Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader asks that you remember Richard III, King of England. He was killed in battle at Bosworth this day in 1485. He fought valiantly, if not triumphantly. He was the last Plantagenet to rule England. He was the last King of England to die in battle. And his death marks the generally accepted end of both the Wars of the Roses and the medieval period in England.

It is from Shakespeare’s play Richard III that the name of this site is taken. The important lines come in Act One, Scene III:

But then I sigh; and, with a piece of scripture,
Tell them that God bids us do good for evil:
And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With old odd ends stolen out of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.

Richard is, in your Maximum Leader’s opinion, one of the most maligned kings in all history. Shakespeare’s play, while vastly entertaining, is far from an accurate portrayal of history and the man as we now know him. But that is the subject of another post.

To close, allow your Maximum Leader to post an obituary first penned by Rex Stout.

“PLANTAGENET — Richard, great king and true friend of the rights of man, died at Bosworth Field on August 22, 1485. Murdered by traitors and, dead, maligned by knaves and ignored by Laodiceans, he merits our devoted remembrance.”

While your Maximum Leader would not lump Shakespeare in with the knaves, Richard’s memory has certainly been besmerched by many.

Remember poor Richard Plantagenet.

Carry on.

The Air Marshal asks for my take on the communion-denial question, but by sheer chance I discovered that Fafblog had beaten me to the punch on this one. Their answer echoes my own, at least in spirit.

_

Read the story here. I’d be interested in BigHo’s take on this. Being a spiritual, but non religious person, married into the Catholic church, this sort of thing strikes me as just plain stupid. I guess it’s OK for priests to molest little kids, but you can’t use rice crackers in communion.

It just seems that so many times organized religion gets hung up in irrelevant details and misses the whole point of worshipping a greater being. Especially a political, and financial organization like the Roman Catholic Church.

dc

Damn, it’s quiet here. I know that the Smallholder’s cow stepped on his computer, so he’s not posting these days. And Max is vacationing with the extended family. But come on, the Foreign Minister and the propaganda minister have been uncharacteristically silent lately.

So some random Olympic thoughts.

So I’m watching Women’s volleyball with my daughter. I tell her that the ladies in blue (the USA) are the good guys, and we want them to win. She then tells me that the women in red (the Chinese) are the bad guys, and we want them to lose. So I get waffly explaining that there are no “bad guys”, but we just want the USA to win. She doesn’t get it. If there are good guys, then why aren’t there bad guys? Good point. I miss the days of the Evil Empire, with the clear villains to root against in the Olympics.

I can understand 14 year old gymnasts being so short… but a 26 year old woman looking like that is just freaky. Kerri Struggs (sp?) was on an episode of “Trading Spaces” and seeing her still at that size, with that voice as a grown woman… bizzare. That voice on a “grown” woman is just weird. I know it’s not her fault, and I’m being mean. But imagine a woman speaking in that voice at an intimate moment. Use your imagination. Ugh. But it’s not like their given drugs to keep them small I guess, they really just are that size.

I quote from George Carlin.

Gymnastics is not a sport because Romanians are good at it. It took me a
long time to come up with that rule, but goddammit, I did it.

That Japanese swimmer should be stripped of his medals. Not because of the dolphin kick, but because of that damn shrieking after he “won.” (kinda like Bush “won” Florida, eh Greg?… come on … post… it’s boring here.) Seriously, though, I’m the kinda guy who holds grudges. I was just 3 at the time, but the Russian gold medal in B-ball in 1972 still pisses me off, as does the Korean victory in boxing in 1988.

Basketball bothers me. I don’t really feel an affinity for these players, and I don’t give a damn if Iverson loses. In fact, I usually like it when Iverson loses. And when our best player wasn’t even born in America (Tim Duncan is from the Virgin Islands I believe), what does that say. But it bothers me in three senses. First that our best players don’t want to go. (No Shaq, no T-Mac, etc.) Secondly that our Olympic committee was so ignorant as to the nature of international hoops in constructing this team as to ignore shooters and “skilled” players. Thirdly that North American sports are so out of touch with the way games are played around the globe. Basketball and Hockey in North America are games of thuggery. Globally they are games of skill. More fun to watch the global versions.

