Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader wonders if you caught this little tidbit on the news wires last week. It seems one Mr. Michael Dewayne Johnson cheated the proverbial hangman by slitting his own wrists with a makeshift knife shortly before he was to be executed in Texas. According to the article, Mr. Johnson was despondent at the prospect of being exectued for his crimes. (His crime by the way, was the 1995 killing of gas-station owner Jeff Wetterman.)

So… The hangman was cheated… But so was Mr. Johnson. Mr. Johnson didn’t get to partake of his requested last meal. And that is too bad for him. Afterall… Last meals in the Texas deathhouse, while not haute cuisine, are pretty impressive.

Mr. Johnson could have had Two chili cheese dogs, two cheeseburgers, two orders of onion rings with French dressing, turkey salad with French fries, chocolate cake, apple pie, butter pecan ice cream, egg rolls, one peach, three Dr. Peppers, jalapeno peppers, ketchup, and mayonnaise. (Like Richard Williams - executed in Feb 2003.) Or he could have had Two 16 oz. ribeyes, one lb. turkey breast (sliced thin), twelve strips of bacon, two large hamburgers with mayo, onion, and lettuce, two large baked potatoes with butter, sour cream, cheese, and chives, four slices of cheese or one-half pound of grated cheddar cheese, chef salad with blue cheese dressing, two ears of corn on the cob, one pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream, and four vanilla Cokes or Mr. Pibb. (Like Stanley Baker Jr. - executed in May 2002.)

Your Maximum Leader remembers that Eric’s (proposed) last meal(s) are a little more upscale and to your Maximum Leader’s liking. Frankly, your Maximum Leader doesn’t know what he would want for a last meal. Your Maximum Leader can be very fickle in his moods concerning food. But, it is likely that he would try and get something particularly obscure that would take time to locate and prepare. Preferably something like fresh tiger-meat tartare (prepared from tigers killed in Bangladesh only). Or a blackened Coelacanth steaks stuffed with a mix of lobster and sperm whale meat…

Carry on.