Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, as you may know, is the father of three. The youngest of his brood is 3 years old. Last night he was given cause to wonder, now he will give you cause to wonder…

When a little kid in on the receiving end of a minor injury (real or imagined) often the application of a small band-aid somewhere on their body is enough to take care of the injury and the resulting fuss about the injury.

Before there were band-aids what did people use?

Did they keep around an old gauzy shirt and just tear off a piece and wrap it around the affected area a la a John Wayne western? Did moms daub the injury with a damp towel and speak in a soft, soothing voice? Did a kid’s friends just rub some dirt on the injury and say “Okay, you’re fine now.”?

Your Maximum Leader doesn’t remember soliciting band-aids when he was younger (although it is possible that he did). But your Maximum Leader sure knows that his children just love the band-aids.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader must share this with you all w/out comment.

Kev is a brave man. Your Maximum Leader doesn’t like publishing photos of himself on the web, much less a video.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader notes that today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. He does not believe that he has ever noted the occasion of this festive event before. (Although Smallholder may have.)

Your Maximum Leader has put up his one post with a few instances of “ye” and “hath” — which are both a little more Elizabethian than “pirate.” What can your Maximum Leader say? He’s just cultured that way.

And just for the record…

Arrrrr.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader hath a question for ye…

Would ye rather be tasered, or listen to a John Kerry speech?

That is a toughie…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader is beginning to think that the less he posts, the better Skippy’s political posts are. Indeed, your Maximum Leader even thought (just a few short moments ago) that if your Maximum Leader just stopped blogging all together would Skippy just keep on writing enough good material for two blogs? (Admittedly one of those blogs would be an X-rated social commentary/diary site and the second a remarkably well-informed and insightful political commentary site…)

If you haven’t read Skippy’s latest on Alan Greenspan you probably ought to. It was eerily prescient for your Maximum Leader. Particularly this passage:

Prior to this President [Bush], Ronald Regan had racked up the greatest deficits in American history, but he did so for some reason. Reagan’s spending was at least for some purpose, the total end to imperial communism. Also, the debt that President Reagan accumilated as to American banks or friendly foreign governments, such as Japan.

When Reagan was president, there was a great outcry among responsible people about the holding of so much debt by Japan. Indeed, there were cautions about “Japan bashing” that might hurt the domestic economy in the 1980s.

This president has accepted blank cheques from the Stalinist People’s Republic of China. A full third of American debt is now held by a government that believes that American economic dominence is antithetical to their very belief system. Yet no one, not even Alan Greenspan has objected to this.

The only thing worse than owing money is the people to whom the money is owed. Holding a mortage to a bank is infinately better than owing a bookie money for a football bet. President Bush went the bookie route.

And for what purpose? Unlike Reagan, Bush has not sold out his country for national defense. The overwhelming majority of Bush’s spending has been for socialistic electioneering that chiefly benefitted himself and his party. That that benefit was only temporary only makes the spending more craven.

Hear! Hear! Your Maximum Leader was thinking the same thoughts over the weekend and mentioned them to an acquantaince (a Doctor going on about the new prescription drug benefit) briefly.

Your Maximum Leader, once again, doffs his bejeweled floppy cap in Skippy’s direction. Good stuff over at Enjoy Every Sandwich.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader saw the “real age” quiz thingie Llama Butchers site yesterday. He took it last night before the game.

Your Maximum Leader thinks that the Smallholder might find the results amusing. Your Maximum Leader did…

Your Maximum Leader, as you may know, is 38 years old. According to the quiz thingie your Maximum Leader’s real age is 41. It also predicts that your Maximum Leader will expire around age 73. (Apparently life expectancy for a man your Maximum Leader’s age is 75.)

Like Robbo, your Maximum Leader wondered about retirement as well when he got the results. He wondered more about retirement for Mrs. Villain, since she comes from a particularly long-lived breed of New Englander types. Your Maximum Leader should stock-up on life insurance policies…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure how he is going to go about celebrating Constitution Day. What? You didn’t know it was Constitution Day? Well, September 17th is that illustrious day. The anniversary of the signing of that glorious document that frames the institutions of the American Republic.

Of course, if you didn’t know today was Constitution Day, you either forgot (which is likely for most of you — your Maximum Leader has a very educated readership) or you are a teenager who found this site while surfing for porn.

Well… Your Maximum Leader will celebrate this Constitution Day in the following fashion… He’ll grill some burgers, drink a beer or two, and watch Monday Night Football in High Definition. Because if the Framers could have done so, that is how they would have celebrated… (Okay… Maybe only Ben Franklin would have celebrated in the same fashion… But Ben Franklin was a great man…)

Your Maximum Leader doffs his bejeweled floppy cap in honour of the Framer’s work this day.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees on the AP news wires that Fred Thompson has been answering questions in Florida. These questions are, presumably, asked by (again presumably) Floridians.

