Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader can remember all sorts of dates. He keeps them in his head. At the strangest times your Maximum Leader can recall the oddest dates and recite them.

But your Maximum Leader cannot recall birthdays. He can’t remember Mrs. Villain’s birthday. He can’t recall his parent’s birthdays. He can, with a moment to think about it, remember his children’s birthdays. He can’t even remember his own half the time.

So, your Maximum Leader has, over the past year, tried to write down birthdays and later record them in an electronic calendar. He sets them as recurring so that year after year he is prompted to remember an important date.

He was reminded this morning about a date.

Today, April 28th, appears to be the Smallholder’s birthday.

Your Maximum Leader thought he would write some nice tribute to the Smallholder, but the muse is not upon him right now. (This could be fortunate for you, dear minions.) Indeed, not only is the muse not upon him for a touching tribute, the muse isn’t upon him to write a smackdown of the Smallholder either.

So your Maximum Leader is in a lose-lose here.

If you get a moment, give your favourite bald-headed, bearded, girthy, civility-crusading, shit-tasting, independently-minded farmer a big shout out. And if you are pretty you might give him a hug too. (He’ll hug pretty men just as easily as pretty women - so don’t be put off. He is independently minded afterall.)

Happy Birthday Mark. Many happy returns. From your pal (and Maximum Leader), Mike.

Carry on.