Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader will put forward a little suggestion to election officials everywhere… Paper ballots.

Your Maximum Leader knows that many trees may die to provide the paper for the ballots for 100,000,000+ Americans. (Couldn’t we require that all paper ballots be made from 60% recycled materials?)

Your Maximum Leader also knows that paper ballots fly in the face of all American’s love (and your Maximum Leader’s love) of technology. But if you stop and think about it, you can apply technology to reading the ballots accurately. Just because you are using paper ballots doesn’t mean you have to count them by hand as they do in Highland County, Virginia. (Population 2,400)

Your Maximum Leader thinks that the big loser in this election is the high-falutin’ ultra-cool electronic voting machine. They are expensive, prone to break down, and confusing to idiots. If you can use a pen and fill in a circle, you can vote on a paper ballot.

In your Maximum Leader’s precinct, we use paper ballots and mark them with a black or blue pen. It was so simple a 5 year old could do it. And your Maximum Leader empircially tested this. He took the Tomboy Villainette into the booth with him and instructed her which circles to colour in. She performed admirably.

Paper ballots. Think about it.

Carry on.