The FMs Theology

That was interesting

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan. You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God’s grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists.

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

89%

Reformed Evangelical

75%

Fundamentalist

75%

Neo orthodox

68%

Charismatic/Pentecostal

64%

Emergent/Postmodern

54%

Classical Liberal

25%

Modern Liberal

25%

Roman Catholic

21%

What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com

Jackfest is only abut a month away! Can’t wait!

back to the trenches

Quizes Are Hereby MANDATORY

Because I don’t want him to get in trouble and I know he hasn’t been posting for a while, I’ve gone ahead and acquired the “Sexual Style” quiz results for Smallholder:

You scored as Awkward. Well you are awkard…I don’t know what to say….

Shy

100%

Soft

100%

Awkward

100%

Sweet

94%

Exciting

25%

Wet

19%

Hot

0%

Violent

0%

What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com

Believe.

Two Can Play…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that his good Minister of Propaganda has found another quiz… Here are your Maximum Leader’s results.

You scored as Hot. You are Hot, you scream and are wild, people love doing anything sexual with you.

Hot

63%

Exciting

56%

Soft


44%

Awkward

44%

Wet

31%

Shy

19%

Violent

19%

Sweet

13%

What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com

Carry on.

A More Relevant Quiz, per the MoP. . .
You scored as Hot. You are Hot, you scream and are wild, people love doing anything sexual with you.

Hot

94%

Exciting

75%

Soft

69%

Violent

69%

Wet

50%

Sweet

38%

Awkward

25%

Shy

0%

What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com

Now that’s what I’m talking about!

Believe.

Theological Leanings . . .

Apparently there’s a segment of modern christainity to accommodate even me:

You scored as Modern Liberal. You are a Modern Liberal. Science and historical study have shown so much of the Bible to be unreliable and that conservative faith has made Jesus out to be a much bigger deal than he actually was. Discipleship involves continuing to preach and practice Jesus’ measure of love and acceptance, and dogma is not important in today’s world. You are influenced by thinkers like Bultmann and Bishop Spong.

Emergent/Postmodern

79%

Modern Liberal

79%

Classical Liberal

64%

Neo orthodox

29%

Reformed Evangelical

21%

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

21%

Roman Catholic

14%

Charismatic/Pentecostal

14%

Fundamentalist

0%

What's your theological worldview?
createdwith QuizFarm.com

Nah, just kidding — the quiz assumes a belief in God, whereas I’d probably be considered more of a ‘modern liberal atheist.’ I do love the quizes, however.

Believe.

Interesting Theological Quiz

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader found an interesting quiz over at TexasBestGrok. (Where he was visiting to vote for Mrs. Incredible.)

Results follow:

You scored as Classical Liberal. You are a classical liberal. You are sceptical about much of the historicity of the Bible, and the most important thing Jesus has done is to set us a good moral example that we are to follow. Doctrines like the trinity and the incarnation are speculative and not really important, and in the face of science and philosophy the surest way we can be certain about God is by our inner awareness of him. Discipleship is expressed by good moral behaviour, but inward religious feeling is most important.

Classical Liberal

79%

Modern Liberal

71%

Emergent/Postmodern

64%

Roman Catholic

61%

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

57%

Neo orthodox

46%

Reformed Evangelical

25%

Charismatic/Pentecostal

21%

Fundamentalist

11%

What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com

Nothing earth-shattering here. But the questions were interesting.

Carry on.

Runaway Bride - The Movie!!!

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that the whole Jennifer Wilbanks story will not die. And, because it requires so little mental effort on his part to write a blog post about this subject, he will jump on the bandwagon of continuing commenters.

Your Maximum Leader reads that Jennifer Wilbanks (aka: The Runaway Bride) may get movie deal.

Well, your Maximum Leader certainly hopes she will. Why do you ask? First off, so she can buy a damned bra that fits properly. The second attibute (after her deer-in-the-headlights look) he noticed in that news footage of Ms. Wilbanks walking in (and subsequently out) of the courthouse was her chest. (Your Maximum Leader is a man… What can he do?) What the hell was her lawyer thinking by having her wear that suit thingie with a white tee shirt. And if you looked at the white tee shirt you would see the bra line. And right above the bra line you saw that uncomfortable little bulge of breast-barely-restrained-by-bra.

Now, some of you may want to call your Maximum Leader crazy for this… But he finds ill-fitting bras something of a turn off. This stands in stark contrast to his love of panty-lines. (Your Maximum Leader is great and contains multitudes…) Don’t misunderstand him here… He likes heaving breasts just as much as (and possiblymore than) the next guy. But there is something about a white tee shirt and a small bra, especially when going to a court appearance, that strikes your Maximum Leader as wrong.

