Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader did his quick post f last night and was about to log off his computer when a Yahoo Messenger window opened and he found himself invited to chat with an old college friend.

In the spirit of making blog posts out of IM conversations, here is what was written.

loyal reader chic: Hey man. I was needing to get some work done but I’ll procrastinate with you if you’re up for a chat!
Maximum Leader: Sure.
MaxLdr: I’m always up…
MaxLdr: for a chat..
LRC: rad
LRC: Whatcha doin’?
MaxLdr: drinking a bourbon and coke
LRC: nice.
MaxLdr: listening to iTunes
LRC: I haven’t had a bourbon and coke since … a long time.
MaxLdr: now playing: Dig it by the Beatles
MaxLdr: You should get one.
LRC: Me = not a Beatles fan
MaxLdr: Very patriotic drink
MaxLdr: not liking the Beatles = unAmerican
LRC: I’ve been sober since August. Did you know that?
MaxLdr: Are you a communist?
MaxLdr: No!
LRC: Green party. Is that the same as a communist?
MaxLdr: close
LRC: (I’m SOOOO not a member of the Green Party. I am SOOOO just pulling your leg.)
MaxLdr: all the Greenie gals I’ve known…
LRC: are easy?
MaxLdr: have hairy pits, smell of sweat, and look as though they could use a shower
LRC: Ah. Doesn’t really matter if they are easy at that point, eh?
MaxLdr: Not if you are drunk enough not to be able to smell
LRC: I have a friend whose dad stayed drunk so long he is now permanently not able to smell
MaxLdr: Sorry to hear that - but he prolly deserved it.
LRC: amen
MaxLdr: Abusing yourself like that…
MaxLdr: Let me refill my drink…

It goes on from there. If you would like to read the rest, click through below the fold. If not… Well then just surf on.

By the way… If there is an “emoticon” to symbolize sarcasm, your Maximum Leader would like to know what it is. If there isn’t such a beastie, there ought to be…

If you would like to chat with your Maximum Leader feel free to seek him out on Yahoo Messenger. His id is “nakedvillainy.”

Carry on.

IM Conversation in whole:

