Friendly Calves

Sometimes I wonder about the wisdom of being kind to my calves. Last night I was refilling the chicken water and one of the twins, evidently upset that I had not given him enough attention, butted me. If you watch calves and their moms, this is a pretty characteristic behavior. However, I am not built like a 1000 pound cow. His butt (between the legs) from behind lifted me into the air and I flew into the chicken enclosure, bashing my head on the waterer. I looked up and he was standing over me, feigning innocence: “Is it time to scratch my chin?”

Larry Sabato’s Crystal Ball

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has always been a keen reader of Larry Sabato’s stuff. He is an astute observer of politics. Your Maximum Leader frequently reads Sabato’s “Crystal Ball” web site. (And even gives a few dollars to the Center for Politics to keep it free and available to the public.) He commends this update to you. It is an interesting analysis, and one with which your Maximum Leader mostly agrees.

Carry on.

Royalty Fluff

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has always been a monarchist in his dark little heart. So, he always takes keen interest in how various royal families are doing. With that in mind, here is an interesting article: Spain gears up for “wedding of the century”

Your Maximum Leader’s dear friend, JK, has always thought that Prince Felipe was sorta hunky. So, although she is in a happy relationship, she might be saddened to hear the news…

Carry on.

The Truth!

I’m chortling over this, found via My Pet Jawa.

I particularly like the Courtney Love and Michael Moore quotes.

The Maximum Leader Says: “Donald Rumsfeld stole all of my D&D characters!”

Anthrax

Walking down memory lane, here is a press release from October 2001.

Always a band with a sense of humor.

A few housekeeping items…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wanted to point out a few little housekeeping items.

First, the Villainous Commerce link has been restored to the left side toolbar. Go now and buy thee a t-shirt, hat, or thong.

Second, a new section has been added to the left side toolbar. That section is the Villainous Profiles section. Your Maximum Leader, the Poet Laureate, the AirMarshal, and the Minister of Agriculture have all added their profiles to the new blogger profile section. They are there for minions to read and review.

(NB to the Foreign Minister and Minister of Propaganda: If you all create some profile pages, your Maximum Leader will add links to them too!)

Third, once again, thanks Francey for a great new look to the site. Your Maximum Leader appreciates your work. (Especially love those rotating tag lines!)

Fourth, the good Minister of Agriculture and your Maximum Leader were on the phone tonight. During our call, the M of A mentioned that according to the Truth Laid Bear site, Nakedvillainy.com is a Flippery Fish in his blog ecosystem. Thanks to all my minions who help push up the rankings of this site. Your Maximum Leader hopes to be a Marauding Marsupial before too long. (Of course, the Poet Laureate’s site is a Flappy Bird… His actual numerical ranking is 1976. A fine year, and a fine rank.)

Fifth, thanks to the person(s) who found this site using these search terms:

national geographic thailand ten course monkey feast
researchof the vegetarian restaurant for strategery

and your Maximum Leader’s favourite:
evil lesbians attacking dwarves

Now if only your Maximum Leader could get a photo of some of those evil lesbians attacking dwarves and doing other things lesbians do… While wearing only Nakedvillainy.com thongs!

Carry on.

Arabs, Indians…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, always one to grab hold of a historical analogy, really enjoyed this Anticpatory Retaliation post concerning Arabs and Indians. It got your Maximum Leader thinking. Perhaps it shall do the same for you.

Carry on.

Life at the Villainschloss

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is very fond of roses. That is he is fond of growing them, although he supposes if you wanted to send him some he wouldn’t be offended. (Although if you are a comely female he would prefer a photo of you in a Nakedvillainy.com t-shirt.) Having now told you all of his fondness for roses, and in the interests of showing you all, my loyal minions, something beautiful… Here are some of your Maximum Leader’s roses….

Floral beauty at the Villainschloss

Apologies for the low res photo… If you desire a better one, let your Maximum Leader know. He’ll send you a better photo.

