Mrs. Smallholder will deliver the third wee Smallholder in two weeks. We have girls’ names, but have not been able to settle on a boy’s name.

Mrs. Smallholder won’t go for Alexander Hamilton Smallholder, Charles Sumner Smallholder, or Ernie Pyle Smallholder.

Does anyone have any good boy name suggestions?

My cousin committed suicide two days before Christmas.

To quote Lo Pan, “this pisses me off no end.”

Now, I have never been close to the next generation of the Smallholder family. Honestly, I think I have spoken only a few sentences to this cousin in the last decade - at her dad’s 50th birthday pig roast a few years back. So it is not really a sense of personal loss. I’m sad that she’s gone, but my emotional reaction is much the same as I would have when I read about something bad in the paper.

What pisses me off is that her son is two years old.

Our dear readers know that their humble Smallholder is a firm believer in individual choice. If you decide that life is too painful to continue, I’ll sympathize, I’ll try to convince you otherwise, but when it comes down to it, I believe that you have the right to do what you want with your own life.

Except…

When you become a parent, you are no longer a free agent. Of your own free-will you have entered into an indenture that will last at least 22 years. You have a moral obligation to be there for your child. Once you are a parent you ought not to off yourself.

I call bullshit.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader riddles you this: Suppose you are a native northeasterner who has retired to South Florida, you scrimp and save and buy a trailer on the shore to live our your days in heaven’s waiting room. Then one day a developer comes and offers you (cue Dr. Evil voice) One Million Dollars to sell your trailer on the shore. What do you do?

Well, if you were a resident of of the Briny Breezes trailer park outside Miami this question would be less than a hypothetical. It would be the decision you would have to make.

Frankly, if it were your Maximum Leader he would be inclined to take the cash. As the article goes on to state, the developers goal of building exclusive mansions and luxury hotels on the plot is not a foregone conclusion. There are many zoning and governmental hurdles to building on the land. Of course, if your Maxmium Leader’s reading of just about every Carl Hiaasen novel gives him any blueprint by which to make a prediction; don’t rule out the developers. (NB: The best Hiaasen novel? Tourist Season.)

So, loyal minions, which would it be? Cash or trailer with a view?

Don’t disappoint your Maximum Leader with your answer.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees on the news wire that a Winston Churchill painting just sold at acution for 612,000 Pounds (or $1,200,000 US). This amount was a record for any Churchill painting.

The painting, “A View of Tinherir” was done by Churchill in 1951 while the Prime Minister was on holiday in Morocco. It was given by Churchill to George C. Marshall (former Chief of Staff, US Army and former Secretary of State) as a gift. The painting has been in the possession of the Marshall family since, but was auctioned off by Marshall’s grand-daughter.

The painting, like many Churchill works, is quite good. Churchill’s reputation as an amateur artist is good (as far as your Maximum Leader knows). Take a look at the record-breaking painting..

Quite good, quite good indeed.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader saw some news articles (albeit very short ones) about how some of the most magificent treasures of the National Museum of Afghanistan were hidden and thus preserved for decades. The Washington Post just put up a good article on this story of a few good people who were determined to preserve their country’s heritage. Here is the opening:

It was then, on the eve of the Soviets’ 1979 invasion, that a small group of Afghans put love of art and country above all else and hid many of their country’s cherished national treasures. These museum guards, curators and other antiquities lovers became known as the “keyholders” because they held the keys, literally and figuratively, to a priceless fortune in art, including 22,000 pieces of gold known as the Bactrian Hoard. And they pledged never to give up their secret.

Years turned into decades, and Afghanistan became a failed state, the battleground of a succession of warlords, drug lords, tribal chiefs, terrorists and Islamic fundamentalists. They included Osama bin Laden and the Taliban, which ordered the destruction of any art with a human likeness and in March 2001 blew up two giant stone Buddhas in Bamian.

Kabul became a killing field, and entire families lived on less than $1 a day. The National Museum in Kabul was bombed and looted, and rumors circulated that its treasures were fetching millions on the international black market. One keyholder was tortured, international art officials say. Another survived by selling potatoes in the Kabul market. Through it all, they kept their secret.

It takes a very special type of person to be a good curator to begin with. These Afghan “keyholders” are truely special people. To endure what they have endured to preserve priceless treasures for the sake of their countrymen, and to do so with no renumeration or thought of reward. Those people are, themselves, national treasures to the Afghan people.

