Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader just wanted to post his agreement with Dr. Leopold (Mc) Stotch.

Great beer commercial.

Just great.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader advises you to go and visit the Berlin Botanical Gardens to witness the multiple blooming of their Titan Arum specimen. Well… Go if you are in the Berlin area at least.

As long-time readers know, the Titan Arum is the offical flower of Naked Villainy, your Maximum Leader, and the Mike World Order (MWO). Know for the stench of rotting flesh it emits when blooming, this tropical flower is also pretty phallic.

See?

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that Sir Paul McCartney is separating from Heather Mills, his wife of 4 years. According to the article there is no prenup… But before they were married Paul judged that Heather wasn’t a gold-digger…

We’ll see on that point won’t we?

Perhaps now Paul can get back to dating super-hot Brazilian supermodels… That is, if he ever dated super-hot Brazilian supermodels… Perhaps your Maximum Leader was just projecting there.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has enjoyed reading all the stuff abounding on Albert Gore’s internets about our immigration situation. If you haven’t you should check out Brian’s latest. In it he continues to put the smackdown on the Smallholder.

Of course, this time he also puts the smackdown on your Maximum Leader. It seems your Maximum Leader deserves a smackdown because he’s expressed support for the (possibly wrong) belief that the net economic impact of illegal immigrants is a positive one. To express this more clearly… Your Maximum Leader has believed that, when viewed nationally, the economic benefit reaped as a result of cheap labor outweighs the cost of services provided to (or otherwise concerning) illegals. Again, the cost of illegal immigration is not borne equally across the various states of our Republic - so people in California pay more than those in Virginia.

Well… The Confederate Yankee provides (in a comment over at Phin’s site) some interesting information on this point. Allow your Maximum Leader to quote in full:

I am probably the first guy you mentioned that told you that immigrants cost more than they give back, so I guess I should have told you that I have the numbers to support that contention.

Start with the Center for Immigration Studies, which places the net loss per year at more than $10 billion/year in 2002 (it has since shot up), and this executive summary shows numbers built from U.S. Census data.

In addition, illegals hurt salaries for legal Americans a significant percent.

Via MSNBC:

“A Harvard University study in 2004 found immigration - both legal and illegal - reduced annual earnings for American-born men by 3.7 percent, or nearly $1,700. For those without a high school degree, the effect was double that, with wages down 7.4 percent.”
[snip]

Immigrants point out they’re not just workers. They’re consumers with money to spend. At Monday’s rallis, they pledged to prove that point by boycotting all spending for one day.

That “spending” is overshadowed, though, by the burden they place on schools and hospitals - draining resources not so much from the federal government, but from states.

“The average native-born household in California paid $1,200 more in taxes than they got in benefits,” says James Smith, a senior economist with the Rand Corp. “Almost all of that was because of immigration’s effect on California.”

Simply Google “cost of immigration” on Google, and choose any source you like. I’ve not been able to find a single source that says illegals have done anything but cost us more than they bring in. Please feel free to show me contrary evidence.

I’d also like to know what sources you can cite to support your claim that the cost of agriculture and construction would triple. I’ve heard anecdotal evidence to the same, of course, but I’ve seen no hard facts to support those claims. History shows that when labor gets too expensive, technological improvements replace those same workers, and those workers move on to different kinds of work. It’s pretty much been that way since the Industrial Revolution.

If we do lose $5-$9 billion in agriculture in the first 3-5 years of a crackdown as this report suggests, we’d still come out about $8 billion/year ahead of where we are now. Factor in similar number for construction (which is generous, because illegal alien employment is not thought to be as high) as we’re still coming out billions ahead. No matter how you slice it, illegals cost more than they put back into the system.

I am open to persuasion, it you can find data to the contrary, I just don’t think it exists.