loyal reader chic: Hey man. I was needing to get some work done but I’ll procrastinate with you if you’re up for a chat!
Maximum Leader: Sure.
MaxLdr: I’m always up…
MaxLdr: for a chat..
LRC: rad
LRC: Whatcha doin’?
MaxLdr: drinking a bourbon and coke
LRC: nice.
MaxLdr: listening to iTunes
LRC: I haven’t had a bourbon and coke since … a long time.
MaxLdr: now playing: Dig it by the Beatles
MaxLdr: You should get one.
LRC: Me = not a Beatles fan
MaxLdr: Very patriotic drink
MaxLdr: not liking the Beatles = unAmerican
LRC: I’ve been sober since August. Did you know that?
MaxLdr: Are you a communist?
MaxLdr: No!
LRC: Green party. Is that the same as a communist?
MaxLdr: close
LRC: (I’m SOOOO not a member of the Green Party. I am SOOOO just pulling your leg.)
MaxLdr: all the Greenie gals I’ve known…
LRC: are easy?
MaxLdr: have hairy pits, smell of sweat, and look as though they could use a shower
LRC: Ah. Doesn’t really matter if they are easy at that point, eh?
MaxLdr: Not if you are drunk enough not to be able to smell
LRC: I have a friend whose dad stayed drunk so long he is now permanently not able to smell
MaxLdr: Sorry to hear that - but he prolly deserved it.
LRC: amen
MaxLdr: Abusing yourself like that…
MaxLdr: Let me refill my drink…
MaxLdr: now playing, I’m One by The Who
MaxLdr: sample lyrics:
MaxLdr: Where do you get/Those blue blue jeans?/Faded patched secret so tight./Where do you get/That walk oh so lean?/Your shoes and your shirts/All just right.
LRC: Ah. Lovely.
LRC: A song about a hottie.
MaxLdr: Where is that sarcasm emoticon when we need it?
LC: The first time I ever heard the word “unrequited” was in a Casey Kasem (sp?) special in the ’80s.
LRC: are the who Eurotrash??
MaxLdr: Kasey Kasem - American’s favorite Arab.
MaxLdr: THE WHO ARE NOT EUROTRASH!!!!!
LRC: Is Kasey Kasem really Arab? Arabic? Arabian? From the Middle East??
MaxLdr: Yup
MaxLdr: Lebanese
LRC: Nice.
MaxLdr: Kassir Kassim or something…
LRC: They need to send us another DJ-type with a great voice like that then.
LRC: I’m sick of these Ryan Seacrest types. Ugh.
MaxLdr: thank you google - real name… Kemal Amin Kasem
LRC: What’s Ryan Seacrest’s Lebanese name?
MaxLdr: Rymal Al-Dickhead
MaxLdr: I shouldn’t cast aspersions at him
MaxLdr: I wouldn’t actually know him from Adam.
LRC: at Seacrest?
MaxLdr: I don’t think I’ve seen him
MaxLdr: except in those gossip pages when he was supposedly banging Teri Hatcher.
MaxLdr: Who by the way - has become a shrivelled hag
LRC: No!
LRC: Shrivelled hag????!!! She’s America’s sweetheart!!
MaxLdr: STOP YOUR BLASPHEMY!
MaxLdr: Tell me….
MaxLdr: are you on the CRACK!
LRC: http://images.google.com/images?svnum=10&hl=en&lr=&rls=GGLM%2CGGLM%3A2005-36%2CGGLM%3Aen&q=terri+hatcher
MaxLdr: Crystal Meth?
LRC: Good genes!
MaxLdr: Do I need to head out to the left coast and rescue you from yourself?
LRC: She’s smart. A survivor. Gorgeous. A mom. She made a comeback. She’s LOIS LANE for chrissake!
MaxLdr: http://www.wwtdd.com/index.php?type=cat&name=more%20Teri%20Hatcher
LRC: Oh. Wait.
LRC: I see what you mean.
MaxLdr: My point
LRC: Haggard.
MaxLdr: years + miles = lookin’ rough
LRC: Is the Lois Lane role cursed just as the Superman role is cursed? Ack!!
MaxLdr: She WAS gorgeous when she was Lois Lane.
LRC: Maybe we’ll find her eating out of trashcans soon??
MaxLdr: yup
MaxLdr: now playing
MaxLdr: You’ve got to hide your love away by…
MaxLdr: The BEATLES!
LRC: I’m not a fan. Oh, wait. We covered that.
MaxLdr: I know…
MaxLdr: And you are procrastinating
MaxLdr: I’m still drinking…
LRC: I was even trying to multitask but you are too distracting
MaxLdr: I have that effect on women.
LRC: Okay. I have to invoice some customers or they dock my commission 10 fucking percent.
LRC: Can you believe that? Isn’t that extortion???
MaxLdr: Does that mean that it is soon to be fare-thee-well my dear?
LRC: Yes, dear. I fear it does mean that.
MaxLdr: Me - thrown to the curb for the almighty dollar.
LRC: So I’ll sign on, insult your music, Then sign off. What a woman!
MaxLdr: I feel cheap.
MaxLdr: You beeyatch
MaxLdr: is that how “kidz” in the “hood” spell that?
MaxLdr: I don’t know.
LRC: yes. I believe it is.
MaxLdr: you might be more in tune with the “youth”
MaxLdr: do the “youth” actually spell?
MaxLdr: now playing
LRC: If their parents pay some private tutors $25 large a year they can spell.
MaxLdr: gypsy by Fleetwood Mac
LRC: Ugh.
MaxLdr: should I fast forward to Trouble by Elvis?
LRC: Ugh.
MaxLdr: You are just hard to please.
LRC: It’s true.
LRC: Alright, dawlin’, take care of you and yours.
MaxLdr: g’night
LRC: really, it’s spelled more like dahlin’ don’t you think?
