The re-emergence of the Maximum Leader‚ÄövÑv¥s college roommate (hereafter referred to as Wall Street) is a joyous event. I anxiously await an update on his post-collegiate activities.

I too, lack understanding about why we fell out of touch. I had presumed that he was in hiding with Saddam and Osama. After all, as the ML can vouch, his anus of destruction certainly qualifies as a Weapon of Mass Destruction. (In a bizarre ritual, the ML was awakened every day of his college career by his roommates‚ÄövÑv¥ thunderous anal perorations ‚ÄövÑv¨ the Big Hominid would have been proud of these diarrhetic discursions)

Some of the best days of my life were spent at the end of my sophomore year, hanging out on a porch overlooking metropolitan Farmville, drinking beers and dinking golf balls into the community. The rest of the horsemen were graduating, so I was savoring the last bits of daily companionship before they entered the real working world. Good friends, good conversation, profane jokes, bottomless beer mugs chilled in the freezer by our host, and knowing that I was going home to a hot girlfriend who didn‚ÄövÑv¥t mind that I spent most of the day with my buddies. Plus, there was some boot-shooting going on. Don‚ÄövÑv¥t ask.

You might have been puzzled by the horseman reference. We jokingly called ourselves (among other things) the five horsemen of the apocalypse ‚ÄövÑv¨ Death, War, Famine, Plague, and Recession. The ML‚ÄövÑv¥s roommate, being a business major, was Recession. The Foreign Minister, prior to abandoning Clauswitz‚ÄövÑv¥s ‚ÄövÑv other means‚ÄövÑvp for the art of diplomacy, was a WW II re-enactor so earned the moniker of War. I was dubbed Plague for my advocacy of the use of blood agents during the first Gulf War. The host of the hilltop house was Famine, simply because he was Irish. I don‚ÄövÑv¥t remember if the ML became Death by default or if there was a reason behind it. Perhaps he could enlighten us.

I wonder what random combination of searches brought Wall Street to the Naked Villainy Blog. I don‚ÄövÑv¥t think that there is any searchable link to our real identities on this site. I hope our long lost comrade-in-arms will reveal how he happened to find Mike‚ÄövÑv¥s pet web project.

The Maximum Leader seems to misunderstand my position. I think gun ownership is appropriate and useful in many situations. Good examples would be a rifle as a tool for hunting or protecting livestock, or shotgun for home defense. My position is simply that there is NO constitutional right to own a firearm.

At one point, the Maximum Leader railed against judicial activism and said that public policy should be left to elected legislatures. If an elected legislature passed a gun control law, would the ML flip-flop on judicial activism?

Dean seems to support common-sense gun laws. I can see no legitimate reason for owning an assault weapon. In trained hands, a semi-automatic is as useful (if not more so) for home defense. In untrained hands, the potential for bullets to go awry and kill children across the street is that much greater. Ergo, common sense says that people ought not to have assault rifles.

I am very, very careful when I shoot, even though I have no close neighbors. Even with my pathological hatred of orchard-munching deer, I won‚ÄövÑv¥t shoot one unless I am shooting into a hillside. I don‚ÄövÑv¥t want to take a shot that risks sending a bullet a mile down range into someone‚ÄövÑv¥s house. I would wager that, of people who can place shots accurately, 99.99% would say that they are more accurate with their scoped semi-automatic rifles than an assault rifle. And many would say they are even more accurate with a bolt-action weapon (my choice). I note that the snipers in the article the Maximum Leader linked to were good old farm lads who preferred to use bolt-action weapons.

So, in short, Dean position does not push me farther from his camp ‚ÄövÑv¨ the foreign policy issue is what kills him. But it does reveal his centrist roots. He governed Vermont as a centrist. Why do Deaniacs seem to think he will be an uber-liberal?

It strikes me that the term ‚ÄövÑv liberal‚ÄövÑvp is starting to lack any real meaning. I always love how the Republicans continually painted Clinton as a left-wing liberal when he was in fact very centrist (probably because, being a poll-driven seeker of adulation, he naturally followed the general public trend). Dean is imagined to be very liberal by many of his supporters, and you can bet that Rover will paint him as a left-wing nut-job, but his record is also centrist. Hell, Bush, a supposed conservative, is pretty damn liberal with the public funds, especially when it comes to handouts for seniors and (corporate) farms.

