Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is returned. He is sorry for leaving you all in the lurch on Friday. The day sort of got away from him. He had lots of items on which he wanted to opine and comment, but in the end he opted to spend time with the Villainettes before leaving for his weekend away with Mrs. Villain.

He did post something on Friday though… He posted over on Sadie’s site. He had meant to mention it here, bt it must have slipped his mind.

Excursus: Sadie, God Bless her little wedded self, recommended “From Dusk Till Dawn” as a vampire stripper movie you Maximum Leader should view. Indeed, From Dusk Till Dawn is the first vampire stripper movie title that pops into his mind when the whole oeuvre is mentioned. He thinks he might actually have that film on tape somewhere… (It might be worth a $9.99 DVD purchase if he sees it in a bargain bin.) As Sadie points out, Jennifer Love Hewitt is not in From Dusk Till Dawn, but it does have the oh-so-delectable Salma Hayek. Salma is on “the list.” Grrr-baby!

You know, Jennifer Love Hewitt has never done a vampire stripper movie. On the whole this is a good move from the perspective of keeping her sweet-wholesome image intact. But if she ever were to do a vampire stripper flick, rest assured your Maximum Leader would be there to see it.

In other news…

At some point this week we may hear from the Smallholder again. He’s had a bout with poison ivy recently that has pretty much precluded him from doing much but suffering. We hope that it has cleared up enough that he will be able to log in and blog a little.

If we don’t hear from Smallholder, it looks like another week of just your Maximum Leader. (Hint, hint to others.)

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is looking for some fun, silly, stupid, bad movies to watch. He is feeling like he needs to have a night of sophomoric cinema with many beer chasers.

One the “possibilities” list of films is Vamps. With a tag line that reads: “Tonight… Heather is lapdancing for her soul.” how bad could it be? Alice Cooper described “Vamps” as the “‘Gone With The Wind’ of vampire stripper movies.” It don’t get much better than that when it comes to celebrity endoresments.

So, your Maximum Leader is going to endeavour to get a copy of “Vamps” on DVD and watch it with some beers. If he can manage to get the Air Marshal or Smallholder to sojourn to the Villainschloss to join him that would cap off the evening…

Nothing so befits a man as a Friday night with beer and a vampire stripper movie.

Speaking of strippers… Well not exactly strippers… More just boobies…

Your Maximum Leader first discovered Page 3 girls in 1985 on his first visit to the United Kingdom. Ah yes… The magic that is “The Sun” to a hormonally active 16 years old boy.

Well… A few years ago your Maximum Leader signed up for the weekly e-mail of busty babes from Page 3. They call the weekly update the “Lodge.” Well, he just got this week’s lodge. And he’s never seen this lovely lady before. Your Maximum Leader will make a mental note to keep an eye out for Sophie. (That link is NSFW.)

Thanks to the good people at Page 3 for continuing to bring quality busty babes to the news-seeking public. Your Maximum Leader salutes you!

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, when he chooses to watch TV during the week, has found himself watching a little of Tucker Carlson’s show on MSNBC. He was, in fact watching, when Mr. Carlson made some comments to which the people of Greenpeace have taken offence.

Now your Maximum Leader will not go quite as far as Mr. Carlson and say that he is “pro-French.” Your Maximum Leader is very much pro-typical-non-Parisian-Frenchman. He also will laud the French where lauding is deserved. He believes that the French Government’s decision to bomb the Rainbow Warrior was a little much. But the French Government acted in a way that they believed furthered their national interest.

Nation-states have always done unsavory things to advance their interests (or perceived interests). It is the way of things. Ultimately, states (democratic ones at least) will be held accountable for their actions. And that is one thing that separates the nation-state from the terrorist organization. It may be a fine distinction, but it is an important one.

So, to the good people at Greenpeace, your Maximum Leader suggests you milk the story for all the publicity that you can. Then get over it.

And for Tucker Carlson, your Maximum Leader says hang tough.

Carry on.
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EXTENED BODY:

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader extends a virtual handshake and a doffing of his bejeweled floppy hat to Brian B. Why you ask? Well today marks the one year anniversary of Brian’s blog, Memento Moron.

The world of blogs is better off for your being a part of it Brian. Congratulations.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader’s lovely wife, sainted father, life-long pal the Air Marshal, and stunning sister-in-law all attended Virginia Tech. One could say he has an affection for the place. When college football time rolls around he is a big Hokies fan.

Well imagine your Maximum Leader’s surprise when he read JohnL’s site this morning and found this piece.

