Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader’s Valentine’s Day did not go as planned. It started to go south when Villainette #2 started acting up with her friends here (from the sleepover). Your Maximum Leader disciplined her quietly and not in front of her friends so as not to embarass her too much. Alas, she was a bit thickheaded and needed another go - this time in front of everyone. No fun… Your Maximum Leader’s mood perceptibly grew a little foul.

Then, Mrs Villain and the Villainettes had a group of kids over to work on a school project. This school project involved painting some sheets to use as a backdrop to a play. Mrs Villain didn’t think through the painting and had the kids paint the (thin cotton) sheets on top of a (thin cotton) sheet on the carpeted floor of the Villainschloss basement. Needless to say, the carpet got painted too. Your Maximum Leader had to go out and get one of those industrial-strength carpet cleaner thingies to save the day. The day is pretty much saved - but it wasn’t pretty and your Maximum Leader was starting to get really pissy.

Then came time for dinner. Your Maximum Leader had planned a feast of T-bone steak, fried oysters, roasted-garlic mashed potatoes and green beans. Well… Villainette #1 decided she didn’t want to help peel potatoes. Your Maximum Leader told her that if she didn’t she was getting a peanut butter sandwich for dinner. Villainette #1 thought the threat was an idle one, so she left. Your Maximum Leader was now very pissy. He cooked four (instead of five) steaks, fried up the pound of oysters he bought (already shucked - this morning in fact), and got everything cooked. Dinner was served and Villainette #1 was surprised to discover that not only was she going to actually get a peanut butter sandwich for dinner; but that it was served to her on a Lightning McQueen plate normally reserved for her 4 years old brother. She was all sorts of upset. She sulked through dinner. Your Maximum Leader was informed by Mrs Villain at the table that she didn’t want any oysters (fried or otherwise). Villainette #2 had a couple of oysters (she liked them but wanted more steak). So it fell to your Maximum Leader to eat pretty much all of the oysters. (NB: They were quite delicious. Lightly breaded in a corn-meal/flour mix and a little buttermilk.)

Did your Maximum Leader mention that he started drinking bourbon and coke from his 20 oz tiki mug earlier in the day? No? Ooops.

So now your Maximum Leader is all hopped up with oysters and liquor. And what does he decide to do?

Go and read blogs of course…

He should draw your attention to the best “Valentine’s Day” type post he’s read in a long time. Mr. C.S. Perry is a friggin genius. Not only is Mr. C.S. Perry a friggin genius, but he caused your Maximum Leader to remember through a bourbon induced haze that he is filled with the amourousness that comes through alcohol and oysters in mass quantities. In fact he is likely filled with enough amourousness to occupy two normal men his age (or one 16 year old boy).

Mrs Villain has, of course, turned in early and is fast asleep.

At this point your Maximum Leader is seriously considering… Well… He’s considering lots of options…

Damn.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is lazy today. He is awaiting Battlestar Galactica tonight and is not concentrating very hard on anything.

So.. By way of taking content from another place…

The guys at Kissing Suzy Kolber have a nice post on bacon infused alcohol… If you are interested in bacon flavored drinks… Clicky on the linky…

(Your Maximum Leader is posting this and thinking about you Bobgrrl…)

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that Kagurazaka Ishikawa, a Michelin three-star restaurant in Tokyo, is taking some heat for selling bad beans.

The black beans were sold under the name of the Kagurazaka Ishikawa restaurant, known for its dishes of seasonal fish and meat.

The beans, which went on sale at a Takashimaya department store in Tokyo, were found to contain Bacillus Cereus bacteria that could cause vomiting or diarrhea, said Nana Okada, a spokeswoman at Takashimaya Co.

The beans, which were made at a factory in central Japan under the guidance of the three-star restaurant in Tokyo, were possibly not heated sufficiently to be disinfected, Okada said.

Oy! Your Maximum Leader would probably revoke one of those stars after learning about this.

Your Maximum Leader was surprised to read, not in this article - but in a piece in the Times of London a while back, that after France; Japan has more Michelin three-star restaurants than any other nation. Your Maximum Leader thinks that before too long the most three-star restaurants outside France will be in located in Dubai…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader hasn’t been motivated to write much. To be honest, he’s been motivated to write something more thoughtful and meaty than the shit he’s been slapping up here recently.

But until that happens…

Mr Atoz over on Agent Bedhead’s site points out the most important (and underreported) election results from last Tuesday.

