Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader’s absence from the ongoing Iraq/Kerry/War discussion is, alas, sometimes unavoidable as he is now spending more time away from his ubercomputer. But, the Minister of Agriculture has objected to me describing him as squishy on war. Touche. Poor choice of words on your Maximum Leader’s part. But in his post “Is Smallholder Squishy?” the Minister of Agriculture asks why your Maximum Leader will still support Bush, domestic policy concerns notwithstanding.

The good Smallholder does want to win the war in Iraq. So does your Maximum Leader. And your Maximum Leader will assert that all of the other Ministers in this space do to. The question has come down to can we still win?

The Smallholder points out, and your Maximum Leader agrees, that troop strength should be increased in Iraq. Your Maximum Leader believes that to increase strength in Iraq, we ought to start pulling troops out of Germany, South Korea, and Japan. Withdraw them from those nations permanently. Additionally, we should increase the size of our armed forces. Build them back to 1989 levels perhaps? Troop strength in Iraq is a problem to be overcome.

The Smallholder asserts, with substancial proof in fact, that the Bush Administration firmly resists the idea of sending more troops to Iraq. Rumsfeld said as much to Congress last week. This is bad. But your Maximum Leader doesn’t hear John Kerry clamoring for more troops in Iraq.

Your Maximum Leader agrees with the Ministers of Agriculture and Propaganda that Senator Kerry will not immediately withdraw troops from Iraq. But, your Maximum Leader does believe that Mr. Kerry will do what he can to minimize the US role in Iraq. While he wants to send NATO troops to Iraq under a new UN mandate; he certainly isn’t going to send more US troops.

And has the Minister of Agriculture stopped to think of how many more NATO troops (assuming the US and UK will not send more) will go to Iraq under a UN mandate? Would it be enough to “free up as many as 20,000″ Americans in Iraq? Which NATO countries exactly would these be? France? Germany? Belgium? Turkey? Spain? Your Maximum Leader seriously doubts if any of these nations would actually participate in an expanded force in Iraq. Even if it would be acting under a new UN mandate.

Speaking of that mandate… How likely is it? The US is already working with Lakdhar Brahimi to create a provisional government. And while the Bush Administration is not clamoring for a UN mandate, from what your Maximum Leader had read the French, Germans, Belgians, Russians, and others are not rushing to propose anything either. Your Maximum Leader believes that key nations who’s support would be instrumental in getting a new UN mandate would not help in getting one for either George Bush or John Kerry. They simply believe that all they need to do is let the US run out of patience and will, leave (or seriously draw-down forces in) Iraq, and they will come in and re-establih the status quo ante.

Additionally, your Maximum Leader believes that John Kerry, while an honourable and patriotic man, is not going to aggressively pursue American interests abroad. He will seek international consensus on foreign policy decisions (as did Bill Clinton) and in your Maximum Leader’s view international consensus is never aligned with US interests.

In reviewing Mr. Kerry’s positions on trade, your Maximum Leader finds some laughable. He proposes to review all major trade agreements and make sure that our partners are playing fair. He is going to go to the WTO to mediate our trade problems with China (his example). Yeah. That is sort of like going to the UN General Assembly and asking for a unanimous endorsment of Israeli policy towards the Palestinians. The reason that neither Clinton nor Bush went to the WTO often was because the nations who would do the mediation are inherently anti-US in trade talks. The WTO will not even admit that the French are protectionist in their agricultural policies. This is surely the group we want deciding if China and the US are trading fairly.

Your Maximum Leader also likes the Kerry position on keeping manufacturing jobs in the US. Give them Tax Breaks. Of course in the paragraph immediately preceeding the tax breaks paragraphs, Kerry states that many corporations export jobs so they don’t pay their fair share of taxes. Let me see if your Maximum Leader understands this. Corporations aren’t paying their share of taxes. So he will entice them to come back to the US, and then give them a tax break for doing so? Will they pay their fair share of taxes then? How?

(NB: for full disclosure, your Maximum Leader does believe that too many manufacturing jobs have left the US. Many defence-related manufacturing jobs should be required to remain in the US.)

In the end what do most of John Kerry’s foreign policy statements amount to (at least thus far into the campaign)? They amount to statement after statement saying that he will go to international bodies to mediate our foreign policy problems. Your Maximum Leader believes that these international bodies have never shown the slightest inclination to support the US in any significant area, and as such your Maximum Leader sees no reason to believe that they will reverse their previous positions simply because John Kerry is president. Your Maximum Leader would prefer to keep Bush, who has limited success in foreign policy; rather than change to a man whom your Maximum Leader believes would lead us down a path he would prefer not to travel.

Alas, your Maximum Leader would like to go on more in this post. But, as he mentioned before, he is obliged to get the Pope to his esteemed sister’s wedding. That said, your Maximum Leader bids you all…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader just has to repudiate one thing mentioned by on of his ministers in an earlier post. To rebut the phrase “Boys don’t make passes at girls who are fascists” your Maximum Leader presents: Alessandra Mussolini. Her father is Romano Mussolini (Benito’s son) and mother is Sophia Loren’s sister. Not a bad pedigree (so to speak).

