Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wanted to let you all know that he’s turned off the comments on this blog for an indetermined period. They appear to be causing some problem with his hosting service. So, at least for the time being, comments are gone. They might return.
So, you’ll just have to read the posts and if you have the urge to comment you can send an e-mail to your Maximum Leader (or Smallholder).
Carry on.
Imagine if Mrs. Smallholder and I had returned early from dinner and found the baconnabbers hard at work. Imagine they wouldn’t have killed an enraged Smallholder as he charges them with a trailer hitch. Imagine Smallholder manages to connect with said hitch and splatters baconnabber brains all over the driveway.
The cops come. At first they are willing to accept that Smallholder acted in self-defense. Until they get an anonymous tip about an obscure blog called “Naked Villainy” and a “100 below” essay included therein.
Do you think this might have been a problem?
UPDATE:
For the Maximum Leader and the Foreign Minister.
Plus, this guy lives in my neck of the woods.
In another post, he describes himself as a “Iam a Bullmoose, Teddy Roosevelt conservationist.”
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader only discovered Big Stupid Tommy’s site about 5 months or so ago. Perhaps about a month ago he added Big Stupid Tommy onto the blogroll.
Today he read a post there that made him laugh so hard he cried. Tears streaming down his face crying. Crying so hard Mrs Villain came to see what was the matter. Crying so hard and pointing at the screen that Mrs Villain felt compelled to read the post too. She laughed herself to tears.
Wanna check it out for yourself?
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader hasn’t meant for his blogging to be so irregular over the past two weeks. Indeed, if you knew your Maximum Leader personally you’d know he is a very regular fellow.
Alas, he cannot go into much detail, but please let it suffice to say that your Maximum Leader has been busy. At this point you are probably saying to yourself, “Self, my Maximum Leader probably isn’t blogging because he mentioned he was at the beach. He’s probably sitting by the surf and sipping girlie drinks.”
Well… Allow your Maximum Leader to assure you all that he is no longer at the beach. Additionally, he never drinks girlie drinks. He is a Scotch and Bourbon man. Indeed, this weekend he was able to sample freely from a rather large bottle of McCallan 18 year old Scotch. It was delicious.
No… The beach is no longer the reason for his irregular blogging. Yesterday that would have been an excuse. For yesterday he spent the better part of the day returning to the Villainschloss from the Beach. Today has been spent getting his affairs in order. You know a week at the beach will get one’s affairs out of order quite quickly. Losing that whole “routine” thing.
Your Maximum Leader knows you are out there, lurking, waiting, anticipating his next post. He hopes to post something good tomorrow.
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader will take a moment to apologize to you all. He’s not really been updating his blog too much this week. As you all know, he has been enjoying the best guest weblogging gig in the whole internet this week. If you haven’t read his posts over on The Hatemonger’s Quarterly… Well, allow you Maximum Leader to give you a few links. Here they are: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.
This week has not gone quite as your Maximum Leader expected. First off, he is at the beach. That is a bit unexpected. He’s been at the beach since Wednesday. When orginally planned, the Villainous Family (minus your Maximum Leader) were going to go to the beach on Tuesday. Then on Friday your Maximum Leader would join up with them and remain until this coming Monday. But plans changed and now your Maximum Leader has been enjoying himself in the bosom of his extended family in a big roomy beach house.
Now before you all go crying out “Pshaw… Life must be really tough on our Maximum Leader.” in that ironical voice you all have. (Don’t argue about it. Your Maximum Leader has heard your ironical voice before… *) Please know that even though he is at the beach, he has had to continue to work in all of his Maximum Leaderly duties while scheduling pool time, sauna time, swimming time, eating time, grilling time, and gazing at young attractive women in their bikini time. All that is a hard task - even for your Maximum Leader.
So… While your Maximum Leader has been juggling his time around, you - the loyal minionly readers - have suffered. He’s spent his little time for blogging trying to write something that doesn’t suck for the Crack Young Staff over on HMQ. He must admit tha he felt good about his Gibson and Castro posts. The others are just, ‘okay.’ Consider this post an apology in the Socratic sense for his dearth of postings this week.
Carry on.
(more…)
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader will direct your attention to his latest guest post over on The Hatemonger’s Quarterly.
