Upon further reflection, I’m going to adopt a literalist view of the Bible.

The next time Ally or Sadie has the temerity to question my role as “THE FONT OF TRUTH,” I’m going to give them the back of my hand, spare not the rod, and deliver unto them the wise words of Paul in I Corinthians 14:34-36:

“Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says. And if they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home; for it is shameful for women to speak in church, for Adam was formed first, then Eve.”

If they complain I am missing the true meaning of Pau’s words, I’ll bolster my patriarchal oppression with another Pauline injunction from Timothy 2:11-3:

“Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence For Adam was first formed, then Eve.”

Or, I might go all Old Testament and bust out Genesis 3:16:

“Unto the woman He said… your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you.”

So, ladies, I hereby command you, as man, to stop publishing your opinions on your blogs. When I want your opinions, I’ll give them to you.

Of course, I need to be careful about flinging Bible verses around or the Maximum Leader is liable to break out the Deuteronemy. Darn Deuteronemy.