MaxLdr: dawlin’ could be southern
LRC: the difference between Texas and Mississippi, say?
MaxLdr: dahlin’ is much more Lower East Side, SoHo, Tribeca…
LRC: New York. Wouldn’t that be more like beyatch?
MaxLdr: The good parts
LRC: Oh, like dahhhhhling.
MaxLdr: no playing
MaxLdr: tempted by squeeze
LRC: Zsa Zsa: dahlink
MaxLdr: or “The Squeeze” as you know them
LRC: MUCH BETTER!! See? You do have some music.
MaxLdr: Did we actually have that conversation?
MaxLdr: Squeeze vs “The Squeeze”
LRC: We did not.
LRC: I would NEVER say The Squeeze. For that is not the band’s name, dahlink.
MaxLdr: I could have sworn we did.
MaxLdr: You must have been on the crack at the time
LRC: Or if we did it was so long ago that The Truth has now entered my brain as such and now I deny ever having had the conversation.
MaxLdr: I see.
LRC: “On the crack” — now that’s comedy.
MaxLdr: I seem to remember the conversation involved the band name…
LRC: When, like 1996?
MaxLdr: and how much you thought it would be cool to own a pick-up truck…
MaxLdr: Until you came to the south
MaxLdr: and discovered everyone had one.
LRC: Me? A pick-up truck? That HAD to be 1996.
LRC: Seriously. Are you channeling me back in college??
MaxLdr: You spoke about how cool it would be to have a pick-up and go to the beach with a keg or something in the back.
LRC: A keg??? Oh, good lord.
MaxLdr: I could be mistaken.
LRC: Hit “DELETE” quick!
LRC: That memory is just DANGEROUS hanging out there!
MaxLdr: now playing
LRC: Didn’t we go to a Cheese Co. place around that time?
MaxLdr: Illegal Alien - Genesis
LRC: Something Cheese Co.?
MaxLdr: In williamsburg?
LRC: It was new at the time. No. Not Williamsburg.
MaxLdr: No bells now.
LRC: We drove hours and hours for seafood once. Was that Williamsburg?
MaxLdr: Va Beach I think.
LRC: Fun time.
MaxLdr: Did I take you to Chix?
LRC: I dunno.
MaxLdr: My fav seafood place in Va beach.
LRC: Did you know that I have developed an allergy to lobster? And the like?
MaxLdr: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
MaxLdr: No alchyhol and no lobster
MaxLdr: how will you live?
LRC: Grew up on the stuff (crab, oysters, shrimp, clams)
LRC: I’ll eat most of it, still. But NO lobster — that’s a guaranteed 2:00 a.m. vomitorium.
LRC: And no shrimp because it scares me.
MaxLdr: What?
LRC: It looks like little lobsters. Crawfish, too. Not going near ‘em.
MaxLdr: The small size and deliciousness of the shrimp offends your sense of security?
LRC: Do indeed.
MaxLdr: That is just weird
LRC: I was at dinner and a friend was eating shrimp the other night and even that had my heart racing.
LRC: It offended my sense of security.
MaxLdr: Afraid the delicious shrimps were gonna git ya?
LRC: I was.
MaxLdr: You should start drinking again… It would cure that…
LRC: a vice for a vice
MaxLdr: Shrimps are easily overcome by beer
LRC: well, and if you ARE going to toss your cookies why not have a valid excuse?
MaxLdr: Indeed.
MaxLdr: Then you’ll never know if it was the shrimps or the beer.
MaxLdr: And who says that ignorance isn’t bliss…
LRC: well, i’m going to convert to judaism soon so shellfish in general will be off the list.
MaxLdr: Wouldn’t you have to get circumsized?
LRC: har har
LRC: Oh. Wait. Would I?
MaxLdr: No… Heh…
MaxLdr: But I can’t imagine you’d like it. Becoming a jew
MaxLdr: I’d try becoming a Lutheran or Episcopalian.
MaxLdr: They only require you bring a covered dish for brunch
LRC: A much safer choice, I”m sure. But they allow lobster.
LRC: Covered dish with SHRIMP — do you see? See???
MaxLdr: I bet if you told them you were “allergic” they would carefully mark out those dishes that would offend your sense of security.
LRC: And it’s COVERED. So you may never even know if it has shrimp!!
LRC: “allergic” hee hee
MaxLdr: Episcopalians might use shrimp in a covered dish… But never lobster. oo “rich” for the church folks you know…
LRC: You’re saying that episcopalians in Maine don’t eat lobstah?
MaxLdr: No… I’m saying they just don’t share it.
MaxLdr: I wouldn’t.
MaxLdr: I like the lobstah too much.
MaxLdr: I’m covetous you see.
LRC: Okay, mister. You’ve distracted me long enough. I know I know. I initiated this here contact. But I really have to go. (Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s lobstah.)
MaxLdr: Take your “allergy” and your “no alchyhol” and go!
MaxLdr: now playing
MaxLdr: Moody Blue by Elvis
MaxLdr: Oh Moody Blue…
MaxLdr: Tell me am I gettin through?
MaxLdr: Tell me who I’m talkin’ too….
MaxLdr: Moody moody blue…
LRC: Logging off.
MaxLdr: You wrote that about 50 lines ago…
LRC: buh-bye
LRC: night
MaxLdr: bye