One wonders… Would the Archivist of the United States, in a “Red Dawn” senario for instance, hide the Declaration of Independence and Constitution, then not talk under torture, to preserve our national documents? Would the Secretary of the Smithsonian preserve some of the treasures in his care under similar circumstances? Would Laura Bush (or some future First Lady) grab the Lansdowne Portrait on her way out the door of the White House in the face of advancing armies? (BTW, your Maximum Leader thinks that Laura Bush probably would…)

What courage and patriotism these brave Afghanis have demonstrated to the world and to their countrymen.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader got to thinking about art the other day while writing his Bond Girl post. Only, his mind wandered from the purient to the pure. Well, perhaps not to the pure, but certainly to “real” art.

Recently a friend of your Maximum Leader’s asked him the following question: “If you could have any work out of the National Gallery in Washington DC for your personal collection, which would you choose?”

Your Maximum Leader is very familiar with the public collection of the National Gallery in DC. He’s been visiting it since he was a young villain-in-training. And since he was young a particular portrait has stuck in his consciousness as his favorite. Surprisingly, it is not Ginevra Di Benci by Leonardo (which, if he remembers correctly, is the only Leonardo painting on permenent display in North America) or one of a number of excellent Rembrants, or even one of the Titians in the collection. (Doge Andrea Gritti is the best.) And as partial as your Maximum Leader is to El Greco (and he is partial to El Greco), it is not a Greco…

It would be “The Marquise de Pezé and the Marquise de Rouget with her sons” by Elizabeth Louise Vigée-LeBrun.

Your Maxium Leader would wager you that you’ve never heard of the painting, or the artist. (Well… He takes that back. The readers of this site, to the extent that he’s gotten to know some of you, are a pretty smart set. So perhaps some of you have knowledge of Madame Vigée-LeBrun or the portrait specifically.) Because most of you probably are unfamiliar with it here is the painting.

(You can clicky on the image to embiggen it…)

Your Maximum Leader couldn’t tell you why exactly. But this painting has been his favorite for many years. If his memory serves him, he first took note of it sometime in high school. Probably early high school. He was struck by the light playing off the Marquise de Pezé’s dress. He was also captivated by the Marquise de Rouget’s younger son looking out at you. Since then he has studied the painting many times. He’s shown it to friends and judged their reactions to it. (A sure sign that things weren’t going to work out with a girlfriend was when they didn’t really stop to study the painting at all - but instead looked longingly at your Maximum Leader…) When he took Villainette #1 through the National Gallery earlier this year, he pointed out the painting. Villainette #1 commented that it was ‘very big,’ ‘pretty,’ and ‘probably took a lot of time.’ (All accurate comments coming from a somewhat bored 8 year old girl. She was anxiously awaiting lunch at Clyde’s.)

It is really a pitty that the image your Maximum Leader has reproduced here is so low quality. The painting is not as dark as it would seem to be here. If you get a chance to go to the National Gallery you should visit it.*

There is only one other painting in the National Gallery of Art by Vigée-LeBrun. To be honest, the “Portrait of a Lady” doesn’t really thrill your Maximum Leader. And speaking very honestly, other than these two paintings, your Maximum Leader - normally a curious person about things that interest him - never thought to learn more about Elizabeth Louise Vigée-LeBrun. He also doesn’t believe that he has ever seen another one of her paintings. (NB: There is a portrait of Marie Antoinette in the National Gallery of Art that is attributed to Vigée-LeBrun. But since it is only an attribution, your Maximum Leader figures there is some issue of provenance to contend with. Thus he isn’t really including it. But the painting is quite good. You can see it here.)

Well… Until today. When he was struck to write this piece, he decided to look up Madame Vigée-LeBrun on ye olde interweb. While reading over various mentions of her, he found a few self-portraits. Of those that he’s found this is his favorite.

(Like the other one, you can clicky to embiggen… And your Maximum Leader will opine for you all that Madame Vigée-LeBrun was quite a dish.)

It was on a link to a site (improbably named batguano.com) that your Maximum Leader first learned anything about Vigée-LeBrun. Well, anything beyond the years of her birth and death - which were displayed on the painting in the National Gallery. She lived a fascinating life. According to short biography of Vigée LeBrun by one Rich Carson, she didn’t apprentice under any other painter, she became friends with Marie Antoinette, was admitted to the Salon, fled the Revolution, eventually returned to France, and completed her memoirs shortly before her 1842 death.

If you would like to see moe of Vigée-LeBrun’s work you can peruse the extensive collection of images on the batguano site. (Be careful of that link - lots of images to load…) Or you could go to the Web Gallery of Art and see their collection. (Which generally has better quality images.) You could also visit the National Gallery of Art site to see their pages on her work.