Is the Marathon actually run on the plains of Marathon? If it’s not, it should be.

Didn’t the ancient Olympics featuer athletes in the nude? Why not now? I might not want to watch many of the sports, but it would make women’s beach volleyball, and women’s swimming much more interesting and fun to watch. At least for roughly half of the viewing audience.

I know the point is moot, but I still don’t like admitting pro athletes. I know the line has always been blurred, but I feel some line was crossed in 1992 with the Dream Team, and in 1996 in Hockey. I remember my self righteous indignation at the Soviets and their “amateur” hockey players. But at least I was right. Now I kind of miss it.

dc

From an e-mail circulating the net.

“I have always strenuously supported theright of every man to his own opinion, however different that opinion might be to mine. He who denies another this right makes a slave of himself to his present opinion, because he precludeshimself the right of changing it.”

-Thomas Paine, 1783

“Free speech exercised both individually and througha free press, is a necessity in any country where people are themselves free.”

-Theodore Roosevelt, 1918

“The truth is found when men are free to pursue it.”

- FranklinD. Roosevelt, 1936

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

- George Orwell, 1945

“Any time we deny any citizen the full exercise of his constitutional rights, we are weakening our
own claim to them.”

- Dwight David Eisenhower, 1963

“What is objectionable, what is dangerous about extremists is not that they are extreme, but that they are intolerant.”

-Robert F. Kennedy, 1964

“Go fuck yourself.”

-Dick Cheney, 2004

I’m all for the introduction of new sports to the Olympics. Here’s a short list of venerable sports that haven’t been recognized by the IOC yet:

1. Gang-banging with consenting adults. The Houston 500 needs to be Olympicized and would be an instant hit, what with all the closeups and replays. The only stumbling block to this would be analysis and commentary by John Tesh. But damn, this sport makes me wish Howard Cosell were alive today.

2. Dwarf tossing/bowling. Little people have served as projectiles since timeimmemorial, and it’s about time we had the Summer Olympics’ answer to ski jumping.

3. Bitch-slapping. I’d remove weight class and sex restrictions and just make this a free-for-all. Given the role politics plays at the Olympic Games, I’d wager this sport would be mighty cathartic, even for the losers.

4. Sheep-humping. At a guess, the contest would boil down to the Scots and the Kiwis, with the Aussies a distant third, possibly jockeying for the bronze with a highly motivated team of Swiss farmers. But given the ubiquity of Murphy’s Law, I wouldn’t be surprised if some small team– say, the Iranians– proved up to the challenge.

There are also some sci-fi-inspired sports I’d like to see:

1. Telekinetic brain-explosion. It happened in “Scanners,” and I bet Michael Ironside would rope in the gold for the Canadians.

2. Brachial energy generation. Emperor Palpatine can do it, as can Count Dooku. Any number of Asian animé characters can project “chi” or “ki” globes, and Rick Moranis demonstrated some pyrotechnic potential (arguably with the help of his Schwartz ring) when he blasted a minion’s crotch in “Spaceballs.”

3. All-time fastest parasite infestation. A contest for non-humans that uses human hosts! We’d have to settle on a decent intergalactic definition of the term “parasite,” otherwise the humongous Brain Bugs of “Starship Troopers” might qualify thanks to some technical loophole. Possible contestants would include Ceti Eels from “Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan,” nanites (including Borg nanites) from any number of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” episodes, chest-bursting larvae from the facehuggers in the Alien series, and the green “meteor shit” that drives Stephen King to suicide in the movie “Creepshow.”

4. Quickest conversion from evil to good. Luke was able to bring his father back from the dark side of the Force, but how well would he fare against the Borg Queen?

I also think that golf and fishing should be recognized as the true Olympic sports they are, but a little voice in my head keeps insisting that (1) golf and fishing need to be combined somehow, and (2) we need to add old-school Ultimate Fighting into the mix. As with bitch-slapping, there’d be no weight classes or sex restrictions, but I have no idea what we’d call this awesome sports hybrid. We should probably name it according to an exclamation common to all three sports, so say hello to Fuuuuuuuck!