Interesting stuff, n’est-ce pas? Harvard studies… Rand Corporation… Not your typical mix of right-wing nativist organizations… Your Maximum Leader was contemplating some of the Smallholder’s posts about jobs going overseas and the technology factor was a point he was going to make… But, he didn’t.

Oh… And while you might be perusing Confederate Yankee… Check out his wall idea. Dragon’s teeth. Concertina wire. No landmines though. But there is a handy electrified wire on top of the concrete/aggregate wall!

Your Maximum Leader might rethink his position on the overall economic benefit of illegals…

But anyho…

Let him restate a few items… More border guards are good. Wall is good, but unworkable for a number of reasons. Legal immigration is good (a subject your Maximum Leader hasn’t hit on in a while). And he would be happy to offer some sort of amnesty program to illegals in this country - if we could stem the flow of new illegals.

Oh yeah… We need to seriously re-evaluate our nation’s position on being a citizen by virtue of being born on US soil…

Carry on.

This is pretty cool… in a hawkish kind of way. Laser directed fire on insurgents(?) in Mosul.

ooooohhhhhh look at the pretty green lights! (its about 3.6 MBs)

http://www.fjr6.com/vids/LaserDirectedFire.wmv

Back to the trenches

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has decided to take a little break from snarky immigration postings to talk about some real injustice in the world. Yes, loyal readers. REAL. INJUSTICE.

Thanks to (Dead Sexy) Sadie, your Maximum Leader chanced to look over the list of the Maxim Hot 100. This is the list where the (lame-o) editors of Maxim magazine tell their frat-boy (and frat-boy wanna be) reader who the hottest 100 women are.

Ready for the injustice? 29. Jennifer Love Hewitt.

The dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt… Number TWENTY-FRICKIN’-NINE! That is wrong. Just wrong.

Let us see where other hotties show up on the list… #34 Jaime Pressly. Respectable, yet overrated. At least your Maximum Leader thinks that Ms Pressly’s 34 is a bit high. And who do we find at number 24? None other than the object of the Minister of Propaganda’s fancy, Kate Moss.

Let’s see some other travesties of the Maxim list… Where else to start but Number 3 - Lindsay Lohan. Ack! Your Maximum Leader wouldn’t touch Lohan with 10 foot cattle prod while wearing rubber gloves and a surgical mask. She reeks of “used.” If you catch his meaning.

Number 7 - Cameron Diaz. Redefining skank every day should be her motto.

Number 38 - Paris Hilton. Expanding the definition of skank every minute.

Number 79 - Halle Berry. What the hell? Lindsay Lohan is 3rd on the list and Halle Berry, who is easily one of the most beautiful women to have ever lived, is 79. There must have been some ad stuff going around the room when this choice was made… This is a greater injustice than placing the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt at 29. Frankly it is proof that this list is completely unacceptable. If this was the MWO, the editors would have to be dragged out and shot.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader will share something with you all. When he is not fixating on chickas wrestling in pudding, or getting rained on, our Loyal Minion Phin is a pretty smart fellow. To wit, Phin’s recent post on Peaches. (NB to readers: notice how the posts on chickas and pudding get comments, but the ones on the economic affects of illegal immigration don’t. )

Anyho…

Your Maximum Leader believes, like Phin, that the net impact of illegal immigration is a positive one for the US. We all enjoy (literally) the fruits of the labors of illegals. Cheap produce is the most tangible benefit to Americans of our porous border. Additionally, your Maximum Leader and Phin agree that the costs of illegal immigration is rather low compared to the benefit.

But where your Maximum Leader will differ from Phin (ever so slightly) is about where the costs of illegal immigration are borne. The cost of illegals in the US is disproportionately borne by states like California, Texas, Arizona, and New Mexico. So, your Maximum Leader (in Virginia) is not impacted (much) by the cost of supporting illegal immigrants; but he benefits from their labor.

Your Maximum Leader believes (hopes) that members of the President’s economic team recognize the varying impact of illegals.