Carry on.

Agro Dump

It never fails. I write a particularly insightful post, then SmallHolder writes a dissertation on the finer points of bovine ovaries or some such topic, thereby pushing my fine prose down the page halfway to Austrailia.

*Sigh*

Humane Eggs?

Analphilosopher is concerned about the conditions enjoyed by the hens who are the source of his eggs, as are many other consumers.

While the good professor and I disagree on the legitimacy of various sources of protein, we both strongly believe that animals should be treated well.

The problem for the consumer is that labeling requirements are very lax.

This post will examine the terms used to attract concerned consumers, discuss conditions found on commercial egg farms, and make a few suggestions that might help readers find a source of eggs that can be eaten with a clear conscience.

When purchasing any farm products, one has to be very wary of claims made on the packaging. My favorite is the term “natural.” All meat and animal products are, by definition, natural. This word has absolutely no meaning. A hen who spends her life in an egg factory, crammed into an eighteen square inch cage with two other chickens (at least until the inevitable cannibalism arising from such crowded conditions reduces their number to two, feet scabbed from the wire mesh cage, spattered with feces from the stacks of hens above her, suffering from mites, eating heavily medicated grain with a mutilated beak (the top half cut off to delay the cannibalism), driven insane by the lack of stimulation and the 24-hour a day fluorescent lights, dropping eggs which role down the slope of the cage into a series of chutes that lead her egg to a collection point still produces NATURAL eggs.

Another favorite term that is often applied to the packaging is “family farm.” This term is also largely meaningless. Farmers who build two thousand foot long metal sheds housing hundreds of thousands of birds leased from Purdue have families. My Cousin Pinky’s dairy in which he runs over a thousand head of Holsteins in confined conditions, has a family that helps manage his milk factory - along with twenty other employees. That’s a family farm too. But we Americans like to imagine Ma and Pa and little Susie strolling through fields of clover to gather eggs from some quaint chateau of a chicken house, surrounded by contentedly clucking hens.

But the misused term I like the best is “free range.” This is not entirely meaningless, but has little probative value if you are seeking to determine the quality of life of the hens who produced those eggs. The term “free range” means that the chickens have “access” to the outside. When my wife and I were looking for land, I stopped to look at a farm that raised “free range eggs.” The chickens were housed in a run-down barn. Their bedding was at least two feet deep - all old, smelly chicken crap. The birds had access to the outside all right: From an old window, they could hop through to a four by eight chicken wire enclosure leaning against the side of the barn. The ground was pure mud and filth - they had no greens at all. The runoff from the barn roof made the pen a pool of standing water and mud. They had a couple hundred chickens - but legally speaking, they could label their eggs free range. A neighbor of mine has 150 laying hens and sells fifty dozen organic free-range eggs a week to local stores. His hens have about a quarter acre of land fenced by electric chicken wire. However, they have completely denuded his hillside ‚ÄövÑv¨ every single blade of grass or weed has been devoured and all that remains is a muddy mess that appalls the environmentalist in me: Hillside + bare dirt = erosion.

So if the labels on your eggs don’t mean anything, what is a concerned consumer to do?

If you are going to purchase your eggs from a grocery store, I can’t imagine that there is any way that the source producers have any quality of life at all. Any farm that produces enough eggs to go through the trouble of producing a web site, branding, advertising, and marketing will probably be unable to raise hens humanely. The reasons come down to labor, protection from predation, production, and expense.