Of course, if she was wearing a Naked Villainy t-shirt, your Maximum Leader might change his tune about the small bra thing.

Your Maximum Leader also wonders about the movie… What story is there to tell? Mixed up girl gets cold feet before big wedding and splits. There is no story in that.

Now if some pornographer bought the story… Then there is a movie there. Really now, if you read the statement Wilbanks made to the FBI you can tell there is a porn film in that (fake) story. The (fake) story would have to be filmed. There is girl on girl and girl/girl/boy action going on there… They could do it in a dream sequence…

Anyho… If there is a movie, your Maximum Leader will not run out and see it.

He will not even wait for the DVD…

Carry on.

Many Thanks…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader thanks all of you who sent him birthday greetings. He will especially single out the Big Hominid for re-running one of his favourite posts ever. (Hey! That doesn’t look like your Maximum Leader’s sainted mother… NB to the Big Hominid: Your Trafalgar post was quite good, and yet another sign that you can never predict what you might read on your blog.)

Your Maximum Leader would also like to thank Sadie, Bill, Witnit, Annika, Mr. & Mrs. P, and Phin for their tributes. (NB to Phin: Your e-card (aka: booty gram) didn’t open correctly… But your Maximum Leader followed the links and saw the choices (NSFW). Any of them would have been great. Also, thanks for the dwarfette photo on the blog. Magic of the movies and all… Heh.)

Also, your Maximum Leader would like to thank Buckethead, Minion Molly, and our own Minister of Propganda for their kind e-mails.

Your Maximum Leader thanks reader Elaine for sending the birthday wishes and a photo of yourself in the… all-together as it were… Minions baring all for your Maximum Leader is greatly appreciated….

What?

Oh… That last one from Elaine might be spam… Regardless…

For the record, your Maximum Leader had a positively shitty day yesterday. He finally did log into the PC around 11pm and read the kind birthday wishes before he retired for the evening. One could say it was, in fact, the high point of the day.

Your Maximum Leader hopes to post more tomorrow or over the weekend. Perhaps he’ll just waste away playing games and trying to save the Republic and the Jedi Order.

Carry on.

Star Wars III

Okay, a little late, I know, but I finally saw Star Wars III last night.

Spoiler alert: It sucked.

Everyone reviewing this movie has been brainwashed by the magic of low expectations. “Better than the first two” is not a ringing endorsement, particularly when the first two were the lowest pieces of sequel crap foisted upon an eager public since ‘Highlander: The Quickening.” Nevermind the dialogue, which of course is bad. The action sequences and overall plot don’t make a lick of sense.

Sure, everything is left “just right” for the real Star Wars, “A New Hope” — but where’s the challenge in that? George Lucas probably stuck episode IV in the DVD player and took notes. And while every other transition suggests a great deal of action and plot development between movies, everything between episodes III and IV is set up and left in the freezer, nevermind that it’s at least 16 years between the two movies. I wanted to cry seeing how eager Lucas was to zip the movies up so tight. Is it really necessary for us to melt the Emperor’s face so he looks now the way he’s going to look in ‘Return of the Jedi?’ C’mon now!

Additionally, I just don’t believe a single element of the transition. Obi Wan drops Luke off and just disappears into the desert? Yoda, the greatest fighter and leader the Jedi’s have ever known, goes into hiding for almost two decades on the off-chance that this little kid, abandoned on a desert planet, is going to come around again and save everyone? What a couple of assholes.

And Chewbacca? WTF?!! Why is he even in this movie? I’m surprised Luke and Han weren’t playmates in the nursery.

George Lucas may be rich, but his movies suck. I told better stories with my action figures when I was ten. Seriously.

Believe.

Birthday Tribute!

I’ve posted my birthday tribute to Mike the Maximum Leader over on my blog (see here), but instead of re-posting the raunchy, not-work-safe photo here, I’ll simply wish the old boy a happy 36th birthday and let him get back to plucking his pubes.

My minions love me… (ploink)
They love me not… (ploink)

_

What is appropriate summer beach wear?

Summer time, summer time, sum, sum summertime.

I have to admit that I have grown accustomed to the General European attitude to women’s beach wear. Most ‘beaches’ in Europe are topless, and that is just fine by me.

For women, it might be more of a question of how you wear it, instead of what it is. One piece, two piece, thong, whatever, it does not matter what it is, as long as the style is flattering to your body shape.

That is a problem for most women as they will probably say that they dislike their body shape. What most women do not know is that, regardless of what ’shape’ they are, there is probably someone out there that is checking them out and likes what he sees.

