Ages ago, I bemoaned the fact that the newly single Denver girl asked after the Foreign Minister and not the Minister of Agriculture.
It seems I am chopped liver again. The Maximum Leader (and Kilgore Trout) gets all the gropes. Perhaps it is because I don’t curse enough.
Speaking of Denver Girl and Kilgore Trout, did the Maximum Leader ever follow through and introduce Kilgore to his neighbor? Methinks not.
Perhaps the very married Maximum Leader is developing a strategic booty reserve* and denying booty even to a single minion like Kilgore. Act One of the Mike World Order: Abolishing those silly monogamy laws and adding Denver Girl, Sadie, and Annika as wives two through four. Act Two of the Mike World Order will be seeking medical treatment for the wound inflicted by Mrs. Villain.
* The strategic booty reserve was an economic concept developed by our friend and fellow horseman of the apocalypse, “Wallstreet.” He developed the theory to explain why some of the horsemen seemed to have no problem with receiving attention from the fairer sex while some of the other horsemen had to suffer through major dry spells.
It turns out that the entire strategic booty reserve theory was inaccurate because it assumed booty trade was a zero-sum game. If this was the case, everyone in America would be a virgin except for the Propaganda Minister. He may be so liberal that it makes our eyes bleed, but chicks dig him. As subsequent events proved, booty exchanges are a win-win proposition. Crushed by the failure of his theory to accurately predict markets, Wallstreet abandoned the world of finance and became a hospital administrator.
And as I ramble down college memory lane, let me take this opportunity to dispel the rumors out there about my iberalism. Of the six horsemen of the apocalypse, I was dubbed “plague” because I advocated the use of blood agents against the Iraqi Republican Guards in Gulf War One.
What? First you think I’m too liberal, now you think I’m a fascist because I want to use chemical weapons. Come now, what’s a little violation of the Geneva Convention between friends?