So… A few thousand National Guardsmen will help patrol the border while we beef up the Border Patrol. As your Maximum Leader said yesterday, it is a start. Of course he said this before the Smallholder decided to wake from his manure-enduced stupor and post about the factors that drive Mexicans to cross the border.

Your Maximum Leader will restate, he’s never favored a wall along the whole border. He thinks that in particular areas along the border walls might be effective in reducing easy passage of illegals in urban and suburban areas. But along the vast expanse of border a wall isn’t going to be a practical solution.

Frankly, n solution is foolproof. Well… The one foolproof solution is barbed wire fences, guard towers with machine guns, and minefields. But it hasn’t come to that. Plus, all those Princess Diana adherents get all worked up about minefields. So do the environmentalist types. (Mines harm migratory animals you know.) And in all honesty there are few people who would approve of machine-gunning illegals as they cross the line.

So short of mines, machine guns and barbed wire, we can only hope to reduce the flow of illegals. If we can cut the number from 400,000 a year to 100,000, or to 50,000, or lower; it would be a step forward. We need to work towards cutting the flow of illegals.

Up to this point, your Maximum Leader has kept his comments pretty much to the vast majority of illegals who are seeking employment in the US. But there are the narco-smugglers and terrorists who exploit our porous borders. A friend of your Maximum Leader is a Special Agent in Charge of the FBI. He is being moved from our area to a border state. His job will be to try and stop the narco-terrorists (as he once called them) from moving back and forth at will across the border. No easy task. But one that must be done nonetheless.

An open border policy is too great a risk to do nothing. Up to this point we’ve effectively done nothing. The upsurge of popular anger at this situation has prompted action. Action that must be harnessed and made into a cogent policy that starts to close our open borders.

Carry on.

Poor Memento Moron must have been horribly dissapointed when your humble Smallholder took a respite from blogospheric conflict. Our buddy Brian is so beside himself with joy at my reappearance that he had a response to my immigration missive posted before my keyboard cooled.

I acknowledge that there are a few bad men who come to this country illegally. But the VAST majority of people are the hardworking types I described above. It takes intiative to cross the border. Working in Harrisonburg, I encounter a huge number of immigrants, legal and otherwise. My impression is that the higher levels of crime associated with immigration is not caused directly by the immigrants themselves. So many of the immigrants in Harrisonburg are so busy working two and three jobs that they are not home with their children and their children often do a lousy job of raising themselves - though honesty forces the concession that somehow stopping illegal aliens would also preclude the creation of the antisocial American-born second generation. However, a fair amount of the crime pronbably results from people preying on immigrants who literally cannot seek protection from the authorities. Giving immigrants legal status would alleviate a small proportion of that crime.

The greatest criminal activity associated with illegal immigration is largely ignored: the American business communties’ prfit-driven motivation to look the other way and not check “papers” too closely. The unspoken reality behing the immigration debate is that the only real way to slow immigration down is to convince employers to stop giving immigrants jobs. And, aside from poorly skilled nativist high school drop outs, no one wants that.

Companies like immigrants because they hold down unskilled wages.

The middle class likes low wages because it reduces the cost of consumer goods and services. We like our cheap lettuce, grapefruit, chicken, landscaping services, and home construction.

There is no political way that Congress will actually pass legislation that would create enforceable penalties that would actually deter companies from hiring illegals. The Democrats are known for drinking at the corporate lobbying trough, but the Republican’s successful conquest of K-Street is even more impressive. Neither party wants to incur the wrath of the business community. Additionally, actually taking immigrants out of the labor pool would force companies to compete for unskilled American labor, driving up the cost of production. The higher production costs would be passed on to the consumer. The American economy already has serious inflationary pressures due to oil prices. Add higher production costs to the mix and we will have an ugly inflation monster knocking at Grandma’s door*. Stagnating home appreciation means that Americans won’t be able to continue to tap equity wealth to fuel spending, so consumer demand would fall.