It seems that Virginia Tech is accomodating some visiting Saudi college professors by teaching classes separated by sex. Men in one class, women in another.

Are your Maximum Leader and John the only two put out by this? (We aren’t he’s sure…) Why make such an accomodation? In order to be culturally sensitive? Come on. It is a weak administration that falls back on that canard. Your Maximum Leader can hardly believe that no students or faculty at Virginia Tech have made a big hullaballoo about this. (Perhaps they have and it just isn’t being reported.)

Shame on you Virginia Tech. Shame.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that there are huge peanut surpluses projected for this year. This news adds to concerns of peanut farmers around the country. Why? Because there are 215,000 tons of peanuts from last year still sitting in government warehouses.

That is a pretty staggering number. 215,000 tons of peanuts sitting in storage around the country. It is like we had a strategic peanut reserve and didn’t even know it. (Perhaps it is a lingering program from the Carter Administration.)

So it looks like this year US farmers will raise and harvest 2,300,000 tons of peanuts. Add to that number the surplus from last year and you get 2,513,000 tons of peanuts. In the average year Americans eat 1,600,000 tons of peanuts. According to the article another 300,000 to400,000 tons are exported. Which leaves us with nearly 500,000 tons of surplus peanuts for next year.

Our federal government and its oft illogical farm subsidies policy seems in part to blame. The United States guarantees that it will buy farmer’s peanuts at a fixed rate of no less than $335 per ton.

One suspects that this means that after peanut farmers are finished supplying Planters and other nut companies with their nuts, and after more peanuts are sold to brokers for sale overseas; then the government steps in and buys the surfeit peanuts.

Now from this article your Maximum Leader has learned that the posted price per ton for peanuts is $337. Only two dollars difference between the government buy price and the open market price. But later in the article it says that US peanuts are being sold at $895 per metric ton in Europe. That $895 figure is high compared to $695 per ton from Argentina and $725 per ton from China.

Setting aside the logical question of why a European would want to eat peanuts from Argentina and China when American peanuts are available, why are US peanuts so expensive? If one adjusts for the difference between an English (or Short) ton and a Metric ton (1 English ton = .907 Metric ton) that means that US peanuts are still selling in Europe for nearly 260% of the price of the same peanut in US markets.

Now your Maximum Leader doesn’t mind “sticking it” to the Europeans (except for the British, Poles, Italians, Hungarians, and Czechs), but getting them for 260% of market price? That is a little much. (Unless you’re French, German, Belgian, or Spanish.)

Why is this? It makes no sense. What does make sense it that we just flood the world market with cheap US peanuts. Argentina and China be damned!

Perhaps exchanging cheap peanuts for agreement on foreign policy issues would make the Europeans love us again. If not, they would at least get fat on peanuts.

And one little post script to this post… If the Government needs to dispose of some peanuts your Maximum Leader knows a small farmer, a small holder if you will, who has some pigs who could stand a little fattening up on peanuts in the months leading up to their slaughter… Just sayin’

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was reading over minionly comments this morning and found one that he really wanted to share with you.

Our new minion, Tikipundit, wrote a comment concerning yesterday’s post and the blurb on wild pigs in and around Berlin. Tiki wrote:

As readers of the Cambridge Guide to Hawaiian Gods will know (or at least, the “Big Dummies Guide to Deities”), your friendly local Hawaiian god TikiPundit was long resident in Germany. I had an apple tree in my back yard, and it was a fine addition to a typical German yard — a good complement to the yodeling, beer drinking and plans for ruling Europe that routinely took place there. I trimmed the tree. I nursed the tree. I pruned it, fed it — and hugged it every night, despite my carniverous nature.

The tree produced. It produced massive amounts of apples. I ate some. I baked some. I gave some to the neighbors. One day, a neighbor appeared, asking for [some]. I gave them. The neighbor cheerfully informed me they were for a relative — to feed wild pigs in the forest. I was ambivalent about this until she said he was going out every few days and feeding them at the same spot, until they got so used to his presence that they didn’t flinch when he turned up with a rifle and a hunting permit and shot the filthy little buggers, and served them up for dinner. Yummy!

So you see, TikiPundit helps the environment in many, many ways, all
over the world.

Ah Tiki… It is good to hear how you help the environment in many ways. Yum indeed. Your Maximum Leader is all in favour of hunting, and hunting wild pigs is no exception to that belief. Your Maximum Leader can only hope that Tiki got some of the pork from the hunted pigs….