For photos of Alessandra click: here, here, here, and here (not work safe).

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was reviewing a number of blogs off ye olde blogroll when he went to read the lastest from Dr. Rusty Shackleford over at My Pet Jawa. The post is entitled “State of War.” Your Maximum Leader will commend it to you. It is very thoughtful in many ways.

That commendation comes with a caveat, your Maximum Leader does not believe that we should institute a National Board of Review. Nor should we shut down media outlets that give support to our enemies. As many of your Maximum Leader’s ministers have written, as has your Maximum Leader himself, in many ways our current conflict is a conflict of cultures. One important aspect of our culture is the free press and the freedom to speak freely. The government should not start censoring our news or freedom of speech. What your Maximum Leader would suggest is something much harder to accomplish. Perhaps people should shun those who through their speech and actions give aid and comfort to the enemies of our republic. The old fashioned cold shoulder can still work wonders; and wouldn’t involve the government in areas adequetely policed by citizens themselves.

Carry on.

Since MaxLead missed the subtext in Spartacus, here are a few other things he may have missed:

- To Kill a Mockingbird does actually deal with Racism.
- Darth Vader was Lukes father. Go back, and watch it again. It’s in there.
- Between “You Only Live Twice, and “Live and Let Die” the actor who played Bond changed several times.
- Bruce Willis was killed in the first scene.
- There were two Darren’s in betwitched. Both were Dick’s. Go to IMDB. It’s true.
- The Monkey’s were lip syncing.
- So were Milli Vanilli
- Timon and Pumbaa were gay.
- So were Bert and Ernie.

Take a while, and digest it. I know it’s a lot to swallow.

Hakuna Matata

Dude, you missed that? Wow. That got a major “ewwww” from me the first time I saw the film. I understand the dialogue is expanded in the “Special Edition/Directors Cut” DVD version that came out a few years back.

FYI the movie is filled with Trojans.

The Roman army in the film is the USC Marching band. Supposedly some of them are wearing wristwatches and sneakers. Oh well.

UPDATE FROM YOUR MAXIMUM LEADER: Trust me AirMarshal, your Maximum Leader doesn’t know how he missed it either. He normally isn’t dense about using coy terms like “oyster” and “snail.” Indeed once he remembered describing a whole “encounter” by using Napoleanic war analogies… Or was that the Minister of Agriculture? Regardless… He is just as shocked as you are about not getting that.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t have much time to blog today, although he will be puttering around the Villainschloss for part of the day. He has to attend to family matters today and this weekend. You see, your Maximum Leader’s esteemed sister is engaged to be married tomorrow; and your Maximum Leader is going to have to twist the Pope’s arm to perform the mass…

Anyway… Well… After reading the AirMarshal’s post about the movie “Troy” and how it features Mr. Aniston’s ass, your Maximum Leader thought he would go ahead and write a post about his revelation last night while watching TV.

You see, Mrs. Villain was on the Ubercomputer again and your Maximum Leader was unable to blog. So, he decided to watch some TV. He surfed around until he found AMC TV’s “Epic Thursdays.” Last night’s movie was the Stanley Kubrick Classic, “Spartacus.” Now, your Maximum Leader is a big fan of Laurence Oliver, Kirk Douglas, and Stanley Kubrick. And he has seen Spartacus many times before. But last night he noticed something he never had noticed before and felt pretty silly for having missed it.

Your Maximum Leader trusts you have seen Spartacus. If you have not, go and buy it or rent it or something. It is worth your time. But to get on with it…

There is a scene in which Crassus (Laurence Olivier) is bathing and speaking to his new slave Antoninus (Tony Curtis). And Crassus asks Antoninus if he likes both “oysters” and “snails.” Saying that some men prefer only “oysters” and other (but many fewer) only “snails.” As for Crassus himself, he proclaims to like both.

Now my minions. Your Maximum Leader has watched “Spartacus” at least a dozen times in his life. (And regrettably he suffered through the USA Network Miniseries of the same name recently.) And he has watched that scene every time. Only your Maximum Leader JUST NOW CAUGHT ON TO WHAT CRASSUS REALLY WAS TALKING ABOUT!!!! He must have been concentrating on Glabrus’ secret march out of Rome which is in the same scene…

Anyway. After that scene, your Maximum Leader thought to himself, “Damn, that Laurence Olivier was one studly guy. But he isn’t as studly as Kirk Douglas and that cleft chin of his.”

And after a few more hours of watching sweaty gladiators and legionnairs duke it out all over southern Italy, your Maximum Leader realized that he prefers only “oysters.”

Carry on.

I must say one thing about the film “Troy” excites me. Sean Bean as Odysseus. Could a sequel version of “the Odyssey” be far behind? And nowing Max’s respect for Peter O’Toole, his role as King Priam sounds like an enticing bit of casting. As an aside, Peter O’Toole always sounded like it should have been a porno actors name to me.