Companies faced with a harsher business climate would start looking at their operations. If cheap labor based on illegal Mexicans can’t be found in America, the outsourcing trend wil accelerate. Instead of helping poorly educated Americans get higher wages, removing illegal aliens from the workforce will simply result in the elimination of jobs that poorly educated people can do. Many of our right-leaning readers will object to this. But consider this, my righty friends: this is exactly the same (and valid) argument made by the right against raising the minimum wage. If the logic opposing raising the minimum wage holds, so does the logic of welcoming immigrants.

Costs up + lost jobs + sales down = Recession. Bush and the Republican leadership know that a recession and disheartened middle class is a sure recipe for electoral disaster. Americans as a group won’t make the link between cracking down on immigrants and the recession. They’ll just vent at the ballot box**.

People like my esteemed friend Polymath like to highlight the “cost” of immigration. But those costs are more than offest by the economic benefits.

In conclusion:

Support illegal immigration to avoid a recession.

* Yes, I know that “ugly inflation monster knocking at Grandma’s door” is a terrible phrase. But the ugliness of my original language amuses me to the point that I won’t try to craft a better sentence. Inflation is so sucky that even describing it requires sucky language. ‘Sides, do you really think a poor sodbuster like the ig’nant Smallholder can be troubled to put together fancy words for all you snooty college types?

** Witness the public’s anger at Bush over gas prices. High gas prices are manifestly not the fault of the administration, despite what panderers like Nancy “No Blood for Oil!” Pelosi say (not that she is not mirrored by Bill “I’m a dishonest, opportunistic moron” Frist). Perhaps I’ll write a post defending Bush from gas-based attacks. If nothing else, it will give the Minister of Propaganda an aneurism.

Naked villainy:
Has lackluster blog posting
Reduced our traffic?

Never fear, minions
Smallholder returns in style
Chews gum, kicks ass

Deviant Marriage?
A vociferous defense!
That’s how I roll, punk!

Sensible gov’ment?
Smallholder condemns Congress,
Administration

Wanna pick a fight?
Do your worst! Loose the canines!
I’m, all outta gum

I’d write a sonnet
But the lovely Ally says
Just haiku, farmer

Our good friend Brian B over at Memento Moron has accused your humble stable of villanous bloggers of being “lackluster.”

Your modest Smallholder is not chagrind. Perhaps the Maximum Leader has been lackluster, but I have been, well, silent.

Been in a bit of a funk for the last couple of months. My typically sunny disposition is starting to reassert itself, so I shall recommence my blogospheric ramblings by giving our friend Brian the thrasing he so thoroughly earned back in March. He tried to call me out with his post “You Were Saying,” wherein the brilliantly bombastic Brian broke balls over my previous dismissal of the slippery slope argument. Go read. I’ll wait.

Seriously. Go read. Shoo!

Back already?

Well, I would have responded earlier and I apologize for the delay, but my new wives Jaime, Evangeline and Alyssa were keeping me busy around the house.

As a matter of fact, I don’t “consider coverage on the Today Show and MSNBC/Newsweek, and sympathetic treatment in an HBO Series to be the beginning of a cause celebrite.”

I consider it to be infotainment designed to boost the ratings of the show. The firewall between newsroom and entertainment divisions has become paper thin. The entertainment focus of the nightly news has driven your elitist Smallholder to imbibe his news from the printed page.

I also don’t “accept the argument that marriage is nothing more than an expression of love.” My pro-gay marriage is based on constitutional equal protection and the knowledge that the full faith and credit clause of the Constitution requires states to recognize contracts concluded in other states, regardless of silly Protection of Marriage Acts and state constitutional revisions. Under the legal argument, limiting marriage to one partner is perfectly constitutional if everyone is limited.

I’d be pretty pissed off if we granted Mormons and Muslims exemptions to monogomy because that would unconsitutionally offer different rights to different groups.