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was just doing a little bloggy housekeeping. Just reorganizing the sidebar mostly. There may be no rhyme or reason to it, but that is just the way I like it. I added a link to a quick biography of King Henry II of England. I don’t really know how I failed to put him in the Pantheon earlier. Gross negligence on my part. While I list King Richard III of England as my favourite monarch, Henry II is verily the greatest of all English (or if you like British) monarchs. And I believe strongly that he is greatest of all monarchs in European history. I realize that Holy Roman Emperor Charlemange, Holy Roman Emperor Charles V, and Tsar Peter I (the Great) could also lay claim to that title (along with others); but feel that we here in the US owe Henry more than we know. Henry is, ultimately, the man responsible for the Anglo-American legal tradition. And we owe him bunches for that. More on that to come later….

Why you might ask is Richard III my favourite? It is the controversy. He is so hotly debated even to this day. That makes him very interesting…

Anyway…

Your Maximum Leader recieved a most welcome and unexpected e-mail this past week. Sadly I didn’t read it right away as it was hidden amongst all of the spam that the address on the sidebar generates. The message was from your Maximum Leader’s college roommate! For reasons that pass understanding, he and I fell somehow out of touch. Now, gladly, he found this site and wrote. As both the Minister of Agriculture and the Foreign Minister also know him, I will likely pass on his contact info. And my old roommate wondered why (oh why?) was there not a link to the absolutely fabulous Imperial War Museum under the Villainous Culture section of the sidebar? Once again… Gross negligence. The Imperial War Museum is now on the sidebar.

Speaking of the Villainous Culture area of the sidebar… Only one other correspondent has every mentioned it. That correspondent would be the lovely Annika. Who’s ever so lovely back is featured in a recent post concerning her piece of crap Sony Vaio computer. (NB to Annika: You’re very bad. Putting those coy photos up on your site. You tease your Maximum Leader so. ) Your Maximum Leader is distressed to learn that Annika is having so many problems with her Vaio. He knows two others who own Vaio’s and they love them. Never had a problem at all. Your Maximum Leader contemplated getting a Vaio laptop at one point because it would be completely integratable with his uber-TV. Hummm… Perhaps he will not…

In sports news….

Is your Maximum Leader the only one that thinks Mike Martz should be fired for his inept handling of the Carolina game last night? Your Maximum Leader and Mrs. Villain were up late last night watching football. We both commented about how stupid it was that Martz let time run down at the end of regulation and then missed the Figgie. It was a thrilling game, but one that was generally mishandled by the Rams.

And it is with much joy that your Maximum Leader sees that the Foreign Minister is back, and the Poet Laureate is now safely in Korea. All is now right with the world…. (NB to Foreign Minister: Your notes on the good Dr. Burgess-Jackson will not get you off my Christmas card list. I don’t think that Dr. Burgess-Jackson is claiming to be a vegetarian - just that he has considered the method in which cows are raised and slaughtered and determined it is morally wrong toeat red meat. In other news, it is good to hear you doing community theatre. I enjoyed it when I did it. It is too bad you didn’t get the smoochy part…)

Go Packers!

Carry on.

Just crawled out of the Holiday Season heap I have been under. But I should be back in action on a fairly regular basis.

Boars in Berlin…. on my last trip to Berlin I read somewhere that Berlin Was 6 (SIX) times larger than Paris. Probably because Berlin has 7 or 8 MAJOR parks inside the city limits. Kind of like Central Park in NY. It would not surprise me in the least if there were packs of wild Boars roaming free in one of those parks (although I did not actually SEE any of them myself.

I have been spending some of my Holiday time getting re-acquainted with the tobacco leaf. Living in Europe has one advantage of being able to go to your local smoke shop and buy Habanas finest. I have developed a particular fancy for Partagas Series D #4 and San Cristobal De La Habana’s La Punta. Now if I can just get the Damn things to quit making my mouth taste like an Ash tray the next morning I will have it licked!

I could not but help take the Political Leanings test.
1) Constitution Party 61%
2) Libertarian Party 56%
3) Republican Party 56%
4) Green Party 50%
5) Reform Party 50%
6) Democratic Party 44%
7) Natural Law Party 44%
What the hell does that mean… I always fancied myself a Green.