Bacon is a winner.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was going to write a polemic for President-Elect Obama for today. Alas, he started to write and didn’t like the tone he was going to take. So, he will rewrite and post later…

But you really ought to read Mrs P’s story in the comment section of the previous post. A taste:

I recall Squeeze being one of the mainstays of the music selections for the parties my best friend and I used to throw back in the Boston days. She had this terrific newly renovated condo in Back Bay - exposed brick walls hard wood floors and deck - very mid to late ’80’s. And you’ll especially appreciate this feature - it had been -before renovation- one of the first buildings the Boston Strangler had struck…

It just gets better from there.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader realizes that there is quite a bit of “bad news” being reported. Lots of stories about how to manage on less. What to do about your retirement. How to keep your job…

Finally, news you can use to keep your bar well-stocked in economic hard times. Inexpensive Bottles to Help Keep You Afloat.

Your Maximum Leader admits he’s been reducing his Scotch consumption to keep costs down. He’s been drinking more Bourbon. It is sweeter and makes your Maximum Leader feel patriotic…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader remembers being told growing up that “Tang” was a “space age drink.” It was, afterall, developed for our astronauts. Tang. Velcro. Pens that write while inverted. All tangible commercial products brought to us by the research that went into putting a man on the moon.

Occasionally the unexpected outcome of science makes for a good commerical product. Take for example beer made from million year old yeast. From the Washington Post:

Raul Cano is the real-life “Jurassic Park” scientist. Yes, there is one.

A day before that movie opened in 1993, Cano announced that he had extracted DNA from an ancient Lebanese weevil entombed in amber, just as the fictional employees of InGen do with a mosquito to create their dino-amusement park. One newspaper account said the “achievement” refuted “the long-held view of many biologists that DNA of so great an age” couldn’t be preserved.

But Cano was less interested in extinct reptiles than in Homo sapiens now roaming the earth. He next revivified ancient bacteria from the gut of an amber-encased bee and hoped to turn the strains into new antibiotics. That didn’t work, and Cano, who has a doctorate in medical mycology, put his 1,200-specimen organism collection on the back shelf and returned to more fruitful microbial endeavors, like assessment of petroleum-degrading diversity in sand dunes and the bioinformatics of Lactobacillus acidophilus.

And then, last month, a breakthrough.

The product?

Beer.

“I was going through my collection, going, ‘Gee whiz — this is pretty nifty. Maybe we could use it to make beer,’ ” says Cano, 63 , now the director of the Environmental Biotechnology Institute at California Polytechnic State University in San Luis Obispo.

The result is Fossil Fuels Brewing Co., which ferments a yeast strain Cano found in a piece of Burmese amber dating from about 25 million to 45 million years ago. The company — in which Cano is a partner, along with another scientist and a lawyer — introduced its pale ale and German wheat beer with a party last month at one of the two Bay Area pubs where Fossil Fuels is made and served.

Very cool. Your Maximum Leader has been trying to find some of this beer available for sale recently. To no avail yet. But he’ll keep trying.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is pretty damned pissed off now. (Any person of weak reading constitution or one easily put off by vulgarity ought to just skip th rest of this now.)

Allow him to explain.

Your Maximum Leader loves his ice cream. He is something of an ice cream snob. He wants lots of flavor. Creaminess. A good aroma (yes, ice cream has aroma). Good natural ingredients. There are a few brands that he likes and buys with regularity. Among those “premium” brands is Edy’s Ice Cream.

Since “premium” ice creams are a little pricey, your Maximum Leader (being a frugal fellow) buys a bunch of of half-gallons at a time when they are on sale. (A local grocery chain - Giant - often runs a 2-for-1 deal on Tuesdays.)

Now… Here comes the anger.

Your Maximum Leader goes through phases. Sometimes he eats lots of ice cream. Then he’ll go weeks (months) and never touch it. He has recently entered a phase where he finds himself eating more ice cream. He had a few half-gallon containers that were in the deep freeze from a recent sale. Yesterday he saw that Edy’s was on sale at Giant, so he went and bought a few more containers for the freezer. When he returned to the Villainschloss and put the ice cream into the freezer he noticed something…

The new containers seemed to be smaller than the old containers.

At first he thought it was some sort of visual trick becuase the colors of the container had changed. So he picked up the last of the “old containers” and put it side by side to a “new” container. The “new” container still seemed smaller.

Then he looked at the packaging to find out how much ice cream was in each one.

The “old” container - 1.75 quarts.

The “new container - 1.5 quarts.

