Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader has, from time to time, been accused of being a partisan hack. (Okay, only the Minister of Agriculture has spread such lies… The Minister of Propaganda feels your Maximum Leader, while a nice guy, has been hopelessly brainwashed and just needs to sit down and think about his misguided ways…)
Well, reporting on this topic makes your Maximum Leader feel like a partisan hack.
It started with a visit to Wizbang. There your Maximum Leader read about John Kerry taking money from children. Your Maximum Leader agreed with Paul and thought that what Kerry should have done, if he was thinking about it, would have been to return the money to the kids asking them to save it for their own futures. A future that would be that much brighter if he were to be elected president in November.
That would have gotten a warm fuzzy “Awww” from Kelly Ripa.
(Speaking of Kelly Ripa, you Maximum Leader can’t decide if she is sleazy sexy, cutie sexy, or just sorta dumb and not sexy at all.)
Your Maximum Leader filed that little tidbit about John Kerry away and was prepared to think no more of it.
Until he visited Michele Malkin’s site. (Like Skippy, your Maximum Leader finds Michele oh so very sexy.) It was there that your Maximum Leader read this post: Kerry’s Illegal Kiddie Cash? It seems taking money for your campaign from minors is illegal in many states.
Okay, so what John Kerry just admitted to on national TV is that he took (possibly) illegal campaign contributions (from CHILDREN) and is proud of it.
That, gentle minions, is just plain ole stupid. Is it too late to give it back with a note?
Once again, your Maximum Leader asks Senator Kerry to grow a pair and start firing some people. Senator, you need better advice. Your Maximum Leader has suggested Carville a number of times. But, as far as you’re concerned, Carville is just one of the team.
Your Maximum Leader has a proposal for you Senator Kerry. You seem to be having problems with your staff. They seem to not be able to steer your campaign cogently. And from what some of your erstwhile supporters say… About your staff, they’re all Democrats and therefore incapable of winning this election. Here is the deal. Your Maximum Leader, who is available right now for just such a challenge, will gladly come and run your campaign for you. Here are the terms:
1) Your Maximum Leader can’t guarantee you victory; but he can guarntee you that everything will get really nasty.
2) Your Maximum Leader gets to fire some people. Better yet, execute them so theycan never come back.
3) You kill a hamster during one of your debates with Bush to show that you aren’t a wussy.
4) Your Maximum Leader is to be paid in Heinz stock. Additionally, he will be supplied with free Heinz 57 Sauce for the rest of his life.
5) You agree to stop mentioning Vietnam all the time. Indeed, you agree never to mention Vietnam again, for the rest of your life.
There is the deal. You can contact your Maximum Leader anytime. Dan Rather’s people have the number.
Carry on.