Carry on.
(more…)

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has decided that he isn’t finished talking about James Bond.

More specifically, he is almost finished talking (writing?) about James Bond, but has not yet begun to discuss that equisite sub-species of humanity known as the “Bond Girl” (latin: Puella Bondus - NB: your Maximum Leader’s Latin is very sketchy at this point so he will welcome any helpful hints on the whole genus/species naming conventions.)

As for the discussion of Commander Bond himself, your Maximum Leader was going to point out one little problem with Casino Royale that did have to do with James Bond’s pedigree. That issue has been taken up by our good friend Wing Commander Seal. So, go visit Mr. Seal and read up on the biography of Commander Bond.

Then, there was Mr. Elk, who linked a site which asked “Who is your favourite Bond Girl?” It was that post that was the inspiration for this little missive by your Maximum Leader.

You see, your Maximum Leader is partial to a great many Bond Girls. Something he’s learned about himself by thinking of this post is that he likes a great many Bond Girls who hail (by birth at least) from France. The again confirms your Maximum Leader’s belief that he loves a great many things French, but is not at all partial to France’s Government.*

Anyhoo…

Allow us to move along here and go over your Maximum Leader’s favourite “Bond Girls.”

1) Carole Bouquet (For Your Eyes Only)

Your Maximum Leader will give his number one vote to Carole Bouquet. Ms. Bouquet is now Mrs. Gerard Depardieu (if what your Maximum Leader reads is correct.) That saddens your Maximum Leader greatly. For your Maximum Leader, while no Sean Connery - or frankly even Sean Astin, is a better looking man than Gerard Depardieu. Of course, your Maximum Leader is not as good an actor as M. Depardieu. Indeed, your Maximum Leader’s only film/stage role worth noting was as Prince Geoffrey in “The Lion in Winter.” But if Ms. Bouquet was looking for someone she could have, at least, rung up your Maximum Leader to see if he was available.

Now, your Maximum Leader will completely agree with Mrs P that if Ms. Bouquet had spent more time working on acting and less time working on how to stare, she might be a more memorable Bond Girl. Your Maximum Leader chalks up Ms. Bouquet’s lack of acting ability to the fact that she is really just a model. In fact, at the time she was selected for the role she was, if your Maximum Leader remembers, the “face” of Clinique Cosmetics. Now, you are probably wondering why, if she wasn’t all that good an actress why on earth would your Maximum Leader choose her as his all time favourite Bond Girl? Why for looks of course.

Allow your Maximum Leader to write plainly here. These ranking are, solely, a beauty contest. He’s not making any judgements about which Bond Girl is a better actress, or delivered her lines better, or any other such thing. This is purely a list of how good-looking a particular actress was at the time they starred in a Bond flick. Your Maximum Leader’s personal taste being the only judging criteria.

2) Halle Berry (Die Another Day)

Frankly, Halle Berry is one of the most stunningly beautiful women on the face of the Earth. As it turns out, she can - more or less - act as well. Witness her winning an Oscar for that film she did will Billy Bob Thornton. Of course, some might go so far as to say that she won the Oscar because she filmed a sex scene with the aforementioned Mr. Thornton and acted as though she enjoyed it. No small feat that was. So, Halle Berry makes the list. For the sake of full disclosure, your Maximum Leader must once again admit that he has not even watched “Die Another Day.” So he cannot comment on he character portrayal in the movie at all.

3) Daniela Bianchi (From Russia With Love)

As your Maximum Leader has already noted, “From Russia With Love” is his favourite Bond movie. For a while your Maximum Leader’s adolecent days were filled visions of Daniela Bianchi which he lustfully memorized from a Betamax copy of the film he watched repeatedly. While your Maximum Leader has not really favoured blondes, he will make a noteworthy exception for Ms. Bianchi.

4) Sophie Marceau (The World is Not Enough)

Another French woman, the second of this list, Sophie Marceau comes in at number four on your Maximum Leader’s list of Bond Girls. Of course, your Maximum Leader also liked her in “Braveheart” and “A Midsummer’s Night Dream.” (NB: That film was particularly poorly done in your Maximum Leader’s opinion, but Ms. Marceau was good as Hyppolita. Mrs. Villain liked her in a version of “Anna Karenina” we watched on PBS once. Your Maximum Leader didn’t like the production much, but now can visualize Sophie Marceau as Anna…)

5) Claudine Auger (Thunderball)

Yet another French woman on the list. Claudine Auger played Domino in Thunderball. Her portrayal of the character was far better than that of Kim Basinger in “Never Say Never Again.” You will recall that “Never Say Never Again” was the not-Bond-film. Due to that dispute over who owned the rights to “Thunderball” some schmoe was allowed partial ownership of the story and promptly took advantage of the ruling to get Sean Connery out of retirement for one more stab at the role of 007. All in all it is a fine film, but in the end, your Maximum Leader prefers the original. And prefers Claudine to the “other” Domino.