Rumor has it that “Troy” is filled with multiple glorious visions of Mr. Anniston’s ass. This may be enough to prompt a boycot on my part. If I want to see a decent ass on film, I’ll wait for Shrek 2.

I quote from a review from www.screenit.com

“Don’t get me wrong. I like Mr. Pitt as an actor and think he’s terrific in the right roles. And he certainly doesn’t stink up the place with his performance. Yet, despite having the physical look down pat — the buff bod, flowing main of golden locks and various butt shots will certainly have many a lady’s heart aflutter — he ends up being the film’s Achilles’ heel.”

haw haw haw

P.S. for those parents among you with children of movie going age, or approaching such an age, www.screenit.com is an invaluable web site in choosing films to watch.

So Smallholder I read your profile; you are expecting number 2? No, I don’t mean taking a dump.

Congrats! When is the due date?

Wow this is a fertile discussion group. Mrs. MaxLead is due with a son mid June (number 3), Mrs. AirMarshal is due with a daughter about a month later (number 2), and now we learn that Mrs Smallholder has a live being inside her lower abdomen!

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

BigHo has a nice piece about the nature of this war and our enemies.

Kilgore Trout has a funny piece about commercials. I just wish he would have mocked a Kubota commercial. Smallholder’s family IS a John Deere family. Allegiances to farm equipment companies run deep; the only acceptable ball caps in my family are John Deere, F/S Seeds, or the Extension Agency. If you go to cattle auctions, you would notice that guys tend to cluster together with other guys wearing the same equipment hats. If I were ever to buy a tractor, it would be hard to resist the pull of the green and gold. Of course, I farm the 19th century way: with my own two hands and a shovel.

And because I would jump off a bridge if my boys did, here’s my profile.

Furthermore, I would like to apologize to Rob for the breech of parliamentary decorum. I should have been more Churchillian: “The right honorable gentleman from Hollywood is too smart to buy the protectionist argument and we are not so dull as to believe otherwise.”

One suggestion for the Maximum Leader (If I might be so bold, your supreme potentness): I would prefer to have a patron goddess rather than a full on sex goddess. Should we not show a bit more decorum as we enter our mid-thirties? Besides, if JLH were ever to google herself and come across this blog, she might be more inclined to write you if you were a bit more respectful.

When it comes to the green-eyed monster, I guess the Minister of Propaganda has exercised (exorcised?) the better part of valor by not telling our supreme leader about those after-wrap back rubs. Best keep that to yourself, Rob.

Since everyone seems to be working on interesting tag lines (and who wouldn’t want to emulate the Maximum Leader and Foreign Minister), I’ll be trying some out on a rotating basis. Feel free to provide feedback and suggestions.

Trifle not with a farmer with a shovel. You will compost nicely.

Yes, Greg, I’ve heard (and even made) the argument that the problem is that Islam hasn’t had it’s reformation yet. Unfortunately there is a cultural stigma against self analysis or change. Reading Bernard Lewis, and Karen Armstrong on Islam, one gets the sense that there is even a Taboo against suggesting change.

Now I have read some who argue that Wahabism is, in fact, a reformation. Just not the kind we’d lik. Who knows. So far, though, the trend seems to be to blame Islam’s problems on the US, Europe, Israel… i.e. anyone but the Muslims themselves. You see, “the MAN is holding them back.”

And, yes, I fully agree that it will get much worse before it gets better. And that is a real tragedy.

The way I see it, Herr Air Marshal, is that Islam has yet to have its equivalent to Martin Luther. No one has nailed a letter on the door of the holiest mosque saying, “Wait a minute, what we are doing is F*&#$’d up!”
We hear on the news about how the “Majority” of Muslims don’t condone (yadda yadda yadda) but I ask “Where is the voice for the majority when Islam needs it the most”?

Oh, it will get much worse before it gets better….

Back to the Trenches.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, in his never-ending efforts to pass along interesting (but useless) esoterica; commends this to you: WWII Code-Breakers Tackle Inscription.

It is silly to speculate about the Grail. Afterall, your Maximum Leader knows he uses it for bourbon shots at the Villainschloss when the AirMarshal comes over…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader would gladly purchase one of these to give to MWO Sex Goddess, Jennifer Love Hewitt. And more photos of this astounding device are here.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is possessed by the green eyed monster of Shakespeare fame having now read that the Minster of Propaganda has said the Sex Goddess of the MWO, Jennifer Love Hewitt, is “cool.” Your Maximum Leader must know more!

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader believes that not enough attention is being paid to the recent outcome of the elections in India. What’s that you say? You didn’t know there were elections in India? Shame. Read about them here, here, and here.

Your Maximum Leader wonders if India will be able to sustain 8% economic growth per year under a Congress Party government? And how, if growth slows, will that affect Congress’ promises of rual electrification and infrastructure improvements to make life better for India’s masses of poor.

Carry on.