I think we can all agree that a humanely raised chicken will live in clean surroundings, have enough room to engage in their telos (am I using that term correctly, Professor Burgess-Jackson?) - behaviors that are natural to hens in uncrowded conditions, are not over-medicated, and are protected from predators. It is easy to provide a pleasant life to a small household flock. My wife and I have a dozen buff orpingtons, aracuanas, and Dutch hamburgers - throwback breeds. They are basically another set of pets. But they aren‚ÄövÑvÂ¥t economically viable. We get six or seven dozen eggs a week. We eat some, sell a dozen to a family down the road, share with family and friends, and, when I have young calves, use the eggs as a natural anti-scours additive to their milk (most farms heavily medicate their calves’ feed, but I find the eggs work pretty well). The neighbors pay us two dollars a dozen, which basically covers the cost of feed because my girls get a big chunk of their protein from grass and insects. I built a chicken tractor - a mobile bottomless pen (see HERE for more on chicken tractors) - and move it each day so the girls have fresh pasture every day, don’t kill the grass, move away from their waste each day so that sanitation serves as my disease control rather than drugs, and add manageable doses of fertilizer to the ground. I ran them between raised garden beds last year and they did a good job wiping out the Japanese beetles, but the labor of moving around the beds was just too much. All told, I probably spend about twenty minutes a day on chicken-related business for a return of six or seven eggs a day. Using cold, utilitarian math, if I sold every egg at the rate of $2.00 per dozen, I’m making $3.00 an hour. Obviously, someone who wants to make a living wage by raising eggs will have to reduce labor, control costs, and increase production. All three of those elements weigh in against our aforementioned standard of humane hen standards.

Want to maximize the number of hens? Build a bigger house. But this means overcrowding and high costs of construction. Want to use chicken tractors commercially? Pretty soon they become too large to move if each chicken is given enough space. If the producer opts for many smaller chicken tractors, the labor of moving each one becomes excessive. So you end up making the decision to have a stationary building with ‚ÄövÑv access to the outside‚ÄövÑvp whether it is the legal loophole of a tiny fenced pen or a muddy quarter acre.

Some readers might be asking why producers can’t just let the chickens run loose. Simply put, because chickens are the French citizens of the natural world. Everybody defeats them. Dogs. Hawks. Rats. Possums. Dogs. Skunks. Raccoons. Weasels. Dogs. Foxes. Eagles. Snakes. Dogs. Some homesteads do have chickens that run loose during the day and are only penned for protection at night - but this option is not available to the large scale producer since you would still need the large building and the reduced production (chickens that expend energy walking around have less energy to maximize egg output) and inevitable predation would reduce profitability dramatically.

Fencing areas of land large enough to avoid the denuding of the soil in a way that excludes the laundry list of predators above would be cost prohibitive.

Another factor that will come into play in commercial operations is the breed of hen raised. Commercial producers want to maximize egg production in relation to feed consumption so will go with one of the engineered breeds. These breeds, while incredibly fecund, are also more fragile, so are unlikely to thrive except under confined, medicated conditions.

Finally, most producers have to deal with the natural life cycle of hens. At the beginning of their second year, they will go through a molt. During the molt, production drops dramatically. Many producers simply kill their hens and start with another batch. Others keep the birds in completely darkness and starve them to accelerate the molt (the malnutrition and darkness accelerates the process of the feathers falling out). This is an incredibly cruel practice, but the economics of production push farmers into this tactic.

The only model that I have seen that can lead to profitable egg production while maintaining a high standard of living for the girls is Joel Salatin’s eggmobile. He has a trailer mounted on a hitch that he moves every day with a tractor. The chickens are allowed to free range every day and are shut up at night. Salatin combines the labor for these operations with moving his cattle (the chickens also peck apart the cow patties, helping control flies and allowing him to reduce the antibiotics and dewormers he feeds his cows). An eggmobile would not be successful by itself - if the trailer is not moved far enough every day, the chickens become accustomed to their surroundings and begin to lay their eggs in the grass and shrubs, eliminating the producer’s profit. But since Joel also uses the land to produce cattle, he can afford to piggyback the chickens on the beef operation. You can read more about Salatin’s eggmobile in his Pastured Poultry Profits book.

If 99% of commercial producers are eliminated, what should the consumer do?