6) Ursula Andress (Dr No)

Your Maximum Leader was, like so many countless men out there, titilated the moment Ursula Andress came out of the ocean in that white bikini in “Dr No.” The fact that she also was wearing a knife made he seem just a little dangerous on top of being sexy. (NB to female readers: Sexy + Dangerous = Irresistable) Ms Andress is Swiss, from Bern, which makes her a Francophone - in as much as most Swiss are tri-lingual - and she lived for a time in Paris. Your Maximum Leader wonders if this makes her at least partially French?

7) Famke Janssen (Goldeneye)

Famke Janssen is the second of two Bond Girl villains on the list (the first being Sophie Marceau). Xenia Onatopp is a parody of the sexy villain - really now screwing your targets to death? - in Bond films. But she pulled it off well. Ms Janssen is quite sexy in fact. Her turns in the X-Men movies have, no doubt, endeared her to millions of young men. (Humm… She and Halle Berry both in X-Men movies? Bond Girl as stepping stone to comic book adaptation blockbuster?) Your Maximum Leader will admit that his favourite Janssen role happens to be her portrayal of Kamala in the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode entitled “The Perfect Mate.”
Eva Green (Casino Royale)

Another French woman. Your Maximum Leader will admit that he thought Eva Green was English or American affecting a British accent. As it turns out her last name is “Green” pronounced “Gren.” Miss. Green’s turn as Vesper Lynd is quite good. She has an actual dramatic range that is evident in the film. Your Maximum Leader didn’t recognize her from the only other role he’s seen her play, that of the Princess in “Kingdom of Heaven” - which was a very disappointing film all in all. He’s read that Miss Green’s role in Bertolucci’s “The Dreamers” drew oohs and aahs from hormonally normal men for her full frontal nude scenes. Perhaps that will be a rental someday…

9) Michelle Yeoh (Tomorrow Never Dies)

Your Maximum Leader has always thought of Michelle Yeoh as a particularly sexy woman. He can’t recall the first time he saw her in a film, but he thinks it was some martial arts movie recommended to him by his best friend Kevin, the Big Hominid. Most people recall her from “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” - which itself is a fine film and worthy of a recommendation.

10) Corrine Clery (Moonraker)

The fifth and final French woman on the list. Corinne Clery was one of those minor Bond women who end badly. If you recall her role at all (and frankly there is no reason you should), she played a helicopter pilot who was torn apart by dogs in “Moonraker.” As your Maximum Leader has already gone on the record stating that “Moonraker” is the absolute nadir of the whole Bond franchise, it is rather ironic that even one thing about the film should be included in a “best of Bond” list. Corinne Clery is good looking enough to make the list.

So there you have it. Your Maximum Leader’s list of his top ten favourite Bond Girls… Oh… The title of this post mentions the RCBA… As we all know your Maximum Leader (a nominal Catholic at best - although he’s found himself going to Mass recently) is fond of the study of beauty. Film-making is an “art.” You do the math…

Oh yes… There if your Maximum Leader could make one request of the producers of the next Bond film… It would be to consider the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt as a Bond Girl. It would do your Maximum Leader’s heart good…

Carry on.
(more…)

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees on the new wire that there will (very shortly) be a very large auction of Elvis memorabilia and artifacts in December. A highlight of the auction will be Elvis’ diamond and platinum wedding band. The ring (and other items) are currently on display in the Aladdin Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. (Where else?)

Your Maximum Leader is, as regular readers know, a big Elvis fan. Perhaps he will bid on some items… Or not…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader saw this photo on the news wire and liked it. Thus he decided to repost it here.

Your Maximum Leader admits to liking photos of thunderstorms. He thinks they are cool.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wants to commend to you the latest from the Hatemongers.