What the hell is going on here? Your Maximum Leader just spent $4.00 for 3 quarts of ice cream. About a six weeks ago he spent $4.00 for 3.5 quarts of ice cream. What the fuck? First off… He thought he was buying a fucking half-gallon of ice cream in the first place. That is two (2, dos, deux, 1+1) quarts of ice cream. Your Maximum Leader is pretty damned put out in learning that he probably hasn’t been buying a true half gallon of ice cream for over a year. Now he’s learned that he is paying the same fucking price for 25% less ice cream. Frankly… He’s paying 2 quart prices for 1.5 quart containers.

He is pretty fucking upset right now. He doesn’t normally bandy about the f-word. But this is quite offensive. Your Maximum Leader understands market forces and how dairy prices have increased and that profit margins are tight. But he doesn’t think that screwing the customer out of a half-a-friggin quart of ice cream is going to make things better. Your Maximum Leader wouldn’t be complaining about Edy’s raising the price of a half-gallon of ice cream to cover their increased costs and need to make a profit. But holding the price steady and shrinking the size of the package to squeeze out a little cost savings seems damned underhanded. Your Maximum Leader knows milk costs money. He knows that sugar costs money. He knows vanilla costs money. He knows it costs more to ship ice cream to stores. He gets that. He would understand the cost of ice cream going up. But he doesn’t want to pay the same amount and get less (and probably have to buy more) just so the company can boast that they aren’t raising prices.

What did Edy’s (or Dreyer’s, or Nestle or whoever owns Edy’s) have to spend to retool equipment and redesign the packaging to camouflage this heinous change? How much of did they save on that? Damn this is angering.

Your Maximum Leader is seriously considering finding another ice cream to buy. He’ll have to try looking at the Turkey Hill stuff to see what they are doing now. (FYI - Your Maximum Leader doesn’t like Bryers. Its texture is too “grandular” on the tounge.)

Damned dirty ice cream makers… Going and fucking with your Maximum Leader’s ice cream. Now they’ve gone and ruined a perfectly good day with their tricks and deceptions…

Rat bastards…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been meaning to comment on the comments he’s received about his Monarchy of Booze post. First off… Please recall the hierarchy:

King of Booze - scotch whisky
Queen of Booze - vodka
Crown Prince of Booze - Bourbon
Duke of Booze - Tennessee whisky
Earl(s) of Booze - Canadian whisky/Brandy
Marquise of Booze - Gin
Baron of Booze - Rum
Knights of Booze - Tequila
The rising middle class of Booze - wine
Serfs - of course peasants drink beer
Amendments/Additions/Ameliorations:
Dancing Dwarves of Booze - Sloe gin
Court Sluts of Booze - flavoured Brandies

Now… Allow your Maximum Leader to get a few things out in the open right now… First off… Bobgirrl grows more and more alluring with every comment she posts. She likes single malts, hockey, and - of course - bacon. If your Maximum Leader were single and living on the left coast (neither of which are in the cards) he would certainly see if he had what it takes to be Bobgirrl’s future ex-husband.

Secondly… Many commenters seem to imply (or is it that your Maximum Leader is inferring?) that your Maximum Leader doesn’t have what it takes to do vodka chilled and naked. Well… He polished off that bottle of vodka in his freezer by pulling out a shotglass and taking three shots in rapid succession to do in the damned thing. It wasn’t bad. But it wasn’t all that either. It is just too raw and medicinal. Even though your Maximum Leader sits in his Villainschloss typing this post while wearing his reproduction 1976 Vladislav Tretiak Soviet olympic hockey team jersey, he doesn’t think he has any Russian in him. The vodka didn’t warm his spirits or insides like the good scotch does. Hence, vodka will only be the queen consort of booze and not ever the queen regnant of booze.

Thirdly… Flavoured vodkas are just pansy drinks. If you want to add flavor to vodka, you just add something to the vodka. It shouldn’t come “pre-infused” it is just wrong…

Fourthly… Gin… Now allow your Maximum Leader to state clearly here… In your Maximum Leader’s family there are two factions. They are sort of like the Lancastrians and Yorks. They are the Gin drinkers and the Scotch drinkers. Never the two shall mix. Yes, in your Maximum Leader’s family you are one or the other. You get the taste early and it never leaves you. Your Maximum Leader was replused by his first sip of gin; but he was enraptured by the first sip of scotch. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t understand gin at all. So… You are probably asking yourself, “Self, why did my Maximum Leader, no fan of gin himself, put Gin into the monarchy in such a favored position?” Good question. He must have done it because your Maximum Leader is a semi-benevolent autocrat. In this case we’ll draw attention to the semi-benevolent part. Just because he can’t stand gin doesn’t mean that he doesn’t realize that some of his minions have different (and wrong) tastes. Of all of the freedoms your Maximum Leader wants to take from you, your ability to enjoy your gin (if you can) isn’t one of them.

