Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees on the news wire that one Melinda Duckett has killed herself after taping a segment on the CNN Nancy Grace show. Now let your Maximum Leader state, up front, that he is sure that Ms Duckett’s family is likely quite shaken and griefstricken due to the disappearance of Ms Duckett’s son and her subsequent suicide.

But Nancy Grace?

Great jeezey creezey! Your Maximum Leader has never appeared on Nancy Grace’s program. Your Maximum Leader will never appear on Nancy Grace’s program. Indeed, your Maximum Leader has not watched a complete episode of Nancy Grace’s program. After a few minutes of watching Nancy Grace, your Maximum Leader wanted to either kill her - or himself.

Frankly, whenever it comes down to killing himself or someone else; your Maximum Leader always chooses killing someone else. When the MWO comes, Nancy Grace will be dragged out and shot - for the good of humanity and the TV viewing audience. That woman is completely insane.

Now your Maximum Leader does get angry when victims are “forgotten” or “aren’t heard” (to the extent that those cliches mean anything). But he would prefer to channel his anger into socially constructive avenues. He likes voting for tough prosecutors. He likes spending his tax money on the police. He likes community watch programs and involvement. He does not like ranting like a mad woman on CNN and coming off as only slightly sane.

But, Nancy Grace doesn’t mind those things. Who really watches Nancy Grace? Really? I think that Jeff (of Beautiful Atrocities and Agent Bedhead fame) might have watched her once or twice. But he’s a smart, hip, fellow. He may mock her… But to mock does not require regularly tuning in…

One wonders if some overly ambitious lawyer will approach the Ducketts and convince them to sue Grace for some sort of trumped up civil wrongful death suit… Talk about irony…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader must grimly set upon the task of proving to you all that the end of civilization as we know it is nigh upon us.

According to The Economist, budget airline Ryan Air will soon be allowing cell phone calls in-flight. Air France is soon to follow. Before you know it so will Southwest, United, Delta, American, KAL, Lufthansa, British Airways, and all the others.

One of the last bastions of quiet (from the voices of others - if not from jet engines) is taken from us…

Bastards!

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees, amidst the reporting on Steve Irwin’s death, that there is some good news out of Japan. There is, finally, a male heir to the Chrysanthemum Throne. According to the news wires, Princess Kiko delivered via Ceasarian, a baby boy today. Princess Kiko is the wife of Prince Akishino, who is the second son of Emperor Akihito. The baby is yet unnamed, but already has a cool sword.

This is good news for the family; and it is good news for the government of Japan. It now appears as though the difficult debate about changing succession laws can be avoided.

Your Maximum Leader really doesn’t have a dog in the whole agnatic versus cognatic succession debate. He can understand the long-standing agnatic tradition in Japan. But going cognatic seems to be more in step with modern times.

As for your Maximum Leader’s heirs… Both of his daughters (the two eldest) are perfectly suitable heirs… It is too soon to tell how the Wee Villain will turn out. He has the requisite charm to be a Maximum Leader. We’ll see if he gets the villainous side dwn.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader should admit something to you.

As heretical as it might seem to some jazz enthusiasts and Peanuts TV special lovers…

Your Maximum Leader prefers Dave Brubeck’s “Linus and Lucy” to Vince Guaraldi’s.

He just thought he’d share that with you all.

Carry on.

Now that the Maximum Leader has removed comments, I can safely post this vignette without the risk of all of our female readers begging me to violate the Seventh Commandment. While the Maximum Leaders is correct that out friends Ally and Sadie are indeed lovely and sexy, their swooning over my manure-spattered boots has grown a bit tiresome. I personally don’t mind so much when Sadie stalks me from afar, her ontiued presence in the barn loft makes Mrs. Smallholder uncomfortable.

