Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has decided to finally weigh in on the whole Tom DeLay ethics hullabaloo going on.

Lets start with some background if you will… First off, as you are probably aware, Washington DC is a political town. Sure, politics doesn’t drive the local economy like it did when your Maximum Leader was growing up and learning how to be a villain. But politics is still THE business in Washington.

Politics, as you all know, is all about power. And getting, using, and thwarting power is what Washington is all about.

Now, almost like Las Vegas, what happens in DC may only be news in DC. In the great expanse of our United States, most people don’t give a damn about what power plays transpire in Washington DC. The great majority of people, of all political stripes, would prefer that our elected representatives just go to DC and do whatever it is they do to keep the government going, lower taxes, provide free stuff, and give the appearance of “working.”

Of course, politicians despise real work and would prefer to gain pleasure from acquiring, building up, and using power in their sphere of influence.

To rise to the top of the greasy pole in Washington DC you have to have a number of character traits. You have to be so ambitious it would make Shakespeare’s Caesar blush. (Indeed, it would make the great republican Romans need to pony-up to the vomitorium.) You have to be self-confident enough that a mere mortal would use the term “narcissist” to describe you. (That is if most people knew what a narcissist was.) And you have to be particularly craven in pursuit of your goals. Oh yeah, and you have to WANT power. WANT it so badly that in fact it the hunger for power - the WANTING - can only be describing in writing with the use of all caps.

Did your Maximum Leader mention that you also have to be particularly broad-minded when it comes to GASOE. What is/are GASOE? They are Generally Accepted Stadards Of Ethics.

Now…

Tom DeLay is a classic Texas politician. He has more ambition in one drop of blood than the Smallholder has in his entire body. He is so narcissistic that Paris Hilton looks positively modest. And he has WANTED power.

And as it turns out, he is very broadminded when it comes to GASOE. At least as far as campaigning, politics, and self-advancement comes into play.

Now you are likely saying to yourself, “Self, why is my Maximum Leader so down on Tom DeLay?” Well, don’t concern your pretty little minionly head about that. Your Maximum Leader actually isn’t down on Tom DeLay at all. Indeed, he is generally (let’s say about 60% of the time) in agreement with Mr. DeLay on political issues. And furthermore, your Maximum Leader thinks that on the balance he is exactly the type of person one would want as their party leader in a legislative body like the House of Representatives.

Your Maximum Leader has, even in his reasonably short life, seen many men just like Tom DeLay in Washington DC. The first three that jump into his mind are Jim Wright, Newt Gingrich, and Dan Rostentowski. (Okay, Rosty is a low blow as he actually did illegal things… But Wright and Gingrich are good examples here.)

From a reading of the major newspapers around the country one would think that Tom DeLay is a criminal of the first degree and deserving of nothing but scorn and mockery by all. He has been admonished by the House Ethics Committee. He has forced a rule change which is the cause celebre that now keeps the Democratic members of the Ethics Committee from letting the committee organize and do business. He has employed family members and paid them. And he is under investigation by a District Attorney in his home state for violating campaign laws in Texas.

Tom DeLay, from a cursory reading of the news, appears to be damaged goods.

Really the heart of the problem is something else. The problem with Tom DeLay is that he is remarkably effective at what he does. He is remarkably effective at what he does in the same way that Wright and Gingrich were effective at their jobs.

You see, the House of Representatives is, unlike the Senate of the United States, a majority rules type of place. In the House the majority party can run roughshod over the minority party. The majority party can make what rules it wants, decide what agenda it wants to pursue, and pretty much do as it pleases. Pretty much the minority party has to sit around and take it.

Admittedly this is a little simplified, but not too simplified. It should be noted that in order to run a body like the House of Representatives, you need a “take charge” type of fellow. Someone who will keep party discipline. Someone who will set the tone and tell the naysayers to bugger off.

Tom DeLay is that man.

Now. There comes a time in the course of things were the minority party just can’t take being bent over and sodomized every day, day in and day out. When the minority party gets to this point, two things happen. First, they forget that according to the rules of the game they have no “rights” to speak of. And second, the investigations begin. (By the way, it took 50 years for the Republicans to reach that point and fewer that 12 for Democrats… So say what you will about sodomy and Republicans…)

The minority party, in an attempt to stand up for their “rights” as a minority party, decide to start throwing the book at the person they see as their chief oppressor. In this case, that person is Tom DeLay.

The Democrats hate Tom DeLay. They hate him because he runs the House the way he wants to run the House. He doesn’t seek their counsel. He doesn’t seek to “get along.” He doesn’t seek to be friendly after 5:00pm. He wants to kick the Democrat’s soft teeth down their whiny throats; and make them like it. Indeed, your Maximum Leader believes that DeLay probably took lessons in running the House from the ghosts of long-dead Democrats who ran the House in the same fashion for half a century.

So after a few years of being puhed around, the Democrats have forgotten that they aren’t in the Senate (where the minority does have “rights” by custom) and they need to assert their “rights.” There are only two ways they can do this. The first is to buck-up, get an agenda and start winning elections. (But that is hard and the voters are so persnickedy about things.) The second is to ruin the leader of the majority party and thereby force a period of calm and politeness on the House.

This is what the Democrats are doing. They are going after Tom DeLay as hard as they can. If they bring the business of the House of Representatives to a screeching halt, well that is just the price you have to pay for justice. The playbook requires that once the Democrats go down this path they can’t let up until Tom DeLay is either out of the Republican Leadership - or preferably out of the House of Representatives itself.

Now allow your Maximum Leader to say something else here. After reading the various newspaper and blog reports on this whole matter, he doesn’t think that Tom DeLay has done anything that the majority of House members don’t do on a regular basis. And going further, your Maximum Leader believes that every member of the House Leadership of BOTH parties has done much of (if not all of) what DeLay is accused of doing. (Indeed Nancy Pelosi was just fined $28,000 by the FEC for accepting and distributing illegal campaign contributions through a PAC she controls.) Furthermore, your Maximum Leader doesn’t believe that anything we’ve heard so far is an offence so grievous that DeLay should have to give up his leadership position or his seat in the House.

But the Democrats will continue to press this matter. They will fight and fight and fight. They will push the whole issue until the House can do nothing but talk about what should be done to Tom DeLay. And that is the point. The fact that Tom DeLay may in fact have done nothing wrong or illegal has no bearing in this whole situation. All that matters is that he lose.

Just like the Republicans did with Jim Wright. And the Democrats did before with Newt Gingrich.

Now you may be putting on your noble Roman look and saying to yourself, “Self, if what my Maximum Leader is saying is true (as it undoubtedly is) then doesn’t Tom DeLay have a duty to do the right thing and resign? Fall on his sword as it were? Step aside and let the nation’s business be done?”

There you are wrong my minions. Tom DeLay has a duty to his party and to the House of Representatives to fight until he lies choking on his own blood upon the floor. (Proverbially.)

DeLay’s duty now is to keep the House running and at the same time fight every accusation, counter every claim, and give in equal measure to what he gets. He has to make the whole proceeding bloody and difficult and unpleasant. This will assure two outcomes. The first is that he will lose his leadership post. The second is that it will keep all members of all parties honest for a while. They will all remember how bad it was when… And the memory will keep anyone else from trying it for a while.

But, before too long, it will be a Democrat on the receiving end of this whole process.

And when that time comes, your Maximum Leader will recommend the same course to them.

Carry on.