After the hunger-strike-for-Instalanche ended, the Crack Young Staff has been tearing it up. (So to speak.) Your Maximum Leader feels the hate, and likes it.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader must say that in the crush of people complaining about jobs going overseas and everything being outsourced, he hasn’t heard much complaining about e-tutoring. Indeed, until a recent news wire article, he’d never even thought about e-tutoring. According to Reuters, some e-tutoring services start at $2.50/hr and go up to $100/month for unlimited tutoring. Many of the tutors have advanced degrees, and most of the tutors are themselves briefed on specific US educational requirements as well as American slang and colloqui.

Frankly, your Maximum Leader can’t see what there wold be to complain about in a market driven solution like this. Of course he can see how some might complain because the service uses voice-over-IP technology and requires computers (two things only middle and upper class kids are likely to have). But who wouldn’t want to have a competent person with an advanced degree provide tutoring help to their kids? (Well… Assuming the parent doesn’t have the ability themselves to help.)

Your Maximum Leader would be very interested to see how students in the US who avail themselves of these services might do as a result of the tutoring.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader must admit he must have been educated in a very common fashion. He’s never (ever) heard of Debrett’s Peerage and Baronetage. Nor has he ever heard of Debrett’s Correct Form.

Apparently these august publications have been in circulation since 1769. They have (apparently) been guides to correct behaviour and conduct amongst the upper classes of British society. More recently, namely in the latest edition, the proper Debrett’s has started to dust off its Victorian image (or Georgian image if you go all the way back to 1769) and do some updating. Thanks to Reuters your Maximum Leader has learned that Debrett’s now offers advice one night stands and cautions against back alley grope-fests.

Well… What can one say about that? Other than to say, “Good show ole boy. I’ve always wondered the proper form to use when debasing oneself.”

Now your Maximum Leader knows that Mrs Villain is well versed in good behaviour from Emily Post. Your Maximum Leader must admit that he always relied on Judith Martin, mainly because she had a column in the Washington Post and seemed more in touch with Washington. Indeed, your Maximum Leader’s saintly mother has a copy of Ms Martin’s guide to excurciatingly correct behavior. Frankly, your Maximum Leader can’t imagine either Ms Post or Ms Martin writing about proper conduct surrounding a one night stand.

Call your Maximum Leader unfashionably prudish, but he just doesn’t really think there ought to be a “proper form” for the ole “wham, bam, thank you ma’am.”

Then again, your Maximum Leader wasn’t born an aristocrat…

Oh yes… Your Maximum Leader should mention that he must bookmark the Debrett’s site - as they do have a useful social season calendar. He’s surprised he’s never heard of Debrett’s from someone like the esteemed Mr. Seal or the very cultured Mrs. P…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader got an e-mail from reader the jist of which was “I don’t live in Virginia. I don’t care about George Allen. I don’t care if he is a racist. Move on.” Now, one thing before your Maximum Leader moves on… While your Maximum Leader is not going to make any claims or represenations about anyone, he does think that one probably doesn’t want a true racist sitting in the US Senate. So perhaps people should care.

But hey… It is time to lighten up…

And what better to put one in a lighter mood than… the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt.

For all of you out there find this site looking for search terms like “jennifer love hewitt naked” and “jennifer love hewitt nude” and “jennifer love hewitt cow” and “jennifer love hewitt playboy” (and your Maximum Leader knows there are lots of you) he presents the dreamy Miss Hewitt in her “music video” entitled “Barenaked.” That means that this is the title track of the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt’s album “Barenaked.” In the song, the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt is “bare naked” and “just can’t take it.”

Your Maximum Leader can take it… Just not in Playboy.

Humm… Does this count as being “art?” Your Maximum Leader wonders if videos count as an art form? Perhaps he should consult the RCBA…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that so many of his favourite bloggers are putting music videos from You Tube up on their sites. Your Maximum Leader figures this is a trend he feels okay going with. If you read the same sites that your Maximum Leader does you’d have recently seen some a-Ha, Squeeze, and Everclear… But your Maximum Leader want to go both older and foreign on you. The year is 1983 - the early days of the golden age of rock videos. MTV was new, and there was still a Friday Night Videos on every week (for those of you who didn’t have cable…).

Your Maximum Leader remembers seeing this video for the very first time over at Jenny Rosenthal’s house. He remembers being told, “Oh Mike. Watch this. This is the saddest thing ever.”

For your viewing pleasure…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is always pleased to have other titles heaped upon his august person. Basil Seal has (so far) heaped the best one upon him.