At any rate, since I can now relate this story without triggering a flood of love letters in our comments, here ’tis:

At a play group this summer (I should stop calling it baby group), one of the mothers was describing how she and her husband were taking a couple-only vacation to celebrate their anniversary. The in-laws were going to watch the kids and they were going to spend a week at the Homestead Resort. Many of the moms swooned over the idea of a brief liberation from child-rearing and living in the lap of luxury for seven days. Homestead mom basked in the approval of her peers, confident that no one else would be able to top her romantic getaway.

She of course, did not know who she was dealing with.

Mrs. Smallholder cleared her voice and spoke.

“Seven days at a resort? My husband is taking me on a tour of grazing dairies and we are spending the night at the Knight’s Inn in Galax, Virginia. Two whole days of looking at cows and grass and a night at Motel Six’s discount competitor.”

You should have seen all the moms swoon. I could only humbly reply, “Sorry ladies, this one’s taken.”

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been off mourning today. Yes… The black jumpsuit was out of the closet and worn in honor of the passing of The King.

On this day, in 1977, Elvis Aron Presley, The King of Rock and Roll, departed this world. He was the victim of his own excesses. Many think that with a “mafia” of adherents and hangers-on, someone should have tried to save Elvis. But really, how do you save a 42 year old man from himself?

Your Maximum Leader loves Elvis for so many different reasons. The cultural change that his popularity in the 1950’s ushered in has been both a boon and a bane for our nation (and one could argue - by extension - the West). Your Maximum Leader loves the groundbreaking music he recorded. (Music which, by the way, your Maximum Leader can listen to with his children without worrying about bad language.) Your Maximum Leader, in a way filled with pathos, even likes the overindulgent 70’s Elvis. Once could try and find analogies between Elvis and our national self image. But your Maximum Leader will lay off that for today.

Today, your Maximum Leader will lift a glass in memory of The King. And, he suspects, somewhere in Toronto, Skippy will celebrate in his own way…

Carry on.

The Volokh Conspiracy provides a series of links to the Kreshnar promotion contretemps here.

In short, Kreshnar is a conservative philosopher who has been publicly critical about some of SUNY Fredonia’s policies, including affirmative action. Kreshnar was recommended by his peers for promotion to full professor, but the college president, overturning the factulty recommendation, denied Kreshnar’s promotion. In his denial, the president acknowledged that Kreshnar’s teaching was excellent, that his publication record merited promotion, but then said that he was denying that promotion because Kreshnar had “misrepresented” the university’s positions and harmed the university’s reputation.

You can read all the primary source documents here. (Never, ever, mess with a PhD and leave a paper trail)

The good news is that the release of the related memos and the public attention they have garnered has forced the president to reverse his position and Kreshnar has received his promotion.

I just want to comment on a tiny little part of the while topic. During the conflict, Kreshnar offered to submit his newspaper columns to be reviewed for purposeful factual inaccuracies. The president wanted a a vaguer, open-ended review process. Interestingly, Kreshnar wanted a process that was open and the president wanted a process that was secret.

A commenter at Inside Higher Education said:

“President Hefner admitted his mistake, to his credit, but Professor Kershnar seems to see no contradiction in first offering to have his articles vetted by a censorship committee prior to publication and then when the offer is accepted with an add-on complains that the uniersity attempted to stifle his speech. Faustian bargains of the sort that President Hefner and Professor Kershnar made behind closed doors have no place in the academy.”

Um.

If the commenter had actually read the primary documents, he would have seen Kushnar’s proposal in a different light. I read it as a very clear smack to the president. Kreshner’s proposal, focusing on “factual inaccuracies” was simply a way to show that the president’s claims of misrepresentation were bunk - in order to stop his newspaper columns from being published, the committee would have to demonstrate what factual inaccuracies were in the proposed article. Since the president’s claims that Kreshnar was misrepresenting the university’s policies were never supported, one imagines that the president’s real problem was the Kreshnar accurately represented the univerisity’s policies in an unfavorable light. Kreshnar’s proposal was calling the president’s bluff: Show me the misrepresentation. Oh, you can’t? Then give me my promotion, you free-speech-squelching jackass.

