Greetings, loyal minions. Your Maximum Leader was requested to complete one of these meme thingies by his friend Mo over at Six Degrees of Blondness…
Without further hesitation, 55 Questions you may never have been asked.:
1. Is your second toe longer than your first?
No.
2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?
Not especially. But your Maximum Leader does have a particuarly nice Mont Blanc pen of which he is fond.
3. Look at your planner for March 14, what are you doing?
Maximum Leaderly things - as ususal.
4. What color are your toenails usually?
They are toenail colored. For goodness sakes, your Maximum Leader is a man. He doesn’t paint his toenails. He is also clean and well groomed, so his toenails aren’t all yellow and crumbly…
5. What was the last thing you highlighted?
Lines on a spreadsheet.
6. What color are your bedroom curtains?
White with Chinese characters written on them.
7. What color are the seats in your car?
Black. Like the rest of the car.
8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
Once upon a time your Maximum Leader had a black and white cat.
9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?
A thank you note.
10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?
Dick Cheney.
11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
To have cash. Who writes this stuff?
12. Who is the last baby that you held?
His niece.
13. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names?
Your Maximum Leader thinks he might have known some at some point, but he can’t recall any of them not. If he knew of any now, he would likely mock them mercilessly.
14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste?
Good God no! Original Crest. Only.
15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
The current Villainmobile, a 2003 Mercury Marauder.
16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators
Like Henry Kissinger said of the Iran/Iraq war… It is a pity they both can’t lose.
17. Last time you went to Six Flags?
Your Maximum Leader has never been to a Six Flags.
18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
Yes.
19. Closest thing to you that is yellow?
A flashing light on a cable modem.
20. Last person to give you a business card?
A new VP at a local bank.
21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to?
Your Maximum Leader doesn’t write cheques.
22. Closest framed picture to you?
The famed Karsh photo of Winston Churchill.
23. Last time you had someone cook for you?
Some friends brought a dish with them for a Super Bowl par-tay at the Villainschloss.
24. Have you ever applied for welfare?
No.
25. How many emails do you have?
In his inbox, or how many accounts?
26. Last time you received flowers?
Your Maximum Leader cannot recall ever receiving flowers.
27. Do you think te sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman?
This appears to be a strangely serious and political questions amongst the whimsy of the other questions. Your Maximum Leader’s views on this matter are clear. But in case he’s not been clear enough, yes, he believes that marriage is an estate for a man and a woman.
29. Do you play air guitar?
What self-respecting man under the age of 50 doesn’t?
30. Do you take anything in your coffee?
As crazy as it may sound… Your Maximum Leader doesn’t drink coffee. It gives him a headache. He is a tea drinker.
32. What is your high school’s rival mascot?
Your Maximum Leader doesn’t recall. His “rival” high school was merged with another school… Frankly he doesn’t recall any of the “rival” mascots.
33. Last person you spoke to from high school?
The Air Marshal on Thursday.
34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?
Yesterday
35. Would you like to learn to play the drums?
Only the drumroll they “play” before the firing squad does their business.
36. What color are the blinds in your living room?
The “living room” of the Villainschloss has no blinds.
37. What is in your inbox at work?
Your Maximum Leader has no inbox.
38. Last thing you read in the newspaper?
A piece about a wrongful death lawsuit going on in town here concerning a plane crash. Your Maximum Leader knew two of the men killed in the crash.
39. What was the last pageant you attended?
The “Miss Longwood” pageant in 1990. The young woman who won the pageant was an acquaintance of your Maximum Leader’s. She later became Miss Virginia, and then was first runner up in the Miss America pageant. He will note that the pageant in question was in fact the only pageant he’d ever seen, in person or on tee vee.
40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?
Giant. Two frozen pizza’s for the freezers.
41. Have you ever worn a crown?
No. Does a floppy (mylan) cap count?
42. What is the last thing you stapled?
A note to Villainette #1’s report card.
43. Did you ever drink Clear Pepsi?
Never. Your Maximum Leader is a Coke man.
44. Are you ticklish?
Your Maximum Leader can’t divulge such information. If you knew, he’d have to kill you.
45. Last time you saw fireworks?
July 4, 2006
46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
Friday night. The “hot” sign was on while your Maximum Leader was driving by. He felt a primal need to stop. He caved to the craving.
47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually returned their call?
Mrs Villain. Called last night.
48. Last time you parked under a carport?
Probably some time in the early 1990s.
49. Do you have a black dog?
Actually, yes. Metaphorically, not right now. (Winston Churchill’s family used to describe his depressions as “black dogs.”)
50. Do you have any pickles in your fridge?
Yes. When your Maximum Leader buys pickles he always buys Mt Olive pickles. Most of the time, he buys dill. But recently he’s been eating the little sweet gerhkin ones…
51. Are you an aunt or uncle?
Uncle.
52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of?
Humm… Your Maximum Leader isn’t sure on this one. He can say that he was just looking at Fiona Apple’s eyes on his iPod. They are pretty damned pretty.
53. Last time you saw a semi truck?
This morning.
54. Do you remember Ugly Kidd Jo?
Who?
55. Do you have a little black dress?
Um… No.
Indeed… These are questions your Maximum Leader has never been asked. Most of them at least.
Carry on.
