Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader felt it would be a good thing to give his minions a quick rundown of news items they may have misse. (With pithy Reynolds-esque commentary)

Lionel files for bankruptcy. Very sad. Right before Christmas too. One would hope some big conglomerate would buy them up and keep them going.

This must be Photoshoped.

Wanna see one hell of a wild hog (but not wild boar)? Click here. Can you imagine having a hungry pig that large coming after you? Eeek!

One person stabbed at Vibe Awards. Only one? And they didn’t die? How disappointing. Your Maximum Leader suggests they practice their technique.

The Who is in the studio again. Why? Please no. Who needs the money now?

All you Scottish Smokers give us your best Gibson-as-Wallace cry now: “Freeeedoooommmm!” Heh. Not likely.

David Lee Roth trains to be paramedic. Why? Van Halen kicked him out again? College bars don’t need “house singer?”

And finally, your Maximum Leader would caption this photo, “No Saut! Not in front of the baby!”

Carry on.