I find it heartening that Kreshnar’s liberal colleagues went to bat for a colleague with an opposing but intellectually valid viewpoint and that the administration’s attempted denial was the product of asinine bureauratic impulse rather than a direct political motivation.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees signs everywhere. What sort of signs you may be asking yourself? Afterall we see street signs, billboard signs, lighted signs, and hand signal signs everywhere. Well, loyal readers, the signs your Maximum Leader sees are those signs that portent the end of Western Civilization as we know it.

The latest sign… From Reuters: Hundreds expected to come at masterbate-a-thon.

Okay… First off… The sexual double entendre is a bit much even for your Maximum Leader - who’s been known to indulge in a little sexual double entendreing from time to time. But once you get past the headline and article you have to just wonder what the hell is going on in the world?

Here is the article with pithy commentary from your Maximum Leader:

LONDON (Reuters) - Hundreds of Britons are being urged to attend what is being branded as Europe’s first “Masturbate-a-thon”, a leading reproductive healthcare charity said on Friday.

Marie Stopes International, which is hosting the event with HIV/AIDS charity the Terrence Higgins Trust, said it expected up to 200 people to attend the sponsored masturbation session in Clerkenwell, central London, on Saturday.

Only 200? All masturbating together? Note to Londoner friends of your Maximum Leader - wear Haz-mat suits in Clerkenwell area for next few weeks.

“It is a bit of a publicity stunt but we hope it will raise awareness,” a Marie Stopes spokeswoman told Reuters.

“We want to get people talking about safer sex, masturbation and to lift taboos.”

It would seem as though the aim of the Masturbate-a-thon is to have people do more than talk about safe sex…

Participants, who have to be over 18, can bring any aids they need and can take part in four different rooms — a comfort area, a mixed area, along with men and women only areas.

They have to be over 18? Isn’t the age of consent in Britain something like 16? And frankly, wouldn’t you want to target the promiscuous teenagers who most need this type of “dicussion.”

However, the rules on the event’s Web site states there can be no touching of other participants nor are people allowed to fake orgasms.

Why is this not reassuring? Yo can’t touch others. Leering is appropriate - presumably.”

The amount you raise will be determined by how many minutes you masturbate and/or how many orgasms you achieve,” the Web site said.

The Marie Stopes spokeswoman said local religious groups had been initially outraged, but after people had heard what the event was about, most had approved it.

Police had also given it their approval.

Lovely… Sponsored orgasms. That is a pledge sheet your Maximum Leader is sure one would like to carry around the office. “Hey Bill… Will you pledge $5 for every time I ‘beat the bishop’ if you know what I mean…. And speaking of bishops… Local religious groups stopped their objections once they heard the event was for HIV awareness? Well… One wonders if they would be willing to suspend the 10 Commandments for a good cause? The Golden Rule would go by the wayside for a good pancake dinner… Would a Muslim be allowed to forsake a Haj just to participate in an infidel-sponsored multicultural event? It boggles the mind.

Similar events have been staged in San Francisco for the last six years raising $25,000 (13,000 pounds) for women’s health initiatives and HIV prevention. If successful, Marie Stopes said it could take place elsewhere in mainland Europe next year.

Well… It doesn’t shock your Maximum Leader to learn that this fundraiser had its genesis in the US. In fact it is somewhat comforting to know that we in the US can continue to lead the world in the breaking down of sexual taboos that shouldn’t be broken down. One wonders if other EU countries will clamour over the right to host next year’s Masterbate-a-thon.

And lest you think your Maximum Leader is a complete prude… He will go on record declaring that he has nothing against Onanism. Frankly… How or if one chooses to satisfy one’s self sexually is not much of your Maximum Leader’s business. But public masturbation? Masterbation is something that ought to be kept private and personal.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has wondered about “Crocs.” Wondered might be too powerful a word… Skeptical about Crocs might be more appropriate… Perhaps he should say he’s curious…

Surely you know the Croc? That ugly rubber shoe/flip-flop/sandal thingie. Click here for their web site.