Burgess-Jackson Burgess-Jackson Burgess-Jackson Burgess-Jackson…. Egad!
You know He made me realize that I am a VEGETARIAN TOO!
Except for me, I only eat red meat. No longer am I eating any fish, eggs or chicken. Nope, that is cruelty. I am going to be a Prime Rib, Tenderloin, and Roast Beef Vegetarian from now on.
Thanks Mr. Burgess… I mean Jackson…. I mean Dr Jackson…. oh whatever.

(I think that last paragraph is going to get me booted off the ML’s Christmas Card list)…. oh by the way Does Dr BJ….(Dr BJ,… that is funny!) send OUT Christmas Cards?

To really freak my College buddies out, here is some news! I tried out for part in the local Community Theatre play and I got a part! The play is Neil Simon’s Plaza Suite. I am Sam in the first Act. Actually, I wanted the part of Jesse in the 2nd Act because he gets to smooch and fondle the female lead…. (and the chick that got her part is HOT!) but alas… my marriage is saved.

Anyhoo

I am sure my logic is wrong (and I am counting on my fellow Ministers and the ML himself to square me away here), but how can this legalization of illegal immigrants be a good thing? The best argument for it seems to be that “they are doing the jobs that Americans don’t want to do”. Ok so if you make them “legal” are they still going to want to do that job? Hell, go on welfare, you will get more than the $2.25 per hour they are getting for cleaning houses now!
Once they are legal, the people that were hiring them will now have to pay them benefits and at LEAST minimum wage, so they won‚ÄövÑvÂ¥t be able to hire them at all. I guess they will have to go find a “real” illegal to do the job and the legal illegal will now be out of work and on Social Security!
Here is an idea…. get rid of the illegal immigrants and pay AMERICANS a decent wage to do the frickin job. Maybe Americans would be attracted to these jobs if it paid a respectable sum.

Here Goes
Mr X has Juan Illegaldrez cut his 1/2 acre yard for $15. Juan Illegaldrez becomes Legal (and changes his name) and now Mr X has to pay him $60 to cut his grass since there are taxes and other nice things that Juan has to pay to be in legitimate business.
Mr X does not want to pay $60 friggen dollars to cut his grass so he either 1) cuts it himself or 2) Gets Juan’s Cousin Pepe to do it for $15 again
.

Please help me guys!

Back to the trenches

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has found this Washington Post piece on Howard Dean and guns very interesting. It is most interesting because it is the single longest newspaper article I have seen concerning a Dean position on anything. So, it seems Dean is not a knee-jerk gun-control nut like many other Democrats. While this tidbit is good to know, it doesn’t change my overall opinion of him. (And I wonder if it diminishes Dean further in the eys of the Minister of Agriculture?)

Carry on.

So will Joe Gibbs succeed?

Along with all the other Redskins fans here in the nations capital, I’m practically giddy today. But there’s a little nagging fear in the back of my mind. Can he do it again? No he doesn’t need to win 3 more SuperBowls to be considered a success. He just needs to re-establish a winning tradition here. He basically needs to achieve what it took Lombardi one year to do back in ‘68 or ‘69 when he came to DC. I just hope that Gibbs doesn’t pay the same price Vince did.

Has the NFL passed Gibbs by? No way. Randy Cross the annoying Fox or CBS guy who played for the 49ers made the point on ESPN this morning that many offenses in the NFL today are running variations on themes Joe Gibbs created while in Washington. His X’s and O’s are still current. So on that page, I have no doubts he can do it. Can he manage today’s players? Several sports reporters have made the comment that the more relevant question is can today’s players handle Gibbs. Maybe that’s an issue. The real question to me is that does Gibbs still have the drive to achieve the level of excellence that he maintained throughout his first stint. God I hope so.

Those football pundits who say that Snyder is too evil for Gibbs to deal with, or that the situation at Redskins Park it too much of a mess can go stick their pens up their collective ass. Snyder hating is in vogue at ESPN and CBS and in the national media. Ultimately Snyder really wants to win. If Gibbs can deliver, Snyder won’t have a problem letting him deliver. And Gibbs could manage the Squire, Jack Kent Cooke, I think Gibbs can handle The Danny.

Ultimately, I think Gibbs can coach the Skins back to respectability and beyond. I think as a coach, his second tenure will be respectable. I don’t know if it’ll result in a championship. I think the true metric of a successful second tenure will be what happens when he leaves. If he steps down from coaching on a positive note, retains control of the team, and picks a competant successor, then I think he will have achieved a masterstroke, and that’s what I’m hoping for.