Apparently Sen. Thompson was asked about the Terri Schiavo situation. To your Maximum Leader’s great disappointment Fred didn’t quite sound the right note. He said: “I can’t pass judgment on it. I know that good people were doing what they thought was best…That’s going back in history. I don’t remember the details of it.” He later added that “Local matters generally speaking should be left to the locals. I think Congress has got an awful lot to keep up with.” That is really too bad. Your Maximum Leader can pass judgement on the whole situation. It was a tragedy and a farce all wrapped up into one. It was a tragedy because you had a brain-dead woman who’s parents wanted to care for her and who’s husband (who was no saint by any stretch) wouldn’t do the right thing and just let the parents care for their daughter. The farce took many forms. The first was by the family claiming that Terri wasn’t in a persistent vegetative state. The second layer of the farce was when the Congress of the United States of America decided to intervene in the whold sordid affair. It is too bad that Fred Thompson didn’t just come out and stick with his “federalist” leanings and say that Congress had no business sticking its nose where it didn’t belong.

Later in the AP piece Fred does a little to redeem himself in your Maximum Leader’s eyes… When asked about his decision to decline to participate in upcoming Republican Candidate “Debates” in Florida he said:

“Debates are important, but let’s don’t let the tail wag the dog here. Standing up there 10 in a row, you know, like a bunch of seals waiting for someone to throw you the next fish is not necessarily the best way to impart your information to the American people,” Thompson said. “I’m not above acting like a seal every once in a while and waiting for the next fish. I just don’t want to do it all the time.”

Bravo! Good answer…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has a couple of friends around town here who know that he keeps this blog. One of them, we’ll call him “Joe,” once mentioned that your Maximum Leader ought to get him a Naked Villainy t-shirt. Well… “Joe’s” wish was his Maximum Leader’s command and “Joe” received a “Well Hung” t-shirt for Christmas.

Well… Your Maximum Leader was pleased to give one of his shirts to one of his buddies. (Even if the gift did get a not-too-friendly eye-roll from Joe’s girlfriend.) It pleased him for no other reason than it makes your Maximum Leader smile to think that someone is wearing a shirt that your Maximum Leader designed (even if the Well Educated, Well Informed, Well Fed, Well Hung motif was developed by the Air Marshal).

A few weeks ago, your Maximum Leader’s friend (”Joe”) joined his Maximum Leader for lunch. During lunch it came up that “Joe” had worn the “Well Hung” shirt a number of times during a protracted vacation on Cape Cod. It seems that many visitors and natives thought the shirt was quite amusing (and a change from the ubiquitous Black Dog shirts you see everywhere up there). Your Maximum Leader thanked “Joe” for the free advertising and mused that he might even get a sale out of the effort.

Well… Your Maximum Leader got a little message from Cafe Press recently and it seems someone out on Cape Cod just went and bought themselves a “Well Hung” T-shirt. That is pretty cool. A few hundred thousand more of your Maximum Leader’s shirts out there on the Cape and he’ll be giving that damned lab a run for his money!

So… Think of this post as what it is… A shameless plug encouraging all of you to go to the Villainous Commerce store and keep this economy moving! Consumer spending (particularly US consumer spending) keeps the whole world going (economically and not astronomically speaking). So go on! Buy yourself a Well Hung t-shirt, or perhaps the traditional “And thus I clothe my naked villainy” shirt is more your style (remember the traditional shirt comes in ladies sizes too!). Of course, you may be a little too embarassed to wear your Maximum Leader on your proverbial sleeve… So how about having him near your naughty bits! There are Thongs and Boxers too!

Buy Minion! Buy!

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been suffering from a nasty backache for the past few days. He’s not sure what he might have done to cause this. But it has made blogging a little difficult - because sitting and typing is not terribly comfortable.

Anyhoo…

Your Maximum Leader decided to pick one of the groups of sidebar links and start checking them to make sure they all still worked. He decided to verify the “Villainous Culture” section. For those of you who have never ventured to that part of the right-hand sidebar, the Villainous Culture section links many museums or other cultural institutions that you might find interesting and edifying.

So… He’d gotten down to his link to the Uffizi in Florence and brought up their home page. The home page had a lovely warning in pink about half way down. Here was the warning:

Damn those precarious museum workers! Daring to go on strike on September 16th. If only they knew how precarious their situation was! Then they wouldn’t strike…

Of course, this poor choice of words is likely just the result of someone telling the I.T. guy (or gal) to put up a warning on the site about the impending strike — and don’t forget to do the English language site too…

Of course, if this poor I.T. person is in fact a gal and needs a little tutoring in English… Your Maximum Leader is happy to help however he can…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has been frustrated for the past few days. You see, he’s been trying to leave a congratulatory comment over at The Ministry of Minor Perfidy for new papa, Johno. (Awww… See the cute baby and proud father here.) Your Maximum Leader’s frustrations stem from the fact that when he tries to leave a comment, the little graphic “phrase” that you have to enter to prove you are a person and not some nasty spamming computer doesn’t load. So his comment doesn’t get published.

