Damn the FEC!

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is very anxious to hear what the impact of today’s testimony by various bloggers before the FEC will be. Today some bloggers will be up fighting against proposed FEC regulations concerning blogs. If you haven’t been keeping up with this story, your Maximum Leader will recommend this page which is a subdomain of Red State.org.

Frankly your Maximum Leader doesn’t see how a blog is much different than a private broadsheet o the 18th century. What you see is what you get. Campaigns paying political fellow-traveller bloggers to write flattering stuff on their behalf is about as stupid a thing as your Maximum Leader has ever thought of. (Like the Kerry Campaign - or other Democrat-affiliated campaign paying Kos last year.) Whereas paying an non-like-minded blogger to write flattering stuff about your campaign is completely friggin brilliant. (Yet untried…)

(Super-duper Sekrit Message to Senator Hillary R. Clinton and her staff: Your Maximum Leader, while not cheap, is surprisingly affordable. You’ve already got the Minister of Propaganda in your pocket. And your Maximum Leader is sure that for a “farm concession” in the Finger Lakes area of New York the Smallholder could be bought too.)

Your Maximum Leader hopes, but does not expect, the FEC does not promulagate new regulations concerning blogs. Indeed, he figures that some regulation is inevitable. One can only hope that some wacky threshhold is set below which blogs will be unregulated. Say $25,000. So if you get less than $25,000 from political organizations to write blogs, then you would be unregulated…

Once the Government gets it in its collective mind to regulate something they are as single-minded as the Wee Villain when he spies a cookie on the table. Your Maximum Leader thinks that expecting the FEC to not create regulations is foolhearty. (Foolhearty… Heh… Just like your Maximum Leader’s (former) belief that private land could only be absconded with by the Government for a legitimate public purpose.) One can only hope that the regulations are as limited as possible.

Carry on.

Tuesday Post: Chick Flicks vs. Guy Picks

This week, the Men’s Club and the Demystifying Divas are posting on the subject of movies, specifically the negotiations involved in choosing whether to see a chick flick or a guy film when on a date. As some minions may know, I live in Los Angeles and I work in the Industry, so movies are a big part of my life. I love going to the theater, sitting down with some choice refreshments (small popcorn, cherry coke, and a movie-style box of ‘bunch of crunch’), and watching a film on the big screen. I love it so much that, when I’m not working, I’ll probably see three or four movies a week — several screenings without any company at all. Plus I can take a tax write-off for ‘business research,’ which makes the experience even sweeter.

Coincidentally, I also love going on dates. So taking a nice lady to the movie theater is something I do on a fairly regular basis. However, there are certain movies I don’t ever want to see, no matter the tax benefits, and avoiding these films when in the romantic company of a lady demands a little forethought. Be aware that if you reach the point where you’re negotiating the choice of film, you’ve already lost this battle: negotiation involves compromise, and sooner or later you’re going to find yourself trapped in a screening of “Le Divorce.” What I’m suggesting is more properly considered manipulation. While the undertaking has it’s own risks, you can almost guarantee that, if properly approached, you may never have to see a film with a clothed Meg Ryan again.

If you’re going to assume this challenge, it’s important to be prepared. First, you have to be familiar with all of the films currently screening in your area. I read the LA Weekly without fail on Thursday when it hits the stands, reviewing not only the films in release but also the schedules of the major theaters. When guiding a conversation about movie choices, you need to have options for both specific films and specific venues at the ready: the Arclight in LA is a great place for a movie date, but if you get there and the only movie that fits your timetable is “The Perfect Man,” you are totally screwed.

Second, know the lady you’re manipulating negotiating with. This is why movies make poor first dates. If you know she has a weakness for gag-inducing romantic comedies, you better be prepared with something else she’s going to enjoy from your list, like an Owen Wilson comedy or an action movie with Angelina Jolie. Talk to her about her favorite movies, her opinion of last year’s Oscar winners, and her DVD collection before you schedule a movie evening. If you’ve done solid research, there are very few films that can’t be made into a date event. Smetimes the choice is less about the specific movie than which female you invite to the movie you already want to see. There are indeed girls out there that actually do want to see the latest sci-fi or horror flick - trust me on this, gentlemen - but if you don’t know exactly who they are in your dating circle, there’s nothing I can do to help you.