I just want Sundays in DC to be fun again. I want to erase the memories of Deion, Marty, the OBC, Big Daddy, Michael Westbrook, Heath Schuler, Gus Ferotte, and all the has beens and never was’s who have passed through here.

Hail to the Redskins

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader feels the need to remind you all that on this day (January in the year of our lord 1935, Saint Elvis was born. Break out your blue suede shoes, become a hunka, hunka burnin’ love and celebrate. Remember in the MWO, this will be a paid holiday for all.

Carry on.

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, earlier in the week, was alarmed about wild boars in Berlin. It seems that Gloucestershire, England also has a wild boar problem. What the hell is going on over there?

Indeed a loyal minion sent your Maximum Leader this advisory:

Based on recent events in Germany and England, the Department of Wild Boar Security has raised the threat advisory to the High Condition (Orange).

Coordinating necessary security efforts with Federal, State, and local law enforcement agencies or any National Guard or other appropriate armed forces organizations;
Taking additional precautions at public events and possibly considering alternative venues or even cancellation;
Preparing to execute contingency procedures, such as moving to an alternate site or dispersing their workforce; and
Restricting threatened facility access to essential personnel only.

Very disturbing indeed.

Carry on.

UPDATE: Look at this! The city of Kobe, Japan must have such a problem with wild boar infestation that they have a whole page of their city web site devoted to what to do if you see a wild boar in town! And it seems France has a wild boar problem in Lorraine. Beware the Boar!

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was a little busy yesterday so he didn’t get a chance to blog. But today he wanted to take a moment to mention that he too, like lyal minion Kilgore Trout, does spend time wondering what design he would put on a goalie mask if he were a professional hockey goalie. On Tuesday, Kilgore wrote a great post about this very subject. Your Maximum Leader believes Kilgore should go for the “monster trout brandishing razor-sharp dorsal fins and shooting lightning from its gills” look. The gleaming fangs and red eyes are a little to passe. Of course, if your Maximum Leader were to get himself a goalie mask he would opt for something resembling Sauron’s helmet from the opening sequence of the Fellowship of the Ring. But if regulations required that the long spikes be removed (as they would most likely cause attacking players to flee), he might opt for something more along the classical line. Perhaps something like your traditional nordic Viking helmet. Or go more classical and make something based on Agamemnon’s mask? Humm… Perhaps he would opt for a regular mask, painted black, but with ancient nordic curses inscribed in runes all around.

The possiblities are endless. And unlike Kilgore, your Maximum Leader doesn’t require Meredith Baxter-Birney to be involved with his mask.

Carry on.

Why the hell not. Sent from my Father in Law who is, in fact, an Italian-American.

Why do Italians hate Jehovah’s Witnesses?
Because Italians hate all witnesses.

Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony?
On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said - TO NY.

You know you’re Italian when . . . . You can bench press 325 pounds,
shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can’t fit
two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.

You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the same block. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.

You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.

You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.

If someone in your family grows beyond 5′ 9″, it is presumed his Mother had an affair.

There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.

You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

Yes, ML may be a pack fan, but I’m a home town DC’er, rooting for DC teams. So when I read this today, my heart skipped a beat. First of all, please let it happen. Second of all, please don’t let him fall flat on his face.

Hail to the Redskins
Hail Victory
Braves on the Warpath
Fight for Old DC

Run or Pass or Score we want a lot more
Beat ‘em Swamp ‘em Touchdown let the points soar
Fight on, Fight on
’til you have won
sons of Washington

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader will direct you to his post on the Poet Laureate’s site. Ah the things your Maximum Leader will do for his minions while they are away. (If only the Foreign Minister would post something to let us know that he hasn’t been devoured by wild boars…)

Anyway… Your Maximum Leader was reading David Bernstein’s post over at the Volokh Conspiracy today. The one in which he states that he would like to see an athlete say “Jesus really had it in for me today.” following a loss. Your Maximum Leader would love to hear that too… Just once. It would be sweet. You know when it would have been extra sweet… If Randy Moss had said it after the Vikes loss to the Cardinals that not only cost the Vikings their playoff spot, but sent their arch-rivals the Green Bay Packers to the playoffs. Oh to have heard Randy say “Yeah, well other than my teammates fucking up today, it seems God hates the Vikings and loves the Packers. What the fuck is up with dat?”