_

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is watching the Olympic Opening Cerimonies at his esteemed in-laws’ house. He is remembering that the Olympic Truce will be called. You all remember the Olympic Truce. The temporary peace that is called all wars around the world (or just among the Greek Polis in ancient times) to allow athletes to participate in the games.

Your Maximum Leader will make a polite (if somewhat self-interested) request in light of the Olympic games in Athens. How about over the next week this blog become a non-political forum? Your Maximum Leader and his ministers have interests outside of politics and argument. Perhaps these outside interests would make some good posts. The Minister of Agriculture could write a post or two about life on the farm. The Minister of Propaganda could relate a colourful anecdote about life in Hollywood. The Foreign Minister could talk about life as an American overseas. The AirMarshal could write more about sports, alcohol and parenting. The Poet Laureate might write a humour piece or a piece about interreligious dialouge. And your Maximum Leader will write something about Jennifer Love-Hewitt. (Or perhaps something else…)

Your Maximum Leader believes that a week of non-political writing will be our sort of internal Olympic Truce. Of course, this is a non-binding request, and if some hotbutton political event occurs during this week; by all means comment away. Think of this as an opportunity expose our readership (dwindling as it may be) to other interests of those bloggers here.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was just about to sign off when he checked the newswires. He found this: Yahoo! News - Julia Child, Famous Cook, Dies Aged 91

Your Maximum Leader cannot express how sad he is about this. Your Maximum Leader, by just about everyone’s estimation, is a very good cook. He learned many tricks and techniques by watching Julia Child religiously on PBS.

Today your Maximum Leader will lift a glass and toast her great life and contributions to improving American’s eating habits.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has had one heck of a week. Just as he gets caught up on all his reading and is beginning to think about a blog post, his cable modem starts being all funky. When it is fixed, the remains of Tropical Storm Bonnie bring massive thunderstorms to the Villainschloss; and your Maximum Leader decides not to turn on the Ubercomputer. Now it is Friday and your Maximum Leader prepares to leave the Villainschloss for a week at the beach. Crazy…

But before he leaves he wanted to make some very broad comments on the Kerry/Bush debate that has gone on in this space. Alas, most of the debate, your Maximum Leader has found is at its core without much substance.

Why? Because neither man has given us much substance to work with. Bush has basically said that h has done a good job and deserves your vote. Kerry has said that he was in Vietnam and deserves your vote. What that leaves us with is the work of the various 527 organizations (like Moveon.org and Swiftboatvets).

NB: Your Maximum Leader hates 527 organizations. Of all political stripes. He believes they remove accountability from politics. They can take as much money from whomever they please. Say what they please. And all with little accountability to anyone. Your Maximum Leader believes that they are the awful offshoot of the absolutely excreable Campaign Finance Reform law. Here is an idea for campaign finance reform. Candidates and parties can take as much money from any source as they want, but they have to disclose the full amount of the gift and the giver within 48 hours of receipt. That way anyone can see who is beholden to whom. Anyway…

Your Maximum Leader has read a lot about the Swiftboat Vets and Kerry recently and has found himself wondering, “Why should this matter?” It matters because all Kerry has offered up to us is his Vietnam record. He starts campaign rallies by saying “John Kerry reporting for duty.” And then he salutes. Kerry always brings some Vet buddies with him. Kerry has made his navy record part of the campaign, as such it is open for attack and question by all sides. Your Maximum Leader can’t remember a man who has ever put his service to his country in the forefront of his campaign for president as much as John Kerry has. Not Kennedy, not Nixon, not Carter, not George Herbert Walker Bush, not Bob Dole. It is as if 4 months of meritorious service as a navy Lieutenant over 40 years ago makes him the best man to be president.

Your Maximum Leader frankly doesn’t care to rehash every little thing that every happened to or around John Kerry in Vietnam. But there is precious little else to work with.

He isn’t talking about his Senate record. Why is that do you think? Well in short it is because to have a senate record is to have to explain 20 years worth of votes that are contradictory, confusing, and byzantine to the average voter. This is a problem for any senator of any political stripe. The way you get business done in the senate is to trade votes on different issues. This is why Richard Nixon might well have been the last (former) US Senator to be elected president for a long time.