Once you’re armed (knowledge is power), you’re ready to call the lady and suggest a movie date. The key-phrase to remember now is ‘First Strike!’ Suggest your vetted movie as part of the invitation, and be ready with an immediate second choice. This is where your research is going to pay off. Don’t try and sneak in “Layer Cake” (british gangsters) or “My Summer of Love” (british lesbians) if the research doesn’t support it: if your first two suggestions off the bat are films that she definitely doesn’t want to see, you’ve wasted the first-strike opportunity. Now you’ve given her an opening, and when she counters with her first choice (a movie that stars, say, Lindsay Lohan and a small automobile), how are you going to get out of seeing it without revealing yourself as the selfish prick you are?

Certainly, I have three distinct advantages in this undertaking that will not be shared by all of our readers. First, I live in LA, so there is always an abundant selection of films currently in theaters, with every genre fairly represented. Second, I tend to date women who are also in the Industry, so their tastes in films tends to be a little broader then the general public, thereby giving me a little wiggle room in my suggestions. Finally, since I’m not married or in a committed relationship, not every screening I attend has to involve a specific woman, or visa versa. If every movie you see is always with the same person, then a little compromise is sadly inevitable (I’ll let my married cohorts speak of this in more detail). I feel particularly sorry for my married friends that can’t even take the benefit of the tax write-off. Of course, there are trade-offs in a commitment, and if you’ve managed as a couple to solve the great challenges of the toilet seat and the remote control, then agreeing on a movie shouldn’t really be any challenge at all.

For more Men’s Club posts on the same topic check out Phin and Puffy; the Wizard is taking a break this week, probably so he can go and see a movie with the wife.

For for ladies’ points-of-view, be sure to visit Sadie, Kathy, Christina, Silk, and this week’s diva guest-blogger, Margi.

Please, however, don’t tell them I sent you. Let’s just keep my advice on this topic between ourselves.

Believe.

Joe Scarborough… Dead to Me. (UPDATED)

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sometimes happens to be watching a TV program and the host, guest, talking-head says something so absolutely moronic or otherwise offensive that it becomes impossible for your Maximum Leader to watch that person ever again.

On Septemeber 11, 2001, your Maximum Leader watched Peter Jennings for the last time. After the World Trade Center had collasped and we were still wondering what was next, Peter Jennings was showing live feed of Palistinians cheering and dancing in the streets of Gaza. That much your Maximum Leader could live with (as hard as it was to see). But then Jennings said something to the effect of “well you can understand why they are so happy considering how the US behaves.” At that point your Maximum Leader switched off Peter Jennings forever.

Well, in a much less egregious outburst, Joe Scarborough of MSNBC is now on the list that is best described as “He/She is dead to me.”

This is not to say that your Maximum Leader watched a lot of Joe Scarborough. He doesn’t. But once and a while your Maximum Leader might stay on Scarborough’s show if the guests and topics seem interesting.

Last night Scarborough was talking to various people about the horrible shark attacks in Florida. Then in wrapping up the segment Scarborough said the words that will forever echo in your Maximum Leader’s ears and make it impossible for him to watch Scarborough ever again.

Joe Scarborough said, “If we could understand shark culture better we might be able to avoid these attacks.”

What?!?!? Your Maximum Leader turned to Mrs. Villain and said, “He didn’t really just say we needed to “understand shark culture” did he?” To which Mrs. Villain responded that in fact that was what he said.

Understand shark culture?

Is Joe Scarborough just a huge fucking idiot? They must wipe the drool off his chin during commerical breaks to hide that fact from viewers.

Understand shark culture?

Great jeezey chreezey. Somehow it is comforting to know that if only we would bother to translate the literature of the shark, we could avoid sharks attacking humans. We should feel guilty for not knowing the intricacies of shark interpretive dance. There would never be another shark on human attack if we could marvel at the splendor of the great underwater shark cities and grow to know their ancient history. Shark feeding frenzies off the beaches would be harmful only to baitfish if we could read the poetry of the shark Maya Angelou or ponder the profundity of the shark Plato.