NB to Card: Your Maximum Leader has his eye on you there Card… Comparing gin to Richard III. Now your Maximum Leader realizes that you were just doing the typical R III as Shakespeare characature comparison and not a legitimate historical comparison… But still… Your Maximum Leader tries to rehabilitate ole Dickon wherever he can… Damned Henry Tudor. (The Welsh bastard!)

Lastly… Our dear friend (and new dad! - Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!) Buckethead speculates that there is a Monarchy of Booze, Principate of Wine, and Republic of Booze. Your Maximum Leader will overlook Buckethead’s careless bandying of Frenchified insults early on and focus on the matter at hand. (NB to Buckethead: Watch out who you be calling French there…) Your Maximum Leader is clearly a true monarchist in this matter. He knows that a monarchy is the only way to go and that all those silly wines and beers have to controlled and not allowed to get out of hand. That will lead to mobocracy and the tyranny of the masses! Great jeezey chreezey! If we let the beers get out of hand they will start mulitplying and become mass-produced cans of pisswater…

Oh yeah…

If you have suggestions or comments on the Monarchy of Booze… Please feel free to comment.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been trying to finish off this bottle of vodka he has in his freezer. As longtime readers know, your Maximum Leader is a Scotch/Bourbon man. So vodka isn’t his bailiwick so to speak. He prided himself by discovering that mixing vodka and V-8 Mango/Peach juice was a way to get both liquor and vegetable nourishment in one tall glass. Alas, one of your Maximum Leader’s readers wasn’t quite as impressed.

Card wrote in a comment the following:

My Maximum Leader, I have always been a scotch drinker myself. I consider scotch the King of Boozes. I have for many years also been a fan of vodka, which I consider the Queen of Boozes. I would never defile scotch by mixing it with some vile, alien substance. I think the queen deserves the same respect. I humbly suggest that you toss the V8 Fusion down the toilet or your kid’s throat where it belongs. The queen is an absolute delight when she is chilled and naked.

Well said. Your Maximum Leader must admit that he sort of likes the V-8 fusion with or without the vodka. (It is also okay with rum.) So it is unlikely that it will go down the loo. But he isn’t sure that he can handle the vodka straight-up. And your Maximum Leader isn’t going to go for one of those pansy “flavoured” vodkas. They seem wrong in principle.

Anyhoo…

Your Maximum Leader read this comment and it got to perculating in his mind. He certainly agrees that scotch is the King of Booze. But he wasn’t sure about vodka being the queen. Well… He wasn’t sure at first. But the more he thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense. Then your Maximum Leader’s bizarre little mind got to thinking more… The result of his thinking…

Behold! The monarchy of booze:

King of Booze - scotch whisky
Queen of Booze - vodka
Crown Prince of Booze - Bourbon
Duke of Booze - Tennessee whisky
Earl(s) of Booze - Canadian whisky/Brandy
Marquise of Booze - Gin
Baron of Booze - Rum
Knights of Booze - Tequila
The rising middle class of Booze - wine
UPDATED! - Serfs - of course peasants drink beer

This is just a premilinary hierarchy. If you care to add to the list, please feel free to do so. Make suggestions and your Maximum Leader will expand the list.

God save the King (of Booze)!

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader’s friend, our favorite Boy Named Sous, has tagged him with a food meme. The theme is to share an “American peasant food” dish with everyone. The requirements of the dish be these: cheap, easy, and none too healthy.

Your Maximum Leader must admit that for some reason, this seems like a very tough request. But after some consideration, he decided to go with the first recipe that popped into his mind. This recipe doesn’t have a name, so far as your Maximum Leader knows. It is just a way to prepare bluefish. Now you might be saying “Oh, my Maximum Leader is having me buy fish…” Well, your Maximum Leader has never bought bluefish in his life. He always catches it himself. So if one is ignores the cost of operating a boat, this is pretty cheap. (And, of course, one’s boat doesn’t have to be very grand to go out and catch a fish… Even a bluefish.) Here goes…

Take one fillet (or more if you like) of bluefish and place it on a sheet of aluminum foil skin side down. Your aluminum foil should be big enough to make a “boat” around the fillet.

