MaxLead’s sister just got married. While chatting about all the details yesterday, he and I got into a nice discussion over weddings.

MaxLead said that there are only three weddings he’s ever enjoyed… his, mine and SmallHolders. Is MaxLead prone to pretentious sweeping statements like this? You bet. Boy do I have stories here, but I won’t go into that now. Maybe I’ll save that for MaxLead’s birthday comming in a month or so, or the birth of his son comming roughly around the same time. But today’s subject is weddings.

I’ve been to quite a few enjoyable ones, and more than a couple really crappy ones. The difference to me is obvious. The couple who treat a wedding like a party for their friends and family usually produce an enjoyable wedding. The bride who treats it as if the day is all about her usually produces a great photo album for herself, and a hundred or so bored, overdressed, and hungry people who would rather be somewhere else.

Common wisdom says that a wedding is the brides day. Fine. Probably matters more to her than to the groom. Unfortunately many brides I’ve known have planned their entire dream wedding resulting in something that’s a royal pain in the ass for all of their friends and guests.

Of course, the bigger the family, the more the headaches

Some of my gripes.

- No booze. Ok if you are religiously opposed to this. Fine. I can accept that. Otherwise, have at least wine and beer.
- Huge span of time between the ceremony and the reception. This is worse than a 4 hour layover in Detroit.
- Weddings at odd times. Friday night weddings, fighting rush hour between the church and the reception hall? Been there. Done that.
- Forcing bridesmaids to pay $500+ for a dress they’ll either throw away later, o put up on eBay? Come on ladies. My wife went to great pains to pick inexpensive yet elegant dresses that her bridesmaids could wear multiple times. Why don’t more women do this?
- Bad Food/Skimpy Food. Come on, don’t be cheap. People will remember this.
- Bad DJ/ Bad band. A great band can make all the difference. So can a bad band.
- Videographers standing in the way. I’ve been to a couple of weddings where the videographer stood blocking the congregations view of the wedding. Philosophically I’m a firm believer in “the moment” more than “the record.”
- “Non Traditional” things. Couples running down the Aisle to the “Raiders of the Lost Ark” march? My wife was at a wedding where this happened. Primal Screams from the wedding party? Please.
- Excessive PDA’s from the bride and groom. I was at a wedding where the reception was delayed more than an hour when the couple snuck away for a quicky. Did they think noone would notice, when they snuck away right before the food was to be served?
- Pachelbel’s Cannon in D, and Bach’s Jesu. Great pieces of music. Over used. We used Vivaldi’s Spring for example. Lots of great stuff out there. Stop using the same two pieces.
- On the subject of Music, please no more of that song “There is Love”. Yuck. Bleh.

And, yes, I’m talking brides and gooms. I’m talking men and women. I’m talking a heterosexual couple. I’m talking a traditional man and women getting married. I have nothing against gay couples getting hitched. I’m just not talking about that.