Of course, it is partially the fault of the sharks. Have they bothered to understand our culture? Have they read Faulkner, Tolstoy, or Hardy? Do they know the tales of Hemmingway? (Okay, scratch Hemmingway…) Have they seen the pyramids?

We just don’t understand each other…

Joe Scarborough. Thank you for educating your Maximum Leader about what he doesn’t know about shark culture. While your Maimum Leader will now never watch your show ever again, please know that you will not be cancelled in the MWO. You are just the type of blathering moron your Maximum Leader will need to keep on the air to feed mindless tripe to the masses.

Understand shark culture…. What a friggin’ idiot.

Carry on.

UPDATE: Okay. Your Maximum Leader thought he’d best check the transcript of the show to be sure… Well, here is the transcript.

Joe Scarborough said the following:

SCARBOROUGH: Man, I’m afraid you’re right. You’re mixing-you’re mixing two different species, two different cultures. And, unfortunately, the results are tragic.

Okay. He didn’t say we needed to “understand shark culture.” But he did say that mixing two different cultures produced tragic results.

Again your Maximum Leader says “Shark Culture?” What the hell is shark culture?

Not like it makes much difference. Scarborough is still dead to me.

Carry on.

PETA and Rick Santorum… Perfect Together.

Greetings, loyal minons. Your Maximum Leader saw a catchy headline on the news wire. And afterall isn’t that what a headline is supposed to be? Catchy. Something that will grab your attention and make you read…. But your Maximum Leader digresses. The headline as: Animal Groups Praise Sen. Rick Santorum.

Of course, the first Animal Rights group your Maximum Leader thought of was PETA. And sure enough, they are the group praising Rick Santorum. As surprising as that may sound. It seems the junior Senator from the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania has introducted legislation to help end puppy mills.

The money quote: “Obviously, the life of animals is fundamentally different than the life of a human being. But to me, we have a responsibility to God’s creatures to treat them humanely, and the government’s laws should reflect that.”

There you have it. Politics does make strange bedfellows.

And your Maximum Leader thinks that puppy mills are bad. But puppies, in general, are good.

Carry on.

Bridget…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t know what he can say about the link below:

Down for Repairs : Undeliverable Mail.

So for the sake of our own Minister of Propaganda, to whom the post is dedicated (along with Phin); it is posted without comment.

Carry on.

Sharks

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, thanks to his dear college roommate, is always on the prowl for neat shark stories. Alas, the past weekend has been filled with sad shark stories.

In case you missed it, on Saturday a 14 year old girl was killed when a shark repeatedly attacked her off the coast of Destin, Florida. Now it seems a young boy has been attacked off the Florida panhandle.

Two attacks in three days. One fatal and this one “critical.” Your Maximum Leader certainly does feel for the parents and friends of the children. He also doesn’t wish anyone be attacked by sharks.

One wonders what could be causing those sharks to attack these kids? From everything your Maximum Leader has heard sharks are not man-eaters but “man-biters.” It is almost as if there is something particularly unflavourful about humans to a shark. At least until recently…

So is there a reason? Is this one bad shark? Is the shark’s normal prey in short supply? Have the sharks finally caught on that Americans are fat and tender? Are people just behaving badly in the water?

(Excursus: Okay… That whole line about Americans being fat and tasty is a little much. Your Maximum Leader will say a decade worth of Hail Mary’s in atonement.)

One wonders. Of course one wonders if this will cause a spat of sportsfishermen to head to Florida to kill them some sharks… If so, one hopes that they could freeze some of the fins and send them to your Maximum Leader so that he can get a little fresh Shark Fin soup. Which he does love in fact, but rarely gets for two reasons. First, is that he objects to killing sharks for the fins only. Second, it is prohibitively expensive in the few restaurants which serve it.

Humm… One can also hope that no one else is attacked…

Carry on.

Velociman Speaks!

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been waiting for a while for the long promised Velociman interview over on Sadie’s site. Now it is a reality. Go. Read. Now.