Apply a generous amount of lemon juice to the fillet.

Cover the flesh of the bluefish fillet with mayonnaise.

Cover the mayonnaise with grated parmesan cheese.

Sprinkle with “Old Bay” seasoning to taste (or none at all if you like).

Cook in 325 oven until fish is done (time will depend on the thickness of the fillet). Your Maximum Leader has also cooked this by making the “boat” of foil into a “tent” of foil and cooking it over indirect heat (a campfire - off to one side) and had it work out fine.

There you go. The oily bluefish is quite tasty when done up this way. Indeed, your Maximum Leader likes his bluefish cooked this way or smoked. Most other preparations are problematic because blue’s are quite oily and “fishy.”

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader returned from Carl’s with Villainette #2 and our ice cream. He continued to listen to the radio station we had been listening to in the car. Apparently Saturday nights from 8-10pm is “80’s Night.”

The DJ played “Strut” by Sheena Easton. Your Maximum Leader must admit a guilty pleasure. He loved Sheena Easton. Oh yes… Sheena Easton… That lovely Scottish lass. He remembers waiting with anticipation to see her when she guested on “Miami Vice.”

He had to mosey on over to iTunes and pick up some Sheena Easton. (For all her music he owned was on LP and is long since gone… Sadly…)

Now he’ll be listening to “Morning Train,” “Strut,” and “Almost over you” until he drifts off into gentle slumbers…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wanted to take a moment to thank all his loyal readers who opined on his recent post concerning Johnnie Walker and making cocktails using Scotch as a primary ingredient.

First off, let your Maximum Leader thank Thomas for informing him that there was Scotch liqueur other than Drambuie. Your Maximum Leader will keep his eyes peeled for a bottle of Lochan Ora. He has never heard of it before, nor has he seen it. But now that he has heard of it… He may try to pick up a bottle.

Secondly, let your Maximum Leader assure you all that he would never (never EVAR) consider using a top shelf scotch in a cocktail. When your Maximum Leader says top shelf, he is not restricting this to single malts. Your Maximum Leader has had many single malts that are (in the words of Quasimodo) suitable only for cleaning sinks and paint brushes. There are many fine single malts for which it would, in fact, be a crime to mix with anything (except possibly ice). That said, your Maximum Leader believes there are a number of outstanding blends that should not be mixed. Chief among these is probably Johnnie Walker Blue.

Excursus: Quasimodo, in his comment, disparaged Cutty Sark Scotch. Your Maximum Leader must opine on this slam of Cutty. Your Maximum Leader will state on the record that Cutty Sark is not particularly good Scotch. It is, at best, passable for a blend. Your Maximum Leader has a soft spot in his heart – if not his palette – for Cutty Sark. You see, in his youth there always seemed to be a bottle of Cutty Sark around for those inclined to take a drink of whisky. Cutty Sark was likely the first Scotch your Maximum Leader ever sipped. (Or gulped more probably.) So, although he hasn’t had any Cutty Sark in years, he does remember it fondly as his “gateway” Scotch.

Lastly… For those of you who are curious as to what Scotch resides in your Maximum Leader’s liquor cabinet… Here is the list… Craiganmore. Glenfiddich Solera Reserve (which is at the moment your Maximum Leader’s favorite – his favorite changes with his mood and the season, Craiganmore was the favorite a few months ago). Glenlivet (Oak barrel special reserve). Bowmore (12 year old). And one bottle of Johnnie Walker Black.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has gotten himself on some fine mailing lists in his time. One of the mailing lists that keeps on giving about once a quarter is that of the good distillers of Johnnie Walker brand scotch. (Your Maximum Leader debated if he should put that link there - because you have to jump through some hoops to attest that you are “of age” to drink… But since he is going to be posting about some stuff they sent him it only seems polite to give them the link…

So… Your Maximum Leader is in the Johnnie Walker “Striding Man Society.” As best he can tell this gets him periodcial mailings and some invites to local events.

Now… Your Maximum Leader has always liked Johnnie Walker Scotch. Indeed, he has a bottle of “Gold Label” in his freezer. It is quite good. And your Maximum Leader also likes to relate that tale of scottish thrift involving Johnnie Walker Scotch. (Here tis: Why does Johnnie Walker come in square bottles? So you can pack more of them in a single crate (compared to round bottles) and thus save money in shipping.) He generally keeps a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black or Gold around.

