Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader would like to do a little role reversal here. Let us assume, for the sake of a blog post, that your Maximum Leader could take control of Harvard President Lawrence Summers’ body and mind. (Ewww! But this is just a hypothetical.) Right now Summers is going to any possible news outlet and saying that his recent comments about woment were wrong. If your Maximum Leader could speak for Summers, this is what he would say in an apology letter:

Dear offended womyn.

I am deeply sorry for having offended your tender sensibilities by suggesting in an open discussion among scholars that there may be inate differences between males and females of our species. I mean really! What the hell was I thinking? I should know better than to base my off-the-wall opinions on data mined from sources like the SAT, ACT or the ASVAB. Those silly tests aren’t worth a damn. (And I’ll check to make sure we don’t look at any of those test scores in our admissions process. Who knows what asinine mistakes we would make if we started doing that?)

Perhaps you should find a like-minded member of the Women’s Studies program at Princeton to nurture your fragile ego back to strength.

Damn! I did it again. Going on about that horrible stereotype of women being more nurturing than men. When we all know that women and men are equally able, and predisposed, to nurturing behaviour.

Now just so I don’t repeat this sort of outburst again. Would one of you be kind enough to give me a list of subjects which should not be brought up in discussions among tenured faculty, in an accredited university which has a long history of open discussion of contraversial ideas? (NB: I don’t need you to add to the list criticism of professors in the African-Aerican Studied department. I’ve already learned that one.)

And you know while you’re at it, please shut the pie hole of that Camille Pagila person. She just doesn’t know when to quit; and it confuses me.

Yours sincerely,

Lawrence Summers
(Contrite) President of Harvard University

Of course, your Maximum Leader doesn’t expect Larry to grow a pair and stand up for what he said.

Sad.

Carry on.