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader reported a while ago about Lisa Marie Presley selling Elvis Presley Enterprises to an entertainment conglomerate a while ago. Well now corporate hands are poised at the throat of Graceland.

Or at least that is how it looks to some people.

Well now the CKX conglomerate has taken possession of Elvis Presley Enterprises. So far they have kept most of the maagement staff. And they haven’t had time to change a lot. But with “Elvis Week” coming up in Memphis they will face the first great challenge. That challenge is the winning over of the myriad fans who come to Memphis around the 16th of August to commemorate the passing of the King. If you can win over those people, you can win over anyone.

By the way, as frequent readers of this site know, Elvis Aron Presley will be sainted in the Mike World Order. Additionally a huge cathedral will be build immediately ajacent to Graceland and Elvis’ grave. It will be the Lourdes of the MWO.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader knows that somewhere in Las Vegas, Nevada, loyal minion Sadie and her Irish Lad are being married.

Your Maximum Leader doffs his bejeweled floppy hat in their direction and wishes them a hearty congratulations.

Treat her right Lad… Or your Maximum Leader will find you. And “ill” will befall you.

Excursus: How’s that for wedding wishes?

Sadie & Lad - may you have a wonderful life together.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is still suffering the affects of that bee sting he mentioned yesterday. He can hardly walk as his left foot has swollen massively. It is also blistering too. He saw his physician this morning. Not much he can do at this stage… But if recovery doesn’t begin by tomorrow another trip to the doctor might be in order.

So… In an effort to put up something to keep his minions happy we have the following link dump (with pithy commentary).

First off, no commentary needed. Gordon is, as they would say on ESPN, en fuego. Two very funny updates recently. Part Three of “2040″ and a great car commercial.

Readers at Smith College should know that a Titan Arum is blooming in your conservatory. Please hie thee hence to see (and smell) the official flower of the Mike World Order.

Excursus… Your Maximum Leader chuckles at his own unintended humour. Readers at Smith College. HA! Your Maximum Leader would give a Naked Villainy t-shirt to any reader of this site who can prove they attend, or recently attended, Smith College. (Recently means graduated within the past 10 years.) Your Maximum Leader suspects that if the IT Department at Smith detected any user visiting this site a full-blown investigation would take place. If the visitor couldn’t prove that they were doing some sort of research on antideluvian conservative scum they would probably be shamed into leaving Smith…

Velociman was a clown… four words that should never have been strung together. Are we sure that post was from the V-man. Perhaps it was the Mutant just casting aspersions.

Did you know that an alternate definition of “aspersion” is “to sprinkle with holy water?” That is an etymology your Maximum Leader would like to understand. How does one go from “disparaging remark” to “sprinkling with holy water?” If you can ’splain it, your Maximum Leader would like to hear from you. (Even if you went or are going to Smith College.) Probably something with latin roots of the word and casting out demons…

Berliners (the people who live in Berlin that is - not the jelly doughnuts) should learn that you never, ever, EVER, feed wild pigs. One day they will graduate from eating your garbage to gnawing on your “kinder” as it were.

Who knew there was a Monkeypox outbreak in the US recently? Not your Maximum Leader. But it seems that the “outbreak” was limited in scope because smallpox vaccinations received by people decades before still had a prophylactic effect on the vaccinees. Good news. Your Maximum Leader got a smallpox vaccination. He wanted to give the same vaccination to the Villainettes and Wee Villain too. But no vaccine is available for non-emergency use. Why wait for an emergency? Why not just start vaccinating Americans against smallpox? Why create an elaborate plan to cope with a bio-attack using smallpox when we can just start vaccinating people now…

Hey… Henry Miller at NRO says we should bring back DDT for use against mosquitos. Damn straight we should. Your Maximum Leader has said as much before.

BRING BACK DDT!!!!

And on a closing note.. Your Maximum Leader is dismayed about the prospects of the new Nationals Baseball field in DC. You can read all about the project here (from the Washington Post). Allow your Maximum Leader to make a few comments. First off, your Maximum Leader wouldn’t want to be associated with any architectural plan in the city. People with taste and class are ignored. Secondly, sites that make sense are rejected out of hand. Thirdly, any baseball field that is not oriented so that looking out beyond the outfield gives one a view of the Capitol Dome (and the Washington Monument) is a failure. And finally, no matter what they build, no one will be happy about it.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, while resting with his grossly swollen foot up, decided to take a quiz he found over on Brian’s site. Results are:

Take the quiz: “Which Holy Grail Character Are You?”