Your Maximum Leader especially likes the part about what’s wrong with kids nowadays.

Carry on.

Another Blogger Met!

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader had the great pleasure of spending last evening in the company of the Smallholder and Bill of Bill’s Comments. Bill was travelling to the greater Dee Cee area this week and we conspired to meet. Your Maximum Leader was recovered enough from his bout of flu to go out, and the Smallholder was pulled away from the daily chores that are a farmer’s life.

Smallholder drove from the farm up to the Villainschloss. From there your Maximum Leader drove the Villainmobile up to Bill’s hotel. Bill was very much what your Maximum Leader expected. He is an open and engaging person. He can tell a good story. And you can tell he has a good brain and a good heart.

We had dinner at the Peking Gourmet Restaurant on Leesburg Pike (Rt 7) near Bailey’s Crossroads. Dinner consisted of Hot & Sour Soup, Peking Duck, Szechuan Beef, and Chicken and Garlic Sprouts. After a leisurely meal we hopped in the Villainmobile for a quick driving tour of some of the sites in Dee Cee.

All in all it was a great excursion and a great opportunity to humanize another blogger for whom your Maximum Leader has great respect and considers a friend.

If you (reading minion) happen to be in the Greater Washington DC area and woud like to meet your Maximum Leader, shoot him an email.

Carry on.

Book Meme

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was “tagged” a few days ago by Buckethead of the Ministry of Minor Perfidy with that rather infectous book meme. Between your Maximum Leader being sick and just having a shitty 2 weeks, he is just now getting around to responding.

NB to Smallholder: Bill tagged you with this you know.

That all said… Here goes your Maximum Leader’s response…

1. Total Number of Books I Own: Your Maximum Leader tried counting them all, but it was taking too long. He counted the hardcover and trade paperback books in the bookcases filled with books that are “his” and not “ours”. “Our” books are books owned (through marriage) by both your Maximum Leader and Mrs. Villain. But Mrs. Villain (a teacher) has lots of childrens books which your Maximum Leader didn’t feel right counting. Anyho… The “his” count hit 1644. There were probably a significant number of regular paperbacks not counted (perhaps another 200-300). And, in case you care, Mrs Villain estimates her book count at nearly 1100.

2. The Last Book I Bought: Humm… Your Maximum Leader preordered the latest Harry Potter book (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince) last week. Does that count? The last one he bought in a bookstore was a reference manual for Macromedia Dreamweaver. Sorta sad actually…

3. The Last Book I Read: Does that manual for Dreamweaver count? Your Maximum Leader is poking through it. The book he is trying to finish is “I am Charlotte Simmons” by Tom Wolfe. He has gotten about 80% of the way through, and he just doesn’t want to read further. This is unusual because he really likes Wolfe’s books. In this case your Maximum Leader just doesn’t care about Charlotte or Hoyt or any of the other characters. Why would your Maximum Leader want to care about some self-absorbed college kids who are pretty vacuous? He will probably plough through it in the next week or so, just to have it done.

4. Five Books That Mean a Lot to Me: Very very tough. If you ask your Maximum Lader the same question in a month, he may give you a completely different set of answers….

Shogun by James Clavell. Your Maximum Leader has read this book too many times to count. It is a compelling story. Moved by interesting characters. And filled with sex, intruigue, politics, and war. Great great stuff. Your Maximum Leader will just pick up Shogun; open it and start reading. He has worn out two paperback editions. (Perhaps he should splurge and buy a hardback.)

Rationalism in Politics by Michael Oakeshott. Two of the most important essays your Maximum Leader has ever read are in this volume. They are “Rationalism in Politics” and “On History as a Profession.” Both excellent essays. “Rationalism” is a very influential article in your Maximum Leader’s political thought. And “On History” has one of the greatest lines ever written about the study of history. (Paraphrasing) Oakeshott wrote, “History is a coy mistress with whom you talk no sense.” Magnificent.

Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes. Your Maximum Leader sings the glories of Hobbes with some regularity so he will not do so again now. But for all of you who are in love with Locke remember this… Locke is just Hobbes for people with no guts.