Oh, and Kerry hasn’t done much to distinguish himself in the Senate anyway. Here is a very interesting website that breaks down Kerry votes by subject and how his votes rated against the positions of various liberal and conservative groups. There is not much here that inspires confidence in your Maximum Leader.

In viewing Kerry’s record, it is fun to know that on Veterans Issues deemed important by the American Legion, Kerry voted the way they wanted 0 percent of the time. (Edwards voted with the American Legion 50% of the time, and John McCain 50% of the time. Your Maximum Leader is including John McCain in these comparisons to provide some balance to the analysis - since McCain seems to be every Democrat’s favourite Republican.)

Kerry also voted with the Sierra Club 100% of the time. (Edwards 80% of the time, McCain 40% of the time.)

Kerry voted with the National Education Association 100% of the time. (Edwards 83%, McCain 45%)

Kerry voted with the Brady Campaign (aka: Handgun Control inc) 100% of the time. (Edwards 77%, McCain 14%)

Kerry voted with the American Bar Association 100% of the time. (Edwards 100%, McCain 67%)

Your Maximum Leader could go on, but he will not. You can do the research yourself.

As for the ongoing Kerry/Bush debate…

It is interesting that the (Democratic) party line is being modified. It isn’t so much as “Bush lied” as “Bush mislead” now. Interesting change. What is interesting about it is that now people of all stripes are coming out and saying that the intelligence used to justify war wasn’t good and everyone should have been more skeptical. 
Great. We’ll all be more skeptical now. But at the time everything seemed to make lots of sense. Practically every news source in America thought it did. Kerry thought it did. Why else would he have voted to authorize the president to send troops? Intelligence is a sometimes faulty thing and should always be viewed with skepticism.

Then the argument moves to did the intelligence make any difference? Bush wanted a war, and damnit he got one. It is all fine and good to say that he wanted a war with Iraq regardless of what the intelligence said. (By the way, Your Maximum Leader believes that he probably did want to end Saddam’s Iraq before the 9/11 attacks.)

But lets take a moment to look at the senario as it unfolded. Let us say for the sake of argument that Bush was already inclinded to want to get rid of the Hussein regime. Then 9/11 happens. You are now dealing with a completely different world situation than you were before. Bush starts to get intelligence saying that Hussein has WMD that he hasn’t destroyed and is making contacts with Al Queda. US intel seems to be corroborated by UK and Russian sources. What do you do?

You have two options. 1) Go to the UN and try to get the international community to help you get the WMDs. Or 2) you decide that you have to get them yourself.

If you go with choice 1 what can you expect? It will take lots of time. It has already taken over a decade, and it will likely take at least a few years more. Going with choice 1 also leaves Saddam Hussein in power. He is inclinded to have WMD, and will likely try to make more once you find the ones he has. Saddam may even give up his weapons now in exchange for the UN getting off his back. Then he can make more.

If you go with choice 2 what do you expect? Lots of trouble with the international community. Lots of trouble in Iraq.

What is the advantage of choice 2? By taking action immediately, you mitigate the chances that Hussein will give/sell WMD to terrorists who would use them in the US. And you eliminate the person who is likely to continue to be a security risk to your country.

Neither choice is fun. But being president isn’t about having fun. Your Maximum Leader will posit that if Bush hadn’t invaded, and Hussein had given just a little of some biological/chemical agent to a terror group and the group had used it anywhere in the world against the US or US interests - Bush wouldn’t be re-elected because he wouldn’t have been able to run again. He would be so vilified by people of all political stripes for having had information showing that Iraq was in contact with terror organizations and was a threat and not acting his career would be, effectively, ended.

In retrospect this doesn’t look quite as horrible as it is being portrayed. And frankly, your Maximum Leader believes that he has just done a better job explaining Bush’s actions than anyone in the Bush Administration has. (Sadly.)

But what of Kerry? He says he will bring our other “allies” (the ones who don’t like us - those “allies” in case you’ve forgotten) into Iraq. How will he do this? Well according to Newsweek (for one) he is going to trade help in Iraq for softening of the US position in Middle East Peace and North Korea. Hummm… Lets see. You help us in Iraq and we’ll support Assir Arafat against Israel and give North Korea whatever they want to “give up” (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, “Say no more.”) their nuclear weapons. Hey! What a fricking great idea that is!