To be honest, your Maximum Leader thought that post was reasonably funny. Mrs. Villain read it and didn’t find it funny at all. Sometimes it is hard to judge if something you write is good or not. Frankly, much of what your Maximum Leader writes here is just plain ole bad. He’s tried to put a little more care and thought into his guest posts over at HMQ.
Anyhoo…
There is always tomorrow…
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader knows it is summertime. Why? Why because he is enjoying the greatest gig in the history of Albert Gore’s Internets! Yes… He is guest weblogging over at The Hatemonger’s Quarterly. Today’s guest blog is about a bumper sticker your Maximum Leader chanced to see.
Who knows what he will guest-blog about tomorrow?
Stay tuned.
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wants to warn you all that bloggng will be somewhat sporadic this week. He has a lot going on and feels that the most likely times he’ll be able to blog will be later in the evening. He should also mention that Thursday and Friday he and Mrs Villain are going to go to Nemacolin Woodlands Resort and Spa for a longish weekend. (Thursday through Saturday). There is no telling if there will be any blogging during that period. Well… Your Maximum Leader might jot off a few words while Mrs Villain is at the Spa. Your Maximum Leader is not a spa sort of fellow. Sure a nice trip to the sauna is refreshing from time to time; but when it is over 100 outside and the humidity is nearing 100%, the sauna isn’t much different than outside.
Consider yourselves warned - sporadic posting ahead.
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is attending to some family matters and doesn’t have much opportunity to write pithy commentary on the events of the day.
But he feels he must reject expert advice courtesy of Dead Sexy Sadie and post something anyway.
Steve-O Returns! And he has a new Mac to boot. Miserable bastard… Gettin’ a new Mac… Your Maximum Leader wants a new Mac… But he digresses…
Mrs P is back from a trip to the beach and in rare form today. I bet Mrs P’s naan is quite good, but I would prefer to have a batch of whatever Mr P is whipping up for the Royal Bombay Yacht Club.
The boyz over at the Ministry of Minor Perfidy are cetainly aspiring to grow up and become major perfidy with all of the quality writing going on over there. Your Maximum Leader thought he’d link a recent piece or two. But rather than have you skip something, he’s decided you should just jump on over there and start reading. Your Maximum Leader must admit that he is rather partial to “No. U-da-ho.” That makes him smile.
The best story your Maximum Leader has read in a long while… From the great and powerful Velociman. Part one is here. Part two is here.
You know something… Your Maximum Leader has at least one reader. One who cares… Thanks Phoenix. You care. (And your Maximum Leader should note that Phoenix is particularly prolix today.)
That is about all for this update. Your Maximum Leader hopes for another later on.
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is greatly disappointed in you all. GREATLY disappointed. Have you just started to take him for granted? Are you traipsing through life singing to yourself “La-la-la” and going “Fiddle-dee-dee” at everything?
A few days ago your Maximum Leader’s blog, yes this blog Naked Villainy, turned three.
Three years of (almost) daily musings and insight from your Maximum Leader and his ministerial cronies.
And not a single one of you mentioned it…
That leaves it to your Maximum Leader to celebrate his own damn self…
Lets do some greatest hits from Naked Villainy’s last three years…
From Decemeber 2003 - the Meat Cutter’s post. Excerpt:
With Americans being more health conscious than ever, our beef is being trimmed of its fat in a way completely unknown to our parents, grandparents, and other ancestors. Hamburger is proudly sold as being “95% lean.” This, my loyal minions, is a travesty. A few years ago, on Christmas day, your Maximum Leader looked into the oven in which was cooking the Christmas roast and saw that there were no drippings! And not only that, there were only 2 teaspoons of fat in the pan. This, my loyal minions, was not enough fat with which to cook the yorkshire pudding. So that year your Maximum Leader vowed never to be without sufficent fat on Christmas; lest his yorkshire pudding be cooked in Crisco and barely edible. From that year forward, your Maximum Leader himself has always gone out to a local butcher and acquired some extra fat for his yorkshire pudding. This year, the trip to the butcher was a rude awakening in how the terrorists have taken control of our nation.
Of course there is the famous Smallholder post about Toad Sexing. Excerpt:
[They - the toads] were cool pets. I taught them to jump through hoops. They slurped worms up like spaghetti. If you fed them lightning bugs, the lightning bugs would light up inside their bodies, glowing redly through toad skin. If you fed Shake and Speare several lightening bugs and then let them hop around, the blinking lights would make them look like moving Christmas trees.I always wanted to have them lay eggs and hatch tadpoles, but over three years never had any luck, even though I had a male and female pair.