I was with a group of women at wine festival a few nights ago and this topic came up. It started with one girl in our group (5 women 2 men) making a comment about a German girl walking by. The discussion devolved into a feeding frenzy of critique amongst all the girls in our group. The other guy and I just sort of stood there puzzled for a while without saying anything. After a few minutes, the girls asked for our opinion of the female in question. My friend Steve said, ‘I thought she was cute’. Then the eyes turn to me and waited for my evaluation.

‘Shit’, I said, draining my glass, ‘I would drink her bathwater!’

The debate ensued with a fevered pitch.

‘Her thighs are huge’

‘That is not her real hair color’

‘Her boobs are shaped funny’

‘She is too. . ..’

It went on and on and I finally said, ‘Ok, lets try this. You pick a girl that you think that Steve and I SHOULD think is hot, and we will pick a guy that we think you would like’.

This turned out to be very interesting because, each side was searching for what was perceived to be the ‘ideal’ type. What it really showed was more of what we were self conscious about with our own bodies.

The result was that the women chose for us, tall, slim blondes with big hooters. We chose for them dark haired, tall and muscular looking men.

To make it more interesting, we then took turns in picking out who we thought was the hottest of the opposite sex that we could see from our vantage point (A very large festival tent with about 800 folks drinking and dancing in it).

While both groups ‘liked’ what the other group had chosen for them, the individual choices were drastically different that those chosen by the opposite group. Steve chose a dish water blonde of medium height with fantastic legs. I chose a tall, pale, red-head, that smiled and laughed a lot.

The girls were surprised that neither of our choices had big boobs. I explained to them that some guys are boob men, some are leg men, and some are ass men. And with a world as big as this, there were guys that liked just about everything under the sun.

‘You do not believe me? I challenged, ‘just Google ‘naked chicks’ and see for yourself’.

So for me, I much prefer what is in the swimwear than the garment itself. I just wish that the women that do go down to the beach would be self confident enough to wear what they want to wear and quite trying to hide their shapes behind towels and ‘beach wraps’ so that they can enjoy being there. While I hope that this is a little as possible, at the beach, anything goes.

Check out the other members of the Men’s Club: Puffy, the Wizard, and Phin. Or if you would like the ladies’ take on this subject, check out the Divas: Chrissy , Sadie , Kathy and Silk .

back to the trenches

Jackson Case… Weighing In…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader got an earful last night. He had spent the whole day with a sick Villainette, but that wasn’t going to stop Mrs. Villain for laying into your Maximum Leader upon learning the outcome of the Michael Jackson Trial.

You see, this is how it works at the Villainschloss. When a “high profile” trial concludes without a conviction of a “high profile defendant,” Mrs. Villain declares that the jury were a bunch of idiots and “can’t they see what he did?”

This is, of course, all your Maximum Leader’s fault. Your Maximum Leader plays into this by almost always saying something to the effect of, “Honey, we don’t know what the jury was thinking. We didn’t listen to the whole of the evidence presented. We don’t know that the news gave us the whole story. The jurors are probably doing the right thing anyway. If there is ANY REASONABLE DOUBT at all they must acquit.”

Well… That is never the answer Mrs. Villain wants to hear. Last night your Maximum Leader was accused of “protecting a freak who goes down on little boys.”

What can you say to counter that except, “Honey, I don’t think anyone presented evidence of Michael Jackson giving a little boy a blow job…”

Then 15 minutes of debate on Michael Jackson performing fellatio on little boys ensued.

It was mighty fun at the Villainschloss last night. Can’t you tell?

Excursus: And after all that, your Maximum Leader got thrown up on! A fun mixture of rice, bananas, a little toast and stomach acid!

Your Maximum Leader is generally willing to give the benefit of thedoubt to the jury. In this case it seems that the jurors felt he was guilty of something. But it is not the job of the jury to convict because “something” was done wrong. It is the job of the jury to convict if they are positive that the crimes detailed in the indictment in this case wer committed. If they aren’t 99% sure, then they acquit. Frankly, that is the system your Maximum Leader supports. (Except in the Mike World Order, which is another story…)

The Jackson camp is now saying that Michael will “change” and that he will not have little boys in bed. They say he will focus on rebuilding.

That is all fine and good. But if Michael Jackson is a pedophile, and your Maximum Leader is convinced he is, he will open himself up to more charges in the future. Because he cannot change his nature.

Carry on.

Do you know what day tomorrow is?

It’s June 14, which gives all loyal minions only a single day to craft or purchase or slaughter their tributes for the Maximum Leader, who enjoys a glorious birthday on June 15.

Send him scads of porn. No, wait– he gets plenty of spam to that effect as it is… as do we all, and gloriously so. So if you’re a female blogger, send him a flash of your skin. I’m sure his wife will love that.