Overall Kerry says that he doesn’t differ much from Bush in foreign policy goals. He just wants to use different tactics. He wants to sell our foreign policy better and try and find us more friends. Great. What happens when the friends he wants to bring on board are pacifists and would rather give away their security for the promise of peace than fight for it? Alas, that seems to be the situation in which one finds Frace, Germany, Beligum, the Netherlands, and Spain. What do you do then Johnny? Do you go it alone? Do you tough it out and hope that nothing happens during your watch? It sure sounds that way.

Well, alas my minions, your Maximum Leader must now turn off the computer and start packing to go to the beach. No blogging from your Maximum Leader for about a week. In the meanwhile, he leaves his ministers to blog on.

Carry on.

Of course, since it’s only a flesh wound, he doesn’t deserve the Purple Heart. I mean, come on, he wasn’t REALLY wounded. And he hasn’t even been serving for 4 months yet.

In fact, I’ve seen an e-mail from various Shiite Mosque veterans swearing that Sadr wasn’t even there when the wounds allegedly took place.

Great hockey article e-mailed to me by a friend. I would add to the article below that following the 94 playoffs, Baseball imploded with a players strike. It was a perfect chance for Hockey to take center stage in the fall of 94. The NHL was coming off the Rangers’ cup win, and an amazing playoffs including what was, in my opinion, the greatest playoff series of the past 25 years in the Devils-Rangers series.

In retrospect, the lockout was the beginning of the problems stemming from Bettman, and not the cause. I would throw in over expansion, and poor management at just about every level. But the article below does a great job talking about why the NHL is where it is today; irrelevant and nearly dead.

Blame Gary? You bet, man

Commish let quality of NHL game slide

By AL STRACHAN — Toronto Sun

When you suggest to the people running the National Hockey League that the current mess is their own fault, the answer is always the same.

“It doesn’t matter whose fault it is,” they say. “The point is that we can’t go on the way we are.”

But it does matter whose fault it is. If you are responsible for the abysmal situation that exists today, then why on earth should we have faith in your ability to come up with a “new world order” that will be any better?

As the game inched closer and closer to the labour stalemate it now faces, the league devoted itself more and more to economic issues.

But where was the attention to the game itself?

Gary Bettman had hardly settled into his post as NHL commissioner in 1994 when the New York Rangers won the Stanley Cup.

At that point, the future belonged to the NHL. TV ratings were high. Fan interest was at a peak, and national magazines were talking about the surge in hockey popularity.

But four months afterward, Bettman forced a three-month lockout, thereby starting the precipitous decline of hockey that continues to this day.

In the subsequent shortened 1995 season, the New Jersey Devils won the Stanley Cup and the Age of Boredom descended upon the game.

The Devils’ much-imitated trap — and all the tedium it entails — delivered another blow to the sport’s popularity.

And now, we find ourselves in a situation where the NHL has no 50-goal scorers, no 100-point scorers and games that are far too often unwatchable.

While the spectacle went down in flames, ettman fiddled. Instead of worrying about the game, he worried about legal and economic issues.

In a sport that relies so heavily on gate receipts, highly intrusive nets were placed in the end zones. (Granted a young girl had died tragically after being hit by a puck in a game in Columbus in March 2002.) The nets were a classic lawyer’s overreaction.

Bettman found time to institute a system that requires even his own referees and linesmen to be searched upon entering an arena. But he couldn’t find time to address the woes that afflict the game.

OCCASIONAL INTEREST

As a result, ESPN, which had made a major commitment to hockey, backed off to the point that it now exhibits no more than an occasional interest. ABC followed a similar path and, as a result, hockey is in the position that it virtually has to buy time to get its playoffs on U.S. network television.

But we’re not supposed to place the blame for all this. We’re supposed to say it doesn’t matter who created this disaster. Even more unbelievably, we’re supposed have blind faith in those very same people to fix it.

If they hadn’t messed up the game on the ice, the financial predicament off the ice wouldn’t exist.