Accepting gay marriage is simply following the Constitution as written. Since marriage as a single-partner institution already exists, one only has to open the door. Creating a right to polygamy would require the radical reconsideration of all the benefits and appurtenances of marriage*.

That said, from a strictly love point of view, I have no problem with anyone living with multiple partners. Live and let live are what I, and Mrs. Smallholder and Jaime and Evangeline and Alyssa always say.

* I gots no idea what appurtenances is, but it do sound fancy and all book-smart an’ stuff, don’t it?

All the calls to secure our borders are — how can I put it in my idosyncratically “Squishy” way? — DUMB.

We have a very long border with Mexico.

Life in Mexico, due to the historical legacy of Spanish catholic absolutist colonization that led to undemocratic, kleptocratic traditions, — how can I put it in my idiosyncratically “Squishy” way? — SUCKS.

Therefore, lots of people want to cross that very long border.

They want to cross the border because they are willing to work hard to make a better life for their kids. They know that working hard in Mexico will not necessarily provide for their children’s future because the lack of legal safeguards protecting the fruits of entrepreneurial capitalism are too weak in the face of government misconduct.

People who don’t want to work hard and/or don’t care about improving the lives of their children don’t cross the border into the United States.

Unfortunately, people who don’t want to work hard and/or don’t care about about improving the lives of their children are the only people a wall will stop.

Hardworking people dedicated to improving the lives of their children, in aggregate, can’t be stopped by a wall, or by border security, or by the minutemen. You may catch individuals, but can’t stop the wave itself.

I challenge the readers of this blog to consider this little exercise:

A) You live in a disfunctional society without historical processes to internally improve that society.

B) You have children. You love them. You want them to live better lives than their parents.

C) A country to the North has an economic system that rewards hard work.

D) That country has legal protections that secure the right of property.

E) That country builds a wall to keep you out.

Question: How high a wall do they need to build to keep you out?

My answer: No wall would stop Smallholder from trying to build a better life for Emilie and Jack.
UPDATE FROM YOUR MAXIMUM LEADER: Since Trackbacks seem to be dysfunctional… Here is a link to Brian’s post in which our minion starts to put the smackdown on Smallholder.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has, many times, expressed his frustrations over the whole immigration debate. His position boils down to “it doesn’t matter what laws we pass to address the current illegal immigrants as long as new ones can cross the border at will.”

Finally, the Bush Administration is starting to consider border enforcement. President Bush has announced that he is planning on using the National Guard to help the Border patrol. It is a start. A very small start, but a start.

Allow your Maximum Leader to make an additional suggestion. This suggestion is only good along the Rio Grande…

Move some of those alligators that are eating people from Florida to the border. Since the alligators are “crowded” in Florida they might welcome a chance at some more open space along the Texas/Mexico border…

Just a thought.

Carry on.
(more…)

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has a science question for you. (No Googling!)

Chocolate milk. Suspension or solution?

You Maximum Leader says suspension. Mrs Villain says solution with very low saturation point.

Discuss and comment please.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is still feeling a little petulant. Perhaps that feeling will come out a little in some of todays other post. This one probably is low on the peevishness scale…

Mrs Villain had a fine Mother’s Day. There was much feasting and rejoicing. Of course, where there is feasting and rejoicing on Mother’s Day at the Villainschloss there is also a Maximum Leader (reduced for the day to being Mr Villain) doing lots of cooking and dishwashing. Indeed, your Maximum Leader had to run the dishwasher twice yesterday - and still had to hand wash a number of cooking implements. And as a show of what a wonderful and loving husband your Maximum Leader is… He even made a broccoli casserole for Mrs Villain that he just can’t stand (but Mrs Villain loves). Not only did he cook it… He ate a full portion himself without making faces or comments. (You’ve got to be a good influence on the Villainettes you know.)