In your Maximum Leader’s estimation they were an ugly overpriced faddish beach shoe. Something you might put on your feet to keep your delicate soles from burning on hot sand or getting cut on a crab shell while cavorting on the beach. The fact that they were green, or yellow, or pink didn’t make up for the fact that they looked vaugely orthopaedic and thick soled… Indeed, they reminded me of my paternal grandmother’s nurse’s shoes. You know the ones. White, lace-up, thick soles for proper arch support.

Crocs appeared to be quite popular with the youngish set. No fewer than three of Villainette #1’s friend own at least one pair - some as many as three. Villainette #1 has never asked for a pair. Nor has Villainette #2. (Villainette #1’s shoe tastes run the gamut from $.99 flip-flops to really nice dress shoes that cost your Maximum Leader about $35. Remember she’s 9…)

Once your Maximum Leader asked the mother of a friend of Villainette #1 who’s daughter always seems to be wearing a pair of orange Crocs about the footwear. He wanted to know if they were “good” for her feet. The mother wasn’t sure, but stated that she thought the Croc was a godsend because her daughter wouldn’t leave the house without them (which was an improvement to being barefoot in her mind).

Your Maximum Leader even went so far as to examine this young girl’s Crocs. Before you go thinking weird stuff… Your Maximum Leader must disclaim that he generally would never contemplate ever touching someone else’s shoes. He gets a little disgusted touching the shoes of his own children. So, touching the shoes (in this case Crocs) of another’s child required a little bit of work. (nd he later washed his hands thoroughly.)

Upon physical examination, they seemed to be sturdy. They seemed to provide adequete arch support. They also seemed to be durable. They didn’t “feel” like they would give up the ghost after a few months of summer wear.

Well… Now an article in the Washington Post seems to confirm that Crocs might actually be good for your feet. The article says, in part:

Crocs, made of a resin foam called Croslite and listing for $29.99, are featured prominently on the Web site of the Bethesda-based American Podiatric Medical Association… as one healthy alternative to flip-flops; two Crocs models — both in the Crocs Rx line, designed for people with diabetes and others with circulatory and foot ailments — recently have been awarded the APMA Seal of Acceptance. The APMA takes special note of the fact that Croslite “warms and softens with body heat and molds to the users’ feet, while remaining extremely lightweight.”

Wow. Sorta interesting. Now your Maximum Leader doesn’t know if the APMA is willing to give out its Seal of Acceptance at the drop of a hat. But your Maximum Leader is sure that the Washington Post seems to be citing them as an authoritative body. For what that is worth.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that your Maximum Leader will run out and buy any. Indeed, he’d never imagine putting the ghastly things on his feet. Your Maximum Leader is a Birkenstock type of guy. Well, a Birkenstock type of guy when he isn’t wearing real shoes… Now, after reading the article, he probably wouldn’t object if the Villainettes wanted to get some Crocs.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wants to warn you all that bloggng will be somewhat sporadic this week. He has a lot going on and feels that the most likely times he’ll be able to blog will be later in the evening. He should also mention that Thursday and Friday he and Mrs Villain are going to go to Nemacolin Woodlands Resort and Spa for a longish weekend. (Thursday through Saturday). There is no telling if there will be any blogging during that period. Well… Your Maximum Leader might jot off a few words while Mrs Villain is at the Spa. Your Maximum Leader is not a spa sort of fellow. Sure a nice trip to the sauna is refreshing from time to time; but when it is over 100 outside and the humidity is nearing 100%, the sauna isn’t much different than outside.