We’ve all heard the accusation that NHL players earn too much because their league doesn’t have the TV contracts of other sports. But whose fault is that?

Even Bettman admits that the games are more intense than they have ever been. Rarely does a player take a shift off. The game goes at full speed for 60 minutes and the banging starts at the opening faceoff. Players dive in front of shots, finish checks with a vengeance and play through injury.

If all this effort produces a game that is not catching the fancy of the fans, then maybe the people who create the rules should be called upon the carpet to explain.

Because there’s one fact that is unavoidable: If hockey was as popular as some other sports, then TV money would be present in abundance and the teams wouldn’t have any problem whatsoever meeting their payrolls.

And we wouldn’t be facing a lockout.

The Washington Post reports on Marines getting ready to assault Najaf to take out the forces of Muqtada Al Sadr (sp?).

What I find most interesting are the quotes from Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, supreme something or other in Iran. Not sure what his exact title is. The Post says “Supreme Leader”.

Here are some quotes from the Supreme Holy Blowhard of Iran

“The United States is slaughtering the people of one of the holiest Islamic
cities and the Muslim world and the Iraqi nation will not stand by,”

“These crimes are a dark blemish which will never be wiped from the face of America. They commit these crimes and shamelessly talk of democracy,”

“[American combat operations in Najaf constitute] one of the darkest crimes of humanity.”

Gotta love Muslim bluster

So subjugation of women is OK. Torture is OK. Stifling free thought… or anything free for that matter… is OK. Blowing up women and children with terrorist human bombs is OK, but fighting back against these things is “one of the darkest crimes of humanity?”

Trying to introduce democracy and liberty into the Muslim world is a “dark blemish which will never be wiped from the face of America”?

Fighting back against insurgents constitutes slaughtering the population of Najaf, while intimidating the civilian population of Iraq with terrorist car bombings, killing women and children daily, is some how holy…

Gotta love Muslim bluster.

I think the big mistake on our part is in thinking that Muslim society is going to accept democracy and liberties. We’re trying to democratize a medieval, almost feudal, society with a degree of religious fanaticim that we don’t really see in the West anymore. Only the absolute worst nutcases in America even approach the degree of religious fervor that we’re seeing as the norm in the Arab world. The only secular governments that survive are totalitarian states, and there is absolutely no wall between the religious and the secular. In fact, there appears to be no concept of secular society at all.

Oddly enough, the situation we’re in right now in Iraq is exactly the sort of thing Bush railed against in his 2000 campaign. This sort of quandry is why Bush campaigned AGAINST nation building. Three possibilities.

1. He lied in 2000.

2. He was wrong in 2000, and Nation Building is actually an important element of foreign policy and the previous administration was right in it’s goals, if not execution, in attempting such things.

3. Bush changed his mind based on 9/11. Oh God, please spare me a politician who might actually be open to learning from events, and letting his view evolve based on ever changing world situations. (Readers in Europe take note… there’s sarcasm here.)

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has returned, if only for a few days. As he types these words he is completely unaware of what has been going on in the blogosphere - indeed he is ignorant of the goings-on on his own blog - for the past week.

This is the first time in nearly a week that your Maximum Leader has logged onto a computer for the purpose of oing something other than a quick glance at e-mail (just to see who’s writing, not to read or respond) or to play Medieval Total War.

Skip this paragraph if you are uninterested in your Maximum Leader’s exploits in Medieval Total War. In case you are a total computer strategery game geek, your Maximum Leader has spent a few hours over the past few days playing the English or the Byzantines as they bring Europe under their respective heels. The English game was much more fun. Had a few civil wars in addition to the conquest. Never have had a civil war as the Byzantines. They must be more loyal types. But those English in the Middle Ages! Geez! Just show them some rosebushes and watch them go at it. Anyway…

You may be asking your minionly self, “Minionly Self, what has my Maximum Leader been doing? Where is he? Why hast he forsaken me?” Well ask no further. Your Maximum Leader just needed some time to collect his thoughts and spend some time with the Villainous Progeny. He figured he was spending too much time in front of the computer reading blogs, reading newswires, and thinking of pithy comments. (Or not so pithy comments.)

