Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure which is worse. A pack of little old ladies having tea, or one Smallholder.

After reading the Minister of Agriculture’s post concerning Balls and Smallholder Women, your Maximum Leader is going to have to do some work to set the record straight.

First off the Minister of Agriculture saith that your Maximum Leader didn’t get so much as a sympathy kiss from the woman adjudged to be the second most beautiful in the land is just not true. He did in fact get kissed. He also got a little butt-feel in there too. But nothing more. It was just as well. Because she was a first-rate bee-yatch. What pains your Maximum Leader so about the misinformation from one of his trusted ministers is that the Smallholder knows the story and still gets it wrong.

Secondly, your Maximum Leader does really dislike Holiday Parties. They are all faux glitz and cheer. Give him a Fourth of July party anytime. Do you need some reasons ennumerated? Here are a few:

1) Nicer weather in July.
2) Barbeque. Your Maximum Leader has never seen a Christmas Party with ribs.
3) Girls/Women more likely to be scantily-clad in July than in December.
4) Outdoor fun. Ever gone out in your formalwear to play volleyball, baseball, football, badminton, or croquet in December? Your Maximum Leader didn’t think so.
5) No gifts involved at Fourth of July party. (Unless you consider that six-pack you bring over to be a “gift.”)

Those are just a few of the myriad reasons why Fourth Parties rock, and Christmas Parties suck.

Thirdly, your Maximum Leader (who is great and contains multitudes) will acknowledge that it is he of whom the Deuteronically challenged Smallholder is speaking in the matter of the so-called Vanilla Ice Backup Dancer. It is interesting that the Smallholder should bring this up. (And obviously many minions are interested because your Maximum Leader has received no fewer than 4 e-mails concerning that tidbit. That is 4 e-mails within 2 hours of the post going up.)

Your Maximum Leader has a few things to say on this subject. The Smallholder is being quite charitable when he says that “dating” occured. Your Maximum Leader would characterize it more as the young woman in question provided him with an outlet for his hormonal needs. Other than meeting for trists of a physical nature for a few weeks, we never spoke nor saw each other. Indeed, when she asked to go out your Maximum Leader demurred and said that it was best not to change the nature of our relationship.

And as for the claim of this woman being a Vanilla Ice Backup dancer, the Smallholder seems to be the only person privy to that information. (He must have learned it while he was an “Ice” groupie.) He’ll claim that other people knew she claimed to be a dancer. But everyone he can cite will also admit that they have only heard him repeat this claim. Not that it would have mattered at all. Your Maximum Leader never danced (well… danced to music… well… danced like regular danced…) with her. As he’s stated before in this space. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t dance.

Regardless, the woman in question was cuter than many with whom the slutty Smallholder “hooked up.”

Carry on.