Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader despises Valentine’s Day. This is to say, he despises the Hallmark Valentine’s Day faux-holiday. He has no problems with Saint Valentine’s Day, a former holy day of obligation for Catholics and High Anglicans.

Excursus: Which Saint Valentine is it really? There are a few. Your Maximum Leader knows that the Saint Valentine we’re supposedly celebrating is this Saint Valentine. Who was clubbed and then beheaded to become the Patron Saint of Love. But why not the Saint Valentine of Trier - who was beheaded by Diocletian? Or Saint Valentine who was martryed at Ravenna in 305? Or Saint Valentine the Bishop of Genoa who helped expand the monasteries in the 3rd Century? Or Saint Valentine Berrio-Ocha of Vietnam? They all seem to have equal claim on becoming the Patron Saint of Love…

Anyho…

Your Maximum Leader has gone ahead and succumbed to the pressures of Mrs. Villain to celebrate in some way. So, to that end, your Maximum Leader bought a small bouquet of flowers for Mrs. Villain and each of the Villainettes. He also purchased cards for each (Mrs. Villain’s is funny and filled with innuendo; and the Villainettes contain stickers they can use to decorate something). He also purchased some chocolates for Mrs. Villain and Villainette #1 - who both like chocolate a lot.

In return for these gifts, your Maximum Leader expects the Villainettes to clean up the Villainschloss without cajoling tonight. And he expects Mrs. Villain to satisfy your Maximum Leader’s manly needs after the children have gone to bed.

In other Valentine’s Day news around the world… Who says love between a 43 year old former teacher and her 22 year old former student (with whom she’s had two children) can’t last? Even after Mary Kay Letourneau has spent 7 years in prison, she still loves her little Villi. And it seems that in April they will wed. Let’s hear it now… Awwww… How nice.

Your Maximum Leader will not send a gift. He will, instead, hope that they make it for longer than J-Lo or Brittney Spears in the wedded bliss department.

Carry on.