Write your Maximum Leader a poem*. Preferably one about the continued abasement of dwarves.

Send him some homemade cookies. He and his Villainous Family will dig those.

Send him a link to something so-veddy-British. I doubt he’ll be able to resist posting the link, along with a Maximum Leaderly acknowledgement of the sender (unless, of course, the sender is a dwarf).

Send him excerpts from Democratic Underground. They’re bound to make him laugh. Or send him an actual Democrat. Especially if the Dem is a dwarf. I hear the Maximum Leader has a special truncheon reserved for that species.

But whatever you do, do it fast. People who fail to provide tribute on the 15th will, of course, be summarily executed. Have a nice day.


*Annika– Wednesday is Poetry Day!

_

Suspicions Confirmed!

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader hasn’t had time to blog. It seems that a nasty virus has struck Villainette #1. And your Maximum Leader has done the fatherly thing and is tending to her in her time of need. Last night that consisted of sleeping on a rather large (and fairly luxurious) sofa with Villainette #1. Now, from time to time your Maximum Leader has actually slept on the sofa in question. (No giggling! It has mostly been a result of staying up late to watch tv and being too lazy to walk to bed.) But in the end, that sofa is not nearly as comfy as his extra firm king-sized bed. And it is made less comfy by a 7 year old moaning, thrashing, and waking up every 45 minutes to check to make sure you’re still thre.

Anyho…

You might remember that your Maximum Leader wrote last week about how he smelled a rat in the story of the Los Alamos whistleblower being beaten up at a strip club. Don’t remember? Check it out.

Well, your Maximum Leader’s narrative was, in fact, closer to the truth than some minions thought… Read all about it: Cops Debunk Whistleblower Beating

Another sign of your Maximum Leader’s penetrating insight…

Carry on.

The Amazon Myth

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader remembers hearing in school (and during visits to the National Zoo in DC growing up) that “the Amazon jungles are the ‘lungs’ of the world.” As he remembered it, some extraordinary amount of clean air was created by the jungles of the Amazon.

Of course, if the Amazon were the “lungs” of the earth, then clear-cutting the Amazon jungles for farming and development was a bad thing.

Now, your Maximum Leader is not going to take this space to argue about how exactly could one both preserve the Amazon jungle AND provide Brazilians (and other South Americans) with the means to develop their economy and raisethemselves out of poverty. But he will entreat you to think about that on your own.

Excursus: Once, in graduate school, your Maximum Leader was in fact discussing with a friend how it seemed a little unreasonable that Americans should want Brazilians to not clear-cut the jungle and thereby stay poor for our benefit. In the course of discussing that very point your Maximum Leader’s friend, who was/is a hard-core liberal Democratic trade-unionist from New York City, said in a moment of complete candor, “Fuck the Brazilians. I want my clean air. I don’t care if they’re poor. They shouldn’t cut down the rainforests.” There you have it…

Anyho…

According to the LA Times, Rain Forest Myth Goes Up in Smoke Over the Amazon. In the article many informed people are quoted as saying that Brazil is now one of the biggest producers of greenhouse gases. Brazil emits more carbon dioxide than Canada and Italy.

Now up to this point you are probably thinking, “So where is my Maximum Leader going with this?” Well, loyal minions, here is where he is going with it.

A very interesting passage of the article (on page two where you are less likely to see it) reads:

However, under the international environmental treaty known as the Kyoto Protocol, Brazil and other poor countries are not required to reduce their emissions of greenhouse gases. Nor does the accord contain financial incentives to encourage nations such as Brazil and Indonesia to rein in the destruction of their tropical forests.

“This is a very sensitive issue in Brazil and among developing countries,” said Paulo Moutinho, research coordinator for the Amazon Institute of Environmental Studies. “If you want to include developing countries, especially countries with large areas of tropical forests, in some kind of mechanism to mitigate climate change, you need to compensate deforestation reduction.”

Hummm. Could this actually be a sign that the Kyoto Protocol was a generally bad agreement? Your Maximum Leader seems to remember the Bush Administration being raked over the coals for refusing to approve the Kyoto Protocols because of massive loopholes like the one that doesn’t require countries like Brazil (or China, or India) to disclose emissions. And then there is the other issue of compensation. If Western Nations don’t want the jungles cleared, then it stands to reason that they ought to be willing to compensate the nations that own that jungle not to develop the jungle as farmland or industrial tracts.

Personally, your Maximum Leader has always thought that if one is able to seriously plan development in a nation like Brazil (a rather improbable proposition from which to begin); then one could minimize the ecological impact of development. Of course up to this point Brazil hasn’t shown the inclination to minimize ecological impact of their development…

Anyway… There it is.

Carry on.

    About Naked Villainy

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