Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, as you may recall, spent last week at the beach. One day he was sitting in the pool just relaxing. The pool has this little island in the middle with some submerged benches in it so that you can sit in the water. While your Maximum Leader was sitting there, watching the Villainettes and minding his own business, a young couple swam up and sat next to him.

When your Maximum Leader says a young couple he means that these were both (probably) recent high school graduates. 18-19 tops. They were both young and beautiful. Indeed, they were both stunning physical specimens.

So, they were sitting in each other’s loving embrace on the bench next to your Maximum Leader. He chanced to overhear them talking. It was something like this:

Him: Oh baby. I’m so glad your parents let you come to the beach with me and my parents.
Her: Yeah. They were very cool about it since your parents will be here.
Him: I love you so much baby. I can’t believe it’s been over six months since we met.
Her: Yeah. The time has passed quickly.
Him: I don’t know what I can do to prove my love for you baby.
Her: Yeah.
Him: You know, baby… My parents are going out for dinner tonight. We could bag out and say we are going to get pizza delivered and watch a movie.
Her: Yeah.
Him: Then, you know…
Her: Yeah. Maybe.
Him: Oh baby. I hurt thinking about you.
Her:
Him:
Her:
Him: Oh baby. You’re so sweet. You are like the hottest.
Her:
Him: You are like a Greek Goddess.
Her: Aren’t Greeks sorta hairy.
Him: Oh baby. Your hair is beautiful.
Her:
Him: Oh baby. Let’s stay in tonight.
Her: Maybe.

And so it went for longer than your Maximum Leader caed to listen. He decided to swim away.

But right before he swam away he wanted very desperately to interject himself into the conversation. In fact, he wanted to prove himself completely villainous. If your Maximum Leader were not a faithful husband and father he would have turned to the girl and said: “Look Sugar Tits, this guy wants to nail you pretty hard. But he’s got nuthin to offer. Well, nuthin except being 18 and horny. How’s about you and me go out. Yeah. I’m older and not as good looking. But I make six figures. Own my own car. Have large cash reserves. Can buy you things he can’t even think of. You know… I can treat you real nice. And after about 15 minutes of sex I like to have a bowl of ice cream and watch TV. You can do whatever you want then… So… How ’bout it?”

Your Maximum Leader thinks that the odds are about even that he would have scored.

Carry on.