Five Days in May, London 1940 by John Lukacs. Right now this your Maximum Leader’s favourite book about Winston Churchill. Lukacs has a flowing style and is an easy read. He paints a clear picture about the absolutely dire situation in which Churchill found himself upon becoming Premier in 1940. If you ever thought that there was no way the Allies could have lost WWII, read this book and think again.

The History of English Speaking Peoples by Winston Churchill. It was hard to choose a favourite title by Churchill. Your Maximum Leader chose this one because its scope and sense of its own dramatic narrative make it a fun as well as educational read. Just about any Churchill book is worth the time. He did win the Nobel Prize for Literature afterall…

Your Maximum Leader will add one honourable mention here… Last Train to Memphis by Peter Guralnick. And excellent book not just describing the rise of Elvis Presley; but truly describing the cultural atmosphere in 1950s America and then dramatically showing why Elvis is such a transformational figure.

Your Maximum Leader will not “tag” others, but hopes some of the other bloggers here might go ahead and do this meme too.

Carry on.

Quiz: How will you die?

Wow. The quiz must know about my Mother in Law.

You scored as Suicide. Your death will be suicide. What more can I say? Fact: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Suicide

87%

Bomb

73%

Posion

60%

Cut Throat

47%

Suffocated

33%

Eaten

33%

Accident

33%

Gunshot

27%

Disease

27%

Stabbed

27%

Drowning

27%

Natural Causes

20%

Disappear

13%

How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com

The “other” quiz

Uh… Ok. Someone needs to tell this to my wife.

You scored as Hot. You are Hot, you scream and are wild, people love doing anything sexual with you.

Hot

69%

Wet

63%

Exciting

50%

Sweet

44%

Shy

44%

Awkward

38%

Soft

38%

Violent

38%

What is your sexual style?
created with QuizFarm.com

The AirMarshal’s religious quiz results

Not really the result I expected, but not really surprising. I didn’t answer any questions about belief in God with a negative in the quiz, though, leading me to question the way results are calculated. For the record, i don’t consider myself an atheist.

I’m surprised Islam ranks so high. I clicked on “Strongly disagree” on the questions related to martyrdom, blowing up cars, and burqua’s.

You scored as atheism. You are… an atheist, though you probably already knew this. Also, you probably have several people praying daily for your soul.

Instead of simply being “nonreligious,” atheists strongly believe in the lack of existence of a higher being, or God.

atheism

79%

agnosticism

79%

Islam

67%

Satanism

63%

Buddhism

50%

Judaism

50%

Paganism

46%

Hinduism

29%

Christianity

21%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com

Why? Why? Why?

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is beginning to feel better after his viral bout of the past few days. But there are other headaches troubling him now. This has not been a good fortnight. (But Sadie at Fist Full of Fortnights is always delightful…) Anyho…

Now your Maximum Leader (except for that whole Mike World Order thingie) is just as patriotic as the next American. And perhaps he is more patriotic than some Americans. But one issue on which many patirotic Americans differ with your Maximum Leader is the issue of an Amendment to the United States Constitution to outlaw burning of the American flag. Every time the issue comes up in the House of Representatives your Maximum Leader cringes. Why? Why? Why? Must we continually revisit this tired, useless proposal year after year. And why, when we have many more serious issues facing our Republic, must our elected representatives continue to waste time passing said Amendments?

Think of the time. Committee Hearings. Three Readings on the Floor of the House. Floor debate. Printing and Reprinting of the Amendment in the Congressional Record. 435 House members salaries. Their Staff’s salaries. Congressional Support Staff Salaries. All used to push through an Amendment that will likely fail in the Senate. And if not there, surely fail to be ratified by the requisite number of States.

And you know… Let your Maximum Leader pull out that old canard argument about disposing of old, threadworn flags. You are supposed to burn them (with respect) to dispose of them. How does an Amendment address that? Are we going to have a special landfill for old US Flags.

Your Maximum Leader loves our flag. (Although he would make some stylistic changes if he could.) He respects the flag and the ideals it stands for. He would never burn or desecrate it to make a public protest (or private protest) statement. But don’t we have better things to do?