1) Have a few hens of your own. It might not be cost effective, but a trio of hens will produce enough eggs for a family and can become an enjoyable part of your day. You can move the tractor each morning when you let the dogs out or go to the curb for the paper. Believe it or not, hens can make good pets. If you take care of the birds, you know for certain how they live. Buy Andy Lee’s Chicken Tractor to get you started.
2) Find a small producer near you ‚ÄövÑv¨ somebody who keeps a small flock for a hobby and offer to buy a dozen eggs a week. You might post a message on the homesteading today poultry forum.
3) If you can’t do that, contact a commercial provider and ask about how they care for their birds. Ask what “free range” really means. Ask about their molting policy. Ask to visit the farm. A farm that really does treat its birds humanely will welcome your visit. If they don’t allow visitors, I would take any claim about the treatment of their birds with a grain of salt.
4) Finally, examine the yolks of eggs that you buy. Chickens that have REAL access to pasture and can eat insects to their hearts’ content will produce egg yolks with an orange tint. Some people claim that they can taste the difference. I can’t taste it, but I can certainly see the difference between commercially produced and humanely produced eggs.

Have more questions? E-mail me. There is a link on the sidebar.

Cerebral Bypass Returns

Via Big Hominid, I have learned that Cerebral Bypass has returned to the blogosphere. I trust the Maximum Leader will update the blogroll. He doesn’t post often, but sometimes you go hmmmmmm…. (to quote C & C Music Factory).

One post was quite the tease, leading me to Ayrshire farms. Egad! I thought! Someone is rasing Ayrshire dairy cattle organially relatively close by! I need to read about this farm. Perhaps they can give me advice on finding a proper sire for my sweet Bonnie’s calf. So I follow a series of links. And yes, Ayrshire farms is raising one of the minor dairy breeds. Just not Ayrshires. They may have the only commercial all-organic shorthorn herd in Virginia. You’d think they would have Ayrshire cattle though…

The Glory That is Scotland

Of the Villainous Bloggers, only the Minister of Propaganda has been wildly successful with the fairer sex. Perhaps the explanation might have something to do with the fact that the Propaganda Minister is the only one of us who meets the government healthy weight guidelines. The rest of us are, to use a Wisconsin euphemism, “prosperous.”

So perhaps the Minister of Propaganda’s scrawny butt has had the advantage here in America. But how would he fare in Scotland?

I was amused last night to see a news story that the new healthy living campaign launched by the Scots has met great opposition. Beer guts are considered to be a sign of masculinity in Scottish culture, and men have resisted changing their diets for fear of losing weight and being considered effeminate. And evidently Scottish chicks like a man with a little meat on his bones. Mike, Greg, Kevin, Mark and Dave - Scottish Hunks o’ Burnin’ Love.

Weddings

MaxLead’s sister just got married. While chatting about all the details yesterday, he and I got into a nice discussion over weddings.

MaxLead said that there are only three weddings he’s ever enjoyed… his, mine and SmallHolders. Is MaxLead prone to pretentious sweeping statements like this? You bet. Boy do I have stories here, but I won’t go into that now. Maybe I’ll save that for MaxLead’s birthday comming in a month or so, or the birth of his son comming roughly around the same time. But today’s subject is weddings.

I’ve been to quite a few enjoyable ones, and more than a couple really crappy ones. The difference to me is obvious. The couple who treat a wedding like a party for their friends and family usually produce an enjoyable wedding. The bride who treats it as if the day is all about her usually produces a great photo album for herself, and a hundred or so bored, overdressed, and hungry people who would rather be somewhere else.

Common wisdom says that a wedding is the brides day. Fine. Probably matters more to her than to the groom. Unfortunately many brides I’ve known have planned their entire dream wedding resulting in something that’s a royal pain in the ass for all of their friends and guests.

Of course, the bigger the family, the more the headaches

Some of my gripes.