But you will never hear it…. Sad… By the way… Did your Maximum Leader say “Go Packers!” yet? Did you know that your Maximum Leader is a 1/4,748,910th owner of the Green Bay Packers? The Minister of Agriculture’s father is also a 1/4,748,910th owner of the Pack. And your Maximum Leader supposes that when the M of A’s father passes from this life - which will not be any time soon - the Minister of Agriculture may inherit that cherished share of the Pack. Since your Maximum Leader is an owner of the team, does that mean that he could get his own Super Bowl Ring if the Pack should (against the odds) win The Big Game? NFL Owners always get a ring. (Look at this photo of Jerry Jones. He has his on. I bet Daniel Snyder would run down Pennsylvania Avenue wearing nothing but a spikey dog collar and an ill fitting thong if it would ensure a Redskins Super Bowl win and a ring for him.) If the Packers win the Super Bowl, will your Maximum Leader be able to get himself a ring? He wonders…

Anyway… Your Maximum Leader is anxiously awaiting the Packers vs. Eagles game. The line out of Vegas is the Eagles by 5.5… Bastards!

Carry on.

My wife bought me recent DVD editions of Holy Grail and Meaning of Life for Christmas/Birthday presents. Gotta highly recommend these films. Yes, the digital versions of these classics are nice in and of themselves, but the extras rock. Essentially you get brand new python material augmenting the films, including what has to be about the best extra I’ve seen on a DVD. Two scenes from “Grail” (storming the French Castle, and the Knights who say “Ni”) dubbed into Japanese, and then subtitled back into English. Typically Python, me describing it would be lame, but if you like Python, you’ll be rolling on the floor. Also, the “Camelot” musical number re-filmed entirely in LEGO.

Still awaiting absolutely the best, and most overlooked, work in the Python collection: The Life of Brian.

Oh great Maximum Leader, let the peasants squabble a bit. You admire our first president even though his Secretaries of State and Treasury were at each other‚ÄövÑv¥s throats. More to the point, the Air Marshall‚ÄövÑv¥s reply to my straight line was FUNNY. A little inside joke for the MP fans out there.

Speaking of MP fans, I have noticed that I usually get on quite well with them. They are generally well educated and have a skewed sense of humor. Of course, my sample may be small. I remember some uber-geeks in high school who were big MP fans ‚ÄövÑv¨ I didn‚ÄövÑv¥t associate with them at all. I suspect many of them are maladjusted adults, but I don‚ÄövÑv¥t meet those folks often. The folks I do meet and appreciate are the MP fans who have an intellectual bent and, regardless of their group membership in high school, have either maintained or acquired people skills. Women who like MP are much rarer then the men, but those women who appreciate the British troupe are rare gems. The ML and FM well remember the fun lass who was responsible for the creation (or revelation?) of the ML‚ÄövÑv¥s ‚ÄövÑv Iron Duke‚ÄövÑvp and the FM‚ÄövÑv¥s ‚ÄövÑv Curious Hugh‚ÄövÑvp monikers.

A few weekends ago I took my daughter on a playdate at the Charlottesville Children‚ÄövÑv¥s Discovery Museum. We met one of her little friends and his father. I had met the other father before at a couple of the Mommy group activities, but was a bit stressed out about the prospect of a prolonged period in which I would have to make extended conversation with someone about whom I knew very little. (I am quite envious of the ML‚ÄövÑv¥s ability to easily make conversation with anyone. One of the first things that attracted me to my wife was her ability to gracefully carry a conversation with even the most reticent individual ‚ÄövÑv¨ a remnant of sorority rushes past.)

On the drive over we covered the basic men-getting-to-know-each-other stuff: jobs, hometowns, sports, home-improvement, military service. But I didn‚ÄövÑv¥t feel fully comfortable till we got to the museum. As we entered, instrumental, peppy music was playing in the background. Inured to the constant soundtrack of parenthood, I didn‚ÄövÑv¥t pay much attention, but my companion turned to me, smiling, and noted ‚ÄövÑv The Monty Python theme.‚ÄövÑvp At that point, I knew he was cool.

Greetings loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader must state for the record that he feels that he must travel to Arlington, TX and meet this man. Perhaps one day he shall. Have you not read his column at TechCentralStation? No. Go now and read! Dr. Burgess-Jackson is one hell of a guy. Visit his blog daily. You’ll not be disappointed. Perhaps your Maximum Leader should send him a free shirt? He looks to be a trim healthy guy. Probably a medium…

Carry on.