Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader sees that there have been three small earthquakes in Iran. So far 66 people are reported dead.

This is obviously the work of God. The Almighty is smiting the heathen Iranians for their refusal to embrace Christianity. This is evidenced by the fact that there were three earthquakes. Three. The number of the Trinity. So far 66 dead. Your Maximum Leader wouldn’t be surprised if the final death toll was 666 dead. If your Maximum Leader were dispensing advice to the eople of Iran it would be this: abandon your Godless pursuit of nuclear weapons, embrace the one true religion and accept Jesus as your own personal saviour, and join the Christian Crusade against the heretic Musslemen in the Levant.

Your Maximum Leader doesn’t actually believe that. He just wanted to make some sort of inflamatory statement first thing this morning. He’s feeling sort of snarky.

Carry on.