(Excursus: Truth be told… Your Maximum Leader, when it comes to “mainline” brands of Scotch (mainline meaning a Scotch that you can walk into any reputable bar and find available) he is more a Glenfiddich man than a Johnnie Walker man. Glenfiddich has a little more smoke - which is desirable to your Maximum Leader.)

Anyhoo…

Johnny Walker sent your Maximum Leader a little mailer recently. The mailer contained recipes for cocktails involving (Johnnie Walker brand) Scotch. He opened it and read it over and was, at first, quite sceptical. You see, your Maximum Leader believes Scotch should be consumed two ways. 1) Neat. 2) On the rocks. That is pretty much it. Your Maximum Leader believes that Scotch shouldn’t be defiled by adding “mixers” and other such stuff. Having said this… One recipe in the mailing caught your maximum Leader’s eye. Here tis:

1 oz Scotch (Johnny Walker Green is recommended)
.5 oz Scotch Liqueur (none recommended but is there any other type than Drambuie? If you don’t have a Scotch liqueur you can substitute .5 oz of honey)
7 mint leaves
3 oz of Green Tea

Basically you mix the Scotch and liqueur first, add the mint leaves and alcohol to an old fashioned glass with ice, then top off with Green Tea. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t know what possessed him to try it, but he did. And it wasn’t all that bad. In fact, it was pretty good. He doesn’t think he’ll drink many of these. But it was a nice change of pace.

Of course, your Maximum Leader wonders if this bandying with a Scotch cocktail with result in him loosing some points off his “Man Card.”

Humm….

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure what to think of this week. Today certainly felt like a Monday, although it was definately a Wednesday. The abbreviated week is nice, but it does seem to upset (on some level) the regular flow of time…

So… Iowa caucuses tomorrow… Predictions? Anyone? Here you go… On the Democratic side: Obama wins narrowly over Hillary Clinton. Edwards a distant third. Richardson fourth. Other Dems decide to call it quits after results. Four way race going into New Hampshire. On the Republican side: Romney narrowly edges out Huckabee. McCain polls third. Thompson fourth. Rudy fifth. The five (and Ron Paul) remain in contention in New Hampshire. Republican field will not clear out until February.

Your know… Your Maximum Leader has a “thing.” Actually, he has many “things” but this one relates to Egg Nog. He doesn’t think that one should drink Egg Nog after the Feast of the Epiphany. He doesn’t know why this is, but it is. He has a fresh half gallon of Egg Nog he bought right after Christmas. Alas, his Egg Nog consumption was low over the New Years holiday. He now is going to have to go through lots of Egg Nog in a few days.

Your Maximum Leader’s lovely wife, Mrs Villain, buys skim or fat-free milk when she does the grocery shopping. Your Maximum Leader mostly buys 1% (or sometimes whole - or what passes for whole in stores now - when he buys whole milk he pretends he just grabbed the gallon from “the wrong shelf” when asked why he bought whole milk). Now he will urge Mrs Villain to buy 1% milk at the store… For the sake of your Maximum Leader’s prostate.

Your Maximum Leader believes that all-you-can-eat buffets are - essentially - wagers. Bets if you will. The restaurant is betting that they can prepare more food than you can eat (and make a profit) for the price they charge. In most cases, given the quality of buffet food, it is a bet the restaurants win. Then again there are people like Ricky Labit. Ricky apparently doesn’t like losing bets with all-you-can-eat buffets.

And finally… In a sign that “science” has in fact reached to new lows… Apparently a bunch of intrepid researchers have determined that male macaques “pay” for sex with female macaques. Yes… female macaques are, apparently, all whores who wontonly exchange intercourse for… wait for it… grooming. According to the piece:

Michael Gumert of Nanyang Technological University in Singapore made the discovery in a 20-month investigation into 50 long-tailed macaques in Kalimantan Tengah, Indonesia, New Scientist reports on Saturday.

On average, females had sex 1.5 times per hour.

But this rate jumped to 3.5 times per hour immediately after the female had been groomed by a male — and her partner of choice was likely to be the hunky monkey that did the grooming.

Market forces also acted on the value of the transaction.

If there were several females in the area, the cost of buying sex would drop dramatically — a male could “buy” a female for just eight minutes of nit-picking.

But if there were no females around, he would have to groom for up to 16 minutes before sex was offered.

The work supports the theory that biological market forces can explain social behaviour, the British weekly says.

Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure that the males are “paying” for sex in the sense of prostitution - as seems to be implied in the article. The males are more “exchanging” sex for the primate equivilent of spa treatments. (Try paying Trixie down on the corner in spa treatments and see how far that gets you…)

Carry on.