- No booze. Ok if you are religiously opposed to this. Fine. I can accept that. Otherwise, have at least wine and beer.
- Huge span of time between the ceremony and the reception. This is worse than a 4 hour layover in Detroit.
- Weddings at odd times. Friday night weddings, fighting rush hour between the church and the reception hall? Been there. Done that.
- Forcing bridesmaids to pay $500+ for a dress they’ll either throw away later, o put up on eBay? Come on ladies. My wife went to great pains to pick inexpensive yet elegant dresses that her bridesmaids could wear multiple times. Why don’t more women do this?
- Bad Food/Skimpy Food. Come on, don’t be cheap. People will remember this.
- Bad DJ/ Bad band. A great band can make all the difference. So can a bad band.
- Videographers standing in the way. I’ve been to a couple of weddings where the videographer stood blocking the congregations view of the wedding. Philosophically I’m a firm believer in “the moment” more than “the record.”
- “Non Traditional” things. Couples running down the Aisle to the “Raiders of the Lost Ark” march? My wife was at a wedding where this happened. Primal Screams from the wedding party? Please.
- Excessive PDA’s from the bride and groom. I was at a wedding where the reception was delayed more than an hour when the couple snuck away for a quicky. Did they think noone would notice, when they snuck away right before the food was to be served?
- Pachelbel’s Cannon in D, and Bach’s Jesu. Great pieces of music. Over used. We used Vivaldi’s Spring for example. Lots of great stuff out there. Stop using the same two pieces.
- On the subject of Music, please no more of that song “There is Love”. Yuck. Bleh.

And, yes, I’m talking brides and gooms. I’m talking men and women. I’m talking a heterosexual couple. I’m talking a traditional man and women getting married. I have nothing against gay couples getting hitched. I’m just not talking about that.

WMD’s

So now we have evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq? Surprising? Maybe. Who knows. I don’t think anyone doubted that Saddam HAD chemical weapons. We know e used them against the Kurds and the Iranians. With the UN inspectors periodically allowed access, he also had more than a decade to hide whatever WMD’s he may have had, or destroy them, or smuggle them out.

I will be the first to jump on the “Hans Blix Sux” bandwagon. The guy was worthless. He found no evidence of bad things in the places that Saddam would let him look. To the French, Germans, Russians, and Kofi Annan, that proved Saddam was Okie Dokie. Fine. To the rest of us, it certainly looked like Saddam had something to hide. Or maybe it was a pissing contest. Maybe Saddam was trying to prove that he wasn’t bowing to the UN, and saving a little face. I don’t know. The fact is that hard and fast intel has not appeared to validate the belief that WMD’s were present.

Did Bush make a compelling case for war? Not really, but a compelling case COULD HAVE been made. The fact that one key piece of intelligence appears to have been fabricated is telling. The Administration felt that WMD’s were the best argument for war, and the administration cited bogus intelligence in making this case. Hmmmm.

Did Bush botch diplomacy in the period leading up to the war? I think he did. Others here will certainly disagree.

Did the DoD asses the post war environment in Iraq properly? I don’t think many people would agree with the rosy assessment of Iraqis cheering in the streets, and welcoming us as liberators. Wolfowitz’s dismissal of Shinseki’s assessment of required troop strength post combat looks naive now. Wolfowitz’s prediction that those nations who opposed the war would jump to our side once Saddam fell seemed particularly idiotic. Now, a year later, it looks even more idiotic.

Would Gore have handled this better?

*cough cough*
(silence)

Would Kerry handle this better?

(sound of fingers drumming on table)

It’s pretty pathetic that the best case for Bush is that Kerry sucks, and the best case for Kerry is that Bush sucks.

*How the hell do we

*How the hell do we post links again?*

Just when I start believing the media, a ray of sunshine in a hard cruel world….
This is a pretty interesting site from a pro-freedom Iraqi Blogger. Well worth the read
http://iraqthemodel.blogspot.com/

Well, well well! What do we have here!
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,120137,00.html

Back to the trenches… gas mask in hand

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