In addition to the nuclear family of your Maximum Leader, the festivities were shared by your Maximum Leader’s much beloved (and pregnant) sister and her husband. Alas, your Maximum Leader’s sainted mother wasn’t feeling well and could not travel to the Villainschloss to partake of the joy…

In other news… Your Maximum Leader and the Villainettes caught the Hokusai exhibition at the Sackler on Friday night before it headed out of town. It was wonderful. And frankly the Villainettes were great at the exhibition. Your Maximum Leader had his doubts about how much he’d be able to enjoy the exhibition with a 9 year old and a 7 year old in tow; but he shouldn’t have worried. He got a good 90 mins to go through to exhibition. Admittedly that was about an hour less than he would have liked, but all things considered it was a great time.

In even more news… Your Maximum Leader sees that another concerned fan of the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt is threatening to club a baby seal if she doesn’t pose topless in Playboy… (Thanks to bobgirrl for the tip-off.) Well… Your Maximum Leader will counter this offer by saying that he will do in a whole family of baby harp seals if the dreamy Miss Hewitt does pose for Playboy. Your Maximum Leader has already been over this. Playboy isn’t the way to go… Action film. Tell producers that they will have to pay an arm and a leg for a quick topless shot. Then indie film with major Oscar potential… Playboy reeks of despiration…

Of course, regardless of what the dreamy Jennifer Love Hewitt does; she will be the (platonic) object of your Maximum Leader’s affections.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is feeling rather petulant. Why? Because he lives in a nation of idiots. Complete. Total. Freaking. Idiots.

The final straw probably came today at lunch time. Your Maximum Leader was partaking of an Asian buffet (something remarkably plebian), alone, and chanced to overhear two older ladies at the next table. The first woman was discussing her niece’s situation to the second woman. The first woman said something to the effect of her niece being a financial burden on her family. The first woman said, “Well you can hardly blame the girl. She is 22 years old. She’s living at home. She’s unemployed. And she’s caring for her 5 year old child.”

What? You can’t blame her? What can’t we blame her for? As best I can tell about the only thing you can’t blame the girl for is being 22. I can blame her for just about everything else.

But we can’t just go around blaming people can we? That isn’t nice. It damages people’s self-esteem. It doesn’t “celebrate diversity.” It is so judgmental.

I really wish that we could pinpoint the moment at which the hearty people of these United States became such pansy wimps. I do. Then at least I could focus my anger at some specific event and rant, “Goddamn it! If it wasn’t for everything that happened on August 18, 1989 we wouldn’t be in the mess we’re in.”

If our Anglo-Western heritage was a book, we’d be tearing out the pages one at a time and mixing them in a huge manure heap of modernity and relativism. Social norms? Too restrictive. Personal responsibility? Too hard. Understanding right and wrong? Too judgemental. Calling a thing by its true name? Too pushy. Our hard-won liberty, our freedoms, our civilization. It is all being tossed into a dung-heap that will be spread on a weed-ridden field and left to grow untended. Neglected.

Here’s a quotation that got my dander up:

… But if people want to practice polygamy, who am I to say anything? I think that’s what’s great about America, is you can practice any religion. It’s unfortunate though when it’s forced upon young people, and that’s when I really have the biggest problem with it.

That was Chloe Sevigny.* One of the stars of HBO’s Big Love. Frankly, I’ve got no major issues with the show. I tried watching a few episodes and it didn’t do anything for me. But I’ve got a big problem with this sentiment.

Who am I to say anything if you want to practice polygamy? Humm… What if your religion happens to endorse shooting women for wearing nail polish in public? What if your religion happens to condone locking girls in a burning building because releasing them from the building without head scarves might titillate and/or offend some old geezers? How about stoning young girls who are raped because they are dishonored?

I suppose all those religious practices are okay too. You know… You don’t want to judge anyone. It might hurt their feelings. Make ‘em feel bad.