Your Maximum Leader needed a little time to uncloud his clouded brain. Yes, once and a while your Maximum Leader’s brain becomes clouded. There are generally two remedies for this condition. The first is mass-murder and Stalin-esque purges. The second is quite time for introspection.

Your Maximum Leader opted for the latter. (But let it not be said that the former has a lot going for it.)

So, for a few days your Maximum Leader just played with the Villainettes and spend his days in the most lazy fashion possible.

Lazy except for a quick visit to the Smallholder’s farm. It would have been a great photo-op had either of us been in a political race. The Minister of Agriculture and your Maximum Leader wielding chainsaws and cutting back overgrown cedar trees.

Why cut back the cedars you ask? Well, to allow Mrs. Smallholder to see from their manse down to the driveway for one. The other reason was to allow the Smallholder himself an unobstructed view from his front porch down into his lower fields. Although it was pouring rain, it was good work. And helped clear the mind.

The Villainettes enjoyed themselves too. They fed the cows (including the ones that will one day end up on their dinner plates). They gathered eggs from chickens. And the eldest Villainette (the Princess Villainette as opposed to her younger sister - the Tomboy Villainette) was able to engage in a little exposition on how when your Maximum Leader and his Minister of Agriculture get together they are “Boring!” because all they do is “talk and talk and talk.” Your Maximum Leader is an indulgent father. He allows his children to freely discuss their thoughts in his presence. (Whereas your Maximum Leader prefers most people keep their innermost vapid thoughts to themselves and not (inadvertently) present arguments for sterilization of the masses.)

Other activites included taking the Villainettes, the wee Villain, and the progeny of your Maximum Leader’s esteemed Brother/Sister-in-law to the zoo. Your Maximum Leader’s favourite animals were (as almost always) the Orangutans. The Princess Villainette liked the Pandas. The Tomboy Villainette liked the Gorillas and Elephants. The Villainous Cousin liked standing under the mist machines and getting soaked. And the Wee Villain liked sucking on Mrs. Villain’s boobs and being pushed around in a pram all day in the sun.

Your Maximum Leader also played a lot of catch with the Villainettes. He also went down to range and blew through 4-5 boxes of 9mm Makarov ammunition and probably 30 or so rounds with one of his trusty .303 Lee-Enfield rifles. The peice de resistance on the range was going through about 500 rounds with his Russian-made SKS (with pre-ban 30 round magazine and folding bayonet). It was quite liberating.

Other things done by your Maximum Leader (in list form)

- a one-day Jennifer Love-Hewitt film festival (okay, one film - the Tuxedo).
- a one-day Rachel Weisz film festival (your Maximum Leader has taken a shine to Miss Weisz - perhaps she will supplant J L-H as the official Sex Goddess of the MWO).
- religiously watched Iron Chef every night at 11pm.
- attempted to mentally work out an acoustic arrangement for Led Zeppelin’s “Trampled Underfoot” only to discover it is right nigh impossible.
- finally discovered that the Borg in Star Trek are really only smarter (and bustier) Cylons from Battlestar Galactica.
- watched lots of baseball, the Braves are beginning to look like they really do want to be in the postseason.
- determined there aren’t any moderate Muslims living outside the US/UK.
- listened to all 9 Beethoven Symphonies.
- celebrated the birthday of Mrs. Villain.
- celebrated the birthday of your Maximum Leader’s sainted mother.
- and read parts of about 50 books, completing none.

So, where does that leave us now?

Well, your Maximum Leader will try and catch up on what’s been going on tonight. Then he will opine some beginning tomorrow and continuing through most of this week.

Friday night your Maximum Leader and his family will be leaving the dark confines of the Villainschloss for a week at a plush mansion on the beach in Duck, NC. Alas that means that you all will have to go for another week with nothing from your Maximum Leader. He will leave it up to his loyal and capable ministers to opine in his absence.

Carry on.

With an arm like that, I’d think he’d be a Cowboy.

Another reason this election sucks. I have to pick between a Cowboy fan and a RedSox fan.

At least there are no New Yawkers or Philthadelphians.

Relax, Air Marshal.
He works in Washington but not for the Redskins!