Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader knows that somewhere, out there, in the ether of the internet, one of his minions is curious to know how went the ball. Well allow your Maximum Leader to hit some of the highlights.
The Princess Villainette informed your Maximum Leader (her father) on his way out the door that he looked “really handsome.” This made your Maximum Leader’s night. At least one pretty girl said that your Maximum Leader was nice to look at. The Princess Villainette particularly liked your Maximum Leader’s tuxedo jacket. It has a shawl collar, which your Maximum Leader likes quite a bit. Sort of a classic 1930’s look. The type Bogie might have worn to a night at the Oscars. The shawl collar combined with the nice vest did the trick.
Excursus: Your Maximum Leader avoids cummerbunds. To begin with, the very word “cummerbund” is offensive to the tounge. It has a completely alien feel that makes it unpleasant to pronounce. And secondly, it is essentially a man-girdle. This is not to say that some men don’t need a man-girdle. Some do. (Perhaps even your Maximum Leader.) But if you can get a vest to do the same thing? Why not use it?
So, having been complemented by his eldest offspring, your Maximum Leader went to a pre-ball party. It was quite nice. He imbibed in one too many helpings of bacon-wrapped scallops in teriaki sauce. But really, you don’t just have bacon-wrapped scallops often enough to hold back when they are presented by the chaffing-dish full. And for some mad reason, your Maximum Leader decided to drink rum and cokes and not his normal scotch whisky. Perhaps he was out-of-sorts due to the fact that neither Mrs. Villain nor any lovely female minion was accompanying him.
Regardless, your Maximum Leader ambled about the party-goers and socialized. When the party broke up and we all went to the ball… Well… The party broke up. The ball was fine. Quite enjoyable, but not quite as fun as the party. Your Maximum Leader did not partake of dancing. But he did learn that an acquaintance was raising his daughters to become lesbian strippers. That way he wouldn’t worry about accidental pregancy, and they would have a talent that would help them pay for college. Without breaking down the morality/ethical issues involving lesbianism or strippping; it did seem like a remarkably utilitarian solutions to the age old questions for fathers “How to I keep my little girl from getting preganant? And how am I going to afford college for my never-been-pregnant daughter?”
Your Maximum Leader also learned that he was on the “A-list” (or at least B+ List) for invites to a number of holiday parties later this year. It seems that his charm, ability to dress-up real nice-like, and his rapier wit have endeared him to the smart set around town. Your Maximum Leader does not want to soundtoo curmudgeonly, but he doesn’t really like holiday parties. He is not sure why. It has always been problematic for him. Perhaps he sees them as craven attempts to get together with people you only meet with once-a-year so that you can refresh your friendship. Perhaps he sees them as another step in the over commercialization of the Christmas holiday. Perhaps he doesn’t like getting all nicely dressed up and trudging through snow and ice to visit people. (All those damn dry-cleaning bills.) Your Maximum Leader loves Fourth of July parties, but Christmas (aka: “Holiday”) parties he can do without.
Maybe its all the gift-giving too…
Anyho…
Alas, after hanging out at the ball for a while waiting for a young Julie Christie look-alike to come in and attempt homicide upon one of the older men, your Maximum Leader decided to head back to the Villainschloss. He got back in time to see Presidential Debate re-run on either C-Span or Fox News.
As for the Debate… It seemed to your Maximum Leader that the President acquitted himself quite well. But, Senator Kerry seemed to handle himself with a certain measure of aplomb as well. Your Maximum Leader felt as though the President “won” the debate. What was most gratifying was hearing the President start to lay out some of Senator Kerry’s long 20-year record. The most odd moment for your Maximum Leader was when Kerry looked into the camera (Aww… He’s looking right at us…) and said he wasn’t going to raise taxes. But he has been talking for months about how he is going to roll-back the tax cuts “on the rich.” So who exactly was he looking at? Your Maximum Leader must have missed the disclaimer urging “the rich” who might be watching to avert their eyes and close their ears.
Well, that is enough on both these subjects.
Carry on.