Of course, I shouldn’t go around bad-mouthing religions. Have you heard about one of the newer ones? The Church of Oprah? Okay. It isn’t a real church. But you’d think that Oprah was the focal point of some religion the way people go on about her. Did you see the bit on the USA Today website? “The Divine Miss Winfrey.” Here’s a sample:

She’s no longer just a successful talk-show host worth $1.4 billion, according to Forbes’ most recent estimate. Over the past year, Winfrey, 52, has emerged as a spiritual leader for the new millennium, a moral voice of authority for the nation.

…

“She’s a really hip and materialistic Mother Teresa,” says Kathryn Lofton, a professor at Reed College in Portland, Ore., who has written two papers analyzing the religious aspects of Winfrey. “Oprah has emerged as a symbolc figurehead of spirituality.”

I wish to God I was making this up. But no. It’s out there. Oprah Friggin’ Winfrey the new, hip, materialistic Mother Teresa? Excuse me while I go and vomit. On the one hand we condemn any sort of established religion - because they’re bad and have rules and all. But give us some new-agey-feel-good-I’m-not-responsible-for-my-pathetic-life guru and we’ll just sop it up and ask for seconds (and thirds).

Oprah Winfrey the voice of moral authority in America? Has it come to that people? Really. Because if it has let me know. I’ll just get some more guns, buy some livestock, and move away to Montana or something and just give my house to some Oprah worshiping fool. Because if I didn’t give it to the undeserving bastard they’d just pass a law taking it from me.

Then again… We are passing lots of stupid stupid laws. You know why? Because a nation of idiots elects idiotic people to office. The voters are too damn dumb to understand or care what their elected officials are doing.

Symptomatic of this phenomenon, today I happened to catch a snippet of the NPR show “Day to Day.” Noah Adams, the host, was interviewing John Wells the producer of “The West Wing.” At one point Adams confessed to Wells that he has trouble following the dialogue on the show. The dialogue is technical and sharp you know. Wells says that’s okay. Most people don’t understand the “wonky” language but are still able to get the “feeling” of what is being said.

I can hardly begin describing how many things are wrong with that. Noah Adams has been at NPR reporting on politics and what-all since 1978. 1978! That is twenty-eight years he’s been covering politics and current events. And he doesn’t fucking understand the dialogue on a TV drama about politics? Doesn’t understand the dialogue? I’m only 37 years old and I’ve never had trouble understanding the dialogue on “The West Wing.” Last time I checked, I’ve never been a political correspondent who’s traveled the world bringing the listeners of NPR the news. But I can understand, intellectually understand, “The West Wing.” What does that say about Noah Adams?

Then the Executive Producer of the show tells Adams that one shouldn’t feel badly about not understanding the dialogue on “The West Wing.” It is a pretty high-brow show and if one just understands the feelings of the characters on the show you’ll be okay. If I just understand the feelings? How the hell am I going to understand their feelings if I can’t fucking understand what the they’re saying? You know language is generally used to convey meaning. If you can’t convey meaning and information with language does it really have a purpose? I suppose if I pay extra close attention to Bradley Whitford and Martin Sheen I’ll miraculously get clued in.

Since our chattering classes can’t understand a damned TV show it should come as no surprise that they can’t pass laws to keep down frivolous lawsuits. You know, tort reform? Or is “tort reform” too technical a term. If you could see me now you’d know that I was looking as sincerely as possible at the monitor with big ole tears welling up in my brown eyes and trying to convey how important tort reform is. Do you feel it? Do you feel my concern? Do you feel my lack of compassion for the idiots? Trust me, if you were here you’d feel it. You’d feel how important the issue is.

Or isn’t as the case may be. You see, I am not an idiot. I am thus offended by nonsensical lawsuits brought by nonsensical persons to advance nonsensical causes. Like the asshole (Michael Cohn) who is suing the Los Angeles/Orange County/Anaheim/Southern California Angels because they didn’t give him a tote bag on Mother’s Day last year. Yup. Mr. Cohn was discriminated against because he wasn’t a woman over 18. Frankly if Mr. Con is so covetous of an Angels tote bag he probably could have just stayed after the game finished and picked up as many as he wanted from those discarded in the stands… But noooo… He’s got to sue the team because they wanted to give those people most likely to fit the profile of a mother a gift on Mother’s Day.

