent seems so popular in the world of disinfectants) will be sprayed into the air during many outdoor scenes on screen.

The second film to be shown in this new format will be “Creatures of Red Hot Passion in the Den of Sin” with Jenna Jameson. During that film the smell of…

Carry on.