Recently, the gracious Mrs P didn’t so much bestow upon your Maximum Lader another title; as make him part of a very elite fraternity, the (Roman) Catholic Boys for Art. Well… Actually your Maximum Leader was just seen entertaining the other (Roman) Catholic Boys for Art on his ham pillow - but the connection is tenuous enough for your Maximum Leader to run with it. The real (Roman) Catholic Boys for Art - hereafter RCBfA - are Messrs Seal, Elk and Fiendish. It is unclear as to Mr Cusack’s final status in that group; but your Maximum Leader would hazard a guess that the good Mr Cusack is likely a charter RCBfA member. Your Maximum Leader probably is, at best, a lesser associate member. His Catholic credentials are not quite up to snuff you know…

Anyhoo… The delightful Mrs P (who by the way, is celebrating 16 years of connubial bliss with Mr P this weekend) has, for the purposes of entertaining the RCBfA, been regaling her readers with “art stories.” Alas… Your Maximum Leader doesn’t have any “art stories” to share with you all. He’s not a particularly artistic fellow. Not much for dancing, prancing, or singing either. This is not to say that he is not a lover of “the arts” - for he is. But he is an observer, critic, and sideline-stander. (All the easy things to be…)

But… All these “art stories” from Mrs P (as well as the commentary on statuary by Messrs Seal and Elk) have gotten your Maximum Leader to thinking about statuary in the fair city of Washington DC.

Now once upon a time, your Maximum Leader was lucky enough to have a great professor in college. Richard T. Couture was a character (in addition to being a learned man). Richard was a very well traveled man. All the great cities of the western world he’d visited - as well as many of the great cities of the East. Surprisingly, he’d never traveled much to Washington DC.

Well… Perhaps not all that surprisingly. You see, your Maximum Leader has spent the majority of his life living in the greater Washington DC area. And he’d have to say that Washington has only become a world class city in the past 15 years or so. Sure DC has always had “the government” and the Smithsonian; but other than that… Not too much.

Anyhoo… Richard didn’t visit Washington much. One time, your Maximum Leader convinced Richard to visit DC and see the sights. While your Maximum Leader was giving him the nickel driving tour of the city Richard commented that “There is one predominant architectural and sculptural style in this town.”

“Really? What style is that?” replied your Maximum Leader.

“Totalitarian Gothic,” Richard stated flatly…

Stop for a moment, if you will, and think about the age of the totalitarian builders… Those were the 1930s. Who were the totalitarian builders? Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini. Think of the buildings and sculptures of those times. Some people call it “Socialist Realism.” Your Maximum Leader (thanks to Richard Couture) likes to call it “Totalitarian Gothic.”

Of course… Building at the same time as Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini was the Works Project Administration and all the other alphabet soup agencies of Franklin D Roosevelt’s administration. Many of the imposing edifices of Washington DC date to these federal construction programs. So do the statuary that adorn the buildings.

Compare for yourself if you like. Stalingrad (Volgagrad) vs. DC. Or these. DC vs Moscow.

Now, having introduced you all to Totalitarian Gothic, your Maximum Leader should tell you that not all sculpture (or building) in Washington DC is in the Totalitarian Gothic style. Oh no. There are plenty of other buildings and statuary styles to go around.

One of the most monumental buildings in the city is Union Station. The main (and monumental) terminal entrance to the station was designed around the turn of the last century by Daniel Burnham. It’s large vaulted ceiling is inspired by the Baths of Dioclietian in Rome.

But it is not the ceiling that is the focus of your Maximum Leader’s comments. It is the statuary below the ceiling. The statues of the Roman soliders.

You see, Louis Saint-Gaudens was commissioned to do the sculptures of the Roman Centurions which would adorn the building. The story goes that Saint-Gaudens sent a model from his studio to the commissioners responsible for the building. The statue was supposed to depict a “historically accurate” Roman Centurion. Helmet, breastplate, cape… And in the “all together” below the waist.

Now… First off, any student of the period knows that Roman soliders didn’t march into the heat of battle wearing nothing below the waist. That is just stupid. Everyone (and your Maximum Leader believes that it is truly a sample set of everyone in the whole world) knows that men like to protect their private parts. So the idea of soliders not protecting that area is just artistic whimsy.

Well… The model caused something of a stir. The building commissioners told Saint-Gaudens that the “all together” below the waist wouldn’t do. So the final centurions were crafted standing behind their shields. The rumor is that if you look carefully from certain vantage points you can see behind the sheilds… Your Maximum Leader has never tried to frankly. And for your edification, here is a brief recounting of this story - along with a photo of one of the centurions.

Your Maximum Leader hopes that Mrs P, a Finishing School Girl for Art, enjoys this post and continues to regale her readers with “art stories.”

Carry on.