Your Maximum Leader would prefer that Congress do nothing (indeed, that is his avowed position on most policy) than pass bad laws or Amendments.

Carry on.

Mens Club: Lies, Lies, Lies…

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been puking sick the past few days. It seems whatever viral fate befell the Villainettes last week has now befallen your Maximum Leader. This has made thinking of a witty and engaging post for the weekly Men’s Club/Diva’s post very hard… So if it appears as though your Maximum Leader is just “phoning in” this entry it is because he is…

When your Maximum Leader first thought of the whole topic of lies you might tell your significant other he was stymied. You see, your Maximum Leader doesn’t lie to Mrs. Villain. Honesty is a foundation stone of our relationship. And this is the way it is supposed to be. One shouldn’t tell lies to your spouse. It can only end badly. This is not to say that your Maximum Leader doesn’t, from time to time, withhold the whole truth from Mrs. Villain. He has on occasion. But he will not lie to her.

But then your Maximum Leader’s mind turned to dating and romance. What lies are told in the winning of booty? Should lies be told while you are pitching woo? Of course, your Maximum Leader’s classically liberal education caused him to think of the Sun Tzu of love, Ovid. Surely Ovid, that great Roman Poet and dispenser of advice in the matter of love, had something to say about lying. Ovid didn’t disappoint. Here is a passage from The Art of Love:

Don’t be shy of making promises; women are fair game
For promise-makers; invoke any god you care to name
To witness your oath. Jupiter from above
Smiles on the perjuries of men in love
And bids the Aeolian winds shred them in air.
He himself would often swear
To Juno with a hollow
“By the Styx!,” and now he favours all who would follow
His bad example. That gods should exist
Is expedient; let us therefore not resist
Belief in them; let incense and wine be given
On their ancient hearths, for the ones in heaven
Don’t loll about in a sort of half-sleep,
They’re everywhere; so live virtuously, keep
Safe and return loans; honour your bond, eschew
Fraud, and have nothing to do
With bloodshed. A wise man will cheat
No one but women - it’s not a risky feat,
And only here there’s a kind of duty in deceit.
Deceive the decievers! Since for the most part
They fib, let them fall, snared by their own art!

So the great Ovid suggests that while reputable men should avoid bloodshed and fraud, and men should try to be virtuous; all bets are off when it comes to wooing. Indeed, oaths sworn to “get some” aren’t really binding.

Perhaps, like Jupiter, we (men that is) just can’t help it. When single and on the prowl, we just can’t restrain ourselves. It is like the testosterone shuts down the virtuous portions of our brain. We are prone to blurt out things like, “You know I love you baby.” and “You’re the only girl for me baby.” just because our overarching desire to plant our seed overwhelms us.

Then again, there are the games women play with men. Knowing men are weak when faced with the prospect of fornication, women play this to their advantage. They can try to manipulate and manoever men to do what they want. Is this a form of lying or deceit? Probably. But, it is part of the game that is played by both sides in this little war of love.

So how to we overcome our base natures to move on to a more matre relationship? Your Maximum Leader isn’t too sure of that. He knew from the beginning that Mrs. Villain wasn’t like other women he dated. So he started off being honest and forthcoming.

This is not to say that your Maximum Leader was a lying bastard before Mrs. Villain. He wasn’t. But he might have pretended to be a little more earnest, or a little more interested, or a little more devoted than he in fact was. He wasn’t all bad. Indeed, he was behaving no worse than did Jupiter. If he could have appeared as a shower of gold or a swan to better his chances, he would have. (Although a woman who would allow a swan to have sex with her is not the type of girl your Maximum Leader would be interested in…)

Check out the other members of the Men’s Club: Puffy, the Wizard, and Phin. Or if you would like the ladies’ take on this subject, check out the Divas: Chrissy , Sadie , Kathy, Twisty and Silk.

Carry on.

the Poet Laureate’s quiz results

I took both quizzes and discovered that my sexual style is “emergent/postmodern,” while my religious orientation is “wet.”

_

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