Of course, the flip side of the trouble commenting is that your Maximum Leader must make his congratulatory comments here. Johno, Mrs Johno, many congratulations. Your Maximum Leader doffs his bejeweled floppy cap to you both. (But mostly to Mrs Johno — who we all know did the hard stuff.) And to the Wee Johno… Your Maximum Leader wishes you the best. You’ve got two great parents who will steer you right.

Also on the Ministry’s web page…

Anadama bread. Which your Maximum Leader has never had before, but it reads very well and makes him salivate…

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader looks out the Villainschloss window and sees the sun is setting. That means that the Jewish High Holy Days (or Days of Awe) are about to begin.

Your Maximum Leader is not Jewish, but he will stop to think about his actions (or inactions) over the past year and ennumerate those things for which he ought to seek atonement.

He listened yesterday to an NPR program (Speaking of Faith - a program to which he is a regular listener in fact) about the Jewish High Holy Days. It was very educational. Here is the link if you would like to listen yourself.

Your Maximum Leader wishes his Jewish readers the best during this most sacred time of the calendar.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader saw this over on Elisson’s blog…

Humm… Your Maximum Leader is a Cool Nerd God. Elisson is a Uber Cool Nerd King. What exactly is the nerdly order or presidence here? Does Elisson’s “uber” and “king” status supercede your Maximum Leader’s singular “god” status?

Like Chester Nimitz pondering Bull Halsey, the world wonders.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader, like many others, remembers what this day was like six years ago. It was a bright and clear day. Your Maximum Leader wished he was playing hooky in fact. He remembers the sun reflected in the rippling waters of the Lynnhaven River. He remembers the President of his company calling and asking if yours truly had the training room TV, a plane had just hit the World Trade Center and he wanted to see what was happening. Then he remembers a co-worker coming in to his office and saying another plane had hit the other World Trade Center tower. A few minutes later the phone calls started. Husbands were calling wives. Navy husbands were calling their wives. The conversations all were about the same. “You’ve got to come home and watch the kids. My ship is leaving Norfolk now. No, not later, RIGHT NOW.” Your Maximum Leader was on his cell phone talking to the Air Marshal (who was in Crystal City - near the Pentagon). Our conversation ended abruptly when the Air Marshal announced that there was an explosion at the Pentagon and he had to go. Your Maximum Leader remembers 100 people standing in a room with space enough for 30 watching a small color tv as the Towers fell. He remembers Peter Jennings reporting that Palistinians were dancing in the streets of Gaza. (He also remembers Peter Fucking Jennings making some glib comment about how he could understand why the Palistinians were happy. That was the last time your Maximum Leader ever watched that man.) He remembers wondering what the count of the dead would be. 10,000? 15,000? He remembers seeing images of the fleet leaving Hampton Roads for the open sea. He also remembers wanting revenge.

Your Maximum Leader’s anger has subsided somewhat but there is still passion there. What happened before can happen again. We must be vigilant. We must be strong. We must remember.

Carry on.

Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has the writers block. Apparently a rather bad case of it in fact. He thought he’d be able to crank out some good stuff when he had some free time over the past few days. Alas, his little brain isn’t working the way he’d hoped.

Last Friday night your Maximum Leader slept. Then on Saturday he spend the day with Mrs Villain going to Farmvegas, VA for the dual purpose of buying a new living room sofa and chairs and meeting at his Alma Mater (your Maximum Leader volunteered to serve on the class reunion committee). Then Sunday was spent watching football. Yesterday was Villainette #1’s birthday. And your Maximum Leader apparently has nothing to say about anything.

Hey how about that Fred Thompson you might ask? “Eh?” would be your Maximum Leader’s reply.

What does my Maximum Leader think about the Petraeus testimony before Congress you might inquire? “Eh.” would be your Maximum Leader’s reply.

Your Maximum Leader apparently has caught a bad case of bleh. Perhaps this posting will act as something of a mental exorcism. Perhaps declaring that you have nothing about which you can write will somehow magically liberate your mind and fingers and open the creative floodgates. Then again… Perhaps not.

Your Maximum Leader sent Smallholder some new login information so that he could post something. But he is busy with the beginning of school and farm stuff…

Perhaps it is the furniture shopping that did it? Perhaps it is the NFL that has sapped his creative energies? If your Maximum Leader could somehow show that he lost his ability to blog after watching the NFL kickoff on Thursday could he sue the league for damages? (Even better, could you sue for damages because you aren’t getting blog content from your Maximum Leader?) The NFL would likely settle the case for a few grand at least. Your Maximum Leader could then use the money on some over-indulgent sinfest that would likely be the genesis of a post or two… Perhaps that is the strategery your Maximum Leader should employ… Sue the NFL and try to get a settlement… (Of course, blogging about your plan is a sure-fire way to ruin the plan…)

Anyhow… When your Maximum Leader has something to blog about… He will…

Until then…

Carry on.