Shut up. It’s not that hard to sex toads, you perv.
Many people enjoyed the post “Me & Ronald Reagan” about your Maximum Leader’s meeting with President Reagan. Excerpt:
When I was next in line, I stepped up to the velvet rope. A White House advance man looked at me as I was looking up and trying to judge my distance from the President. (Which I judged to be about 15 feet.) The advance man spoke to me in a muted, but emphatic, voice, “What do you think you’re about to do young man?”“Wuh?”
“You’re about to meet the President of the United States. And look at you! Stand up straight.”
“Uh, yeah…” I said suddenly worried about everything about my appearance.
He then added, “Fix your tie for God’s sake. Button your jacket. What is wrong with your hair?”
And finally there is your Maximum Leader’s real fav - 10 Things. That is ten things that would really make the world hate us. Excerpt:
3) Implement a true “you have it, we want it, we take it” foreign policy. Suppose we need more oil. We invade your country and take it. We pay nothing for it. We kill as many people as we need to in order to get it. Then we leave. This policy also goes for gold, silver, uranium, sheep, apes, elephants, coconuts, bananas, exotic hot chicks, whatever really. We can get really whimsical on this one… Maybe one day Congress decides we need a national “schnitzel day.” The night before, we invade Germany and/or Austria and take all the schnitzel we can lay our hands on…
Yes loyal minions… These are but a few of the posts that keep you coming back for more and more. Your Maximum Leader will try to keep cranking out the hits… You keep on coming back for more.
And bring your kneepads… You’ll need them.
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wonders, did you go and wish the Big Hominid a happy 3rd anniversary? Yesterday was the third anniversary of his blog.
Happy Blogoversary my friend. May you have many more.
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that The Jawa Report appears to be alive again.
They also appear to be posting photos of hot chics.
Carry on.
Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader had planned to just make this a quick post with a pithy comment on one link. But in the interval from opening the new post to starting to type, your Maximum Leader changed his mind and has decided to dump a few links.
First off… Check out Bill’s Comments on how out of control our elected Representatives have gotten. Good stuff. Your Maximum Leader might quibble a little bit with the implication Bill leaves that some term limitations might be in order (and that might be a truly subliminal implication that your Maximum Leader is inferring from the peice), it is a good piece. Check it out. (NB to Bill: It also shows that you haven’t run out of things to say…)
After Bill you should check out the nice piece by Robbo on the Llamabutchers about the 150th anniversary of the Victoria Cross. Dates like the anniversary of the Victoria Cross are things your Maximum Leader should put on his calendar so he doesn’t forget them. Of course, if you want to get a little outraged at the British Government, follow Robbo’s link to Tim Worstall. Your Maximum Leader, once upon a time, had the pleasure of meeting some Ghurka Vets of WWII. They were quite aged at that point (probably late 60s or so). And at the time your Maximum Leader decided two things for himself. The first was that even a 60 years old Ghurka could kick your Maximum Leader arse. The second was that when the Mike World Order comes he was gonna have to get himself a regiment or two of Ghurkas to be personal bodyguards. If you ever want to read a pretty good book about the Ghurkas your Maximum Leader will recommend this one.
You know something… Your Maximum Leader never thought that the Crack Young Staff was one to make nice.
Read the Colossus’ piece analyzing the Democratic strategery concerning Iraq. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t like to linger on the Democratic party’s comparisons of Iraq to Vietnam - mainly because he thinks they are wrong-headed. The Colossus has made the arguments your Maximum Leader would have.
Did your Maximum Leader mention that he might consider voting the Insufferable Prick party in the next elections? Well… He is considering it. That is if he doesn’t write himself in. Or!… He should try and run on the IP ticket! Yeah Baby yeah!
Speaking of voting… Vote for your favourite Hoosegow Honey. Your Maximum Leader has voted for Jessica. She looks as wholesome as one can look. In a mugshot…
Wilford Brimley. Yes. Wilford Brimley.
And with Wilford your Maximum Leader must close this post. Afterall, how can one top Wilford Brimley?
Carry on.