Arthur, King of the Britons
Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!

Your Maximum Leader approves of the results.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader’s bachelor-dom ened last Friday night about 8:30pm. Mrs. Villain and the Villainettes and the wee Villain arrived home from the beach. They were tanned, rested, and hyper. The Wee Villain was particularly hyper. He is now walking all over the place. But he has developed a bad habit. He is now at the “I’ll point at something and scream at the top of my lungs until I get it” stage. So the peace that your Maximum Leader enjoyed at the Villainschloss last week was now often shattered by his Villainous Son screaming as hard as he could.

Other than that, it is good to have everyone back. The Villainettes are very good company. Indeed Villainette #2 and your Maximum Leader watched a baseball game (or two) on TV. Nationals vs. Padres. We were disappointed as the Padres swept their 3 game series with the Nats. (But your Maximum Leader is sure that Brian B, and a few others are happy.)

Sunday afternoon your Maximum Leader went out to help Mrs. Villain do some yard work. She was weeding the garden. Your Maximum Leader chose to mow the grass. Well, although he was in a long-sleeved T-shirt, sweatpants, socks, and shoes he got stung by a bee. Probably one of those ground-dwelling yellow-jackets.

Your Maximum Leader was stung 4 times by bees about two weeks ago. Same type. He had a very bad reaction to the stings. He later snuck out and poured gasoline down the bee-hole and killed the little bastards. The one that got him last night was in a different part of the yard altogether. Indeed, neither your Maximum Leader nor Mrs. Villain had any knowledge that the bees were there. (And if we had foreknowledge, we would have killed the bees.)

But your Maximum Leader now has a massively swollen ankle and lots of pain to show for one bee sting. He is contemplating gassing the whole yard just to be sure. Damned bees.

So… Due to bee stings, your Maximum Leader is in a surly mood.

He might go light on blogging today.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that the Crack Young Staff of The Hatemonger’s Quarterly has returned. And they have gone and made your Maximum Leader get all teary-eyed and having a Sally Field moment. They liked your Maximum Leader. They really liked him.

Quite honestly, your Maximum Leader is humbled to be named an honorary member of the Crack Young taff. It is a privledge to be so recognized. The Hatemonger’s Quarterly is one of the finest “weblogs” on the internet. They put up only one post a day, but it is always excellent. It was a pleasure to fill in while the CYS moved to their new digs. And he is waiting anxiously for the winner of the Bumper Sticker Contest.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader’s faux-bachelor days are ending. Although he doesn’t know precisely when. He has not yet heard from Mrs. Villain on when she will be returning to the Villainschloss.

Depending on how you wanted to read that, this could be a very good or very bad turn of events. Very good in that maybe she will spend another day at the beach and give your Maximum Leader one more day on his own. Or very bad in that she never wants to see your Maximum Leader ever again.

Actually, your Maximum Leader is pretty sure it is for former and not the latter. But on the off chance it is the latter loyal minions who would like to apply to be the Villainous Consort are welcome to apply directly. All vitas and photos will be held in strictest confidence until such time as a position becomes available…

Well… Last night your Maximum Leader went to the final game of the LA Dodgers v. Washington Nationals series. In case you didn’t hear about it, the Nats demolished the Dodgers 7-0. It was great to be there. But once again little things annoyed your Maximum Leader. Like the concessions stands all around his section being out of pizza in the sixth inning. (They had some by the 7th, but he couldn’t have cared then.) And not a single vendor having a fitted home cap in size 7 3/8. Not one. They really need to work on their logistics.

Anhyho…

Tonight your Maximum Leader had planned on getting some crab cakes and corn for dinner. But since Monday didn’t go well with crab cakes he’s decided to get chinese from his favourite place in town. And if he is lucky he can flirt shamelessly with the owner of the restaurant.

Then hours and hours of Rome:Total War are in order. Surprisingly, he hasn’t played a single computer game this week. He thought he might sneak some in at some point, but its not happened yet.

Humm… He might actually give Mrs. Villain a call and see when she’ll be back. He does actually miss her and his villainous offspring quite a bit.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader posted earlier this morning his latest contribution to his week-long stint as guest blogger over on The Hatemonger’s Quarterly.

He once again thanks The Crack Young Stff of The Hatemonger’s Quarterly for the opportunity to contribute to their humble “weblog.”

If you, dear minions, had a particular update that you liked or disliked feel free to let your Maximum Leader know in the comments on to this post. He is, a little, interested in your feedback.

Carry on.