Consider yourselves warned - sporadic posting ahead.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has a question for you all… Does anyone make gum with sugar in it any more? Your Maximum Leader was at a convenience store yesterday and decided to pick himself up a pack of gum. He noticed that almost every package he considered was sugarfree. He didn’t notice any “sugared” gum for sale. Does anyone still make it? He’s sure some company does. He just doesn’t know which. Hummm…

Your Maximum Leader is considering dumping comments. This is not a reflection on any of his regular readers. But he’s been spending lots of time deleting spam comments from the site. Although he hasn’t counted them, he is sure there are 10 spam comments for every 1 legit comment. It is pissing your Maximum Leader off.

Did your Maximum Leader mention he was at the 10-9 San Diego Padres victory over his beloved Washington Nationals? He was there with almost all of his extended family. The whole villainous group numbered some 25 people. We were hoping for a Nats victory… But instead saw a 7-1 lead over the Padres disintegrate late in the game and disappear completely when pinch hitter Mike Piazza knocked one out of the park. Oy!

Speaking of the Nationals. The new owners are going to be doing a “grand reopening” of RFK stadium. They will be lowering some ticket prices. Installing more and better vendors in the stadium. And giving stadium employees customer service training… Your Maximum Leader doesn’t know if he’d be able to handle friendly, efficient stadium employees… It would be too dramatic a change.

Speaking of the Nationals… The Post has a nice peice on Alfonso Soriano up. It hints that he would like to stay in Washington. If that is the case, your Maximum Leader thinks it is wonderful. Improbable that he will, but wonderful that he would like to stay. Soriano is the type of player a manager could build a team with. But the Lerner’s long-term strategy of team-building means that Soriano (aged 30) would be well past his prime when the team should become competitive. If Soriano wants to win a World Series, or if he even wants to make the money he is capable of making; he will either push to be traded by the trade deadline or will entertai free-agent offers for next season. Unfortunately, it is a rare player who will sacrifice the possibility of a title and/or money to settle down and become a fixture in one city. Your Maximum Leader would love to see Soriano remain a National, but he wouldn’t have hard feelings if Soriano left DC.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is having a lazy Friday afternoon. In the spirit of such an afternoon, here are some items for your reading pleasure.

First off… Could the North Korean missile test be a front for the Chinese gauging US missile defence capability? Your Maximum Leader doesn’t want to engage in rumour mongering as much as Dan Riehl would want to. But it does seem to be an interesting theory. One that your Maximum Leader wouldn’t put past the Chinese.

Next up… Your Maximum Leader is not a Cristal man himself. But if the hip-hoppers are boycotting it sounds like a good reason to buy some. Although at $300/bottle, your Maximum Leader will stick to his Pol Roger. (Pol Roger is the preferred champagne of your Maximum Leader, the Villainschloss, and the Mike World Order.)

Like Buckethead… Your Maximum Leader is…

Your results:
You are Batman

Batman 65% Green Lantern 60% Superman 55% Wonder Woman 50% Hulk 50% Catwoman 50% Iron Man 45% Supergirl 40% The Flash 40% Robin 37% Spider-Man 35%

You are dark, love gadgets and have vowed to help the innocent not suffer the pain you have endured.

Speaking of Batman… Thanks to overgenerous grandparents, your Maximum Leader’s villainous male offspring now has a Batman comforter, Batman sheets, Batman pillow-cases, and a Batman throw pillow. Your Maximum Leader wishes his ‘hood was so cool when he was that young. Alas, it was not.

And finally, speaking (again of Batman)… Batman and Robin was on HBO. Being a fan of the “Batman” franchise, your Maximum Leader watched until “Batman Begins” came on a different HBO. Frankly, Batman and Robin is an awful movie. It is right nigh impossible to watch in fact. Even with Uma Thurman. (Who is easy on the eye you know.) Well… It does have George Clooney in it too. As the Caped Crusader. Mrs Villain finds Mr Clooney very easy on the eye. Your Maximum Leader has tried to convince her that Mr Clooney’spolitics would likely be a turn off, but Mrs Villain will hear none of it.