Of course, not all frivolous lawsuits are about tote bags and baseball games. Many of them have to do with life - or more likely death. Medical malpractice is a common type of lawsuit. Too bad 40% of the lawsuits are goundless. Groundless as in no harm done.

But we can’t stop those lawsuits. We can’t punish people who bring frivolous lawsuits. Why? Because that might prevent a truly aggrieved person from bringing a lawsuit in the future. We must accommodate the lowest common denominator so that everyone feels better.

Of course, if we can’t get all worked up about frivolous lawsuits I don’t see how we could get worked up about the government collecting records of who we call on the phone. I mean really. The language we’d have to use to describe that situation is really complicated. If we can’t handle The West Wing then I’m not sure how we’ll handle government intrusion into our personal lives.

But they aren’t really intruding are they? No. Just recording what numbers I dial and look for a pattern. (By the way… If you want know the most frequently called people from my phones they are: my mother in-law, my sister-in-law, the mothers of girls in the Girl Scout troop the Villainettes are members of, the Air Marshal, and the Smallholder. That is it. If there is a connection there to a terrorist threat please let me know…) Looking for patterns isn’t like listening in on the calls. Is it? Noooo…

Then again… The issues are complex and hard to comprehend. Very difficult ideas you know.

Perhaps they are difficult if you are a complete boob.

Oh yes… My countrymen. They are complete boobs. How could I have forgotten?

You know… Someone out there reading this and thinking that if we’d all just use our words to explain ourselves to one another we’d all feel better. We don’t have to get angry or strike out. You know violence never solved anything…

Damn. If I hear one more sanctimonious fool say to me that violence never solved anything I think I will use violence to solve the problem of me having to listen to idiots. I will not say that violence should be your first reaction to any situation. But it can come in awful handy you know. Violence has, in fact, solved many many things throughout history.

Of course, we don’t have the taste for violence being used to solve problems like we used to. I don’t know what would happen if we were facing an enemy bent on our destruction and hoping to impose their ideology on all mankind?

Oh yeah… We are facing such an enemy. But when they hide in mosques, well, we just have to wait them out. Normally I’m all for doing everything possible to spare non-military targets. But if you put a bunch of armed people in a mosque, school, hospital, or other structure of historic/cultural importance; well then it has become a military target. I think that military targets held by an enemy ought to be destroyed. But that is just me I suppose.

And you know… Back during WWII if you supported the Nazi’s (actively or passively) you were likely to get your house blown up - at the least. Nowadays we can’t even call the vast majority of Muslims who passively support the terrorists/jihadi cause collaborators. They are you know. Collaborators that is. I’m not advocating blowing up the homes of every Muslim. But perhaps by labeling a person what they are you might find out who is and isn’t on your side.

Ack…

I’ve gone on and on with no purpose… I don’t even know ho I’m writing this for or why I am bothering. If you are reading this you fall into one of two descriptions.

The first is that you are a regular reader of this site. In which case, you’re probably not an idiot but a person seeking out other non-idiots in an effort to keep your sanity.

The second type of person reading this is someone who googled something like “Jennifer Love Hewitt naked” or “Giada DeLaurentiis naked.” Of course, this makes you an idiot. It is likely that if you are an idiot, you are scandalized by all this (if you understood it - that whole I-can’t-understand-The-West-Wing-factor) and will just click away. Before you go allow me to ask you to give up. Your life is meaningless and you are too stoopid to realize it.

There might be a third description of a reader out there. The idiot who realizes they are an idiot and is trying to better themselves. I doubt you’ll be successful. But that shouldn’t keep you from trying.

I’m gonna have a scotch and turn in.

Carry on.
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