Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader must make a confession. He didn’t watch any of the Live 8 show(s). Well, that is not entirely true. He watched about 2 minutes of Annie Lennox performing “Why.” Your Maximum Leader has a soft spot in his heart for Ms. Lennox’s singing. He caught her singing while surfing; and watched until a commercial break. So, for the sake of full disclosure, he did actually watch 2 minutes of Live 8.

Why did he not view this great outpouring of compassion for suffering Africans? Well frankly it is because he feels that much of Africa’s suffering is self-inflicted. Until serious systemic and cultural problems are addressed by Africans there isn’t much hope of improving their dismal situation.

And the second reason was that your Maximum Leader can’t stand pontificating rock stars. He is happy to have bloggers, politicians, writers, commentators, news readers, reporters, and even Al Roker bloviate about “current affairs this” or “topical subject that.” But when movie stars and rock stars start telling your Maximum Leader that he ought to feel guilty about his living in wealth, freedom, and security in America, he wants to jump up and kick their soft teeth down their whiney throats. (If your Maximum Leader may borrow a phrase from the junior Senator of his fine Commonwealth.)

It seems as though some of the staff of The Hatemonger’s Quarterly have a similar idea.

Excursus: What would your Maximum Leader do with some of the Hatemonger’s Staff? Well, he would likely instruct them to ghost a few columns a week. He would also make sure they could work the words: plinth, contumelious, and feculent into at least one post a week. He imagines that Naked Villainy would also become much more funny…

When Barbara Streisand entreats your Maximum Leader to keep the Villainschloss at 78 or 85 degrees during the summer while her homes are “cold as meat lockers.” It offends your Maximum Leader’s tender sensibilities. (Okay, Babs isn’t a “rock star” per se. She is more a 21st century female non-slave-owning Thomas Jefferson…)

Bruce Springsteen being preachy isn’t pretty. Listen Boss, stick to “Jungleland” and “Thunder Road” and you’ll be okay. (”Reason to Believe” is okay too.) But all this political stuff has got to go.

Now surely your Maximum Leader recognizes that these people are citizens too and entitled to an opinion. But the fact that their celebrity gives credibility to their opinions is nauseating.

And don’t get your Maximum Leader started on Tom Cruise…

Carry on.