After a few scenes of Clooney as Batman Mrs Villain blurted out that if Mr George Clooney propositioned her; she would have wild tawdry monkey sex with him. Well, this revalation shocked your Maximum Leader something horrible. But he was able to gather his wits about him and start to work… There is now an “understanding” between your Maximum Leader and his lovely spouse Mrs Villain. If she is propositioned by George Clooney she is free to lay aside for a moment her vows. If your Maximum Leader is propositioned by the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt, he is free to lay aside his vows. After one encounter the matter would be spoken of no more… Not a bad deal. Improbably that it will ever be activiated… But isn’t that Bismarck said about all his secret treaties?

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been busy watching the video of President Bush and Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi at Graceland. The AP news wire story is here. Video clips are here.

Junichiro Koizumi is the coolest. The whole trip is cool.

As long time readers know, upon the commencement of the Mike World Order the Pope in Rome will declare Elvis Aaron Presley to be a Saint. He is the patron saint of the MWO.

There may be lots of princes in the world, and a few kings too… But there is only one who is The King.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, in rading an article on the New Orleans Times-Picayune on-line, learned something he didn’t know. Well… Learned something only if the something is true… He hasn’t done a fact check…

What is the most visited grave in the US you might ask? Easy, says your Maximum Leader. The grave of Elvis Presley at Graceland.

But what is the second most visited grave in the US? Well, your Maximum Leader (who didn’t know for sure) would guess either John F Kennedy’s grave or the Tomb of the Unknown Soliders (both at Arlington National Cemetary). He thought those would be good guesses.

They might be good guesses, but they are (apparently) wrong guesses. The second most visited grave in the US is the grave of Marie Laveau in St. Louis Cemetary Number One in New Orleans, Louisiana.

And who the hell is Marie Laveau? Why she is the patron saint of Louisiana voodoo worship.

Lookit (as the great Velociman might say), your Maximum Leader understands Elvis - who is afterall The King. But Marie Laveau? What does that say about America? Whatever it says it can’t be good.

Carry on.

UPDATE FROM YOUR MAXIMUM LEADER: Found photos of Marie Laveau’s grave, courtesy of Find A Grave. Here they are. Somehow, it looks exactly as your Maximum Leader pictured it.

REUPDATED FROM YOUR MAXIMUM LEADER: Well, how about some egg on your Maximum Leader’s face. Reader Thomas was kind enough to point out the error in your Maximum Leader’s post. Your Maximum Leader didn’t read over what he was writing (he was at the time thinking about the pasting the Chicago White Sox gave the St Louis Cardinals and had St Louis, MO on the brain) when he mistakenly put St Louis Cemetary Number One in Missouri and not Louisiana. Then he went and linked to William T Sherman’s grave in Missouri… Which by the way is here. (Still doffing the bejeweled myllan cap towards our friend Basil Seal for the tip about Sherman. Your Maximum Leader always assumed that Sherman was buried in Ohio or Arlington, VA.) So, let it be known that Marie Laveau is buried in New Orleans - NOT St. Louis. Must be time for another bourbon & coke…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader reads in the Washington Post that Ronald Lauder (he of the cosmetics fortune) has purchased a Gustav Klimt portait for $135,000,000.

According to the article Mr. Lauder paid the family of Maria Altmann the now record sum for the gold-leaf adorned portrait of Austrian socialite Adele Bloch-Bauer.

Mr. Lauder, you overpaid.

Your Maximum Leader figures that Mr. Lauder overpaid by about $134,999,999. If Mr. Lauder had been good enough to give his Maximum Leader a call before the auction he would have been clued in on his now irrevocable folly. For this advice your Maximum Leader would only have charged $1,350.

Then again, your Maximum Leader might also have slapped Mr. Lauder upside the head a few times, kicked him down a flight of stairs, and dragged him through the dirt. Then charged him $135,000,000 for doing so. In the end Lauder would be no worse for wear.

Carry on.